RE: "Coming Out"

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RE: "Coming Out" - 11/24/2007 5:34:06 PM

frazzle40

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To noone in particular.

My family, friends all know. I never followed convention so wasnt really a suprise. Was funny a few months ago, when staying with my mother, she said, i know you're open about BDSM, but what exactly does it stand for. Conversation got very intersting.

She doesnt understand, but her words, not mine, if it makes you happy go for it. Oh and she's strict catholic, so that as an excuse for objecting, doesnt work.

My sister, was again, cant understand how this works, but if you're happy who cares. She's now great, i can talk to her, discuss things. She gives common sense advice. If it feels wrong stop, if it feels right go for it. same as she would if relationship was nilla.

Ok i know im lucky that family and friends, may look at me strangely now and again, but none have condemned my choices. After all its my life, and im not expecting them to join it.

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RE: "Coming Out" - 11/24/2007 6:30:23 PM

DarkDaddyZ

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Joined: 4/7/2006
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I believe that there is a difference I believe because being gay is much more about fitting in (bringing lover to family bbq etc). I don't think we should throw our lifestyle in the face of non lifestylers because even though power exchange is spiritual to many of us, it also has sexual overtones. I am comfortable seeing my gay relatives and friends with their lovers at "vanilla" events. I am not comfortable seeing whips, cuffs and chains at "vanilla" events...but that's me.

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RE: "Coming Out" - 11/25/2007 5:36:00 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

I believe that there is a difference I believe because being gay is much more about fitting in (bringing lover to family bbq etc). I don't think we should throw our lifestyle in the face of non lifestylers because even though power exchange is spiritual to many of us, it also has sexual overtones. I am comfortable seeing my gay relatives and friends with their lovers at "vanilla" events. I am not comfortable seeing whips, cuffs and chains at "vanilla" events...but that's me.

i agree with this. i want my family and friends to know WHO i love, and i don't think it's anyone's business HOW i love.

< Message edited by eyesopened -- 11/25/2007 6:14:06 AM >

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RE: "Coming Out" - 11/25/2007 5:38:50 AM

DaisyDestruction

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Joined: 11/13/2007
From: New Orleans
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When I came out as gay, it was to the anger and disappointment of my family. I don't plan on coming out as kinked. It would serve no purpose. The friends who would be cool with it already know, because I don't hide it, per se, and the ones who wouldn't be, I just omit that, because there's really no need for them to know. When I was not out as gay, I felt like I was living a lie, to a point, because my family expected something of me that I wasn't going to deliver. Not being out as kinked just saves both me and them the mutual embarassment of them picturing my sex life. It's not the same at all.

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RE: "Coming Out" - 11/25/2007 10:41:32 AM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
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It can be like coming out as gay or not, depending on the situation. Living in fear of your family meeting your partner is not fun. Pretending your partner is you best friend is not fun and can be demeaning to the relationship. Many find it necessary to come out. However, if your family knows that your Mistress is your partner, do they actually need to know that she also beats you for fun or whatnot? Really, if it goes past understanding that this person is important in your life and into picture what you do to get off, most families would prefer to be out of that loop. Also, sometimes knowing would make things way awkward. My mom adores my Master, trusts him and enjoys his company. If she knew that he beats me up for our mutual enjoyment, she would not only lose respect for us, she would likely question our sanity. Not to mention, she and my dad could never understand the fact that we are married to other people and have sex with each other.

My friends, however generally know all about my life.

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RE: "Coming Out" - 11/25/2007 11:48:34 AM

goodgirl08

Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
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My best friends know about it, although some know the extent more than others. So, there are 8 people in my life who know I'm into this nasty shit

. Only one knows that I am actually being trained as a slave. It was really important to me to 'come out' about being kinky, because I have trouble not being honest with people close to me. I feel alienated if I'm skirting around the truth too much. So, my closest friends know that A) I met someone on the internet and B) we have a kinky relationship. I feel that they do not yet need to know the full extent of it, but it felt REALLY good to talk about it. I'm a senior in college and I feel like my friendships are cemented enough, and that we all know enough crazy shit about each other, for me to 'come out' about this. Some I told just recently, some have known for a long time. Their only worry was that I would be careful, and a couple of them shared similar desires. So how cool is that! It did a lot for me in terms of not feeling isolated and slipping too much into my own little universe, which I am sometimes prone to do without the right tools to combat it.

It helps that we live in an environment where people define themselves in all kinds of unconventional ways that might make you go "what?" for a second, but you love them anyway. I know transgendered/transsexual/gender-rejecting people, gay Catholics, full time students who moonlight as strippers or dominatrixes, bisexual polyamorists with ambitions of being a Buddhist monk, everything you could imagine. It's just kind of accepted here that being a total weirdo is unrelated to being a good person/friend.

Family is different, things are more unspoken there. I know from looking at our internet history that my kinks are apparently hereditary...gross! At least my parents are having fun

. I think it would be a lot harder to tell them.

To the OP, I hope you can find at least 1 person to talk to, maybe just start with one at first instead of making it a big production. Like I said, it can really help you to feel less isolated in the lifestyle.

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Post #: 26