KiandPhoenix
Posts: 205
Joined: 8/1/2007
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Phoenix wanted to do a bit of correction. She says I am only right 98% of the time, and the 1.9999999% of the time difference is where we agree to disagree.
"I guess the first thing I need to do is ask if you are always right or just keep going until they surrender and concede?" Not usually. On occasion we both give good points, and that is where we just agree to disagree. Those arguments are rare, and take a lot of time, but I have no problem being wrong. If someone is going to argue with me about something I feel it should be a well thought out argument, not just someone saying "nut-uh" like my last girlfriend. Phoenix does real well at presenting a disagreement with reasons behind it.
"Are you always right or do you always NEED to be right? Again, I have no problem being wrong. I certainly don’t need to be right. I have one friend who disagrees with me on almost everything I have chosen as a life choice. He is against BDSM and poly, and even though he has his valid points, I have mine, and we respect each others differences of opinion. In fact he helped us write our first contract and make a couple toys. I don’t feel the need to convince him I am right. When I am wrong, I have no problems admitting it.
"How is you being right presented to them?" Typically it starts out with "Ah, but X,Y,Z", and then I wait for a response. I also have a problem where I don’t know how to be anything other than blunt. I never learned the concept of tact, and have been unable to grasp the concept and ability still in life.
"Do you do it in a way that makes them feel stupid or in a factual way?" I am a very factual person, and I think it is more of always being on the loosing side of things that makes them feel stupid, not the individual argument. At the end of the argument they usually are fine, but when it is time for another, they have the memory or always being wrong pop up, and start off with the bad feelings.
"Also, is it merely to placate them or do you really seek their opinion?" I actually seek their opinion. I value the opinions of others. Getting someone else’s view on a subject is not only valuable in letting me know a person more intimately, but can help me see all side of a subject. Before I make any decision that effects my home, I want to know my partners opinion. I want to know that what I am choosing is going to be the best choice for everyone. If I don’t know her thoughts and feeling all the time, how can I judge a decision for the long term? I have to not only know what her opinion is right now, but I have to know her well enough to know that next week she is not going to change her mind, or react badly to something she did not think about that comes up later on.
"How often do opinions differ?" Depends a lot. It is not like we disagree on everything every day. Maybe once a week to once a month on something more then something small. I am grasping for an example of small, but I can’t think of one, but nothing more than the equivalent of what color the kids bath water should be. Huge disagreements come alone once in a blue moon, and the biggest of them are settled with the agree to disagree solution 75% of the time.
"Since you value your own opinion, do you give theirs any value?" I think this is really addressed in the question two back about placating them. My partners opinion is very valued to me.
"Have you ever looked at their opinion before deciding you are right?" Absolutely. I seek their opinion first before making a lot if not all of decisions. When it comes to little things like "Who was that actor in that movie where they did those things?" I don’t go looking for her opinion if I know the answer. If I say the actor, and she thinks I am wrong I think about who she thinks it is, and we discuss why we each think it is a different actor. . .then we look it up, and I am always right.
Unfortunately I am not a control freak. Almost all my past partners had those as their last boyfriend, and I make sure I am not. I am real laid back, and generally don’t sweat the small stuff. If plans change I roll with the punches. I am only a control freak about how my bed is made before I get into it, and the toilet paper roll, but even then I am pretty lax. I was more than willing to entertain the idea, and gave it some thought before I said I wasn’t though. My lady has had this discussion before with me, she does not think I am either.
~Ki
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RE: Dear Kinky Abbey - 
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