RE: Sometimes a pickle isnt just a pickle...

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> RE: Sometimes a pickle isnt just a pickle...

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RE: Sometimes a pickle isnt just a pickle... - 8/7/2008 1:23:56 PM

Surrenderwithin

Posts: 368
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OsideGirl said," It took me awhile to be able to articulate what upset me about it, because even I didn't know that tender spot was there"

That was what one of my main points was with the original post. I had no idea how special such a thing was to me. Sometimes a pickle is not just a pickle.

Maggi

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: Sometimes a pickle isnt just a pickle... - 8/8/2008 7:10:28 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3235
Joined: 7/29/2005
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Here is the thing, sex used to be my equivalent to your pickle. When I entered my current relationship, my mindset was much more suited to monogamy than to an open poly relationship. Most of the time that he had sex with someone else, including Alandra, I felt a loss and it was painful to me. I would often cry and be very crushed.

However, that mindset was unacceptable to both of us. Neither of us wanted me to feel pain because of what he chooses to do with another. We all worked on getting me to have faith in my value, specialness, place in the relationship, etc because of who I am and not because of what he does with other people.

My whole point in posting to this thread, even the posts I made last year to it, was that a person does not have to stay with the mindset that they are somehow less if their partner does something they treasure with someone else. I still treasure and place a high value on sex, but him having sex with another does not lessen what he does with me. I will not allow his actions with someone else to cause me pain, nor will I allow something that is completely within my ability to control and accept to keep him from having free reign to make whatever choice he wants to make. I do not need to be chained to certain actions to know my place with him.... I am his Kyra, no one else can be that.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)

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RE: Sometimes a pickle isnt just a pickle... - 8/8/2008 8:32:50 AM

KnightofMists

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in short..... In many cases a pickle isn't just a pickle only because the person "Chooses" to make it more than a pickle. As such... a slave making the choice of making a pickle more than a pickle takes choices away from the Master. In my world... that is unacceptable. As such... My slaves focus on keeping pickles as pickles... but I acknowledge that no one is perfect and incident will occur that will take a slave by surprize. I recall an incident a few years ago with Alandra. I was shopping in Calgary with the two girls and was considering a buy a Leather Coat or two (I did end up buying two). Alandra suddenly become rather emotional and asked to be excused. After a brief discussion, We learned that Alandra had this pickle that wasn't a pickle. I had mention sometime before the incident that I would like to get all of us long leather coats. Unknownst to me or her... Alandra really liked the idea alot more than she realized. Fast forward to the incident, I am looking at buying myself the coats and I have not given Alandra permission or direction to start looking for herself. Alandra remembers my comment about the coats and realizes how emotional she was on the idea and felt a disappointment of me not being interested in her getting a coat... in those brief seconds as this happens she suddenly become very upset with herself. She was holding on to a pickle and wasn't seeing it as a pickle. And that was what she becoming very emotionally about. That in those brief few seconds she allowed something not to be a pickle... and it was a pickle! Her and I talked for a few minutes right in the store and we learned in those few minutes what had occurred in her mind. I reinforced that I was not disappointed in her having hopes for getting a leather coat. I was actually proud of her for immediately grabbing on to the rock of her submission to me when this red herring seeked to undermind her. In the end... she calmed down... I went about buying the two coats that interested me... about a year later or so... I bought Alandra and Kyra long leather coats.

It's a choice if it's a pickle or it isn't....

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

"Respect.... It is the ability to see people as they are, to be aware of their unique individuality" Eric Fromm

(in reply to kyraofMists)

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RE: Sometimes a pickle isnt just a pickle... - 8/8/2008 11:23:51 AM

Surrenderwithin

Posts: 368
Joined: 10/8/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

in short..... In many cases a pickle isn't just a pickle only because the person "Chooses" to make it more than a pickle. As such... a slave making the choice of making a pickle more than a pickle takes choices away from the Master. In my world... that is unacceptable. As such... My slaves focus on keeping pickles as pickles... but I acknowledge that no one is perfect and incident will occur that will take a slave by surprize. I recall an incident a few years ago with Alandra. I was shopping in Calgary with the two girls and was considering a buy a Leather Coat or two (I did end up buying two). Alandra suddenly become rather emotional and asked to be excused. After a brief discussion, We learned that Alandra had this pickle that wasn't a pickle. I had mention sometime before the incident that I would like to get all of us long leather coats. Unknownst to me or her... Alandra really liked the idea alot more than she realized. Fast forward to the incident, I am looking at buying myself the coats and I have not given Alandra permission or direction to start looking for herself. Alandra remembers my comment about the coats and realizes how emotional she was on the idea and felt a disappointment of me not being interested in her getting a coat... in those brief seconds as this happens she suddenly become very upset with herself. She was holding on to a pickle and wasn't seeing it as a pickle. And that was what she becoming very emotionally about. That in those brief few seconds she allowed something not to be a pickle... and it was a pickle! Her and I talked for a few minutes right in the store and we learned in those few minutes what had occurred in her mind. I reinforced that I was not disappointed in her having hopes for getting a leather coat. I was actually proud of her for immediately grabbing on to the rock of her submission to me when this red herring seeked to undermind her. In the end... she calmed down... I went about buying the two coats that interested me... about a year later or so... I bought Alandra and Kyra long leather coats.

It's a choice if it's a pickle or it isn't....

I see exactly where you are coming from and in some ways that is true for us. Fact remains, we like pickles. Master likes giving us pickles. I am just glad that there are so many varieties of pickles and we can all have which kind we like best!

This whole thing just goes to demonstrate how we are all different and there are many differences between one successful poly house and the next. This shows why people must pick and choose slowly to whom they will belong and vice versa!

Maggi

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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Post #: 104