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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/28/2007 5:25:54 PM

Dominatist

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Makes one think of all the email that comes along and just for whom...some settle.

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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/28/2007 6:37:31 PM

happypervert

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quote:

he is so defended now, has walls up like you can't believe. It's not personal, it's what he does when he's hurting. He basically makes himself an island. He told me about that back when we were together - which is when he also instructed me never to let him push me away because of that.

Props to him for using a creative tactic to sucker you into some dysfunctional behavior. Unfortunately, hasn't given you any reason to stick with it, and that's when it become a lost cause for you.

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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/29/2007 6:20:53 AM

sunshinemiss

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Gosh, I feel for you. You have such a kind and loving heart. It is so hard to let go when we love so deeply. Moment by moment, step by step... It is true that there will be another who will see you and accept you IF you allow it. Allow grieving, and then do something exciting and wonderful for yourself... and be open to someone new.

peace.

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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/29/2007 9:05:02 AM

kyakitten

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In this whole site full of dreamers and epic realities, is not one person going to say: "Although the relationship is comatose, if it was so amazing, if it means that much, don't give up as long as there's any sign of life?"

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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/29/2007 9:09:48 AM

KatyLied

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I don't think you can force a person to have a relationship with you. I've tried, it didn't work.

The person in question (from my crazy mission) is in relationship with a vanilla girl, not having his kink needs met. I sometimes ::sigh:: and wonder why he didn't see what he could've had. But I know that I was the best I could be, he wasn't ready, probably never would've been. I now look at it from a place of "too bad for him, it would've been awesome." I think you get there after you are done grieving for the relationship. It isn't always easy to let go but sometimes it's the only thing you can do.

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 12/29/2007 9:10:38 AM >

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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/29/2007 10:10:23 AM

Aileen1968

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyakitten

In this whole site full of dreamers and epic realities, is not one person going to say: "Although the relationship is comatose, if it was so amazing, if it means that much, don't give up as long as there's any sign of life?"

If he thought it was so amazing and meaningful then he'd still be with you.
Find something wonderful with someone else who will cherish what you have to offer.

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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/29/2007 10:36:10 AM

domahpet

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i was with someone like this. i loved as well as i could and did all i could to make him happy and comfortable. then he just disappeared. gone. bye bye. told me he was depressed and needed to be alone. ok, take your time, ill be here. i waited, and waited, and waited. then i saw him one day on the freeway with a female on the back of his bike, nice. dont over react, might be his kid (damn helmet law, i couldnt see!), wasnt his kid. then he came back, everything was ok (seemed ok), then he was gone again.
that was earlier this year, now he msgs me telling me how sad he is and how much he missed me. i can tell he is waiting for some sort of invitation. i have nothing left for him. it hurt so much i had to let it go.
you need to do the same.

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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/29/2007 10:49:04 AM

christine1

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i think most everyone has had this experience where the heartache was unbearable...i did with a dominant that i was supposed to meet, i showed up at our meeting place after 4 months of talking...he never showed and when i got home and tried to call him, the number was out of service and his email address was unkown. a few months later i found out that he was married lol....of course there were signs that i ignored and i payed the price for that. he tried to get back with me a year later and i wanted it so much but i had to move on, it just hurt too much to keep him in my heart. hopefully you can find the courage to move on and do it for you and no one else. you deserve to be happy, and i have to tell you...being alone isn't the worst thing in the world, there are far worse things.

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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/29/2007 1:39:45 PM

justheather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyakitten

- which is when he also instructed me never to let him push me away because of that.

Which is completely selfish of him.

"Honey, Im going to treat you like you don't have place in my life, but it's not you, my dear, it's just this thing I do and Oh! How I wish I were able to not do it but it is just so beyond my domly control that I must instruct you now that no matter how much I seem to be pushing you away, for the rest of your natural life, you are to NOT LET ME DO IT."

What the hell?

How long have you been letting him get away with this, kya? Four years?

You have So Much To Offer someone who doesnt get off on keeping you tied to a sliver of hope, honey. And I only feel comfortable saying that because clearly, kyakitten, being Tied to A Sliver of Hope is not your kink.

Perhaps you can make a practice of offering up positive thoughts and prayers for this person as he makes sense out of his own life, while you work at getting on with yours.

Love and hugs,
heather

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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/30/2007 12:36:46 AM

junecleaver

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I sympathize with you. I really really do. People who are emotionally crippled (for lack of a better word) do not change just because you love them a lot. I know this from experience because emotional cripples are almost a fetish for me. ;) Listen closely....loving them will not change them. You cannot break down his barriers, period. He'll remain distant and he will dip into your love and that relationship when he needs it enough and then he's out again. Even though he's the loser, lonely inside of his walls, you look like a crazy stalker. And trust me, you look like a crazy stalker. Why are you sacrificing your dignity for someone who won't e-mail you more than three sentences strung together?

You realize it's a crazy mission and that's good. So before you uproot your life or even change your plans for this weekend, think, 'What would someone who is not obsessed with a person who obviously is disinterested in them do?' And then go do that. Whatever that is turns out to be a lot more fun usually.

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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/30/2007 2:49:00 AM

eyesopened

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyakitten

In this whole site full of dreamers and epic realities, is not one person going to say: "Although the relationship is comatose, if it was so amazing, if it means that much, don't give up as long as there's any sign of life?"

From what you have written, i was not seeing any sign of life...a corpse may sigh or gasp but trust me, that's just escaping gasses.

Sometimes memories, like fantasies, are better left alone. You have wonderful memories, why muck them up?

We often write screenplays in our minds. We have this fabulous script and in our play everything works out perfectly, beautiful sunsets, roll credits. BUT we are the only one with our script. The other people in the world have not read your script, in fact are reading a whole different screenplay, the one they wrote for themselves. All human disappointment comes when other people do not do, say, or act the way we want or expect them to. This former Dom of yours is not reading your script and is not responding to your stage direction and you could easily turn fond memories in to real and present heartache.

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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/30/2007 8:37:14 PM

kyakitten

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Okay, I have heard every one of you loud and clear. And it is what I needed to hear. Sunshine, Heather my dear friend, June, Katy, WindChymes, Bita, EyesO, Aileen, HappyP, everyone - thank you.

This thread will be a great reminder when my resolve gets soft. I'll probably be visiting it often for a while.

Thanks again.

Here's to a new year and a new start.

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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/31/2007 9:56:34 AM

LeatherBentOne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyakitten

In this whole site full of dreamers and epic realities, is not one person going to say: "Although the relationship is comatose, if it was so amazing, if it means that much, don't give up as long as there's any sign of life?"

Wowee, a wise woman and so eloquently stated.

From what you have written, i was not seeing any sign of life...a corpse may sigh or gasp but trust me, that's just escaping gasses.

Sometimes memories, like fantasies, are better left alone. You have wonderful memories, why muck them up?

We often write screenplays in our minds. We have this fabulous script and in our play everything works out perfectly, beautiful sunsets, roll credits. BUT we are the only one with our script. The other people in the world have not read your script, in fact are reading a whole different screenplay, the one they wrote for themselves. All human disappointment comes when other people do not do, say, or act the way we want or expect them to. This former Dom of yours is not reading your script and is not responding to your stage direction and you could easily turn fond memories in to real and present heartache.

(in reply to eyesopened)

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RE: A Crazy Mission - 12/31/2007 12:52:38 PM

heartsemerge

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I say do what your heart tells you to do. However, do not move to his town, not yet, not until he is giving you SOMETHING. It sounds like you do love him, and it sounds like he is just unhappy in life, in general. Perhaps it's not you whom made him unhappy, but it also is not you who can fix him. I say keep the line of communication open... follow your heart, know that he obviously owns yours, and let life take it's course. Everything works itself out eventually.

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Post #: 34

UPDATE RE: A Crazy Mission - 4/21/2008 3:39:55 PM

kyakitten

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Ok, I gave it up, then wavered and begged for attention, then cut it off completely....... and now haven't talked/written to him for five weeks. Yay me! Every day I don't write is a victory.

Except I feel myself becoming a person of anger, and I don't like it. I despise the choices he's made, I despise her and her goddamned misspelled rambles on the other side of this site, I despise myself for believing anything he ever said and for becoming cynical and for not being good enough to hold him.

And I don't want to be so hate-filled, yet I don't know how to hold this line against him without the hatred. It's not an issue of "getting a life" - I've got far, far too much life. I need to relax from life and when I relax my mind goes to my comfort zone, which means that time when I loved and was loved and was sure where I belonged... that's bankrupt now. And then I just get angry again.

What now?

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RE: UPDATE RE: A Crazy Mission - 4/21/2008 5:35:24 PM

batshalom

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Anger isn't a bad thing. Feel it, and let yourself feel it. It sounds like you were bordering on obsession.

His attention was apparently an addcition for you, so figure out why in order to avoid such situations in the future. It may require professional assitance, but it's far better to get it than to fall into that particular psychopathology again.

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RE: UPDATE RE: A Crazy Mission - 4/21/2008 6:08:48 PM

kyakitten

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Oh, the thread's just embarrassing now. (I mean, I'm embarrassing.) I wish I could pull it down.

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RE: UPDATE RE: A Crazy Mission - 4/21/2008 6:21:47 PM

sunshine6

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Your thread isn't embarrassing at all. I am trying to do the same thing myself with someone from here. I have hope that I will one day be able to do what you have done:) Good going!!

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RE: UPDATE RE: A Crazy Mission - 4/21/2008 6:27:36 PM

batshalom

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If it's embarrassing then perhaps it would have been best to let it continue sleeping rather than wake it after a four-month nap.

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RE: UPDATE RE: A Crazy Mission - 4/21/2008 6:39:57 PM

kyakitten

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No shit.

Edited to add: But at least I learned something about my own responses from it: fidelity=noble, anger=shameful.

< Message edited by kyakitten -- 4/21/2008 6:56:33 PM >

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