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"But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 9:36:45 AM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7329
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings to Free and property,

"But I tried my best!" has got to be the most used excuse for failure I have ever heard. Our society in the US seems to be excusing failure, as long as someone tries their best. This is an excuse to accept failure, and lowers the bar of excellence. There is no A for Effort, just an F for Failure. You either succeed or fail, anything else you call it, is a denial of failure, and to deny it means you will not learn and grow from it.

My rant is done.

Live well,
Orion

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 9:51:03 AM   
ghitaPVH


Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings, Master Orion:

~edited because I realized my post might be against TOS...so I apologize.

needless to say I agree with you.

ghita~

< Message edited by ghitaPVH -- 12/30/2007 9:52:32 AM >

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 9:57:06 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9257
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		I don't mind hearing"I did my best" as long as the next sentence Is i am sorry i failed you and i will do better next time....

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 10:02:58 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline 		Best commentary on doing "your best"--Sean Connery in "The Rock":

"Losers always whine about doing 'their best'....Winners go home and f**k the prom queen."


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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 10:11:43 AM   
ryssa


Posts: 501
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings Master Orion,

I think that the phrase "I tried my best" is a finality, in other words trying, not succeeding and then accepting the outcome as the end. I also agree that it is used as an excuse to accept failure.  The problem is we often don't push ourselves beyond and try to always better our "best" (one of my own faults). If that makes sense?

Respectfully,
ryssa

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 10:25:35 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings Orion,
 
In my humble opinion, there is a chasm of difference between an excuse and an explanation. When someone says to me (including my offspring) "But i tried my best" i hear three things...1) i am no longer attempting to achieve the goal and 2) i have put limits on my abilities, and 3) i am satisfied with my attempt and i expect others to be as well. 
 
It is not that i don't accept failure from myself or others, i just don't accept excuses for it. Failure is failure and occurs because the task/goal/test/directive/etc did not get achieved. While there are examples of devastating failures, most are neither - it is simply a word to describe a result and we as humans put importance and emotion to the word.
There can be valid reasons for failure including the fact that the lesson from the failure is more important than achieving the goal. i prefer an explanation and then a new objective to achievement.
 
i am actually not too fond of the word "TRY" although it has some uses. When i hear someone (including my offspring) use this term in reference to achieving a goal, i feel they are already giving themselves permission to fail. To me, it is one of the few black and white things in my existence...we are either doing or we aren't and trying is not an "action verb" to me.
 
i am not saying i don't occasionally fall into the "trying" trap myself - i am a product of this society afterall.
But i am changing that
 
peace of the excused,
              j

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 11:01:03 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7259
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

Greetings to Free and property,

"But I tried my best!" has got to be the most used excuse for failure I have ever heard. Our society in the US seems to be excusing failure, as long as someone tries their best. This is an excuse to accept failure, and lowers the bar of excellence. There is no A for Effort, just an F for Failure. You either succeed or fail, anything else you call it, is a denial of failure, and to deny it means you will not learn and grow from it.

My rant is done.

Live well,
Orion

I am going to have to disagree partially.
I do agree that the excuse’ I did my best’ is overly used to cover up ‘not doing your best’ but I have seen exceptions and I do make allowances for those exceptions. Sometimes, a person REALLY does DO THEIR BEST, and yet, they still fail to reach the goal that was set. I don’t see that as failure; I see it as a reason to try again, change your approach or tactic, and reach that goal.

Perhaps I am in the minority; but I don't see failure as something that should be looked down upon; I see it as an honest effort to achieve something that came up short. In my eyes...a A for effort is more than merited.

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Perfect people are not real.

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 11:34:46 AM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2104
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		I suppose the operative word here is the "but"...saying BUT I did My best is, like ryssa mentioned, a way of making it final, of saying that the struggle is over. Saying I did My best, and will try again, seems like a healthy attitude.

We all fail at something. How we cope with our failures is what separates a failure from a setback.

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 11:49:26 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 16522
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		Tal Orion,

I agree. "Doing your best" is fine as far as it goes, but it's one of those platitudes we shove down children's throats, but then still believe as adults--like "all people are created equal" when they quite obviously are not (or the world would be boring indeed).

One of my favorite (borrowed) analogies is sending someone to Chicago with a map of Detroit. Lost? TRY HARDER!!!!! Now you can get lost faster. Or--THINK POSITIVE!!!!! Now you're still lost, but you feel good.

I still remember the speaker at my high school graduation--and I share a version of this with my college students:

Imagine you take your degree and start XYZ airlines, advertising "Fly XYZ, where 9 out of 10 planes land safely!" 90%! That's an A- !!!!!! Or "Eat at Joe's, where only 1 in 10 people get sick." Or if your favorite musiciians played one out of every hundred notes wrong--99%! You'd want those bozos off the stage.

Nor am I simply touting professionalism. Imagine you bought a toaster--do you care if it only MOSTLY makes toast? And when you take it back, do you care how hard they worked on it? Or how long? Or that they did their best?

Fact is, results matter. That's what's wrong with education, with government, with fundamentalist bullshit from whatever source, and with a good portion of public perception.

Once you've done your best, instead of blithely walking away, go back and fix the problems.

Best,

Tim

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 11:52:58 AM   
Maahsatti


Posts: 2579
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings Orion,

  I agree with the minority.
When one of my Um's or a family member, even friend, says to me *I tried my best*...I will accept that, (providing) they do not use it as a finalization.
Telling me, I tried my best and did not succeed, *this time* is acceptable to me, because we know we will work out a plan to change the approach in order to achieve the task and conquor the goal. and succeed.One never fails, providing they keep trying.
I hate the saying. It is not over till the fat lady sings.
Well, gag Miss porky, because their wont be any singing in my house....lol

I wish you well,
Maah

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 12:21:49 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7329
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		~FR~

I typed the exact quote, and only one person saw the operative word in the beginning. Even without that word, the phrase itself means what? I would hope that people always do their best. When they do their best and fail, they need to improve. I understand explanations, and I also understand excuses. Eliminate the word "try" from the equation. Many will say fail, try, or succeed, but why add a second option that equates to failing? Do people understand that your psychological frame of mind has alot to do with success or failure? If you go out and say 'I am going to do my best" and someone else says "I am going to succeed", the second person automatically has a better chance of success.

Orion

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 12:36:29 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 7470
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

Greetings to Free and property,

"But I tried my best!" has got to be the most used excuse for failure I have ever heard. Our society in the US seems to be excusing failure, as long as someone tries their best. This is an excuse to accept failure, and lowers the bar of excellence. There is no A for Effort, just an F for Failure. You either succeed or fail, anything else you call it, is a denial of failure, and to deny it means you will not learn and grow from it.

My rant is done.

Live well,
Orion


There's a middle ground, perhaps.

If the task is one well within the capabilities of the person having a crack at it, then I'd be asking some serious questions in the eventuality of failure.

On the other side of the coin, where the task is an extremely challenging one, then I'd be inclined to give some leeway; providing she's versed in the principle of dust yourself down, get back on the horse and try again.

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 1:35:32 PM   
Terrah


Posts: 372
Joined: 7/5/2007
Status: offline 		Tal Everyone,

I have never used "But I did my best." I got thinking about it and I can't remember a time at all when I did. I have always said, hmmm stupid thing, guess I have to fix it again. Thereby using the term that I did fix it once, and there's no failure at all, but it broke.. so the blame is on the thing.. LOL other side of the coin? You betcha.

I strive to success.. baloney.. I strive.. makes me wanna puke. There is black and white to most everything, there is trying, there is failing, but also I set out to fix it if I believe it's wrong, a really nice easy gray area that makes me feel anything is possible if I just do it the way it is best done. Edison once said when someone pointed out he tried 1500 times to make a light bulb, " I didn't try 1500 times to make a light bulb, I found 1500 ways it didn't work."

I think if more people had the mindset of that we'd all get along much better, it's not about failure, failure is absolute, means you did not accomplish what you set out for. Instead I would say I have done what I could, perhaps I need to know more, think on it for a bit, or just kick it and walk away to return when my senses and emotions are in check more, and attempt again. There's only so much I can do, there are some things I can't fix, that is a part of life, but I give it a good attempt and continue to find out why it's still broke.

I like the analogy of the horse thingy.. but to go further with it, you cannot expect to lead a horse to water and make it drink either. Sometimes one cannot do what they are given to do, I don't look at that as failure if they did as well as they could do, but that again has to be my perception of what they did isn't it? Instead of judging them harshly, I would rather ask what did you do to solve it?  And then give some suggestions on how to fix it again, provided I know something of what they are doing. I wouldn't have been able to help Edison, I know nothing of lightbulbs, but I would have encouraged him to continue trying based on the facts I was given.

Now encouragement comes in different forms as well. If you are talking about a slave who couldn't do something but felt she did her best and dismisses it, nope, sorry wrong number, do it again and explain how to do it right, or give the guidance needed or specific instructions how you wanted it done.

Since I am a extremely picky person I would rather tell you how I wanted it, then you do it and not do it the way I wanted you to. To quote a movie: Specifics Bob, specifics. Or there is the encouragement of the whip, a smack might just get her thinking again and moving about her chore a bit better the second time. Or there is making them watch you while you do it, they have no more excuses when it comes time to do it again. Or there are even more ways to improve the performance of the slave in question, imagination is the key.

Which brings up another question. Are you failing her because you didn't try hard enough to explain what you wanted done, or didn't explain it the way she could understand it, or are you trying to make her do something she didn't understand, leaving her to wonder if she could even do it right?

I wish you well,

Terrah


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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 1:38:00 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 16522
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

~FR~

I typed the exact quote, and only one person saw the operative word in the beginning. Even without that word, the phrase itself means what? I would hope that people always do their best. When they do their best and fail, they need to improve. I understand explanations, and I also understand excuses. Eliminate the word "try" from the equation. Many will say fail, try, or succeed, but why add a second option that equates to failing? Do people understand that your psychological frame of mind has alot to do with success or failure? If you go out and say 'I am going to do my best" and someone else says "I am going to succeed", the second person automatically has a better chance of success.

Orion


Tal Orion,

Well if that's all this is about, the answer is simply a matter of definition.

Failure = no longer striving. Until then, everything's still in process.

Best,

Tim

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 1:43:19 PM   
nephandi


Posts: 3930
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Greetings Master

For me failure is still failure if i did my best, but i do not feel so bad about it if i do. All i can do are my best, when i have done that i have done all i can. A failure hurt becouse i wish to succeed in whatever i am doing, but it is no longer my fault when i have done all in my power.

There is a saying that there are two kinds of problems, the ones you can fix and the ones you can't. And one fix the ones one can and there is no need to worry about the ones you can't. The same apply here, a person can only do their best. Now i do not believe in excuses, a person either succeeded or they did not, no need to make excuses about it. But if all that can be done have been done, none is at fault for the failure then it is just one of those things that happens.

May i wish you well


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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 1:49:52 PM   
Karynn


Posts: 773
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline 		Tal Orion,
Tal ya'll,

You write some of the most thought provoking messages here. I appreciate the time you put into your words and the way you twist and turn ideas to analyze some things further. It reminds me of solving the rubix cube. Some were happy when they had one side or two completed. You seek to solve multiple sides, and until you do, you progress forward with that goal ever present.

I don't care for the phrase you listed. "But..." I think that any conversation that begins with the word "But..." implies arguement. I simply hold my hand up and wait for the rephrasing. My young men have known that wasn't acceptable since they were much smaller, and age and adulthood on their part doesn't make it any more acceptable.

The other word that I saw in your original post that effects me deeply is the word try. My favorite quote of all time came in a Star Wars movie, spoken by Yoda. "Do or do not, there is no try." I do not see how there is a third option stuck somewhere between the do or do not. I believe that action leads to success or failure.

Yes, it's that black and white in my life. It suits me well to be involved with the military and to have a military man as a FC. That's how the world works in our world. Others see things differently perhaps, but in our case, we tend to be exacting and demanding, on ourselves first and then on the company we keep.

Take care,
K

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 1:58:11 PM   
ghitaPVH


Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings Mistress Karynn,

I smiled to see you relate this topic to the military. I had been thinking on something similar since I first read Master Orions post. My Sir has a favorite saying, or at least he says it quite often to me..."Dont apologize, just fix it!" which apparently he learned in the Military also.

ghita~

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 2:12:28 PM   
kisshou


Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Karynn.

My favorite quote of all time came in a Star Wars movie, spoken by Yoda. "Do or do not, there is no try."



Greetings Mistress Karynn!

reading your post made me chuckle because since day 1 of Master PO owning me I have not been allowed to say try. He won't let me say "I will try my best", "I will try to do what you want" or any variation.... it has to always be do as in "I will do my best" "I will do what you say" etc

After so many years of being owned by Him, I don't even think about trying anymore , only doing


well wishes
kisshou

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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 2:30:04 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7329
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings kishou,

Send my greetings to your Master. I must say that the more you share things like this, the more I like your Master's requirements. I also do not allow the word try, except in rare circumstances. As Yoday says "There is either do, or do not. There is no try."

Saying I tried my best, just makes you feel better, which lessens the blow that life gives us when we fail.

Tal Tim,

In that case there is never any failure, if you want to go that route, because if someone gives up, then life has done that, and it is a natural process of life. So if we can refrain from going, where you know my intention is not headed, we will not start contemplating that there is no spoon.

Live well,
Orion


quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou


quote:

ORIGINAL: Karynn.

My favorite quote of all time came in a Star Wars movie, spoken by Yoda. "Do or do not, there is no try."



Greetings Mistress Karynn!

reading your post made me chuckle because since day 1 of Master PO owning me I have not been allowed to say try. He won't let me say "I will try my best", "I will try to do what you want" or any variation.... it has to always be do as in "I will do my best" "I will do what you say" etc

After so many years of being owned by Him, I don't even think about trying anymore , only doing


well wishes
kisshou



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RE: "But I tried my best!" - 12/30/2007 2:30:22 PM   
summerblossom


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline 		I have to also, disagree slightly with this. Sometimes if a person does not have the proper skills in a certain given situation and still tries than that is good enough. If you don't think of 'trying' as good enough than you set yourself up for failure by being too hard on yourself , I know this from personal experience and being a perfectionist. It is okay to push yourself little by little and as long as you make the effort than that really is good enough.

On the other hand if you are lazy and don't try at all and still say 'but i tried my best' than i can understand your point...I think there is a real difference between just being a lazy ass, and someone who really does make the effort but fails, maybe not having the proper skills and knowledge to succeed in the first place.

I was with someone once, a guy I dated that was a Switch. And I was in his family room. His bookcase with all his important books were totally dirty, and disorganized. Without his asking me to I took all the books out, carefully cleaned them one by one, cleaned out the bookcase and then re inserted the books neatly, orderly, and it looked great. When it was done all he did was tell me that I didint do this right and didint do that right...'well i did my best' what would you say to that one? I was thinking it looked perfect and couldn't see what he was complaining about at all.

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