Advice Needed (Full Version)

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LearningSlave -> Advice Needed (7/4/2004 10:49:43 AM)

I finally find some one on this sight some one nice and caring who is firm but fair. The best part she lives near by and seems to really what to work with me. She lays down a rule no using the word yea when saying somthign to her she considers it disrespectful. I do so yesterday entirely by accident and she sends me a messgeing saying she will not respone to me intill she feels i can respect her. I am at a lost i sent her a apology and told her i ment no disrespect but she has not contacted me back. Any advice form any one is appericated.



EStrict -> RE: Advice Needed (7/4/2004 11:17:33 AM)

Hi Learning,

Time to learn a really hard lesson. Patience is one of the hardest things for any to learn. She wishes you to *learn* and that means thinking about what you did, *why* you were unable to control doing something she had already warned you about, and HOW you will strive to prevent doing so in the future.

Bugging her is not a good way to go IMO. Give it a few days, think hard, then write her about what you have learned from this. And if she doesn't respond, WAIT a few days before trying again.

At least that is what I would suggest.



proudsub -> RE: Advice Needed (7/4/2004 11:28:59 AM)

My guess is no contact is your punishment for your mistake, be patient.



LadyBeckett -> RE: Advice Needed (7/4/2004 11:36:11 AM)

How we speak to others reflects not only how we think and feel about ourselves and what we are speaking about, but how we think and feel about the person we are speaking to. Therefore if one is using language like "yea, cu l8tr" etc, it doesn't speak to intelligence, respect, and other things that we seek in communication with a sub/slave.

quote:

I do so yesterday entirely by accident


Think about what you say before you say it. Be assured that your Mistress does. She deserves the same consideration.

How serious are you about this relationship? Apply yourself accordingly.



Sundew02 -> RE: Advice Needed (7/4/2004 12:57:06 PM)

you sent your regrets. Now do as she said. WAIT. My suggestion would be to excise the word "yea" from your vocabulary. Whatever she told you to use in its place PRACTICE using. Write the great sub novel, without using "YEA". If she told you before this to practice something else DO IT, no matter what it was, sitting to urinate, whatever. Your name says it all. Learn from this experience. NO contact for a while, is better than her saying goodbye. But make sure you are ready to resume communications when she begins them again. Sundew



MistressDREAD -> RE: Advice Needed (7/4/2004 2:40:47 PM)

you found each other here so why not
use the area provided. A sincere word
that you will not use the banished word
again and maybe sum sentances showing
your self using other words where a yea
would be inserted in its place in your journal.
say possibly sentances where the yea word
would be used and to exsensuate the positive
things that you have found between the two
of you in those sentances and the hope that
your lesson is well learned. Patence and dillagence
in your effort to learn how to serve in the way
that another deems and not the way you deem is
not a easy thing to learn.



iwillserveu -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 4:37:33 AM)

Let me get this straight.

It has been, what, a week?

She forbids you to use a word you've been using, what, 20 years?

You screw up and accidentally use the verbotten word. She decides an appropriate punishment is "no contact"

Frankly the punishment seems to be extremely harsh for such an infraction, but that is me.

You want advice? I think LadyBeckett hit the nail on the head, decide how serious you are about this relationship.

People will hate me for saying this, but walking out is an option for you as well. Use the time of "no contact" to decide how serious you are about this relationship.



LearningSlave -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 12:33:20 PM)

Or perhaps the better question is how serious is she. Your right iwillservu that is a quite harsh punishment that does not fit the crime. To hell with her i am moving on.


Thanks for the input everyone.



MizSuz -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 1:24:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LearningSlave

Or perhaps the better question is how serious is she. Your right iwillservu that is a quite harsh punishment that does not fit the crime. To hell with her i am moving on.


Thanks for the input everyone.



And so a journey of a million miles begins with the first step...

Good luck with it.



Estring -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 1:35:37 PM)

It's interesting after re-reading your original post how quickly your opinion of her changed. Suddenly because she punishes you, she is no longer firm or fair? It's easy to serve when everything is going well. The key to what kind of slave you are is how you serve when the situation isn't so enjoyable. I don't see her punishment as that severe. Instead of obeying, you are whining and complaining. You do have alot to learn.



LearningSlave -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 2:35:18 PM)

Estring. Being punished i can accept and learn form . But she did simply cut off communication for no good reason...you really think that punishment was apporiate.


My intial post was made in a emontial state adn i was blaming myself for all that went worng. but you know what its sometimes not the slave that is the problem. Sometimes a domme can be out of line. She was in this case.



Estring -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 3:09:26 PM)

Actually, she cut you off because you disobeyed her. That seems like a good reason to me. And instead of understanding and accepting that, you are looking for sympathy.
Obviously you disagree, but as a slave the punishment is not up to you. It will be interesting to see how you handle the next instance where you disagree with a Mistress.



LearningSlave -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 3:18:26 PM)

Estring there is differance between cutting some one off as puishment. And looking for a excuse to end the realtionship.


Maybe i am seeing something that is not there but i dont think so.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 4:15:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

It's interesting after re-reading your original post how quickly your opinion of her changed. Suddenly because she punishes you, she is no longer firm or fair? It's easy to serve when everything is going well. The key to what kind of slave you are is how you serve when the situation isn't so enjoyable. I don't see her punishment as that severe. Instead of obeying, you are whining and complaining. You do have alot to learn.


Oh I so agree with you Estrig in this and in your 2nd message.

LearningSlave: the more you try to justify yourself, the further you are from modifying your behaviour. You may see this issue as small but to this Domme, and to others, this issue is something quite important.

If you cannot obey her on this issue and if you are going to make such a fuss, I'm not sure how long you will last if/when she (or another Domme) collars you.

We are also only getting your perspective on this. So whether or not she’s on the level, I won’t even comment on. That is up for you to figure out. But if this Domme is a sane and experienced Domme, then she knows what she is doing.

I think perhaps you should figure out not only how much this Domme means to you, but also how much you are willing to submit.

Lady Angelika



EStrict -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 6:00:13 PM)

I am trying to figure out where Iwill sees something about a week in this. The origanal post was made on the 4th and said yesterday. Today is only the 5th. If she reads these boards, I would expect her to write you off. I am with Estring on this one. One moment she is fair and firm, then all of a sudden, when you don't like the punishment, she is unfair, and unrealistic.

You met at this site. So, there is at least a chance she reads these boards. How do you think it makes you look to get punihsed, immediatly come looking for advice to how *appropriate* the punishment is, and the momen someone suggests it is harsh basically say *fuck her then*? Honestly, if I were a dominant, I would think you have a long way to go before you are ready for a serious commited relationship, and even more to learn about being a slave.

I remember once working for a dominant male (he was not my master, nor was our relationship actually BDSM related). During a disagreement on the *right* way for me to do something, I showed how my way worked better, and easier, and he said fine, do it this way anyway. I replied *but that isn't fair!*, and he said *who said I have to be fair*?

The reality of our relationship was that even though I was not his slave, nor was he my dominant, I had no doubt of him as a dominant male. And my own nature tends to make me do it their way (cursing and mumbling under my breath at times), just because I *need* to do things to make them happy.

With my current owner, I don't even bother with things like *that's not fair*, because who cares? He is the master, he doesn't have to be fair. I am the slave, and we have agree that that is OUR relationship. If you were negotiating with this person, and agreed to follow their rules while things are being explored, especially if you agreed to accept punishment, then IMO you are totally wrong in deciding what is or isn't a *good* punishment. If you haven't, the entire matter is moot.



LearningSlave -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 7:02:33 PM)

estrict i did not reach this descion based on what he said i was just confirming that i agree. I acutally disscused this a great legenth with a few dommes i know. They all agree after hearing all the details that it is best i move on. Yall think what you want about me. I may be inexperianced but i am submissive. To each there own opion though.


O and i have not we were still in the early stages of the realtionship. There was no chemistry maybe my fault maybe hers i am not entirely sure.



MistressDREAD -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 8:21:42 PM)

quite obvious by everyone that
learning here is far from being
slave much less submissive
a brattie brat for starters and
I see a hard road of disapointments
ahead and finding a Dominant to train
is not as easy as you think learning and
brushing off One that gave you a punishment
that was not in the least bit strict I think
you might think about if you are even sumone
whom knows what submission means yet.
and iwill I hope you are pleased. trying to close
the gap you have to contend with to gain Dominant
attention by whiping out the sub compitition?? I do beleive
this Thread says ASK A MISTRESS
since when is iwill such??
quote:


Frankly the punishment seems to be extremely harsh for such an infraction, but that is me.

since when have you become the Mistress expert on such things?
and I do believe learning was
looking for advice from the ASK A MISTRESS
section. Im sure that if learning desired advice from
the sub males learning would of went to your section to ask
the question. [:-] looks over at proud and winks and starts
to grab her pig tail but teases her and bypasses it. but gives
her My hardly ever shown smile out the side of My lips knowin
her Master will probably come out at any given time and kick
My ass~ ~wicked giggles~



proudsub -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 8:34:39 PM)

quote:

looks over at proud and winks and starts
to grab her pig tail but teases her and bypasses it. but gives
her My hardly ever shown smile out the side of My lips knowin
her Master will probably come out at any given time and kick
My ass~ ~wicked giggles~


LMAO, forgive me for posting on "ask a mistress", but i thought the concensus here was anyone could post anywhere if they felt they had something to contribute. Gonna have to cut off those pigtails, they're just too tempting for you[;)]



MistressDREAD -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 8:37:20 PM)

quote:

i thought the concensus here was anyone could post anywhere if they felt they had something to contribute



of course proud
Im just being a
Bitch. [;)]



LadyAngelika -> RE: Advice Needed (7/5/2004 8:50:28 PM)

quote:

quote 1:

since when have you become the Mistress expert on such things?
and I do believe learning was
looking for advice from the ASK A MISTRESS
section. Im sure that if learning desired advice from
the sub males learning would of went to your section to ask
the question

quote 2:
LMAO, forgive me for posting on "ask a mistress", but i thought the concensus here was anyone could post anywhere if they felt they had something to contribute. Gonna have to cut off those pigtails, they're just too tempting for you


So being new on this network and all, I'm wondering what is the difference between the forums Ask a Mistress / Master / Submissive/Slave or Switch? Everyone seems to give their opinion here.

This isn't a criticism. It's a question...



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