sirsholly
Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
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Geez am i fucked.
My cell phone is on its last leg. The trouble started when the LoudOne used it to take a pic of me (oh shaddup) then dropped it on the sidewalk. The catalyst was when our attorney needed to talk to me and couldn't leave a voice mail because my mail box was full. My mailbox was totally empty (i tried to leave a message from our land line and got the recording too). So...time to cash in on the upgrade stuff.
I am so fucked.
I decided to do this via phone and the internet, as phone shopping with a pissy three year old leads to a pissy Mommy. I decided on an iphone for two reasons: they are cool looking, they connect to the internet, and they have a GPS system (ok..thats three....shoot me). The GSP thingy is rather important, because i am getting fed up with my backseat passenger bellowing "Ya lost again, Mommy?". I figured i could hold up the iphone while explaining the technology of an advanced navigation system, turning around to show him the function which prevents me from getting lost, and rear ending a semi when the kid grabs the phone out of my hand and i have to fight with his little ass to get the damn thing back.
So...armed with the information, i called Verizon. Buuuuut...AT&T makes the iphone. Well shit. The sales rep i was talking with told me the name of their version of the iphone, so i looked it up and found that it also looked cool. It had everything the iphone did, came with a rebate and a free cheapo phone that i will give to Jim for Christmas, and did i mention it looked cool?
The rep explained the bells and whistles, and the extra 30.00 charge that will appear on our phone bill every month for using a Smartphone. I didn't expect the additional charge, but it is offset by how cool it is to own a SMARTphone. Smart people own smart phones. Dumbasses own the cheapo phones that a smart person gets for free when they buy a smart phone (And no...i did not just call Jim a dumbass. He does not yet own the cheapo phone. It's a Christmas gift, remember?) I figured my IQ jumped by ten points as soon as the old credit card was debited. Actually...i FELT my IQ jump. Imagine having a pissed off hornet fly in one ear and out the other. That what a sudden rise in the IQ feels like. Those of you who own SMARTphones understand, no doubt.
Despite my suddenly high IQ...i am seriously fucked.
I asked the rep if i had any allotted time frame in which i could call and change and/or cancel...insinuating i was going to do further research on the phone and compare the technology with other phones (total bullshit. I was worried about Jim finding out what i paid for the damn thing). The answer was no...once the deal was done, there was not an option to change it.
*head meets desk* I am soooo fucked.
So...later in the day i got around to opening the confirmation e-mail from the friendly folks at Verizon. This is where the fucked part occurs (i know what you wise-asses are thinking so lemme tell ya you are wrong...i did not blow up the computer by opening an e-mail! I am SMART now...remember?) Anyhoo....the e-mail stated how much i just spent without leaving my living room (Damn...i love technology!), the date i could expect the SMARTphone and the cheap piece of shit they were giving away, the two year contract agreement...
AND.........................................................oh i am mega-fucked.
A list of classes in this area to learn how to use the damn thing. Well damnit...it seems i was so overwhelmed with my new found intellect and my cool looking phone that i forgot i am a techno-dolt. If it has a plug, it will confuse the hell out of me (and i KNOW a cell phone does not have a plug, but you knew what i meant. Stop picking on me). Classes? I need classes? WTF??? I completed a Masters degree on-line, but i have to haul my ass to a school to learn how to use a phone?
I called Verizon. I know they have a no cancellation policy, but they were going to make an exception here. I figured i could use my newly obtained high IQ to worm my way out of this mess.
Not only am i fucked, but i am also an idiot.
They would not cancel. What they did do was to explain that computer stores offer classes for first time buyers on how to use their new computer. The rep asked if i ever took a computer class and i told her i did not. She then bellowed "Well there ya go...you did not NEED a class for the computer, you mastered it on your own. The phone will be the same!!" This made me feel better. A lot better. A high IQ, plus the ability to figure out how to use the SMARTphone.....ooooo yeah...i ROCK!!!!!!!
One problem. My self taught computer skills have resulted in three blown up computers and 9 trashed modems in a ten year period.
Major mega-fucked. Yep.
So...Jim gets the Smartphone and i am keeping the cheapo free piece of shit that quantifies me as a dumb ass.
shaddup.
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