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Do Poly really work?


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Do Poly really work? - 1/23/2008 4:02:52 PM   
ISOHOH49


Posts: 28
Joined: 10/20/2007
Status: offline 		Does the poly lifestyle really work for all 3 people involved?  From the post on this site the answer seem to be no.  You have 1 man that want 2 woman. The sub who has been with him  for however long is to afraid to say no and stand her grounds and be willing to walk out on the relationship. So you have the 1st sub willing to sacrifice herself for the dom who only concern is that he gets what he want and to hell with the cost to everyone else.  While the 2nd sub is so in love that she see and know nothing  or she could care less about anyone but herself.

It seem the odds are better if both females are bi. Than neither the dom or the subs are left out.

This is not to be mean or to hurt anyone but it seem that the only thing this cause is pain. I'm just wonder if in the end it is worth the scarifice.  I know that here are those who believe that the master should have whatever he wants no matter what.  I'm just not one of them.

I do see a few post where everyone is happy, but most are where the dom later in the relationship decide that he want another woman and the 1st sub is face with accepting it and make herself ok with it or walking away.

I could be wrong and more than likely I am.  It would not be the first time.....lol

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/23/2008 4:15:38 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3235
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, it can work.  In our case it was Alandra who told him that she wanted poly before they were married.  The three of us live together and are quite happy.  We have been together almost three years, though most of that time we were not living together.

Honestly, a lot of relationships do not work out.  Monogamous relationships fail everyday, so I am not sure why anyone would expect it to be any different with poly relationships.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to ISOHOH49)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/23/2008 4:19:46 PM   
GoddessAgonia


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline 		I think the mistake many people make is that they enter into poly relationships with rose colored glasses on.  Any relationship takes work, everyone has to give a little and be honest.

I have a poly household, with 1 male sub and 1 female sub.  This took several years to develop and just because I am the Goddess of the house does not mean the 2 subs don't require a life outside with their own interests.

Everyone has their own time outside of my control to vacation, visit friends family, well you get the idea.  We all live under 1 roof, all our families visit and life goes on. 

It is not 24/7 total BDSM scenes every second.  Everyone in the house is under me and they know it, but we are more like a big family than anything.

Now my female sub is going to graduate school and moving out in about 5 months.  She knows she is always welcome back into my fold if she chooses.  So the search begins again

(in reply to ISOHOH49)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/23/2008 4:33:07 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5270
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in Coatesville, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ISOHOH49

Does the poly lifestyle really work for all 3 people involved?  From the post on this site the answer seem to be no.  You have 1 man that want 2 woman. The sub who has been with him  for however long is to afraid to say no and stand her grounds and be willing to walk out on the relationship. So you have the 1st sub willing to sacrifice herself for the dom who only concern is that he gets what he want and to hell with the cost to everyone else.  While the 2nd sub is so in love that she see and know nothing  or she could care less about anyone but herself.

It seem the odds are better if both females are bi. Than neither the dom or the subs are left out.

This is not to be mean or to hurt anyone but it seem that the only thing this cause is pain. I'm just wonder if in the end it is worth the scarifice.  I know that here are those who believe that the master should have whatever he wants no matter what.  I'm just not one of them.

I do see a few post where everyone is happy, but most are where the dom later in the relationship decide that he want another woman and the 1st sub is face with accepting it and make herself ok with it or walking away.

I could be wrong and more than likely I am.  It would not be the first time.....lol




here's a thread where alot of the positives of poly relationships are discussed, and also a number of the various concerns and problems people have with polyamory http://www.collarchat.com/m_949730/mpage_1/tm.htm#952286


_____________________________

Great song/band if you love dominant women.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with the realization that you really have to go to the bathroom.

Resident "Hair Queen", because I said so.

(in reply to ISOHOH49)
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RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/23/2008 5:14:43 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Honestly, a lot of relationships do not work out.  Monogamous relationships fail everyday, so I am not sure why anyone would expect it to be any different with poly relationships.

Knight's Kyra


I just thought it was worth repeating.

Also - who says that everyone has to be having sex with everyone in a poly relationship? When/if I find a suitable woman, it's most likely that my owner won't be sleeping with her but I still consider that a poly situation since I will be in two relationships.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/23/2008 5:27:50 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		And where does it say that it has to be one male with two females?  Or that poly relationships are limited to 3 people?

Holly and I have been together for 8 years, living together for over 7.  Rob has been with us for over 4 years now.  We have had various other submissives over the last 4 years, but none have worked out.  It happens. We will hopefully be finding a second submissive soon, at which point, our family will be complete ... which doesn't fit either the 1m/2f or the 3person-poly limit that you seem to have put on the definition. 

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/23/2008 5:30:33 PM   
SageFemmexx


Posts: 240
Joined: 1/2/2007
Status: offline 		Poly worked for us for around 14 years. We were bi females with a sub male who drove a truck across country. We raised a large number of children in the household as well and everyone regarded themselves as family.

I think like everything else, poly families work when people are committed to them and work hard to maintain them. If one person drops the ball, then they fail.

Blessings and Be well,

Sage

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/23/2008 5:35:25 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

And where does it say that it has to be one male with two females?  Or that poly relationships are limited to 3 people?



Another good point!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/23/2008 8:11:28 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 20691
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: online 		I'm in complete agreement with saying who thinks it has to be 1 male and 2 females to be poly?  I have a husband and a male submissive who are in My poly family with Me.  This has worked well with U/us, though I'm sure there are different things to consider from other dynamics.

_____________________________

"Come to the edge, She said.
He said that he was afraid.
Come to the edge, She said.
He came. She pushed him,
And he flew . . ."


http://NE2010.net

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/23/2008 8:16:09 PM   
vampiresscammy


Posts: 97
Joined: 12/25/2007
Status: offline 		to OP, they work as well as any other relationships work, its all gonna last or fall based on those involved really wanting it to work or giving up over small crap, tho I think it is getitng a tiny bit easier with more info/help/support online now then there used to be, and more people open about there lifestyle choice

personally I have 4 SO's, my primary has not found anyone hes interested in yet, my secondary has a gf, my gf is my secondary's gf, and my bf has a live in partner, it works for us

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/23/2008 8:42:17 PM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		vampiresscammy, I mean no offense but that made my eyes cross. lol. of course i once explained what relationships I wanted to a friend, they said the same thing. hmmmm.

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to vampiresscammy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/23/2008 9:04:13 PM   
vampiresscammy


Posts: 97
Joined: 12/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLynx

vampiresscammy, I mean no offense but that made my eyes cross. lol. of course i once explained what relationships I wanted to a friend, they said the same thing. hmmmm.


none taken, hehe. it was even more confusing before my wifey of heart died last year. she was my wife, my secondary's SO, and she had her own husband, so basically my wife, my secondary and I all shared each other really, it was wonderful, but yes confusing to explain to others.

(in reply to LadyLynx)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/24/2008 5:30:55 AM   
mhawk


Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
Status: offline



yes it can work,not saying it always does but what it comes down to is the people involved.

my Lord and Mistress have been together for 20 years now.through their marriage together they have both wanted a slave for quite some time.

one of the  main things i made sure of to let both my Lord and Mistress know ahead of time and still do is i would and never will do anything to interefere with their relationship and they respect me for that. i know what they have is very different from what my Lord and i have adn what my Mistress and i have.

so far with that and lots of open communication things are working very well,now i won't say there aren't bumps in the road but we are all learning our way in this. but all in all we are all still in this for the long term.



(in reply to ISOHOH49)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/24/2008 6:34:40 AM   
indiegrrl


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline 		Am curious to hear from those submissive/slaves that in a live-in 24/7 D/s/M/s relationship with two Dominants where there is no sexual intimacy/relationship between the Dom/mes and the submissive/slave.  (Do these types of relationships even exist?)  Are you allowed outside relationships? Are there other submissives/slaves/playmate in the household where sexual intimacy is allowed?  What advice would you give to a novice to the lifestyle entering into such a relationship?

Any info/comments would be appreciated.

Simply,
TuffBratt's fena~~indiegrrl

(in reply to mhawk)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/24/2008 6:55:06 AM   
BlueHnS


Posts: 165
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline 		Now I'm curious ... what constitutes a failed realtionship? Does that mean that one or more of the parties has left the prime relationship? Is there a successful clause for relationships where people have all grown but then moved on with everyone remaining on good (yes, another subjective term) terms?
If all of the parties remain together but one is miserable no matter what face they show is that relationship sucessful?

_____________________________

Questions are dangerous, for they have answers. ~ Kushiel's Dart
I think I'm going to get off. ~ The Poet

(in reply to indiegrrl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/24/2008 7:56:13 AM   
LdyWinter71


Posts: 15
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline 		It's a wonderful question,...thanks for posting it!

I have been in poly-households before, and my Master and I are just beginning to build one for O/ourselves now.  I think it can be a bit more difficult, because a relationship is complicated enough between two people, let alone 3 or more.  And yes, I think it does matter how many there are, what genders they are and what positions they hold. 
It is human nature to be insecure, jealous and possessive.  However, it is also human nature to be violent and uncivilized, but we managed to overcome that (well, most of us, anyways...lol). 
I agree that it can work, if everyone involved is honest and committed.  There is no reason for anyone to feel less loved because the person they love, loves another.  However, whoever is 'running things' should also put in the time and effort to make everyone in their home feel loved and special in their own ways.  Anyone fortunate enough to have multiple people devoted to them, should show those people that they are appreciated and cared for.  The other thing to remember, and it has helped me considerably (for I must admit to being somewhat jealous at times, myself), is that the other slaves/subs share your opinion.  How can I fault anyone for seeing in Him, what I see?  If I think He is the most wonderful thing in the world, how can expect anyone else to ignore that?  And, as it is His nature to conquer, and His character to be loving...how can I expect Him to do anything else?
Does that make any sense to you?  Anyways, that's just my opinion. 
Yes, it can work.  Yes, it is more work.  Yes, it is worth it.   No, it is not for everyone.  No, it is not easy.

_____________________________

"I disagree with what you say but will defend, to the death, your right to say it".

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RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/24/2008 8:02:10 AM   
mhawk


Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
Status: offline


indie, well i can only speak for the household i am in. my Lord and Lady do allow for there to be sexual realtions between all of us. as my Lord put it in His profile on another site, "part of Our slaves duty is to be receptive to the sexual interactions my wifw and myself visit upon her as our slave". hope that made sense to your question



(in reply to indiegrrl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/24/2008 10:03:50 AM   
indiegrrl


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline 		mhawk,

Actually your situation is more the norm form what I've been reading and all those my Mistress has been talking with as well.  I'm referring to a boundary or limit placed by the Dominants, not the submissive/slave.

Simply,
TuffBratt's fena

< Message edited by indiegrrl -- 1/24/2008 10:05:53 AM >

(in reply to mhawk)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/24/2008 12:23:06 PM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		I have very successful, enjoyable of poly relationships.  My husband and I have been together for eight years and married for 6.  We have had a relationship with our companion for over a year and she lives with us now.  My Master and his wife have been married for four years, I think.  We have had a very close emotional and BDSM relationship for 2 years and it has included sex of various kinds also for about the last year.  Neither my husband nor my companion are sexually involved with my Master and sisterslave, though they have all been sexual in the same room occasionaly, if that makes sense.  We are all dear friends and it works out well for us.  We have talked of all living together, but so far it hasn't worked out financially.  It can be complicated to explain, but actually living it is simply what we do.

(in reply to indiegrrl)
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RE: Do Poly really work? - 1/24/2008 2:17:48 PM   
xCuriousKittenx


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline 		I'm a new person to the forums. Where as on CM I tend to be one for just conversation. I figured I'd try to read more into things and converse if at all allowed.  This seemed as good a place as any to jump in and converse.

I'm submissive by nature but not trained. I had a "would be" online trainer that said he was -Gorean-. Mind you I am by no means cracking and insulting him. It's just when his kajira whom was a friend of mine. Went crazy in the head everything fell apart.

Since then I ment a friend off CM and I hang out with him often. He's told me flat out he is a Poly dom. At my request for first meeting, I met him and his gf. She's as he said his rather vanilla counterpart that doesn't stand in the way of his other relations. This past weekened I met the one girl he's told me is in his collar and hung out with her.

Wit that I know he stands as a psuedo dom for another girl that's pregnant and looking for a Master of her own. And then there's me that's more or less the weekened pet/play friend. He has been teaching me stuff and just talking to me.

But what struck me is he asked me flat up if I accepted that he is poly and that things aren't going to change. I'm assuming that was him trying to make sure I got no misconceptions.

Is that the way most Poly's are or am I just the odd one out?

(in reply to beltainefaerie)
Profile   Post #: 20
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