RE: What do you expect in a first contact email

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RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/28/2007 12:17:58 AM

SterlingDS

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline

For what it's worth, I had the same sort of questions as you did - and got some good advice here, you might want to scroll back to the "http://www.collarchat.com/m_1471942/tm.htm" thread.

Anyway, I've gotten in a few interesting conversations lately. I think you need to project more personality in yours, its very - blase, I guess, I would say. Doesn't really say anything about you. I did the same early on because I didn't want to turn anyone off - but you have to remember, here you have to work at catching people's eye. Ah well, I still have work to do. I'm gonna try out Cage's photo tips, them see so formulaic, I like that :P

(in reply to Dominatist)

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RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/28/2007 1:06:24 AM

AnnabelHell

Posts: 36
Joined: 10/14/2007
From: Columbus, Ohio
Status: offline

Looking for a real relationship online, in an alternative lifestyle that can be based on sex, is difficult. You have to be patient, and willing to put long term effort into your communications if you want to form real friendships and possibly meet someone who could be important in your life. A lot of people have issues like you are.

Like someone else stated. Women on sites like these get _A LOT_ of email. Even when a person makes a real effort to respond to every single person who wrote, it can be hard. Generally if someone doesn't respond to your initial inquiry I think it is alright if you send another brief email. If the second is not responded to it's probably best to move on. But, don't look at it like a rejection. You wouldn't want to talk to someone who didn't respond to you anyway. It just gives you more time to focus on potential people you might have something in common with.

Also, as was stated - your profile. I assure you people look at it. Currently yours strikes me as a little unsure, and very sexual. I don't feel the confidence and command of a Master. I sense a strong personality, with a strong sexuality and a love for public exhibitionism and humiliation; who may be more into sexual aspects of bdsm sex and play at this time. This stood out to me since you stated in your post that you aren't really looking for something based on sex, and yet when I went to your profile it was pretty much all about sex. I'm not saying that this is bad, or that you should change it. You aren't trying to market a product here where you have to change your message for your target audience. Even if all you want is fantasy sex, but especially if you do want more then just sex - the best advice I can give you about writing your profile is to be as honest as you can about who you are and what you want. Then you know if someone writes or responds, they are actually interested in YOU and not some version of you crafted for your profile in hopes someone would like it and respond. That never works out.

A bit of etiquette when sending photographs in email that I would advise. I really don't think it is necessary to include your photo with your first email. Especially if you don't have one on your public profile. If you do have one on your profile there's no need to email it anyway. Either way, it's a little forward, even for a Dominant. It's much better to say in your first email that you have a photo and will send it if the person would like to see it, or once communication has been established. Men constantly send women online their photos. Some of them worse than others. I can promise you that if you show a little discretion you will get much much further.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Consider that the person you are writing may not even be real. They may not even be a woman. Many of the women who write me are not women at all, but men posing as them. Some people choose to use photos that belong to someone else, or create fantasy profiles and it just isn't who they really are. Don't sweat the ones who don't write you. You will have enough to do getting to know the people who do actually respond to you.

Don't give up if you don't get a ton of responses at first. It can take a lifetime to meet the right person, and this is online. Use it as a tool and enjoy but don't be afraid to look for Real Life groups in your area. If you want to meet someone real the best thing you can do is find a local munch, support group, or organization. You will find friendly people who do talk to you and do want to get to know you as a person. And, you might learn something too. Either way the best way to meet real people for real relationships is to get involved in the real community and lifestyle near you. If you need help finding resources just ask. I'm sure people will be happy to help you out.

Here is a link to get you started. There are a number of good lifestyle groups in your area.

http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgsutah.html#VA

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RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/28/2007 1:20:07 AM

Cage

Posts: 202
Joined: 7/6/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SterlingDS

For what it's worth, I had the same sort of questions as you did - and got some good advice here, you might want to scroll back to the "http://www.collarchat.com/m_1471942/tm.htm" thread.

Anyway, I've gotten in a few interesting conversations lately. I think you need to project more personality in yours, its very - blase, I guess, I would say. Doesn't really say anything about you. I did the same early on because I didn't want to turn anyone off - but you have to remember, here you have to work at catching people's eye. Ah well, I still have work to do. I'm gonna try out Cage's photo tips, them see so formulaic, I like that :P

Brilliant work Sterling... I also followed up on that other thread you referred to. Paired with a good image, I am sure your success is not far away.

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Post #: 23

RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/28/2007 1:28:50 AM

AnnabelHell

Posts: 36
Joined: 10/14/2007
From: Columbus, Ohio
Status: offline

I just realized I posted in the ask a slave forum *grins* Ahem. Excuse me, I'm not exactly a submissive or a slave. I followed the text link from CM proper and read the thread without noticing the category it was in.

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RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/28/2007 1:59:54 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

No one gives a shit about who answers what in which thread. We all just bog in whether they want it or not.

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RE: What do you expect in a first contact email - 12/28/2007 8:15:12 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

From what I gather, your short email may be polite but it is all about you. Saying, I see you play golf, so do I, isn't the same as talking about a mutual area of interest. You need to read her profile and respond to what she says. If she posts, comment on a post.

But basically, women here get tons of unsolicited emails. The odds are against getting any response. Have you tried your local community?

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Post #: 26