zaynab
Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005 Status: offline
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question for the subs.... in the past i was married to a psychopath... during our often sadisitic sex experiences there was one point that i would get to.... that i am asking about.... after having sadistic type sex for awile, there came a point when i knew he was crossing over from just general hurtful or humiliating practices, into a true dangerous mode.... crossing a line into danger... an example would be using an object with a sharp point during manual intercourse that was sure to cause intense pain, bleeding and damage..... but at that very moment.... something changed in me.... and i found that the intense fear i felt along with my willingness to accept it for him... was the most fulfilling feeling i've ever had during sex..... this has even gone so far, that at one time, while having s&m sex with someone else, at the height of passion, after much punishment and hog-tied on the bed with his hands wrapped around my throat, i asked him to kill me. he knew i meant it and it scared the crap out of him, which he immediately ended our activities. i've paid a heavy price for my willingness... mostly physically.... but that euphoric submission for the pain he felt he needed to give me..... was, well.... euphoric. i have a loving Master now, who would never destroy my body that way, but that dark side is still there in me.... do any of you experience this "jump off the cliff with both feet first" feeling when you get to the point of true danger? ~ zay
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zaynab[DM] quote:
i used to care... but now i take a pill for that
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