sirsholly
Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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So...yesterday i looked around the kitchen and realized a grocery shopping trip was a bit overdue. TheLoudOne was in a rather crabby mood (maybe cause there was nothing to feed him?) but i thought i could handle him and a cart full of edibles too.
I am an idiot.
If he was not doing the toddler imitation of Tarzan he was tossing things out of the cart, grabbing things off of the shelves, giving the raspberry to other shoppers, etc.....the kid was a freaking monster and by the time i left the store with a 300.00 order, my nerves were shot (three carts full...two stock boys each had a cart, and i was in the lead with the cart that contained the LoudOne *we drew straws to see who got the kid...i lost*)
Now...when the kid is in a pissy mood he has a propensity to unlock the seat belt on his booster seat in order to get a better angle for the "MommyBop" (wait till ol Mom steps on the gas then toss any/all available objects in her general direction). So...he and the booster seat were put in the front, next to me (airbag turned off, of course).
Have i mentioned that i am an idiot?
He was pissed and did not keep this information to himself. Between his bellowing, reading me off, and his little hands reaching for everything, i was ready to pull my hair out (Can you imagine the fun SilverMark would have on these boards if i was suddenly bald? I left the hair where it was. Sorry Mark). The final straw came when afore mentioned little hands reached out and slammed the gear shift into reverse as i was getting on the interstate (lucky for the transmission, i was merging very slowly). This was a first...he knows not to touch the gear shift, and the situation was serious. I read him the riot act in a rather rude manner, and the fight began.
Fighting with a toddler simply adds to my idiot status.
So...we both get home alive. Since there were so many groceries, i decided to back into the drive way, then keep going until i had the hatch next to the back door. The problem was, a week prior to this i had placed three of those stooopid wire reindeer decorations in front of the house...directly in the path of my reversing SUV. I find it odd that i did not hear the crunch of the first two, and in all probability only heard the destruction of the third fucking thing because it tore the muffler off. 
Go ahead.....call me an idiot.
This did not help my shattered nerves and/or crabby mood in any way. The fact that the LoudOne found the entire incident to be hysterical only added to the off day i was experiencing. He got out of the car seat and was out of the car to assess the damage, noting all details so he could inform daddy when he got home. I ignored the kid, letting him play next to the electrical fence while i lugged in the groceries (relax...the fence was not turned on).
So...after approximately 35 trips from the car into the house, the hatch was empty and i could move the car off of the smashed reindeer and back onto the driveway. I did remove two of the damn things from under the car first...thinking it was divine justice in a way...as they were probably the little bastards that ran over Grandma's ass, causing some half-wit to write that very annoying song.
So...i was more than ready to get the car back into the driveway so i could begin the wonderful task of putting the mofo'ing groceries away. But there was yet another glitch in my plan. It seems that when i stopped the car over the dead reindeer, it was directly next to the stooopid Christmas banners (2) that caused Jim to toss a clot when he say what i paid for them ("They were HOW much??!!??").
The banners were hung on a huge flag pole, with the base screwed into one of the pillars on the front porch. Biiig screws too, as they were heavy.
Well it seems that in his haste to leave the car, the LoudOne slammed the fucking banners in the car door (the ONE time in his life he EVER closed a freakin' door!). I was not aware of this fact and proceeded to hit the gas. I only stopped when i heard the sound of the flag pole being ripped off of the porch, taking half of the pillar with it.
You have just read a post written by an idiot.
< Message edited by sirsholly -- 12/15/2009 3:52:34 AM >
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RE: The Holly and Potty Show - 
woohoo!!!! i feel wubbed!!! 
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