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RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/18/2008 2:26:02 PM

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
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I'm a submissive and only last year i started actively seeking the lifestyle. the best thing i can suggest for you is first be patient, your Dominant/Top/Master wont just appear the first day. second be open and honest in all your communications. if you don't already go to the local clubs/dungeons to watch and learn. you might find some who will just Top/play with you for the evening. ask questions(politely/correctly) you might find a trainer of sorts to educate you in the lifestyle while you wait to get collared by your Dominant/Master.next find some of the related books on the lifestyle. finding your perfect one is no different than finding a wife dating learning the rules and such false starts and so on. i hope this helps you some in your search.
proudly collared by LadyPact

(in reply to NewJustlookin)

RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/18/2008 2:40:32 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

Its so hard for me to find a Mistress because im too cute and i only attract straight women! just read the other thread here and you'll see them all calling me cute... damnit! http://www.collarchat.com/m_1548145/tm.htm

< Message edited by faerytattoodgirl -- 1/18/2008 2:42:06 PM >

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RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/18/2008 2:57:35 PM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Shawn, DANG! Way impressive post.

And you ARE cute, girliegrrrrrrrrrrrrl! Suck it up. :)

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RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/18/2008 3:06:07 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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see...another straight woman!! maybe i need to cut my hair and go butch

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Imperfect.

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RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/18/2008 3:25:54 PM

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Joined: 8/13/2007
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*chuckles* I think you're cute too, but I'm not straight.

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(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/18/2008 5:48:52 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Everything they said

plus

Try to meet the Domme over coffee really quickly. Or at a local BDSM club or event if she prefers. Prove straight up that you are not a time waster like 99% of the men here.*

Obviously to be credible, approach women in the Berkley area. No-one really believes all those "willing to relocate" tales.

Impress her, amuse her (easy for a clever boy like you, I am sure!) and encourage her to talk about the lifestyle (likes, dislikes).

Let her see what an beautiful and genuine submissive man you are. She might not be attracted to you, but you will have made a friend.

Email/IM is too limited as a medium for communication. She will tire of your eager questions (and there's a million other young and not-so-young men bombarding us with eager questions about BDSM. Everybody wants free titillation)

Knowing you as a person is vastly different to you being just another Man-Looking-for-Mistress. Stand out from the competition.

The Mistress might only want you for casual play, not full blown D/s "training" that takes years. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, OK? I recommend you take what little is on offer to gather some experience, but don't fall apart of a broken heart of this doesn't bloom into a "relationship".

I like playing with well behaved, pretty young men. My biggest problem is they always want more. And not sex (like sleazy older, jaded men). More. They want to be collared. They want to be loved. They want to live with me 24/7. Its romantic, but totally unrealistic given the age/lifestyle difference.

Good luck

* My sub male friends complain that they cannot get some Dommes from collarme to leave the computer and go for coffee. Even some Dommes that write here on these boards and give the impression that they meet and know a lot of sub men (mostly, lousy sub men!). No-one in their local scene has actually ever met them. These women waste their suitor's time with lengthy email exchange then gleefully reject the male with excuses like "it takes too much effort to train a newcomer" or "it takes to much effort to break the habits you learned in previous training". Do you see how you cannot win?

Its best to flush a "Domme" off the computer and into a public place pretty quickly. If she says no, graciously move on fast. Don't come back to collarme bitching that you cannot find a real Mistress. Just accept that in an anonymous online service like this, about 90% are having a "I Wanna Be a Twue Mistress" fantasy of their own and get a big kick out of being pursued by strangers online. C'est la vie.

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 1/18/2008 5:58:33 PM >

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(in reply to ShaktiSama)

RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/18/2008 7:00:01 PM

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yem1127
With this in mind, why is it so difficult for a genuine, open-minded and dedicated submissive who is brand new to the scene to find his first mistress? I'm wondering if there are any mistresses out there who have had some experience breaking in newbies and wouldn't mind sharing.

As a Mistress with a propensity for training newbies, Shawn1066 being mine, I can make a statement to this.
Honestly, the problem I find with many newcomers is that they are not interested in the lifestyle, they are interested only in their ideas of the lifestyle. They have learned all they know from porn, or from reading on the internet, and they have a fixed idea in their head of what they do or dont want. They create hard limits about things they ave NEVER tried and have unrealistic expectations of what we will be and will want. It is an incredible time investment, and unless I have a connection with someone outside the lifestyle, I am not going to stay intrested within. There is so much more to it than playtime and the training process needs so much more of a connection. The fact that someone is looking for a mistress first and anything else second usually means the second part is almost nonexistant.

I cant say things much better than Fox did. Now I know why he was such a good choice.

DV
**posted from shawns account becasue mine is not playing nice. I have that password around here somewhere**

(in reply to yem1127)

RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/18/2008 7:02:28 PM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

And just for the record, I am not straight, I only play one on the interwebs!

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(in reply to Shawn1066)

RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/18/2008 7:06:50 PM

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Ah, better back to myself again, but I stand by what I said on Shawns account

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Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/18/2008 7:17:17 PM

Posts: 763
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

I am also seeking.
My hopes for finding the right one waver.
I'm just not sure I can ever go back to Vanilla.
Respectfully, LTP

(in reply to yem1127)

RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/18/2008 7:47:42 PM

Posts: 110
Joined: 12/28/2007
From: Tasmania, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn1066

Some points to remember from a 20 year old slave who just recently became an active member of the lifestyle:

In a nutshell, I'm saying that you should be prepared to enjoy the idea grocery shopping, the idea cleaing house just to be nice, and the idea of fulfilling her fantasies as well as your own just as much as you enjoy the idea of being whipped and/or humiliated.

Just a few suggestions. I'd do more but I'd be typing all night and -I- have housework to get to. :-p

Fox

Oh brilliant, I snipped it some, but YES totally yes, you hit the nail right on the head.. Bravo!

DJ

(in reply to Shawn1066)

RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/18/2008 8:07:34 PM

thelastfirstborn

Posts: 21
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

My experience, no one elses, just mine.

The majority of males who contact me either haven't bothered reading my profile, ignore whatever is on my profile, declare their intention of serving me to the best of their ability (this is in the initial email, like they know me from a short profile) or tell me, graphically, what they are looking for sexually. That last one is the worst.

My profile is pretty clear. It isn't hard to read or comprehend. I am not interested in hearing a potential subs sexual fantasies, most especially not in a first email. Those who do not presume and send me a novel on what they want up their arse in the first few emails, usually do it eventually. Again, please see profile.

Sadly, the majority of subs in their 20's are specifically searching for kinky sex. No matter how often they deny it, they ARE.

And that is why it's hard to find a Mistress. Because, as PheonixRed said, we get very jaded with the same old bullshit.

i'm sorry to say but that just insulted the living hell out of me. to go on the assumption that most subs in their 20's are just going for kinky sex? there's some of us out there who don't even look at this life like that. take me for example: i've been with 3 Dommes so far but it hasn't worked out because simply o/Our personalities didn't match...for me i'm still in search for the missing half of my soul (e.g. the right person)......and i admit it's difficult when i have to balance two jobs and college (i'm lucky i got tonight off). as for you yem, just hang in there bro...things will look up. i guess just follow the advice many of these Dommes are giving you here...you'd be suprised what one can learn from Their words of advice.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/21/2008 12:22:23 PM

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

Meeting online is a real problem and can lead to frustrations as mentioned. I found one of my first Dommes by going to a local munch and getting to know these very ordinary looking people. I struck up a conversation with one who was interested also. We played together for some time. I've met others that way too, some just end up being friends, some more.

I've only met one Domme online, but it worked out OK. That was years later, though, so we were both mature and knew what we wanted. We met for coffee in a public place to get to know one another first.

(in reply to NewJustlookin)

RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/21/2008 5:01:35 PM

Posts: 140
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline

Don't you just drive up to McDomina's and put your order in at the window? Or call that pizza place, cause Domina's delivuhs.

Seriously, get involved in your local community. Make friends with other subs - make friends period. The bigest bone I have with "newbies" is why should I take the time to attempt to pry them away from thier pud pulling porn inspired fantasies? With newbies, they are all on fire - with themselves. What they want done to them. How they want us to look for them - Barbie in 9" heels and a whip. Basicly newbies typically want and haven't prepared themselves to be of any interest to those that are hammered to death by those that want - and have prepared to offer nothing of themselves but thier burning wants.

What everyone is saying in thier own way is, when and if you evolve beyond that - you'll stand out and get noticed in time because you will then be different.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/22/2008 1:00:00 AM

youngpupforBCms

Posts: 49
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

I've found that the best way to get help get past the age barrier when your seeking is, to have a well written and intelligent mature profile,(as well as behaving that way not just acting it) and to be involved! Ive met more people through the forums here then I have by sending messages to people just randomly after reading their profiles on the main page. Being involved with the forums is a great way to show who you are, and just what you are all about while also meeting new people. Also it allows you to see many different points of view on a topic and perhaps broadening your knowledge and thinking on a certain subject or topic. In short use the forums to express yourself and show the dommes that your not just another troll and your worth their time.(I use troll loosely int his sense as all the things that make up the people who are fakes and posers and what have you) Other then that, I could only suggest patience, yes patience lol one of the hardest virtues to master especially for us young guns rearing and chomping at the bit to take in as much as possible as fast as possible about life. Thinks can take time to delvelop and rushing in premptively just tends to make things worse and create problems in the long run. Sometimes you just gotta stop and smell the roses.

< Message edited by youngpupforBCms -- 1/22/2008 1:18:51 AM >

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RE: What is so hard about finding your first Mistress? - 1/22/2008 7:30:29 AM

Posts: 628
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn1066

Some points to remember from a 20 year old slave who just recently became an active member of the lifestyle:

1. Dominants are people too

2. A Dominant is not a prop for your fantasies.

Fox

BRAVO Fox!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a wonderful and insightful 20 year old slave who has just become an active member of the lifestyle ... you do your Mistress/Owner proud I am sure!

(in reply to Shawn1066)

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