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Mentoring - 10/29/2007 10:40:09 AM

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Ok, I am fairly new to the boards, not new to CM or to the lifestyle though. I have a question for all you lovely subbie sorts out there... What are your views on mentoring? For those that have been in the lifestyle... are you willing to help out those obvious newbies out there or are you more apt to shrug them off? For those newbies out there are you the sort who thinks... "wow advice from experience is awesome" or more like "pfft they don't know any more than me"? I'm just curious

As for my answer... I tend to admit I don't know everything, pfft for that matter what I do know is certainly not right for everyone but offer words from my own experience and hope it helps somewhat.

the inanimate object

< Message edited by maclough -- 10/29/2007 10:41:29 AM >

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RE: Mentoring - 10/29/2007 10:50:38 AM

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quote:

For those that have been in the lifestyle... are you willing to help out those obvious newbies out there or are you more apt to shrug them off? For those newbies out there are you the sort who thinks... "wow advice from experience is awesome" or more like "pfft they don't know any more than me"?

I don't really think that I am in a position to be able to adequately mentor someone, but I am always happy to share what I know with someone.

As for myself, I am am kind of like that annoying little kid that always asks "why" and "how". I am always down for learning something new and interesting, or developing a more in depth knowledge of stuff that I already know.

On the other hand, if someone is trying to "educate me" as to why their way is the best or better, I tend to get a little annoyed.

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(in reply to maclough)

RE: Mentoring - 10/29/2007 11:42:47 AM

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From: All over now in Minnesota
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Personally I am always open to answering questions posed of me and sharing my experiences in terms of this has been my path your path may be quite different. I am though not one who would take someone under my wings. From a personal standpoint I doubt I could be comfortable in determining if the other person was not taking what fits and throwing out what does not on their path of what I was sputtering to them.

In terms of mentoring in general:

I am all for a mentoring situation where the one being mentored is still using their brain and is being taught this life has pretty much unlimited options and everyone is on their own path. I am all for mentoring if it is just in name only and the two people are for more or less just in a casual no strings relationship and like the word mentor instead of casual.

I am not at all for situations where the submissive is being “mentored” but it is basically a one way is the right way preach thing and/or the word protect gets mentioned predominately. Basically any situation that one person is not treating another like they would expect to be treated which often becomes about the stereotype of dominant equals strong and wise and can teach and protect the weak and naïve submissive.

I think any sharing of experience and knowledge is a good thing no matter if it is relatable or not. The benefit of such information is in the mind of the person receiving it. Whether a person does better with only dealing with first hand knowledge or can take information shared and get something out of it is probably mixed. There may be some on the poles of these concepts but most of us learn from a mixture.

Basically I am for anything that encourages an open mind and for the mentored to think for themselves at all times and not for anything that tries to shut the world out and feed fear and paranoia to the mentored.

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(in reply to maclough)

RE: Mentoring - 10/29/2007 12:05:17 PM

TheEvilBstardsMo

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Mentoring has so many definitions. To me, mentoring is sharing. Sharing of ideas, thoughts, experiences, feelings, etc. Sharing of how we (as submissives/slaves/bottoms) live. By listening to others with no judgment, worlds open, diferent ideas are born.

(in reply to maclough)

RE: Mentoring - 10/29/2007 12:50:37 PM

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Joined: 8/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: maclough

Ok, I am fairly new to the boards, not new to CM or to the lifestyle though. I have a question for all you lovely subbie sorts out there... What are your views on mentoring? For those that have been in the lifestyle... are you willing to help out those obvious newbies out there or are you more apt to shrug them off? For those newbies out there are you the sort who thinks... "wow advice from experience is awesome" or more like "pfft they don't know any more than me"? I'm just curious

As for my answer... I tend to admit I don't know everything, pfft for that matter what I do know is certainly not right for everyone but offer words from my own experience and hope it helps somewhat.

the inanimate object

From my perspective, mentoring can be extremely helpful. Yet, as a slave i am constantly attentive to the fact that i must never ever allow anyone's opinions override those of my Master's. i believe submissives have more leeway in this arena. If nothing else, i highly suggest that subs/slaves seek mentors of the same position and not a dominant. How can a rabbit tell a chicken how to be a good chicken? So how can a dominant tell a sub how to be a good sub? Subs and slaves will deal with issues that dominants don't have to address in themselves and visa versa.

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(in reply to maclough)

RE: Mentoring - 10/29/2007 2:23:09 PM

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I have mentored other submissives and slaves in the past. If asked to do so, I would do it again with the understanding that I am not perfect, I'll make mistakes and goof up as well...

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RE: Mentoring - 10/29/2007 2:36:44 PM

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When asked I will always share my experience and what if any advice I have. I will also sometimes offer advice if I see someone who is trying but is on a path that is the best for them.

I will not in any way take and or demand anything from them, not respect, not obedience, nothing. I will also be very very careful if they are in a relationship as to when and how I offer that advice so as not to undermine the authority of the top/dom, a mistake I see all too often, sometimes accidental, oftentimes not.

(in reply to wisteriaV)

RE: Mentoring - 10/30/2007 1:43:17 AM

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My girl has 25+ years of experience (she's about 20 years older than me). she mentors and teaches all the time, sometimes at my request, but mostly as her spirit and schedule allows.

Master Fire

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(in reply to maclough)

RE: Mentoring - 10/30/2007 2:24:37 AM

xaria

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From: USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: maclough
... What are your views on mentoring?

i, personally, feel that mentoring can be great. i love the feeling of sitting down with someone new to the lifestyle and talking with them. i see giving advice and sharing experience is a form of mentoring. i don't feel that mentoring *has* to be something formal. It can be informal in that we share our advice and experience to help someone on their way to finding out who they are.

It should always be given in a way that they know it is just that, sharing. It's about helping them to find their individual wants and needs. Because we're all individuals and not everyone will need the same things. So, telling them the way to do things and saying, "this is the right way to be a sub/slave" is completely wrong. There is no one right way. There's only a right way for what is best for your individual needs. And saying that, it can change over time. Limits change, people change...so stating or making someone believe there is only one way is the wrong advice to give in my opinion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: maclough
...are you willing to help out those obvious newbies out there or are you more apt to shrug them off? For those newbies out there are you the sort who thinks... "wow advice from experience is awesome" or more like "pfft they don't know any more than me"? I'm just curious

If someone doesn't seek advice, then why try to give it. You can offer someone help, but if they deny it, don't press it. There's no use to "beat a dead horse" by trying to force your views upon someone. Maybe they are looking for advice, but not from just anyone. Maybe they're not looking for advice at all, they have already done their research. Whatever their reasons, respect them.

< Message edited by xaria -- 10/30/2007 2:27:50 AM >

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(in reply to maclough)

RE: Mentoring - 10/30/2007 4:31:56 AM

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Joined: 10/2/2007
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As a newbie, i am always eager to listen to the advice, experiences and wisdom of those who have been in the lifestyle longer than me. When i ask questions or seek advice, i am genuinely happy to have someone take the time to share their thoughts with me. And although sometimes people posting seem to forget that some of us newbies have real questions that need answers (hence the "this isn't rocket science" answers), others who take our questions seriously add to our knowledge and enjoyment of this lifestyle.

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(in reply to maclough)

RE: Mentoring - 10/30/2007 7:00:37 AM

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Lesson #1

We aren't "subbies", we are submissives, though I do have a pumpernickel fetish.

chia* (the pet)

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(in reply to maclough)

RE: Mentoring - 10/30/2007 7:34:28 AM

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From: NYS
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Depends on who it is and how I feel about them. Just like in real life, you are more interested in helping out people whom you feel a connection with.

I suggest if you're looking for one person to ask questions of, that you read the fora and see which person writes things that you always wind up nodding your head at, and saying she's right. Then write to that person about how their writing seems to resonate with you, and you hope they don't mind, but you would like their opinion on a situation in your life. With a polite and complimentary intro, most people will be pleased to give you their advice.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

RE: Mentoring - 10/30/2007 8:54:47 AM

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Joined: 9/28/2006
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Wow, how about both? I have only been in the sceen for a little over a year, and have found myself in many positions were I am supporting and teaching other newbies. I have also found and watched those in the scene that I have made my mentors, since i am still growing. It is one of the beauties of the BDSM community.

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RE: Mentoring - 10/30/2007 11:20:52 AM

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Joined: 7/5/2005
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Great input I have come across some wonderful newbies who ask alot of questions, listen and learn. My advice is pretty much like toservez I will usually tell them take from it what you wish and mold it to yourself and your situation, never do as others do exactly, because every relationship and every person is different. I've experienced alot of people over the years that I have just wanted to sit down and talk with. So many subs new to the lifestyle want to experience it all right now and I just want to say "slow down, don't burn yourself out". Heck even after all these years I still learn something new from nearly all subbies, subs, doms, switches, lifestylers that I meet. I guess an open mind helps to grow.

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RE: Mentoring - 10/30/2007 11:23:12 AM

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Joined: 7/12/2006
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I've been in the scene a relatively short 2 years, but I've devoured just about everything I can get my hands on to read, and my Sir and i often have discussions on our views of BDSM. When we welcomed His second submissive into our relationship, she was incredibly new, and younger than I was when I was introduced to the scene. I helped her with the guidelines, offered her things to read, and am still here to answer any questions she may have, from "What is THAT?" to any particular question she has about Sir, His reactions or our relationship in general.

I enjoy teaching other people about things they don't know; i often say my favorite hobby is exposing people to the public scene for the first time. It helps me not only solidify what I know intellectually, but also help reinforce who I am, and what world I live in. (So to speak)

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RE: Mentoring - 10/30/2007 3:51:16 PM

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I am not sure if i an the mentoring type(even though i had a great one). I post on the boards because i fell i can have a little input on things others post. That is my type of mentoring if asked i would do my best to help them, if i see they might be going down a wrong path i would advise them but in the end (as with us all) it is their choice.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to briska)

RE: Mentoring - 11/1/2007 10:33:57 AM

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Im impressed. This is the first post that I have read where Mentors havent been blasted. Like anything else there are good and bad ones out there. Answering someones question is a form of Mentoring.

(in reply to littleone35)

RE: Mentoring - 11/1/2007 11:44:39 PM

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Probably like most people I'm open to mentoring. But being experienced isn't that important, it's what you learn from your experiences, and that's the most important thing you have to offer.

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(in reply to maclough)

RE: Mentoring - 11/4/2007 3:47:02 AM

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Giving advice is my primary reason for being here on CM these days. I think it is incredibly important for people new to the lifestyle to have educated people whom they can trust to seek out for advice. Also, if another sub simply wants to vent or cry, I am always here. I was there once, and I know how hard it was during my initial years of training. I suppose it's my turn to give back to the community. :)

(in reply to maclough)

RE: Mentoring - 11/4/2007 5:33:08 AM

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In my opinion too many people give too much advice.
All I can ever say is that's what I think.
You may not like it.
Take what you want from it.
Unless it's to my submissive or slave of course.

(in reply to Kalari)

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