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RE: Coping question - 10/29/2007 9:22:33 PM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
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Greetings..~smiles~

Hears what you say and drastic changes from a norm due tend to bring up unwarranted thoughts or immediate ways of dealing with such. First and foremost was obtaining permission to speak freely to express the feelings to Master. Once he affirmed he's doing as he wished..then the rest was up to star to find ways to constructively occupy the absent time, and work on more constructive and effective communications when was given the time. Reinforcements in a positive or assuring manner applys to many things..see's this area as nothing different.

With that said: If am reading correctly writergirl..you do not presently live under the same roof as your Owner? If this is the case..perhaps actually living together may change this.

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

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"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

(in reply to writergirl)

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Post #: 21

RE: Coping question - 10/30/2007 3:22:47 AM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

Greetings all,

This girl would like to point out that many of the people replying here are making unwarranted assumptions and replying in a harsh manner. she took the time to ask for more details from writergirl instead of condeming her for seeking help.

This girl will not divulge the details given in a private message on a public forum. However, she would ask for more tolerance and less recrimination when one does not know all the facts. writergirl explained in her OP why she chose this forum, yet several replies have demanded that she explain her presence.

One of this girl's expectations of Gor, due to her exposure to a True Gorean (her Master) is that Free Citizens return politeness and respect in kind. Another thread asked Gorean men what qualities they believe a Gorean Man must possess. This girl has seen few of those qualities in the posts here.

Writergirl was not asking how to circumvent her owner's desires, nor did she criticise or put him in a bad light. she asked for advice, as befits a slave who is unsure, at a time when her Master was not available to ask. Are we not to look to the Free for guidance?

This girl has tried hard to be respectful here. her empathy for writergirl's dilemna notwithstanding, she expected more civil discourse from a community that holds such high standards for itself.

Respectfully,

g

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to allyC)

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Post #: 22

RE: Coping question - 10/30/2007 3:31:39 AM

Maahsatti

Posts: 2579
Joined: 8/5/2006
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Who are you to judge any Free, girl?
Do not tell us what to do, what to say, how to respond or how to feel. you are only making it worse, which I am sure was not the intent you had

Mistress Maahsatti

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Gorean women, whether slave or Free,know, that their simple presence, brings joy to men,and I cannot think but that this pleases them.
Outlaw of Gor, pg 54

(in reply to MRandme)

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Post #: 23

RE: Coping question - 10/30/2007 5:39:42 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
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Quick reply:

You have received some great answers. I have been where you are. I have feared his times of distance and coldness with a gutwrenching terror at times that he was going to get rid of me. We have a saying in our home.."Copernicus called the world really doesn't revolve around -you-." When I fret over R being distant or grumpy or short with me..he often tells me.."not everything is about you". In other words nothing is wrong with "us". The best way to learn to "cope" is to catch yourself when you start havng those downward spiral type thoughts and remind yourself..it has nothing to do with you because if it did..believe me he would of already told you.

One other piece of advice and this may or may not work..eroticize this. This is a man not afraid to be a man..he won't be led around by his short hairs by a woman no matter what her gripe...that is so damn hot. Would you -really- want him to cave in and not live his life on his terms and not demand you live your life on his terms?

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"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

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RE: Coping question - 10/30/2007 6:10:43 AM

Aswad

Posts: 6908
Joined: 4/4/2007
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g,

Quite apart from the content of your post, I would submit it as the perfect point-in-case that 3PS is confusing, taking me 15 minutes to sort out what girls are referenced in the various instances of "this girl", "she", "her", "one" and so forth. Granted, I'm not a native speaker, but surely this post would still have been painful to read if I was?

"Pleasing" indeed...

Health,
al-Aswad.

< Message edited by Aswad -- 10/30/2007 6:11:54 AM >

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

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RE: Coping question - 10/30/2007 6:47:06 AM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
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Since you mentioned not being Gorean a non-gorean reference material you might find usefull is Guy Baldwin's book Slavecraft. It comes from a Leather slave's perspective. Offers several manners of self adjustment techniques, which is really the core thing you seem to be looking for. Not knowing the rest of the details (and I'm not going to ask for them here) the best I can tell you is Guy Baldwin's book may be some help.

(in reply to BeingChewsie)

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RE: Coping question - 10/30/2007 10:09:56 AM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
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Greetings Aswad,

i too find third person a pain, but was attempting to approach this from a humble standpoint so as not to offend. Evidently i was not humble enough. It was not my intent to judge any Free person merely to ask tolerance for writergirl. From what i have been told by her (and i will not divulge those details) nothing she has heard here will help her. she has made every attempt within her power and this is why she sought help. writergirl is not being a whiny little girl here to complain about how badly she is treated or to badmouth her Master, but asked help in all sincerity and honesty and it seems to me the hosility and callousness with which it was received was unwarranted. 'Suck it up!' is not a helpful answer in any situation. It is what she has been trying to do, and it isn't working.

i admit to being new to the Gorean viewpoint and perhaps am not meek enough compared to other Gorean slaves -- but my RL exposure to a Gorean had led me to expect a better reaction. And my own personality forces me to speak up when i see someone treated unfairly.

i bend to the will of the Free on this forum and will refrain from imposing my thoughts on the subject again until i have had the opportunity to discuss it with my Master. i have no doubt that i will be corrected in any error of judgement i have made.

Respectfully,
g

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to Aswad)

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Post #: 27

RE: Coping question - 10/30/2007 10:45:30 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
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My beloved Grandfather told me once and only once: "Kimberly...stay OUT of other people's business" there is nothing good that comes from interferring between people.

That is my advice to you, g.

While i have tried to follow what my Grandfather had told me as a young girl...i have fallen prey to it. I can tell you this. He was right!

~smilezz~

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=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

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RE: Coping question - 10/30/2007 10:53:32 AM

Sakinah

Posts: 95
Joined: 9/25/2007
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Greetings MRandme,

quote:

she expected more civil discourse from a community that holds such high standards for itself.

you must mean the brutal honesty and no coddling.

Since you are speaking for someone now, at this juncture in time let's clear some things up.
Contrary to what is being stated ,by you,wg was given several very good answers by Free and slaves.

If these answers are not what is needed ,there truly is nothing any of us here can do. We can only offer suggestions based on what has helped those of us in our own life struggles.

This is why wg needs to go to her Master who knows her and what makes her tick
a girl ,any girl, who is kajira,truly needs to get over her wants and wishes and remember its about him and how he wants to do things whether she likes it or not and this is the hardest mindset for a girl to accept and live with and be truly happy within and when this reality hits many girls they go, Oo, what have i signed on for. You mean he will really be in charge, you mean my emotions really aren't going to come first....
yessirre bob thats what it means.

Being at a Masters mercy is exactly that.

acceptance is the answer to all my problems today!!!!

when all else fails,' the serenity prayer' works

girls will have a much easier time of it when they get out of the my, me ,i ,mindsets.no matter what the situation .
it is something sakinah works at constantly so she does not get herself into trouble with thinking she doesnt like how something in the relationship is going.

added-ps expections are rarely good on earth or gor...mostly they are unseen, therefore they will not be reached and you will always be disappointed.

well wishes
edited for level of genericness

< Message edited by Sakinah -- 10/30/2007 11:52:54 AM >

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The Gorean women, for reasons that are not altogether clear to me, considering the culture, rejoices in being a woman. She is often an exciting, magnificent glorious creature, outspoken, talkative, vital, active, spirited.
bk3 p 67

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Post #: 29

RE: Coping question - 10/30/2007 12:36:04 PM

SimonofTabor

Posts: 123
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nosathro

greetings

There is the Gorean costum of the "Yellow Peach", or "Larm Fruit". A slave when she desire to to express herself to her Master presents her self to him in the Nadu position head down arms extended out to him with a Peach in her hands.

I'm not going to comment in any great detail on the primary subject of this topic, but I will point out that this particular custom doesn't really seem to be relevant here. For one thing it's of no use at all unless the master knows what is meant by such actions. We're dealing, it seems, with real people here who are not Gorean, so Gorean customs they don't know won't help. Secondly, and the main reason I wanted to pick up on this, I'm not at all sure that this particular custom is appropriate. It seems that what is needed is communication, and while the custom referred to above is a form of communication, what is being communicated is very specific. As far as I'm aware (feel free to prove me wrong) it isn't a general request by the slave to express herself to her master, but a much more specific request - basically for sex. It's one of several methods by which a slave in the books could signal the need for her master's touch. Another is the bondage knot. For those wishing to check this out, one of the main references to this is Tribesmen p27-28.

Simon

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RE: Coping question - 10/30/2007 1:03:55 PM

Aswad

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Greetings, g...

I did not adress the contents of your post, merely that the use of third person speech made it complicated to read. That said, if you wish the contents addressed, the bottom line is her options- if he isn't interested in changing things- are to stay or go, pretty much. And if she's become kajira of her own volition, I fail to see how that is unfair.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

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Post #: 31

RE: Coping question - 10/30/2007 1:24:53 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
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I didn't see it as a "sex" thing butI didn't dig into it any deeper either. I have seen it as a withdrawl of presense and influence/communication, and the slave asking for help in how to deal with herself when it occured.
Not asking for help in changing how her Master did anything at all. But rather how to adjust internally so as to be able to handle the sense of loss and or abandonment that she knows logicly is not real but feels emotionally as if it were a real potential problem.

How to deal with your own internal demons because you know it's not a Master's problem but rather your own problem that needs to be handled.
Rituals/mantras designed to recognize the problem and negate the resulting confussion/fear might be of help

I have my slave recite the Litany against Fear from the Dune series (modified to suit me) when fear creeps in on her and she needs to adjust herself.

Fear is the mind killer I must not fear
Fear is the little death that brings oblitertion
I will see fear and allow it to pass through me
When it is gone I will remain

It is these times when a slave must do their slave internal work, masters and free not knowing what it is to be a slave have limited insight as to how to adjust a slave's internal workings.

From my limited understanding:
1. Identify what it is that you are really battling inside
(fear of what, lack of what, loss of what)
2. Communicate this finding when where and how you Master has set up and ask for assistance humbly
3. Follow directions from your Master as to how you can best fight your internal battles
4. Repeat as nessisary.

When doing these things you may find it helpful to go back to your understanding of what the foundation of your slavery is built on. Obedience, Service, Humility, Openness etc... whatever they may be.
Whenever you are at a loss as to how to proceed consult with your foundation principles given to you by your owner.

(in reply to SimonofTabor)

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