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How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/13/2007 9:15:52 PM   
KinkyRN


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I recently moved back to the Eastcoast from being in California for a few years.  I'm new to the local BDSM community here- and I'm loving it so far.  For the most part, the people are great!  But my friend (a long time scener) is quite jaded about the community and doesn't find it as helpful or inviting as it used to be.   

I'm just curious....  Do you feel like you are a part of a local BDSM community where you live??  How do you feel about your own community?  What are some positive/negative aspects about it?
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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/13/2007 9:34:18 PM   
probablyknowme


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Well, I have found myself frustrated with the local lifestyle scene lately. Here in OK we are fortunate that there are several groups, who each have play parties with regularity. Unfortunately, the bickering and elitism between the groups just seems petty and churlish. I have heard that there are about 400-500 publicly active people, it seems that there would be enough for everyone to have a good crowd.

One of the other frustrations I have with my local scene is that everyone does the same kind of scene over and over again. How many people are going to flog someone...how many flogging scenes can take place in one party? Believe me, you would be surprised here. I recently did an electro scene at a party with a TENS unit, and there were many experienced people who didn't even know what the Top was using on me. (I honestly think that some "fresh Dom meat" and a fresh perspective is called for here in OKC. Any volunteers? LOL)


kat


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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/13/2007 9:59:30 PM   
azropedntied


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From: Phx AZ
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the local bdsm comunity here in Arizona is AMAZING .I could go on and on how many top presentors have come here ,events and fetish balls , people helping  others in the community we all share . I feel very lucky .

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/13/2007 10:08:10 PM   
KinkyRN


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--That's great to hear about Arizona!  My partner's been talking about AZ as a possible place to move to in the future...

I lived in San Francisco for a while and would love to move back, but it's too expensive.  I guess after living there, I was worried I couldn't find a community that could live up to it-- but maybe there's hope yet! 

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/13/2007 10:18:05 PM   
ownedgirlie


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Those I've interacted with in my area haven't been very inviting, so I have lost any interesting in attenting any local community stuff.  However, I have a friend about an hour & a half away who has invited me to her munches, and I've considered going.  I'm not greatly impressed with egos and name dropping so if her crowd is like that I'll likely pass that up as well.

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/13/2007 11:57:38 PM   
MsPleasure


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Apparently, the community here is good. I went to my first public workshop a week ago.  It was an open forum discussing various aspects of bdsm history and play .  A local Master presented along with his wife and pet.  I learned several good tips and plan to attend weekly when I can. 

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 12:39:08 AM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
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(ponders this carefully)

Frankly, I'm disappointed with the Seattle area. In the past, about 10 years ago, there was a wide variety of groups. You could attend meetings, to each until you found one where you felt you could fit in. Of course, there was a great deal of main streaming happening as well. A lot of work was being done to help the rooks and the general thrill seekers keep themselves out of trouble legally, financially and medically. So many people were showing up, play spaces where getting crowded, and for some reason, a lot of groups were actually competing for member counts. You couldn't figure out who actually deserved the term 'guru' or not. Some places decided to shut down or go exclusive for self-preservation. I'm sure there are quite a few groups that have gone underground and switched to a 'invite' only mode.

However, some one had this 'brilliant' idea to consolidate the groups and play spaces. Many of the groups preferred to have their own identity, but, after the power struggle, politics and so on, The Wet Spot was born, also known as the Sex Positive Community Center. For awhile, it was BDSM centric in nature, but membership was too low to support itself, so it threw it's doors open to everyone in any community, becoming what it is now today. Honestly, I don't think it was a good idea. Swingers, BDSMers, Goreans, Transgenders, Crossdressers, Lesbians, Gay, Bisexual, even Goth were invited. Even the strip club crowd showed (the men). Name your fetish, they showed. Different levels of membership was introduced and things got stratified along economic lines. Showing up at a social night (open to the general public) and just about every wanker looking for a hand job showed up. Of the few times I did show up, I got the strong impression that if you were not anything but a het male Dom, you didn't deserve the time of day, because obviously, you were only there to get laid. (chuckle) I'm serious, I never felt welcome other than the token meet and greet. If I was interested in a girl, she was often surrounded by (sub) Doms. Her bullshit meter was often turned up so high, you couldn't even introduce yourself without feeling like something some one scraped off their combat boots. The craziest thing I saw was the fact that everyone was shoving their 'thing' in your face. I got hit on more often by bi/gay/subs than I could count, some times by the same guy five times in one night. (Just couldn't accept the idea that I was het. Humiliating, really.)

I don't know. I don't consider myself socially adept, to be honest, but I was hoping I'd make some progress with attending events, but I was really put off with how un-social the socials were. I seriously considered attending other events as a volunteer, but I couldn't shake the feeling that unless I blew a few grand on the upper level memberships, I wasn't going to be considered 'acceptable'. I'm not cheap but, geeze, based on what I saw, I don't consider spending that kind of money a wise investment by any stretch. (I play the stock market with a few grand. So, you might understand.)

If you want a sex education in Seattle, then the Sex Positive Community Center is the place to go, as long as you understand what you're getting into. Beyond that? All I can say it's a social cesspool. They say they're open minded, but honestly, I feel there's a lot of sewage there. What I wanted is a BDSM community, where I could find and make friends, what I got was a lot of people that either wanted to fuck me, fuck them or use me for their needs. It was a real education for me. I couldn't understand why I couldn't catch a girl's interest online or offline, now I know. The amount of raw sewage they have to wade through is enough to pass on any attempt that a decent man like me might make.

Umm, did I say too much?

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 3:10:13 AM   
InkedMaster


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KinkyRN
I'm just curious....  Do you feel like you are a part of a local BDSM community where you live?? Oh Hell No!  How do you feel about your own community? Very Cliquish  What are some positive/negative aspects about it? I am positively glad I'm not part of it!



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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 4:13:33 AM   
peterK50


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The local community is a clique that makes Jr. High look mature & sophisticated,  65 miles away Louisville it rocks!

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 4:26:50 AM   
IrishMist


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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

Do you feel like you are a part of a local BDSM community where you live?? 

No, by choice though.
quote:

How do you feel about your own community 

I don't think about it at all.


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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 4:27:36 AM   
naughtylilme4


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I have to chime in here because I am only 10 min from the 3rd largest city in PA and there is NOTHING here!  In the past, there were (6-10 years ago) some great groups in Philly but I haven't recently travelled the hour to check any out because I am feeling a bit jaded about things disappearing all over.  It seems as if as clubs closed down people started hiding underground or something.  It is sad and wish that I had more time to work towards building something in this area.  

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 4:35:58 AM   
Driver1961


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He dips to all:

I question the OP why others' views are relevant.  We all have all own perspectives that are primarily based upon our life and our BDSM experiences.  Munches, play parties etc have mixtures of people just like life- where you warm to them or not because of your views. 

Don't bother about others' views but make your own judgments- otherwise you are liable to be fodder for backstabbing (others' perspectives) which you have no way of validating without your own experience and can preclude you from learning.

Warm regards Driver.

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 4:42:49 AM   
Willowmoon


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Theres not much here what is here is very much a clique to the point that when i attended my first event during the one night there were multiple people who  made comments right in front of me about them just letting anybody in, or how good the old crowd was compared to the newbies. Those comments on top of the fact that most of the people there are in their fortys and fiftys, overweight trying to wear skin tight latex and acting like high school kids just put me off. I may be twenty years or more younger then some of them are but at least i don't act like a spoilt high school brat.

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 4:47:38 AM   
TNstepsout


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So far the Dallas scene has been good for me. Perhaps it takes more time and involvement to uncover the seedy underbelly, but so far so good. I have been warmly welcomed into a couple of groups and introduced to people and found it relatively easy to meet new people and feel accepted.

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 4:53:37 AM   
shootingstar67


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this is a great thread.

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 5:03:57 AM   
asubmissiveheart


Posts: 462
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline
My local NYC/NJ BDSM communities are great, the scene
is this area is active.

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 5:12:21 AM   
milkmaid42dd


Posts: 41
Joined: 3/1/2007
Status: offline
Herer in Greensboro, the Lifestyle community is "fuckin' Ay!" When the lady who runs La Fortress bought us a big (3-story, 5000-sq ft) abandoned house in the country, folks came from all over the state to pitch in with time, energy/effort and goods. Doms and subs were knee-to-shoulder painting, scrubbing, sanding, laying floors (carpet, hardwood, ceramic tile), building dungeon equipment, hooking up the sound system. People brought pressure washers, cleaning supplies, saws, sanders, a tractor (for pushing down trees for parking), a huge trailer for moving everything from the old location. Some company donated thousands of square feet of new carpet squares of highest quality. One Dom brought chain and bolts and made a chain spiderweb in the basement/dungeon. Those who physically couldn't help, came to cheer on the troops and brought food. In barely two weeks, the house became a dungeon and we opened for our first play party last month. We've had 2 more parties since, and the power saws are still going in the garage, new play equipment appearing every week. Dayyam, this community ROCKS!!!!

We also have two monthly private parties in private homes that also rock, Serendipity and Gnosis, and a Munch group that meets weekly and has a monthly D/s SIG (semimonthly after the New Year). I tell you, I could NEVER move away from here.

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Deb
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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 5:23:50 AM   
MrThorns


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The BDSM scene in Arizona is pretty damned good.  There are two major pansexual organizations, APEX and Desert Dominion, Butchmann's Academy which is primarily a homosexual group, however they graciously open their doors for weekend get-togethers,training and parties, there is a lesbian's group which has a fairly good reputation as I understand it, plus there is a wide variety of smaller groups.  Most of the larger organizations play a fairly significant role in the SW Leather Conference and provide plenty of educational material, workshops and discussion/support groups in addition to proving dungeon space for weekely play parties. 

It's pretty BDSM friendly...

~Thorns

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 5:29:13 AM   
Rover


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The local scene here is quite active and fulfilling, with multiple munches, workshops and demonstrations that include presenters on a variety of topics and from (primarily) throughout the northeast.  We have a large event each year with nationally known and recognized presenters from across the country.
 
We have active SIG's (Special Interest Groups such as spanking groups), private play parties, and some larger community parties.  If we have a downside it's that we have only one local dungeon, but it's quite a place. 
 
Within any group there are cliques, it's just a matter of whether you like them or not.  Not every group, or every clique, will be to your liking.  Personally, I ignore cliques and ignorance being bliss, they don't bother me a bit.
 
John

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Sri da Avabhas

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RE: How would you rate your BDSM community? - 11/14/2007 6:10:51 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
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How would I describe the local BDSM community here in central Arkansas?

Small.
Paranoid
homophobic
but generally made up of nice people

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