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After the CB? - 6/8/2007 4:55:06 PM

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I am new to posting here though I've been lurking in various capacities for some time. Now, I have a question of my own. I'm at a bit of a loss on this one...

I will stay brief. My -j and I have been now living together 9 months trying to incorporate D/s into our lives at various levels with varying results *smile*

After some time of discussion and thought--I put my -j into a CB2000 part-time 4 days ago. On when I went to work and off when I returned home. The first day he loved it, the second he was feeling less excited about the prospect and wouldn't leave the house. By the third day he was despondent, and said that he really felt this was a limit for him.

For me--I *liked* him having that CB on. I realize that people use them for different reasons, and for me, it wasn't really a trust issue. It was something else. I felt a sense of domination with him very different from what is normal for us. I also felt that he was present and aware of me on many different levels-- this was not only empowering , but also highly erotic.

So, I was angry, and am still angry--angry at him because he gave in so easily, and angry at myself because "really"--power and control shouldn't have anything to do with a hard plastic device, right?

and yet I feel so let down and deflated by the whole experience.

I'm wondering what have been people's successes and failures with CB's and other types of chastity, more at the mental and emotional level than at the physical level. Where did you go afterwards?

I appreciate your thoughts.

Zavia

< Message edited by zavalfuin -- 6/8/2007 5:12:00 PM >

RE: After the CB? - 6/8/2007 4:59:38 PM

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

Whilst I have no experience base from which to offer advice on this one, I just wanted to say what an excellent first post this is. Good job.

(we usually get some "interesting" first posts)

E
(who is drunk, and from whom no sensible response has been possible for an hour, so youre very lucky to get this one - but it was warranted)

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to zavalfuin)

RE: After the CB? - 6/8/2007 5:22:40 PM

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Joined: 10/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zavalfuin

I am new to posting here though I've been lurking in various capacities for some time. Now, I have a question of my own. I'm at a bit of a loss on this one...

I will stay brief. My -j and I have been now living together 9 months trying to incorporate D/s into our lives at various levels with varying results *smile*

After some time of discussion and thought--I put my -j into a CB2000 part-time 4 days ago. On when I went to work and off when I returned home. The first day he loved it, the second he was feeling less excited about the prospect and wouldn't leave the house. By the third day he was despondent, and said that he really felt this was a limit for him.

For me--I *liked* him having that CB on. I realize that people use them for different reasons, and for me, it wasn't really a trust issue. It was something else. I felt a sense of domination with him very different from what is normal for us. I also felt that he was present and aware of me on many different levels-- this was not only empowering , but also highly erotic.

So, I was angry, and am still angry--angry at him because he gave in so easily, and angry at myself because "really"--power and control shouldn't have anything to do with a hard plastic device, right?

and yet I feel so let down and deflated by the whole experience.

I'm wondering what have been people's successes and failures with CB's and other types of chastity, more at the mental and emotional level than at the physical level. Where did you go afterwards?

I appreciate your thoughts.

Zavia

I think your next step should be to find out where things deviated from your fantasies. From your post it sounds like you both thought this would be a wonderful next step. The reality of it was that it wasn't. You feel angry and he feels despondent over the experiement. You should try to both find out where your expectations went awry. Perhaps 24/7 was too much to start with. Maybe in order to find a comfortable medium that works for the both of you would be to do it for 1 day, then remove it. Or institute a rule where if he leaves the house (or you) that he must be locked up in it. Finding a middle ground that works for both of you would enable you to build upon a foundation of success, which if everything works out, you could continue to work from and going longer and longer periods of time with him in chastity.

Good luck! :)

(in reply to zavalfuin)

RE: After the CB? - 6/8/2007 7:06:02 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
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did you read her post?

She wasn't doing this 24/7... it was only during her working hours

quote:

After some time of discussion and thought--I put my -j into a CB2000 part-time 4 days ago. On when I went to work and off when I returned home. The first day he loved it, the second he was feeling less excited about the prospect and wouldn't leave the house. By the third day he was despondent, and said that he really felt this was a limit for him.

Ok, back on topic.

So many times the answer is communication. You communicate with him what your pros & cons were & have him tell you what his pros & cons were. Then you modify activities so that they produce the type of results that will be mutually beneficial to all.

Maybe it could be that he would rather wear it while you are present & kind of be able to show it off &/or share the experience with you... I dunno & neither will you until you talk with him about it.

If you just give up on this because the initial expectations didn't play out like you both assumed then you only guarantee one thing.... one hardly used cb-2000 is going to collect dust at the bottom of a closet somewhere or be sold for $1 on ebay.

Talk about it, compare notes & try something different at the time you both wish to try it again.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to planomaid)

RE: After the CB? - 6/8/2007 7:47:06 PM

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I have to agree with Passion - communication is the key. Find a time to talk about how you both feeling - why did the fantasy take a "wrong turn", give each other permission to say whatever without trying to defend yourself. Sometimes the answer flows easily from the conversation other times it may take more work. But it is better than both feeleing dejected byt the experience.

WyckedMystress

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

RE: After the CB? - 6/8/2007 8:26:44 PM

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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I note that your submissive has posted his own version of this conflict in the submissives forum. I see two people who genuinely wish to work together who are being challenged to negotiate their way through a conflict. I'll say to you what I suggested to him - that you work out a Win/win where you compromise and learn through it. It doesn't have to turn into a power struggle. He is as unhappy about this as you are. Reading both your posts as an uninvolved outsider I'd say that the conflict isn't as unresolvable as you both currently feel it to be.
Good luck in working it out - I'm on both your sides!
:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to WyckedMystress)

RE: After the CB? - 6/9/2007 4:08:02 AM

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Joined: 7/9/2006
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Hi My experience with the cb3000 left me feeling shit.
My boy gave it to me at christmas , he hadnt been in one before and was very eager to be controlled in that way and I was eager to see what it was like.
We had a few weeks of him just playing around with it and finding out what rings etc were the best fit and getting used to wearing it. It became apparent early on that it was very painful if he wore it for long periods of time and was very painful in the night. I allowed him to take it off at night but he had to ensure it was put on when he woke up. He also wore the gates of hell thing I had bought him at night so that he always had something on. Because he was sitting his final exams at university I didnt want it intefereing with his sleep etc so this arrangement was fine for me and him. Sometimes when we knew he was coming over for a visit I would make him wear it for three days continuously before he came over and I enjoyed that too. I think it was on like that for about 4/5 months and although I knew occasionally it was causing a few problems pain wise or just coming off if he got erect or slipping a lot ( we did try every ring combination) but I wasnt aware that it was becoming a thing for him that he disliked a lot.
When he finally told me how unhappy he was about it and how it was affecting him I had a mixture of emotions, firstly I was upset it had taken him so long to tell me, secondly I was so disapointed becasue it had come to be so important to me and thirdly I was sad that I had lost the control that I felt I had with it.

I think because I understood why it was an issue for him and causing him pain and such with it wasnt my intention I was fine about it not being used anymore but it did make me panic about losing the control I had with it. Fortunatly I do trust my boy and he doesnt lie easily and is happy to please me whatever I want so he knows he isnt allowed to touch his cock in a sexual manner without my permission. He has wank holidays lol I allow him public bank holidays as days off to do what he likes to my cock and the rest of the time his release and allowance is at my own discretion. This is working nicely for us. Though I do relly miss my key for his cb and what it meant to me, he has bought me a locket to replace it that I can wear constantly

It was nevr about me not trusting him with other women it was all about his cock was now mine and I dont want him playing with it, he still knows it now and hopefully in the future when we have a bit more money and time to spend on finding the right chastity device we will get one. Untill then its all been about comunnication and explaining to him what it meant to me and finding other ways to fill the gap its left.

I was really shocked how much it affected me when this didnt work out but its just one of those things I guess. I know my situation is different to yours but the feelings were very similar, I hope you work something out with your boy

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to LadyHeart)

RE: After the CB? - 6/9/2007 4:29:50 AM

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Joined: 1/28/2007
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I had this interest big time as soon as i found out about chastity devices that were realistic. So I bought one and my wife/Domme and i experimented for 6 months. She was not particularly tunred on by it, but i loved it. Except I could not wear it for long periods. Rashes would develope or my work life would interefer. Yet I craved this. So after 6 months, i got a brainstorm of solution to this dilema.

I promised to never ever play with myself again, except under her specific direction. That was 6 years ago, and i am still going strong on this. In some ways it is much better than a device. In some ways a device is better.

But in talking to others, I think very few can really give up that much control. At times, i find it very difficult, on a number of levels. So I can understand and beleive that while he may have initially thought it was hot, the day to day reality was too much and not a turn on for him.

As others have said, communication is the key. Use this as a learning experince. Debrief. find out what was good, bad, and ugly for each of you. Ponder this for a while. then try other things. Everyone has to find their own way, and it takes two to dance.

Regards,

(in reply to canupleaseme)

RE: After the CB? - 6/9/2007 5:43:45 AM

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LadyEllen,

What a perfect response to a first post.

Thank you.

(in reply to LadyEllen)

RE: After the CB? - 6/9/2007 6:18:46 AM

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Joined: 5/14/2007
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I very much appreciate all the thoughtful responses. LadyHeart, you are correct that -j has also posted on the sub/slave forum so we could get multiple perspectives. -j and I have read the responses together, and it afforded us the opportunity to discuss the situation in a less emotional way. We're going on a short trip today and will talk a bit more and then let it sit as has been suggested. I'm going to view the way that -j acted while in the CB as a vision of what I would like to see as an aim for the future (this is definitely said with a bit of a sigh *smile*). In the short-term I want us to find some ways to supplant the CB with *something* so it's not just left because it was important to me, and also because I worry that -j might be heading towards getting in the habit of saying yes, yes, YES and then feeling it's perfectly acceptable to later back off. Not a good habit at all...

In reading over the responses, I've realized that expectation vs. reality is a central conflict in not only this situation, but a number of ours together. As well finding more constructive and consistent communication techniques.

Lots to think about!! I've no doubt you'll be seeing me here more often *smile*

(in reply to zavalfuin)

RE: After the CB? - 6/9/2007 8:46:28 AM

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From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
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In my last serious relationship with a domme, she had an interest in the cb-3000. So I bought one and we tried it out. I have to tell you that these things are uncomfortable and they are not worth the money. I am not against the idea of chastity devices. I don't like being locked up physically, but I am attracted to the mental aspects of being controlled that way. However the cb-3000 just turned out to be impractical. We too tried a number of different ring combinations. I never could tolerate wearing it for more than a few hours. It is just not a device that is conducive to day to day activities. Stooping down and lifting heavy objects puts a strain on that area of your body. I have been told by domme friends of mine that they are something that has to be acclimated to under supervision. But that is hard to do if you both don't have a week off to do it. So I have a very expensive piece of plastic that is sitting in a box going to no use. If you're going to really be serious about this, you need to go for the custom fit types of devices. Unfortunately they are going to cost you more.

(in reply to zavalfuin)

RE: After the CB? - 6/9/2007 8:52:33 AM

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I've heard of this kind of reaction to a CB before, where the psychological aspect seemed to interfere with the ability of the sub to function in day to day life. As if wearing the device made them feel somehow "less" than themselves.

I think certain subs really compartmentalize their submissive/erotic mode from their daily-life mode. Maybe he is just not suited to having his two worlds collide like that.

I personally own a cb3000, and feel it would be an honor to be locked up and "owned" while away from my Mistress. It would be another level of connection between us. Now to find that Mistress... ;)

(in reply to zavalfuin)

RE: After the CB? - 6/9/2007 9:02:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou

In my last serious relationship with a domme, she had an interest in the cb-3000. So I bought one and we tried it out. I have to tell you that these things are uncomfortable and they are not worth the money. I am not against the idea of chastity devices. I don't like being locked up physically, but I am attracted to the mental aspects of being controlled that way. However the cb-3000 just turned out to be impractical. We too tried a number of different ring combinations. I never could tolerate wearing it for more than a few hours. It is just not a device that is conducive to day to day activities. Stooping down and lifting heavy objects puts a strain on that area of your body. I have been told by domme friends of mine that they are something that has to be acclimated to under supervision. But that is hard to do if you both don't have a week off to do it. So I have a very expensive piece of plastic that is sitting in a box going to no use. If you're going to really be serious about this, you need to go for the custom fit types of devices. Unfortunately they are going to cost you more.

Mine is actually reasonably comfortable, at least for a day at a time. Seems like its a very individual thing. The OP's idea of just using it while she is at work seemed like a pretty realistic place to start out (there is no way you could take a new device like that and expect to lock someone up for a week).

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

RE: After the CB? - 6/9/2007 9:18:43 AM

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From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
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quote:

Mine is actually reasonably comfortable, at least for a day at a time. Seems like its a very individual thing. The OP's idea of just using it while she is at work seemed like a pretty realistic place to start out (there is no way you could take a new device like that and expect to lock someone up for a week).

I think they do fit each person differently. That's why I suggested getting one of the devices that are custom made. For me, the cb-3000 doesn't fit very well. I am sure that I could get used to it, but it would take some time. Like I said this is not really a big fetish of mine, but I am more than willing to accomodate a domme that enjoys it. However a lot of the time a dominant that I am seeing will live an hour or more away in distance from me. I have found that this tends to be a common problem for many of us involved in this lifestyle. It's hard to be in chastity for a day at a time when you only see someone a few times a week or once a week.

< Message edited by slaveboyforyou -- 6/9/2007 9:27:58 AM >

(in reply to ObedientYYC)

RE: After the CB? - 6/9/2007 10:56:32 AM

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My boys tell Me, it takes about a week to get used to it---and after all it isn't about him is it? Perhaps his fantasy met the cold hard slap of reality---stand strong in Your wants and wishes--after all if he keeps whining you could threaten to take him to the emergency room for an illness and expose him.

heh heh

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Mistress Hathor

(in reply to zavalfuin)

RE: After the CB? - 6/9/2007 1:19:42 PM

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Joined: 11/29/2006
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I've been into the concept of wearing chastity devices for many years, although the reality of it is sometimes different than what I originally imagined. My first belt was an Access Denied belt. I had it made for me utilizing their one-day deal, which even 8 years ago was close to a grand. The belt was hard to wear, but better by far than any of the plastic devices such as the CB-2K or CB-3K. Any device that uses the 'ball trap' technique is going to cause problems with long term use, unless you have an extremely low hanging sac.

Also, the CB-2K and CB-3K can both be defeated quite easily if you wish (and yes, you actually CAN get yourself back into it with some effort).

I wonder about those who seem unconcerned about thier subs or slaves well being in such a device. There are a few health problems that can develop with a poorly fitted device, and I doubt that'd be much fun for anyone.

By far the best design I have tried was the Neosteel Hip belt. I had fitting issues with my Neosteel, and that's a product of not having hands on fitting. Howeverm the hip belt was perfect, and very wearable.

I plan to order a Locked In Steel belt before the end of the summer, and with my previous experiences, I'm sure that this will be great. One thing for certain, metal is far more effective and wearable than the plastic devices.

Comfort aside, I can't help but wonder if the original poster's sub/slave was merely overwhelmed at the loss of control of such an intimate body part. The psychological aspect of such control is usually steeply more powerful than the male typically fantasizes about.

(in reply to zavalfuin)

RE: After the CB? - 6/9/2007 2:06:53 PM

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As anyone who's seen my posts here over the past year knows, i am a huge fan of male chastity. i think that what the OP describes here is just a setback, not a failure. i started with all this over 6 years ago when i was told to get a CB-2000, and being able to cope with lockup doesn't happen overnight. From what i read, there may also be a problem with correct sizing of the device. If you're not average, the CB-2000 is *not* for you. i had a lot of problems with nocturnal pain and such with it. Getting the frenum, the way it had to be placed, sealed the deal. i have not been able to use a CB-2000 since last spring, the B-ring & the piercing didn't get along well at all. Got a Curve to fix that issue and it has proved to be far more comfortable, but also on the bulky side. Will possibly be trying a CB-3000 to find the golden mean, but there are rumors of a CB-6000, so i'm waiting. They introduced the Curve right after i got the CB-2000 and that is where i ought to have started.

Two things i would recommend are to get a CB-3000 cage and to try it out when You are present, rather than how You started with it. Lock him up after work on Fridays and see how long he can go over the weekend. Once he can do a full 48 hours, then move to the more desireable times, when he is away from You. Since You already have the full CB-2000 set, You can use any of their products with the A-rings and spacers and such that You already have. A fair savings in cost. Plus, from what i've read at the Ya--- group cb-3000, the hinged rings can cause problems, although the manufacturer lately says that they have redesigned them. You should join that group, the posts are very practical, 80-90% from boys starting in chastity and having questions. Very much a support group, moderated by Lady Jester of Tickleberry in the UK.

i fully agree with Your statements about the empowerment and erotic aspects of it all. i'd never even thought about it until i was told i'd be doing it, back then. Giving up that level of control. i know that when i got the Curve it was easier to stay locked for longer periods and eventually got to the point where it felt odd *not* to have it on.

Good luck and don't give up. Just regroup and start again.

_____________________________

jonathan
http://www.slaveregister.com/000-515-587

"But in purple, i am stunning!"
"Before You slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss, another kiss"

(in reply to zavalfuin)

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