RE: Do you ever feel like you are not living up to what your Dom expects?

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RE: Do you ever feel like you are not living up to what your Dom expects?

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RE: Do you ever feel like you are not living up to what... - 7/8/2007 8:08:10 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zindyslave

It is what he expects of me because he gets frustrated and angry when I don't do what he wants. I just think that I am still stuck in how our relationship used to be and am having problems switching over from that mindset. Sometimes I can do it and sometimes I can't. It is like I have to be in that mind set before I will do it. And I am not always in that mindset. I am hoping with time I can get in that mind set, but alot of people on here say they are submissive because it came natural, and it doesn't come natural to me all the time. I guess I am just stubborn. I don't really know.

Ok.. I think I need to make alittle longer post here. I appreciate that you listening to his expectations and judgement. and still it's not working at any consistent level. What needs to occur is a deeper introspective look on both your parts. A look to establish when the Desired result is not achieved and why. I will give you an equation that I learned and kink-ified.

DOMS = SUCCESS

D - Direction. It is critical that each and every expectation to obey is clearly understood by the slave/submissive. If it is not clearly understood, the slave/sub will be fortuanate to reach an expectation of the Master/Doms. of course this is where communication is so critical. My girls are instructed to always ask... What, Where, When & How in understanding clearly what I want. They are not to take action to fulfill my instructions unless they feel confident that they understand what I want. I in turn will do my best to ensure they clearly understand. Often times when the expectation is not met, I have found that poor Direction was the fault. We have come away thinking that they eveyone understood. But, with some communicating.. there was a miscommunication that create a situation that lacked Clear Direction and thus it was doomed to fail. Yes, there is faults to be laid.. sometimes it's the girls fault and sometimes it's mine. However, what is more important is not laying blame but fixing the problem so that Direction is Clear!

O - Opportunity. It is critical that any expectation/instruction given that they slave/sub has a reasonable opportunity to achieve it. It is pointless to tell a slave/sub to paint the outside of the house in the next two weeks and it rains every day of those two weeks. It's clear that the slave/sub doesn't have an chance to succeed. When failure occurs... it's important for the Master/Dom to consider if the slave/sub had a reasonable opportunity to achieve success. Keep in mind, that a sub/slave will also have there own opinion in this regard. It's important to peel back the onion of failure and get to the heart. Discard the excuses and accept the Reasons for failed opportunity to succeed.

M - Motivation. Generally speaking this likely the hardest to establish. However, unless a person is truly motivated to want to do the job it will not likely be achieved. Putting half efforts extra are often times a question of motivation. It could be a slave/sub doesn't agree with the decision etc. and they are allowing their own judgement to affect their performance. When it's a motivation problem, I consider it to be the most serious of the failures to success. Poor motivation can make a relationship completely disfunctional.

S - Skill. It is without question that the slave/sub needs to have the required ability to achieve the task at hand. Sometimes judging the skill is more subjective than objective. One must be honest with the skills one has. A Master/Dom that attempts to have slave/sub perform a task or duty that is beyond their skill can do alot of Damage to the slave/subs esteem and the relationship in the long-term. A slave/sub must be reasonable in what they think they can do.

Success in my mind is depend on Direction, Opportunity, Motivation & Skill. Consider carefully where you think you are failing. Discuss it with your Master. Do not focus on "YOU" but focus on the equation.

D O M S = S U C C E S S

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to zindyslave)