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The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 3:19:05 PM

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
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I've been on collarme for a while, now, and in all that time I've never contacted a single Domme. Not because I haven't wanted to, but mainly because I'm been nervous of how I might look. I have a female Domme friend who has a profile on here, and she tells me often about all the dozens of unwanted, or copied and pasted message she gets every day. I know Dommes tend to get a bit swamped with messages from subs every day, but what I wanted to ask you was... what would a sub have to say to catch your eye? What would make a message stand out from all the dozens of others?

The advice I've seen given several times is just to be yourself and be genuine, but how can a Domme tell who is being honest, and who is sending the same pasted message to every Domme they like the look of? What could a submissive say, either about themselves, or about what they liked in your profile, that would set them apart from the hundreds of others?

Thanks in advance for any help. :)

-- Kye

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 3:34:32 PM

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Kye use the forum more, its suprising how many messages i get about something i have posted. Other than that then yes, be yourself as being genuine normally shines through.

Good luck to you

(in reply to sodsta)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 3:34:56 PM

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The submissives who have caught my eye have all had one thing in common: it was clear from their email that they had thoroughly read my profile, and they responded to it in a positive manner. They didn't send me a cut/paste "here is what I want" type of email, they didn't write so much that I felt like I was tackling Tolstoy, and they showed an interest or a connection to some of the things I like (even if it's just football.) Beyond that you get into attraction and connection, but for a first email, those details make it easy to see who is really interesting out there vs. who is spamming every Domme.

(in reply to sodsta)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 3:35:09 PM

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Well you've made a good start because you have a nice, well written profile and nice pics. You give a good sense of who you are and what you are all about. You don't focus overly much on kink or sex and you don't have a nic that is kink or D/s oriented. My only suggestion is that you put the paragraph about your kink interests last instead of first.

In a first contact I look for someone that has met my initial qualifications of age, distance, marital status, seeking RL not online and they have a proper profile. (grammar and spell check). After that I want to know they have spent a little time in their email to me. A simple Hi or Hello always goes in the trash. I like to know they have read my profile and even better my journal. A compliment about something in her profile or journal will show that you have taken the time to learn something about her and make her feel that you are attracted to HER. Don't mention play or sexual preferences or be crude or vulgar in any way. Be respectful but not overly exaggerated in deference as in; "I bow to you my Goddess", " this lowly worm backs out of the room" etc....

(in reply to sodsta)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 3:37:12 PM

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From: London, England
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Thank you very much. :)

(in reply to Politesub53)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 3:51:03 PM

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Hi Kye,

My mine problem with your profile is that you’re not local.

It’s pretty easy to tell who is being honest by the third email. The mass messages really are pretty obvious they don’t talk about anything in my profile and a lot of times they don’t fit what I’m looking for at all. They also send nude pics. And other things, that just don’t make sense.

If you read her profile, are polite and ask questions (if she mentions a favorite book asking something about that) and tell a little about yourself. You are standing out. Also be yourself, I know not at all helpful. But think of it this way if you’re yourself then your chances of a good relationship are much higher.

Everyone gave you good advice.

Kat

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to sodsta)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 3:53:44 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

(after rifling through your profile)

Sweet Jesus, you're a cutie!

You've partially answered your question in your OP: no cut and paste! You asked how someone can tell the difference. If a letter makes no reference to me or what I've said about myself in my narrative, it's a cut and paste. You said in your narrative that you are a good listener. That should take you far. By reading over what a woman has said, responding intelligently to it and saying why you are interested in her, you place yourself in the top 90% of submissives who get in touch. Don't worry about all the bad email that gets sent, but do realize that you may encounter some jadedness that needs to be assuaged.

And I agree with TNstepsout: you have a well-written profile. You've stated your preferences without sounding like a "do me," which lets a dominant know where you are coming from. Bravo!

Best of luck!
MSS

< Message edited by MySweetSubmssive -- 10/7/2007 3:55:43 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to sodsta)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 4:27:47 PM

SuspendedInGaffa

Posts: 188
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From: Wales, UK
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From my limited experience here, I'd agree with LaMistressa about taking the time to read the Domme's profile and basing your message around that. I can see you're too intelligent and discerning to go down the 'send a generic message to every Domme within 1000 miles' approach, so you'll do fine, mate. I've had lots of replies here from women who, even if they weren't interested in me, were pleasantly surprised that I'd actually read their profile and had something to say about it. It doesn't take that much effort to compose a personal message, and it makes you stand out a mile from the shower of cyberwankers that seem to besiege every Domme.

Be yourself, and with those looks and skills with words, I suspect you'll do just fine. Ya bastard!

_____________________________

I wormed my way into the heart of the crowd
I was shocked to find what was allowed

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 4:29:26 PM

Posts: 246
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From: London, England
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Thank you for the advice. It's very helpful, actually. :)

(in reply to LaMistressa)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 4:30:35 PM

Posts: 129
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There isn't one thing that a sub could say that would set them apart since all dommes and all subs are different and looking for different things. you want to be true to yourself and tell about yourself and show true interest in who a woman is.

and you have a good profile. Although you should change "27/7 slavery" to "24/7 slavery" because there's only 24 hours in a day....at least on this planet. Unless there's a new femdom planet out there that I don't know about that makes subs work 27 hours a day, 7 days a week. ha. =)

and I agree with "politesub53" that it's good to use the forum to post your opinion on various topics so people can see if you're intelligent or not.

(in reply to sodsta)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 4:33:39 PM

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From: London, England
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Thanks. I took your advice and edited my profile a bit. Hopefully it reads a little better, now. :)

And your comment is very helpful. Thank you very much.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 4:37:10 PM

Posts: 246
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From: London, England
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quote:

My mine problem with your profile is that you’re not local.

lol, *blush* :P

Thank you very much for the advice. I appreciate it. :D

(in reply to SunNMoon)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 4:39:47 PM

Posts: 246
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From: London, England
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haha, goodness me... thank you. :D

And thank you very much for the advice. You've given me a much clearer idea on how to approach people, now. :)

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 4:41:26 PM

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Joined: 8/13/2007
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Totally off topic, but....
This subject line reminds me of a joke told to me once by a patient of mine. Everyone said this guy was not oriented or appropriate. I gave him a bath and some face time, and by the time we were three hours into the shift I knew he was well enough to leave the ICU....after he told me this story...

There's a man in New York City...he stick his hand out the window ta see if it gonna rain. All a sudden, a eye fall out of the sky and land in his hand. He look up and see a woman upstair sayin "Come up here and gimme back mah eye!"

So, he go upstairs and knock on her door. She come to the door, he give her back her eye.

She say....why dont you come inside an' have summin ta eat."

So he go inside, sit down and have summin ta eat.

Then she say, "Don't you wanna go in the bed room and make love?"

He say "Woman! You invite every man in New York city come up in your apartment, go in the bedroom and make love?!"

And she say.....

ready?

She say.....

"Only the ones that catch mah eye."

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to sodsta)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 4:49:29 PM

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

Thanks. :D Great advice. I'm seeing a pattern emerging here, lol.

quote:

Ya bastard!

haha :P Cheers, mate.

(in reply to SuspendedInGaffa)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 4:52:56 PM

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

Thanks for the advice. :D

quote:

Unless there's a new femdom planet out there that I don't know about that makes subs work 27 hours a day, 7 days a week. ha. =)

haha, subs would be flocking there in their millions if there was.

(in reply to dominalisa)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 4:58:21 PM

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
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hahaha, that's awesome.

(in reply to dollylima)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 5:15:53 PM

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Joined: 3/18/2007
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You are very welcome.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to sodsta)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 5:31:48 PM

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

Looking at your profile, my only concerns would be that you aren't local, and there are some interests I have that you don't -- but it's a damn good profile (check your spelling of 'piano', however), and I'd say to myself "oh darn" if you did write me, because you are very appealing.

Okay! So, your ego is properly fluffed, now get out there and introduce yourself to some people!

(in reply to sodsta)

RE: The best way to catch Her eye? - 10/7/2007 5:50:38 PM

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

Thanks again. :D Oops... corrected spelling. Paino, though... pretty apt, really, isn't it? lol

It is, haha, and I shall. You've been very helpful. :D

(in reply to LaMistressa)

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