zaynab
Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005 Status: offline
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first know, that I was raised as a sub and I am still one, so yes, this is me naturally... and I love being a sub... so... think I'll elaborate a bit more ... Most of the time, I can hardly wait for him to tell me to do something and when he does, I'm thrilled, do it with enthusiasm and feel great knowing I made him proud of me. Some of the time, He tells me to do something and I think... "oh man! dammit! I don't want to do that right now! I hate this.... why do I have to always do what he tells me to do, this is so unfair and stupid... I then try to bargain or negotiate a deal of some type... and up until recently that was very easy to do, which got me out of the task usually.... (think he's going to ditch this part in the future) And once in awhile, I feel totally rebellious.... MUTINY!.... not only do I not want to do what he tells me, but I am NOT going to do it. Absolutely NOT! If I'm forced to do it, I get furious and end up doing something out of anger, (nothing bad) but motivated by anger, causes me to make mistakes or do something stupid..... then I feel so foolish for that. Last time it was being mad that I had to do my daily walk, so I didn't pay attention that it was high noon on an August day, I forgot to take water, I wore clothes that were too hot, etc. etc. My route is 2 1/2 miles and by the time I was heading home, I was very sick, it was too hot that day for that. Bottom line is... I dont know if me always changing in how I feel about being a sub is normal for a sub, or if it's not normal. In my alter group, I have many diferent types of people.... many are submissives, some are dominants, 1 is a lesbian, some are bi, some are hetero men, some "littles", etc. I frequently switch alters so I can change who and how I am, many times in one day, so could this frequent flare up of rebellion be coming from my alters switching around? Or do other subs feel that big of difference regarding 'happy to please him' and 'hell no, i'm not doing it'?
< Message edited by zaynab -- 8/16/2005 10:18:58 PM >
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