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nwcutie102 -> attachment (1/28/2008 8:53:39 AM)

i am emotionally attached to my first Dom. i dated him for 4 months and feel so changed. things did not work out, we parted nicely. still, i miss him, and think of him often. having a difficult time. have other submissive women felt strong attachments that linger? i just don't want to start over yet with someone new. thanks!



CrazyC -> RE: attachment (1/28/2008 9:26:15 AM)

There is always an attachment to your first Dom especially if they opened you up to this world. I am still close to a couple of my previous Doms, because they are good friends. They have been there to help me in still learning, and i respect them for who they are as people.

It might help in remembering what you learned, but also remembering what pulled you apart. Sort of a reality check. There is a reason why you are seperated, and that reason is ok. So from what you learned was good and bad, and look for that in the next relationship.



juliaoceania -> RE: attachment (1/28/2008 10:30:46 AM)

I would ask how long it has been since you stopped contact, and if you have been involved with anyone new since this relationship ended...

I thought that my former dominant would always be deeply entrenched in my heart, and it hurt quite a bit when we parted ways, but I did move on. I moved on even though I doubted at the time I would be able to because he was my "first". And when I met someone new, it ended up being a much deeper relationship than the first. I do not usually compare men in my life, but my Daddy has my heart in ways my former dominant could never even come close to....

I suppose what I am saying is that time does make it easier, and if you leave yourself open to new people you maybe surprised at how thoroughly you do move on.





GoddessTeaze -> RE: attachment (1/28/2008 10:34:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nwcutie102
i am emotionally attached to my first Dom. i dated him for 4 months and feel so changed. things did not work out, we parted nicely. still, i miss him, and think of him often. having a difficult time. have other submissive women felt strong attachments that linger? i just don't want to start over yet with someone new. thanks!

I think that's quite normal nwcutie,
it takes time to get to know someone, and it takes time to go through the feelings, as the relationship with Him didn't work out. your disapointment, and longing to belong hasn't changed.
Give yourself time to heal, and you'll be ready again

[:D]
Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`



AquaticSub -> RE: attachment (1/28/2008 10:47:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nwcutie102

i am emotionally attached to my first Dom. i dated him for 4 months and feel so changed. things did not work out, we parted nicely. still, i miss him, and think of him often. having a difficult time. have other submissive women felt strong attachments that linger? i just don't want to start over yet with someone new. thanks!


My first relationship lasted for a similar period of time and when it was over, I was devasted. It took me six months to get over it. It was a vanilla relationship but I felt dead inside. I don't think this has to do with being submissive so much as some relationships and some people are just harder to get over.



BlackPhx -> RE: attachment (1/28/2008 10:58:33 AM)

Perfectly normal, heck I still miss my Ex sometimes (but my aim is getting better). There is a lot of trust that is given in any relationship and to a larger extent in a BDSM one for your very flesh, not to mention emotional well being is on the line. There is always a period of mourning and fond thoughts in any good relationship. Here, it can be harder when you are talking about someone who helped you explore your deepest fantasies. Hell, I still remember my first voluntarily sexually active relationship with a great deal of fondness. That was over 38 years ago. I remember his hair, his eyes, even at times something will remind me of his scent. Doesn't mean I ever want to go back, but fond memories are fond memories, and to be savored, not forgotten. Take your time and the memories will move to the past, and you will be ready for someone new to create memories with.



brattybrandi -> RE: attachment (1/28/2008 11:04:59 AM)

Yes attachment lingers especially if there were very strong feelings involved. My very first Dom & I were in love, but we couldn't be together do to our distance from one another. We knew it wasn't realistic, neither of us could move & trips were getting harder & hader to make. We parted very nicely also & are still in contact to this day. He is one of my best friends.  But I remember when i had started to move on & found someone new, after the very first time we played I felt numb. Like nothing at all, very empty inside. I felt like i had cheated even though my first Dom & I were not together anymore. I actualy called him sobbing after I had gotten home, I was so upset. He rested my mind to ease, letting me know that it was ok that i was feeling that way but its also ok to move on and not feel guilt over it. I think when you give someone your heart you never truly ever get it all back. There is always a little peice that remains. So with all that sappy stuff being said. Yes feelings & attachments linger but moving on is ok. Hope this helps you a little bit.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: attachment (1/28/2008 12:00:04 PM)

You never forget your first but soon realize there was some reasons why things ended. It is hard to forget the person that first touched you in this way. It is normal to grieve over a lost relationship but not normal to obsess over it. I don't know how long it has been since you two parted. Only time will make things easier.



nwcutie102 -> RE: attachment (1/28/2008 12:02:51 PM)

i realize the things you all have said. thank you so.



littleone35 -> RE: attachment (1/28/2008 1:08:24 PM)

Your first will always be special.  You will move on when you are ready no need to rush into anything.

Matt's littleone



fullofgrace69 -> RE: attachment (1/28/2008 1:17:58 PM)

when my first Dom and i split up, it was in the middle of a break down for me and some other bad stuff that was going on, and it took me about nine months to sort my head out enough to even consider looking for a new relationship. that was partly because i still loved my ex too much to want to be with someone else but also because i was able to see that what i was looking for wasn't a Dom but someone to use me as punchbag to try and block out the feelings.
it takes time, and it can take a hell of a long time, its different for everyone, if you were truly involved and i believe that with the nature of D/s relationships most people despite their warnings get involved really quick and that involvement is heavy, it can take you a while to sort yourself out.
take as long as you need there is no right or wrong answer as to how long it takes. if it feels right than it is, if it doesnt that it isnt
x



ProlificNeeds -> RE: attachment (1/28/2008 2:37:29 PM)

My first dom ended up being a cheating dog with no morals! I still remember him fondly though when I think back to the times before our troubles. I think the 'first' power exchange can leave a very prominent mark on you, which for me at times, still acts like a measuring rod upon which I base other life experiences.



nwcutie102 -> RE: attachment (1/28/2008 4:36:13 PM)

all good insight



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