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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/15/2008 12:12:51 PM

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~fr~
I believe in very early disclosure. However, the first thing to pop out of my mouth is not gonna be "hey, guess how many kidneys I have?" Same with depression. I'm not really troubled by it anymore, but it was part of my life for a long time, so it needs to be discussed. I usually let a few (3-10) email cycles and a phone call or two pass before broaching the subject; might as well determine if there's a snowball's chance before putting it out there. I appreciate it greatly when someone is honest with me when it comes to disclosure of their issues and/or their ability to accept mine.

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/15/2008 2:26:51 PM

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My Sir and i met before we ever got to the point of enquiring about medical deals - and really, i could say that i take meds for depression , hormone replacement therapy, have shoulder issues related to adhesive capsulitis, bit of arthritis in my hands, and am short sighted. It sounds awful, but the reality is is that i work 5 days a week at a physically demanding job where i am on the go pretty much all day, and am one of the most content, happy people you will ever meet.

My Sir has had heart surgery for heart failure, and has a sternum that has never healed, so it shifts on occasion. He has two bad knees that periodically lock up because of "floaters".

We sound like a pair of crocks - but we have subs visiting us because of the way we play. My Sir has a lot of fun, that may be limited a bit, but you would never notice it.

my point is, we are not the sum of our ailments. We are way more!!!!
I can tell you what issues i have, but all they mean is that i can't take bondage with my arms above my shoulders for any length of time, and Sir doesn't put me into major bondage because realistically, he could drop dead at any time, and i need to be able to get out of whatever he has me in. And in some respects, that is worse than being in un-get-outable bondage where you can fight all you want and go nowhere. I have to be good

.

anyway - the old adage "where there is a will, there is a way" holds true for every one with limitations. There will be someone out there that will work around your limitations, and have a great time doing it. And when you find them, have a great time.

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/17/2008 11:47:04 AM

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Good afternoon,
Absolutely you should disclose the info but at a time when you feel comfortable and when you think that person can truly handle it. I know that some Doms I have had to just say "no thank you" b/c they just want to penetrate me and i really cannot do that. But when you find the right one, the one that will work with you, take care of you, and understand, then boy..it just feels so good to fall into his/her arms.
I have panic attacks which cancels out traveling long distances, and vaginal atrophy (cannot be "used" vigorously or when I am hurting) Most times that means no sex but since Daddy understands, we work around it. When I have an attack, he has learned how to calm me down and get me thru it. D/s is so much more than physical, it is building that bond where emotions and spirituality just take over. Sure it feels like it is a burden to Daddy-most times. And alot of times I still get upset that I feel like I disappoint him or fail him by being hurt down there, but time and his patience are helping me get thru it. Our ailments just become part of us -the whole package that the Dom has to learn to love or leave. Good luck!
Love,
Zechriel

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/17/2008 12:09:34 PM

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I'm not sure anyone can put an exact timeline on when to disclose, but probably when it gets to the point you start wondering whether or not you should tell, it means that you should tell him..or her.

I have IBS, which isn't life threatening by any means, but before it was diagnosed, I was very sick. I had gone in for testing and left out big parts of the truth when telling Daddy why I had a docotors appointment. This was all before we were living together, but I knew that I shouldn't have been keeping things from him. When I did fully disclose my issues he was very angry, but even moreso hurt. It took awhile to build that trust up again.

Daddy's Ballerina, e

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/17/2008 12:55:30 PM

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Hi, wideeyedgirl----
I am sorry that you are experiencing so many health challenges.
Relationally speaking, I expect full disclosure on the part of all parties of: 1)Any conditions that could be 'gifts that keep on giving' (And recent testing to know what's up to be certain), 2)Any conditions that could affect quality of life, lifespan, etc., 3)Any conditions that would warrant modification of types of play (Ex: I have severe tmj, so impact play to my face is not okay).
I think that only you can answer if you are upto playing at this point (With the possible input of your doctor).
I would think a lot of stuff would come up rather readily, if you chose to place it there, in the 'getting to know you' conversations early on.
Best wishes,
Davan

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/17/2008 2:11:33 PM

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My immediate question is why would you need an HD (hemodialysis) catheter and not an AV (arterovenous) shunt? The first goes up near your clavical, the other is in the bracial artery in the arm and much more common for long term dialysis. Now, if they believe the kidney failure is temporary and will resolve with the clear up of the lupus flair, I can understand...It's easier and faster to dialyse using and HD cath. But if this is going to be long term, the AV shunt, I would think, would be a much better option.

I think if you want to play, these things need to be disclosed. There is far too high a risk of serious damage being caused otherwise. It's not fair to put your partner in that position, any more than it's fair to put yourself into that spot either.

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/17/2008 2:23:12 PM

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I say something about being ill in my profile so I don't have to waste a lot of time telling people who will tend to walk away when they learn I am ill. They already know if they read the profile, that I am ill and if they emailed, they either wish to know more or don't care too much if I am ill or not. This way I don't see a rejection a couple times a day and they are forwarned. It depends on how things go, how soon I tell them all about it. For some... all they need to know is that I am ill because they won't get that far and I hate having to tell the story over and over and explain it all.

The only draw back to this is that some will assume that I will accept anyone who will accept me and will use my illness as a way to get close to me. It hasn't worked yet!

I am not my illness. I am Lockit... who has an illness and that illness may have some effect on life, but it doesn't determine my life.

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/18/2008 2:57:14 PM

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I completey agree with you lockit...... i dont let what is wrong with me define me.... and I have to disclose what is wrong with me, esp since mine is also terminal .... it is long term but if something happened in a play session the damage may kill me quickly.... and it is also pain ful as hell since my joints dislocate.... i have something called ehlers danlos syndrome and i have type 4 vascular..... im a rarity because type 4 doesnt typically have hpermobility but dammned if i dont!

< Message edited by Lizbetbathory -- 12/18/2008 2:58:21 PM >

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/18/2008 3:14:19 PM

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My medical issue is a severe latex allergy. My throat shuts down and I can't breathe and this happens FAST. What triggers it? Believe it or not, not just latex gloves but duct tape and leather. Going to play parties can be tricky for me--one time I had a reaction when a domme snapped a pair of gloves right when the air conditioning came on.

Without complete disclosure someone's favorite toy could get me into trouble. I don't think the objective of anyone's scening is for me to turn blue and stop breathing soooooooo.....I lay my cards on the table early.
That way they can walk or make toy adjustments.

Sage.

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/20/2008 7:10:51 PM

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I've got a major medical issue (hepatitis C), and I just find it better to get it out front very early on. I usually mention it on the first date, and if it's someone I'm meeting online, I let them know long before we even meet in real life. For a lot of people it's a dealbreaker, and I think women have the right to know before they start to develop feelings for me.

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/24/2008 11:09:16 AM

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Just state it as it is, why wouldn't you? I wouldn't wait longer than maybe 2-3 e-mails.

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/28/2008 6:04:00 PM

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my issues with my fibromyalgia is mentioned in my profile, so they know upfront that if they are into heavily bondage stuff that I am not the right partner for them. Some guys who did show interest I did email the link about this topic where some of you also explain very well how your partner copes with it, so they gain a better understanding of it. My fibro doesn't cause much issue to me, but simply heavy bondage doesn't work for me, have been there, done that, once and never ever. Therefore that already takes out quite a few guys but that also save time to me not being wasted unneccessarily. Other subjects I will bring up once I see that it is worth to disclose it, otherwise not.

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/28/2008 8:08:39 PM

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i mention my disability in my profile, not specifically, but i do mention the wheelchair. should i have someone i'm chatting with online, i'll go into an explanation if they ask. potential playmates weren't a problem a few years ago. cub and i have accepted the changes, made the adjustments and continue to be happy with each other, despite both our issues and challenges.
PM

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 1/1/2009 8:10:26 PM

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Personally I think the onus is on you to be completely honest and open and upfront with anyone you talk to with view of either playing or a more permanent future with. This extends to not only current health needs but also to emotional, psychological, physical issues ( past or present ) It is of utmost importance for them to know for safety sake and would be irresponsible not to mention deceptive and a huge risk for someone not to tell a potential Dom of their health issues and vice versa. For example years ago I broke my jaw in three places and never got it reset but I love my face being slapped. I know I have to tell potential Doms. It also affects my jaw with certain gags and causes me great discomfort with some types but W/we found through communication and trial and error that I can use cleve gags quite comfortably.

This lifestyle is based on honesty, trust, integrity, safety, communication for a start and you failing to disclose would be a breach of all of these facets.

The things you mentioned as far as play can be negotiated and without discussion a future Dom would not know the reason why you can not kneel for example for extended periods and may risk putting you under undue discomfort without realising and that is irresponsible not to mention potentially dangerous in some cases.

I would gather a short list of information and links relating to your condition/s as well as perhaps some links to send on to a potential Dom so that He has the information at His fingertips to absorb if he wishes as some people are more intimidated or concerned when they have no idea about a condition.

Best of luck and kindest regards

butterfly

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 1/1/2009 8:59:24 PM

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I also have to add, as someone with type 1 diabetes and the resulting issues including neuropathy (numbness and oversensitivity, both unpredictable) and kidney failure (hemodialysis w/ an AV fistula), that it's also important to be absolutely truthful with medical professionals, and ask as many questions as you can think of, as well. Like with your partner, sometimes the most seemingly irrelevant things can be important. For instance, it was important for me to know how long it takes for the heparin given at my dialysis to leave my system, so that I would know how long I should wait before participating in anything that might draw blood or cause bruising. That information was, of course, relayed to him. Bringing it back around to your original question, I was lucky enough to have met him before my major recent decline, and I'm lucky enough that he wants to help me to take care of myself and to keep informed, on his own and with my help. To that end, I had to learn to be much less of a private person about myself and my issues. It helps me be a better sub in the end, though. With the right dom, I think that having major or unusual obstacles to work around and overcome can make a relationship that much stronger and closer.

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 1/2/2009 1:28:31 AM

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Disclose everything to avoid ramifications later.

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 1/25/2009 9:30:47 PM

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Your partner NEEDS TO KNOW

The guy I am going to play with, we are very close. And both of us have mental conditions that will affect this interaction. I have severe clinical depression, and he has bipolar and a seizure disorder. We understand this is risky. I've been on email with a local munch and was told I was going through subdrop after experiencing subspace in SELF BONDAGE.....I mean, and that I was likely to subdrop after every scene.
I'd never do this without telling someone my condition
On the phone with him today he mentioned he seizes during sensory overload, which is what subspace is.....he's never done BDSM before
Got great advice from the much people, about applying each sensation to him slowly as not to overexcite him

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 1/25/2009 9:41:54 PM

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Full disclosure from the beginning.

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 2/1/2009 5:54:11 AM

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I think that as a sub with SLE, your dom should be aware and understand the implications for you. There is pain you like and there is pain that you don't. Bruising and arthritic pain are not much fun, so your partner would need to be inventive and understanding in order to make it an experience that gives you the rush of being tied up, but with materials and techniques (as well as a time frame) that makes it enjoyable for you too.

I think it is more important for subs to disclose information, as we are giving away our control. If a domme had me tied up and was in any pain, she could leave me there and rest herself - that's a lot harder to do from the bottom.

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RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 2/1/2009 10:45:19 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wideeyedgirl

Im not sure if this should be posted here...or under "ask a sub". Mainly I want to see how others feel about when talking with potential Partners..how much you will disclose about a serious illness?

I let people know about my medical concerns on the same basis as any personal matter in my life: if/when it comes up in conversation naturally and/or when it becomes relevant to our interaction.

I'm admittedly biased, it being my approach, but I think that's a pretty good one.

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