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Defiance question. - 5/9/2008 1:41:07 AM

yesmaammelbourne

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/5/2008
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Hi all,

I know the answer is probably just a personal choice, but wanted to get some feedback on a question.

Sometimes during BDSM, when a submissive shows defiance, EG tries to break away from handcuffs, or saying stop or no to your mistress, or refusing to submit (as a part of the play, not actually wanting to stop), do dommes get upset at not having 100% submission? Or does it like a submissive bring them into an even more intense state of mind where her will then can become even more powerful due to the resistance?

TY.

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RE: Defiance question. - 5/9/2008 3:39:08 AM

MsStarlett

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I like a sub with 'spirit'.

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RE: Defiance question. - 5/9/2008 4:14:23 AM

LadyJeelys

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It depends on why the sub is saying no. If its being bratty, ok. If its just a mood, ok...but if its because he just isn't submissive, then there's a problem.

Sometimes the fantasy is just better than the reality.

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RE: Defiance question. - 5/9/2008 5:48:10 AM

yesmaammelbourne

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Thats great to know.

Because I have two varying types of states of mind during BDSM. One is a completely obedience where I feel it more in the upper chest, this is when all I want to do is follow everything 100% to please.

The other is more a submission, and various types of submission that I feel more in the stomach, where its the helplessness and lack of control that does it for me. So its during these times I might resist to further intensify that.

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RE: Defiance question. - 5/9/2008 5:51:53 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
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Depends whether it is obviously playful (pretend) defiance or a deliberate challenge to my authority as dominant.

Power struggles mid-play are not unusual. IME sooner or later almost every sub will "jack up" during a scene, turn nasty, challenge authority and need to be firmly put back in his place.

Genuine defiance - when it comes - is unpleasant IMO. Sometimes unpleasant enough to wreck the scene dynamic or even the D/s relationship. I only enjoy dominating men who whole-heartedly want to be dominated. I am not in the business of "over powering the unwilling".

Playful defiance is fine. In fact for any kind of "forced" play (eg interogation scenes, kidnap scenes, forced feminisation etc) pretending to be unwilling is the essential ingredient

In fact, there is nothig sexier than to hear "no, no, stop, stop, I beg you, please stop"

Yummy!!!

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 5/9/2008 5:54:07 AM >

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RE: Defiance question. - 5/9/2008 6:13:09 AM

yesmaammelbourne

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Absolutely, pretending to be unwilling.

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RE: Defiance question. - 5/9/2008 9:18:03 AM

abqowner

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Of course you're right, it's a matter of personal preference. Here's my experience FWIW.

You know how things are cute when a kitten, or a baby, or a puppy do them? But as soon as they get a little bigger, stronger, or grow teeth suddenly it's not so cute? Whenever I'm in scene with a high handed submissive it's usually because their owner / master encouraged a certain behavior that isn't cute anymore, or the sub took too far. So its a useful case of good owner / bad owner and I'm just stepping in as a favor. I'm actually amazed how well it works. I can punish a willful sub to my heart's content, because "no, stop, don't" doesn't cut it for that scene. Then they scamper back to daddy, having put on quite a show, and tearfully beg his forgiveness and swear to be good from then on, please don't give me to that woman with the whip again!

So in that instance it's an interesting scene. The sub is provided an established boundry without her owner looking like a bad guy, and everyone got to watch some real struggle for a bit instead of whatever poncy little show the sub tried to put on originally.

That being said, if one of my own slaves ever copped a high handed attitude, even in play, it usually ends up with them being locked in a cold room for a day or two. I don't beat my own slave for such things - I usually just focus on something they utterly hate - like being cold and ignored.

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RE: Defiance question. - 5/9/2008 10:34:08 AM

yesmaammelbourne

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abqowner,
thats great to hear, knowing there is such a deep understanding of behaviour from both sides.

I would probably hope to be put even deeper into a place of submission by a defiant act, through the even stronger will I would expect my dominant to rise to. I'd like to think it would spice things up and intensify the mood, kind of like a booster shot.

< Message edited by yesmaammelbourne -- 5/9/2008 10:36:56 AM >

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RE: Defiance question. - 5/9/2008 9:51:36 PM

MasterFireMaam

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It's going to depend on the Mistress.

Advice in general: Stop trying to figure out what pleases everyone and work to simply offer yourself, then figure out what pleases HER by simply asking.

Master Fire

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RE: Defiance question. - 5/11/2008 12:19:01 AM

AAkasha

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Everyone is telling you the right answer - and that is, "it depends."

But the bigger lesson here is this -- not just "know your partner," but most importantly: WATCH your partner. The difference between a good submissive and an AMAZING submissive is how much he pays attention while submitting and figures out what is pushing her buttons. By doing that, you can get a sense of how much "resistance" she may be craving, and what is making her hot vs. aggravating her.

Also, use the communication period after the bdsm moments - or the next day - to confirm your observations about what was pushing her buttons.

Akasha

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RE: Defiance question. - 5/11/2008 1:49:25 AM

hands0n0knees

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I play with someone who enjoys this style of flirting very much.

We go for a coffee beforehand, and I act very arrogantly and condescendingly, piquing her dominant drive. Then, the subsequent time she spends humbling me in her bedroom is an electrically erotic contrast. And if contrast, difference, and transgression isn't what BDSM is really about then I have grossly misinterpreted it.

Of course, it is a matter of taste. Some people enjoy the aesthetic of total submission, which is fine; but they are both artificial roles, and neither is a more 'real' submission.

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RE: Defiance question. - 5/11/2008 8:41:12 AM

MISTRESSKUMA