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Starting a Poly household when there is already one sub/slave


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Starting a Poly household when there is already one sub... - 11/9/2007 2:43:52 AM   
UsemeinTexas


Posts: 23
Joined: 12/13/2006
Status: offline 		Isn't it disrespectful and just plain WRONG for a Master to consider  adding another slave to the relationship without the prior knowledge and agreement of his original ( first) slave?
 I was talking with that kind of Master. He is interviewing many slaves to add to his household without the consent and agreement of his current slave.
She has no say in the matter what-so-ever. He seems to not care whether or not she even wants to be in a poly household.  He left the chat  we were having before I was finished so I sent him this email.
"You can not run from the fact that your slave , part time or not is still part of your family. If you do not bring another slave into the household the right way, with her full knowledge and consent , you will never have peace of mind or peace between your slaves. Consider that some friendly advice from one that knows. Did you forget that I was in a poly household for 10 years? You need to rethink this before your p/t slave gets hurt so badly she leaves you for good.
You are right we and not compatible. You are not considerate of your slaves feelings. You do not seem to know that it is your job to take care of her feelings, that is where her well being resides. That is where her need to serve you resides.
You should talk to all of the poly Masters here on the message boards. "
I know I probably shouldn't have , but I felt really bad for his current slave. If I knew who she was I would advise her to get out while she can , because  - her master is interviewing slaves without her knowledge.  I personally would never consider accepting a master that already had a slave but neglected to tell her I was in the relationship, and I hope that other slaves would have the decency to do the same.
 
I will get off my soapbox now   sorry for the rant 
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 2:46:36 AM   
Absolutemaster


Posts: 74
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		I tried hard.

I tried very hard indeed.

But nope: I couldn't find a single word to disagree with.  You've hit the nail square on the head, and in my opinion you thought and behaved entirely correctly.

(in reply to UsemeinTexas)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 5:44:01 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2059
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		OK ... I take your point ... I would live by your way Myself ... I agree that bringing in another without the knowledge of the first is likely to be problematic. HOWEVER ... your way (and My way) is NOT the only way. There are some out there who don't live by the principles that slaves have feelings, to them slaves are entirely objectified as property and are simply there to do as they are told. In that kind of paradigm, what this person is doing is eminently reasonable to Him and may well be reasonable to His slave(s) too. Would I be that kind of Dominant? No. Would i be that kind of slave? No. But I respect that may be some people's choice as long as that choice has been entered into through initially RACK or SSC negotiations. Tolerance is a virtue ...

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to UsemeinTexas)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 6:37:24 AM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		We are interviewing for another girl for our home. Master told me from day one he was poly and that would not change. He said he did not want a harem but at least two girls. That works for me, Im bi and pleased that having another female around has many bennies. With any relationship with out communication theres is nothing to build on. Doing something behind someones back as the OP stated is to me in my opinion not only disrepecting the other people involved but also showing a blatent disrepect for himself.

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(in reply to MaamJay)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 7:15:25 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		It could be their dynamic - how their relationship operates. Expressing concern is fine but advising her (if you knew who she was) to get out of the relationship is arrogant and self-aggrandizing.

Without all the information you are operating solely from your own belief system and could do more harm than good (at worst) or be wasting a lot of time and creating a lot of negative energy for yourself and others (at best).

(in reply to wisteriaV)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 7:30:58 AM   
Vanatru


Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline 		batshalom, I'm sure it is, and I have seen a number of guys that act the way as the OP is talking about, but generally these guys are not looking for long-term committed relationships, and even if they think they are, they generally don't last because of that attitude. There is a huge difference in a lot of the fantasy definition of humans as slaves and the reality of the situation.

(in reply to batshalom)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 7:32:21 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		That's her man.  she chose him.  She can un-choose him if she likes.  But in the end it's their's.  The fact that it would not work for me doesn't mean it might not work for her, for whatever reasons.  But I do believe that people choose their partners and until they determine they are not well-suited they are getting something out of the bargain.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to UsemeinTexas)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 7:43:01 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

batshalom, I'm sure it is, and I have seen a number of guys that act the way as the OP is talking about, but generally these guys are not looking for long-term committed relationships, and even if they think they are, they generally don't last because of that attitude. There is a huge difference in a lot of the fantasy definition of humans as slaves and the reality of the situation.


I've seen it too. I was a house slave and we never knew what was up with the M-type. It didn't matter. It wasn't fantasy - it was our reality.

If an unknown girl came in and expressed to us our dire situation and how we should leave the house ... ah. It would have been seen in a poor light. Did we know he was looking? No. Is that how it was? Yes. It's how the relationship worked.

There are those men (and women) who will take advantage of a situation, sure. My point is that someone else's reality may be far different than what others perceive.

(My original reply was a fast reply to the OP, not a reply to Wisteria. It is sweet of you to post in her defense, if that is what you were doing.)

< Message edited by batshalom -- 11/9/2007 7:46:15 AM >

(in reply to Vanatru)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 9:22:13 AM   
Vanatru


Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline 		wisty's defense? eh? wow, that totally blindsided me. I figured you were answering the OP, not replying to wisty. (and looking back at your post, I still do)

I was talking about I also knew there were guys that really did this. That they had slaves and didn't regard the slaves feelings. What I found though was that they didn't tend to keep these slaves for the long-term, and if they thought that's what they were doing (as in keeping them for the long term), that they didn't tend to last that way anyways.

As far as the slaves that get involved, I'd think it would be pretty obvious pretty quickly how things worked, and if they chose to stay, that was for them basically accepting the reality of them not having a say etc in that relationship.

The fantasy reference I made is in the "M-types" as you say, in their approach to humans and slavery are often unrealistic.

(in reply to batshalom)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 10:26:33 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7259
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		How often did you talk to the slave that this young man had?

I am curious as to what her words exchanged with you were.

I am in agreement with most here; it's not your place to tell him how he should be running his household. You did not like the way he did things; that's fine; but it's not your place to tell him it's wrong.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.
Real people are not perfect.
Perfect people are not real.

(in reply to UsemeinTexas)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 11:06:56 AM   
mhawk


Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
Status: offline



maybe that is how the particular people's relationship as M/s works and if so i don't see anything wrong with that.on the other hand though,trying to be diplomatic about it all,if it's not than that is certainly something that would more than likely make me wonder what was really going on.

i guess that is one of the many reasons why i am so greatful that even before my coming here to be with my Lord that, searching for someone to be His slave was something both Him and His wife were interested in.being as such they talked to eachother about it for quite sometime before i even came into the picture and even once my Lord and i started talking His wife was throughly involved in our conversations and even now that i am here in His home we are all getting on well,very well.

but as i was saying if there is something that the person in question is doing it may or may not be part of their dynamic



(in reply to UsemeinTexas)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 11:10:29 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		It depends on the relationship they have negotiated. There are people who are very happy to have the Master's wished and desires fulfilled, no matter what and no matter if there's prior consent for each action or not. Just because you and I wouldn't behave in the manner that he has doesn't mean that she hasn't agreed to it or that its an invalid way to create a relationship.

You followed your gut and chose what was best for you. You have to assume that she will too...and to understand that she might be different from you.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to UsemeinTexas)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 11:23:52 AM   
MasterSohun


Posts: 56
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		about 1992 i was involved in a Bdsm poly,two woman and me,one was my slaves bisexual female Domme and my slave and i her Dom we entered into the situation in full knowledge of one another and we had a contract of action between us all,at no time would i or sarahs Domme have added another slave to the equation without discussion with all other parties!i belive you have to have a level playing field here

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 11:25:24 AM   
downkitty


Posts: 224
Joined: 10/1/2007
Status: offline 		If he were my Master and you had come to me telling me how horrible he is and that I should leave because he isn't asking my permission to do something, I would think you were joking. 

Master does not need my permission to do anything, and I don't need to know what he's doing. He is Master and I am slave.  He calls the shots, 100%, and I follow him.  If he brings another girl into the household, I play nice, continue to be pleasing to him and help her to be pleasing to him as well, because that's what I am here for.  If he brings a female partner/companion into the relationship, I continue to be pleasing to him, and be pleasing to her as well, because that's what I am here for. My purpose as a slave is to be pleasing.  If I wanted to negotiate how I would like to be treated and what I will or will not permit, I would have a different Dom/Master. 

I am very happy where I am, and have no intention of leaving.  Perhaps their relationship is more like mine, and your outrage is misplaced.  Just a thought.

Respectfully,

Amy


_____________________________

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly." R. Bach in "Illusions"

(in reply to UsemeinTexas)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 11:39:16 AM   
mya75


Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		I had to think on this a bit and for me the difference is the person owned is a *slave* not a *submissive*......But of course this is only my take on it but I believe slaves have absolutely no say so or  power and it is basically put up or shut up...So with that said I think the slave would be crossing over into the submissive role if she started to question and want say so..and that isnt exactly fair to the Master........I do agree with the rest that it isnt your place to tell him how to run his household.

< Message edited by mya75 -- 11/9/2007 11:40:04 AM >

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(in reply to downkitty)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 1:05:33 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

wisty's defense? eh? wow, that totally blindsided me. I figured you were answering the OP, not replying to wisty. (and looking back at your post, I still do)



Ahhhh, Vanatru! Let me live in the chivalry for a little while longer, eh?? ~chuckle~


quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

The fantasy reference I made is in the "M-types" as you say, in their approach to humans and slavery are often unrealistic.



Mm. Yes. I agree wholeheartedly although I do know of a few couples and families that operate on this "unrealistic" standard and have worked for long periods of time that way. It's all a matter of compatibility (which is why I am no longer a slave - my god, I was compatible for NO ONE that way).

< Message edited by batshalom -- 11/9/2007 1:06:15 PM >

(in reply to Vanatru)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 1:44:05 PM   
briska


Posts: 126
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UsemeinTexas

Isn't it disrespectful and just plain WRONG for a Master to consider  adding another slave to the relationship without the prior knowledge and agreement of his original ( first) slave?
 I was talking with that kind of Master. He is interviewing many slaves to add to his household without the consent and agreement of his current slave.
She has no say in the matter what-so-ever. He seems to not care whether or not she even wants to be in a poly household. 


For me, I'd have to wonder how you know that she has no say, and doesn't want a poly household.  Seeming to not care doesn't mean that they haven't talked about it; she may be a bit inexperienced in poly, and a bit jealous, but is willing to do so for her Master.  Same as other people have been saying, i suppose. :)


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Mmm... briska!

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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 1:56:19 PM   
prucilla


Posts: 17
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		I can't imagine doing anything without discussion and consent in terms of my polyamory. Maybe it's just the psychologist in me, or the history in women's health, but complete spoken consent and communication with all partners is a hard line for me - I can't function sexually at all if I am not sure there is consent.

I don't try to judge others who do it differently, but in terms of my understanding of the human mind, a good Master/slave relationship implies that Master is taking into account slave's psychological needs and comfort zones. He might not need to consult with her because he already knows she will be comfortable with it.

Though, from the way you describe the correspondence it makes me think he is probably a twit - I mean, any slave of mine I wold know how they felt about somehtign as major ad poly vs mono and be able to reassure new partners that I knew my slave's preferences.

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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 1:58:46 PM   
Daddysjezzy


Posts: 54
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry but I think your response to that Dominant was arrogant and based purely on your own assumptions.  You dont know what agreements their relationship is founded upon.  Maybe she agreed to have no say in the decisions of the home.  Maybe she already accepts that He will be adding other slaves to the household and have no say about the matter.  You also assumed that he doesnt care about her feelings with no other evidence to back that up except your preconceived notions about whats acceptable in poly households.  There is no one right way to live this lifestyle so stop trying to save people who may not want to live the way you choose to.

(in reply to UsemeinTexas)
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RE: Starting a Poly household when there is already one... - 11/9/2007 9:43:15 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		As long as she knew there was the possibility of him doing whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted- I don't see the problem.

Now, a lot of slaves CLAIM they can handle that situation and then end up not being able to, but that's another issue.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Daddysjezzy)
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