|
pixelslave -> RE: What can a sub have to offer a dominant woman (a response) (7/12/2007 11:07:38 PM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
What you should do (what you really asked):
1. Assess yourself. What do you know how to do? Are you great with computers? Can you put them together blindfolded (don't tell her that because she just might have you do it that way)? :) Are you great at massage? Have you been trained to do something she might find useful, like research or legal issues? Can you cook? Do you detail cars? Do you fix cars? Everyone has things he or she excels at. Find those, and you have something she wants. Cunnilingus is NOT the kind of skill you want to advertise. Nor is full body worship or sex.
2. Use common sense. If you were her, what would you want? Read what she writes. Does she complain because she can't find a good cup of coffee? Find her a good cup of coffee. Or be able to make one.
3. Remember that she's a real person. Too many submissives fail here. Miserably. They treat her as a goddess or some untouchable persona, and while she may warrant such admiration and respect, keep in mind that she's also a real person. Should you ever interest such a woman, remember that she's probably a lot more comfortable in her fuzzy slippers than she is in high heeled boots and full dominant regalia. Some guys can't get beyond that, or they pretend to but really are just fetishist in nature.
4. Figure out what you actually want from her and see if that somehow coincides with her desires. I'll be honest with you. I rarely pursue anyone, mainly because I spend a great deal of time finding everything out about her I can, and then I try to see how I would best fit into her life. If I don't see a fit, I generally don't make contact. I realize that I don't want to be there if I'm not going to be useful, wanted and needed.
5. Learn as much about her as possible. That at least shows you that you're really interested in her and not in just some generic dominant woman. This can backfire on you, however, as I discovered when I really went out and discovered everything I could about a woman I was interested in some years ago. I found out what she was studying and read all of her interviews about what she was seeking. I did this to determine whether or not I was right for her, and I came away from that research convinced that I was. During our first encounter, I sort of freaked her out, probably leaving her thinking I was some kind of stalker. So be careful about how you do it. Know her well enough to find out if you are compatible, but don't go overboard enough to scare the crap out of her. It didn't get that bad in the example I used; but I certainly realized it could have.
Great post littlesarbonn with some sound advice. If I may, I'd like to make a few comments of my own that correlate with some of yours. [&:]
1. When assessing yourself, remember that some of us are good at many things which we consider trivial, that others would greatly value or consider an asset if they had those same abilities. Things such as organizational skills (sorting laundry for washing, arranging seasonal clothes in separate drawers, sorting piles of unorganized financial records into some kind of sensible order, etc.), being very detail oriented (doing things like balancing checkbooks & keeping records of bills paid), being tech savvy (setting up her checking account to automate the payments of recurring bills), or something more specific like being able to track other financial matters (IRA's or investments), are all examples that immediately come to mind which might be very valuable to any particular Domme who finds those things a real chore to HER, yet may seem trivial to YOU. So don't discount anything that you feel you do well or that comes naturally to you. [:D]
2. Not only should you use common sense, show some initiative as well. Use your initiative to take care of something small she's mentioned, and that will likely impress her and get her attention; possibly moving YOU to the head of HER list of potentials! [:)]
3. Not only is she a real person, she likely wants to have real conversations about things that interest her which the two of you presumably have in common other than an interest in a power exchange & BDSM! What are her hobbies and the recreational activities that the two of you share in common? Ask her about these things and listen (might want to take notes too!) while she tells you about her interests in them and other activities that are important to HER! If you know nothing about them, it's a good time to ask questions to show your interest in learning more about what she's all about as a person. [8D]
4. To figure out what you want from her, you first need to figure out what you generally want for yourself! This is not at all a trivial task and takes a great deal of introspection. As the saying goes "know thyself". I suggest you spend the time writing in a journal or using some other means to explore your inner thoughts about what YOUR submission means to YOU and what your picture of an ideal D/s relationship would look like to use as a starting point. Then it's time to read the boards on places like CM and talk to people in the lifestyle who've experienced what you think you're looking for and compare your ideal to the reality that the others are living. Afterward, it may be time to go back and re-examine the ideal relationship YOU originally though you might be looking for. Was it realistic based on what you learned from others living the lifelstyle? If not, perhaps you need to re-examine your expectations. Every so often, as you gain more experience, repeating the process of introspection isn't a bad idea and might be very revealing regarding YOUR thoughts on what YOU'D now want to look for, as it may have changed considerably. [8|]
5. To me, learning as much about HER, is really part of what I spoke of in #3. To learn this on CM, you fist have to take the time to read a woman's entire profile! Then there are jounals and archived posts available for you to read before you mesage her to introduce yourself and ask questions of HER. Once you do, I suggest you close your mouth to listen to what SHE has to say in response before talking a lot about yourself except in direct response to her questions. Be sure to answer her questions with openness & honestly (and you can count on her having plent of them)! Don't forget to learn from what she asks you (yes, there often are hidden clues about her in the questions that she asks). [;)] When you answer them, tell her what she needs or wants to know, but don't go on endlessly about yourself. Instead, remember to turn the conversation or subject of correspondence back to questions about HER, her likes, interests, preferences & favorites on a variety of VANILLA topics, until SHE decides to move the conversation to something more intimate. When SHE wants to discuss sexual & D/s matters, I promise you that she'll let you know. [sm=lol.gif]
- pixel
Collared to Majik 6-23-07
|
|
|
|
