sudja -> RE: Obeying your dominant - even if they are wrong (7/3/2005 12:16:00 PM)
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ORIGINAL: AAkasha A question for subs/slaves that consider themselves lifestyle, 24/7, or pick-your-own definition type relationship where the dominant does have ultimate say, final say, makes all the decisions. I'll use femdom as an example, since that's the kind of relationship I'm in, and most familiar with. I don't have a 24/7 dynamic, but if I did, I could see some potential troubles -- and I wonder how people in this kind of relationship deal with it. I can be pretty impulsive and make snap decisions -- it's part of my nature. What happens is that I get passionate about an idea, and I am not someone who can wait. When I want something, I want it *now*. I've always been that way. If I were in a 24/7 type relationship where I truly was the one in control, I'm wondering how my submissive would deal with me. It seems like it would be impossible -- without defying me outright -- to do so. And, while I am impulsive at times, I don't consider myself dysfunctional or anything -- it's just a flaw (and I'm sure other flaws also might create this same type of decision). I would love to have a man that did everything I said, and gave me everything I wanted. What woman wouldn't want that? What if the femdom woke up one day and decided she wanted a new car -- she decided after seeing one she loved, and so she tells her sub. Her sub know of their mutual financials, and in his opinion it's an impulsive purchase -- while they can afford it, it's probably not the best financial decision. But, to her, it is suddenly VERY important. She has the reasons why, but really, it's not a prudent use of their joint income. What does the sub do? Does he give in -- and let her do what she wants, because to say no would defy her? What if she says "I'm the dominant, you know that. I'm not asking your opinion, I'm just telling you what I'm going to do."? I've always "given in" with my prior relationships - the "want them to be happy/avoid trouble" bits and pieces that were the puzzle bits for who I am today. ::grin:: But those people actually had less respect for me as a person than does my Mistress - and She would *want* to know, in fact She seeks out my opinion on things where She knows, or suspects, I may have "additional" information or superior knowledge. That said, I could say, "I don't think it's a good idea [insert reasons]" and if She said, "I know, but I want to do it anyway," that would be it. No ifs, ands, or buts. quote:
What if he gives in, but this is a pattern, and ultimately will result in financial ruin? Been there, done that, in a very major way. It is definitely a tendency I have, wanting to fulfill every whim, every wish, forget the bills, "she wants it." Part of what attracted me to my Mistress is that I know that will not happen with Her because of how She feels about money and money issues. I would never have ever put myself in that position again. (Nor could I see living with somebody where I didn't know whether I would be in that position.) quote:
Or turn it around to another example -- what if your dominant picks up an unhealthy habit? What if this habit is ruining the person, or the relationship. Does the 24/7 lifestyle slave just tolerate it? Drinking? Drugs? Gambling? Part of my responbility is to take care of Her. That might include submissive like nagging about prescriptions, etc. It's a difficult question though - there are some "habits" that transform the person into somebody different from the one to whom you pledged, or fell in love. Can you "reclaim" that person? Sometimes you can't go back again, and I've been there, done that, too - not with a "habit" but an undiagnosed illness ended up irrevocably harming my previous relationship. I would have stayed forever, which I know now would have been a bad idea, but I do attribute the changes from the aftermath of the (her) illness to have played a very large part in the dissolution of that relationship. I think today I would also do whatever I could to care for, nurture, "fix," my Woman. I can't see not being able to get through to Her. sudja
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