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RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/28/2008 12:35:29 AM

shivermetimbers

Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
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I need money.

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Post #: 41

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/28/2008 8:50:55 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

i used to think i had deal-breakers, but the one's that were my biggest three:

married
polyamorous
switch

are all things that can be used to define my Owner; so, i've decided that i don't have deal breakers and take things on a case-by-case basis. Of course, being owned; i don't have to worry about that, hopefully for a very long time.

Edited to Add:

OK, about someone contacting me; if you're a stranger then you'd best treat me with the utmost respect, with absolutely no assumed familiarity.

I have to agree with this. You never know who's going to show up in your life and change the ideas you thought you had.

If all I would have ever done was looked at clip's profile (on another site) and looked at his stats, My life of the past year would have never happened. Just think of all the things I wouldn't have done and all of the moments I would have never had! That's because of him as a person, not because of the stats he had.

True, I have certain preferences, but if a person comes along in My life who shows Me that they are worth more than that, to Me, it's an easy answer.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Post #: 42

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/28/2008 9:58:45 AM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Cheating,
Anything illegal,
Anything to do with UM's
Anything to do with K 9
Cuckholding
STD
Addictions
Lazy ie looking for a ride type example a emailed me.. no job, no car.. could I come pick him up for our first meeting..
Boring conversationalist
Needles

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Post #: 43

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/28/2008 11:00:20 PM

WyldDomme74

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/18/2007
Status: offline

For me-deal breakers are:

1. Married
2. Poly
3. Addict (drugs, alcohol)
4. Someone looking for a 24/7 type of relationship
5. Wants online only

and I am sure there are a few more...

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Post #: 44

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/29/2008 5:04:19 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
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I am turned right off any male who puts bisexual in his profile, no matter how charming he seems in every other way.

That is becuase in my unpleasant experience, every bi guy I have dated has turned out to be a screaming queen who is really gay OR a cheat who slinks around public toilets and gay bath-houses at night for sex and exposes both of us to STDs. I have given up testing that market for nice guys.

IME bi guys seem incompatible with monogamy, so they are crossed off my list.

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Post #: 45

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/29/2008 5:16:49 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
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I am turned off by women who are bigoted or judgemental. They lump groups of people together based on their limited experience with a few.

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Post #: 46

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/29/2008 6:15:56 AM

MadameMarque

Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

...You never know who's going to show up in your life and change the ideas you thought you had.

[clipped]

I know. I'm scared to death to say 'never,' because it's almost like putting out an order to be filled.

I have deal breakers, in theory. But when the right person(s) come along, they are...the right person.

I do, of course, see things that cause me not to be interested in someone, or even to avoid them, or online, to block them.

But there have been times, all things being unequal, when something that would usually eliminate my interest has not been equal to the pull of attraction.

"Whoever loved, who loved not at first sight?"
- Christopher Marlowe, from Hero and Leander

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Post #: 47

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/29/2008 10:27:14 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

Gracious, yes! Which is why I've had two subs in 8 years. Well, actually, three. (One petitioner was very shortlived due to, well, umm, dealbreakers!)

Boorishness is a dealbreaker. Selfishness or selfserving 'all about me' subs are dealbreakers. Cursing and foul language in initial communications is a dealbreaker. Focusing on their wishlist of 'things I want You to do to me!' is a dealbreaker.........

I guess it comes down to: WAYFO?

What are you focusing on, submale?

If the prospective sub is not focusing on a myriad of attentive issues that I find essential to My happiness, I don't communicate with them anymore.

It takes a most exceptional man to get My attention the the first place. We have to get past all of the HUGE dealbreakers first, then get over the little dealbreakers to actually begin to communicate on a real level before I will ever consider a real/time meeting. And that meeting initiates another set of 'dealbreakers' that I watch out for.

It doesn't take much to fail initial communication w/Me. I'm highly selective. I know what I want. I refuse to settle for anything or anyone less.

TexasMaam

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 6/29/2008 10:32:56 AM >

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Post #: 48

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/29/2008 11:11:13 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
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I have all my obvious "deal breakers" listed in my profile. If a sub chooses to write to me even though he falls into one or more of my "deal breaker" categories, I simply don't reply.

Nonetheless, there are subs who meet my requirements to a tee, but whose initial communication turns me off so much it negates the possiblity of futher contact. Some of these are:

Presenting me with a detailed list of fantasy scenarios he wants me to fulfill. One local sub had this elaborate fantasy of me humiliating him in a shoe store while he was dressed in shorts and pantyhose and chose to share that with me in his introductory e-mail.
Asking nosey, inappropriate questions in an initial e-mail. The bra-size question would be one example. Others just seem to be seeking wanking fodder.
Sending me a Yahoo ID or phone number in an intial e-mail (nothing else, sometimes not even a hello!), and ordering me to contact him (yeah, right).
Using "text-speak." One local sub sent me the following three messages in one day: "how r u?," "hows ur day goin," and "what u cookin?" One might expect this of a teenager, but this man is 39 years old!
Subs who don't have a picture to supply upon request. I can totally understand not wanting to post one on a profile, but I would think that anyone seeking online would have one available upon request.
Subs who send the same form letter verbatim to every Domme in town. One told me he was captivated by my charming profile and lovely photo. I asked him what photo he was referring to, since I don't even have one on my profile!
One wrote to me and demanded that we communicate immediately on cam, so that I could prove that I was "real." What I did prove to him is how quickly I can click the "block user" button.

Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 6/29/2008 11:17:53 AM >

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Post #: 49

RE: Deal Breakers - 6/29/2008 2:25:40 PM

ajar

Posts: 5
Joined: 11/30/2007
From: NYC, NY
Status: offline

Deal breakers...

Unnatractive and/or bad hygeine
Has trouble communicating and listening
Ethical values are too different from mine
Socially awkward or overly opinionated
Not well read, curious, and interesting

For doms writing to me: Assuming a familiarity and dominance they have not earned. Also having "trainer" "daddy" "master" or the like in their user name.

For subs: Writing more than once if i haven't responded to their first message.

< Message edited by ajar -- 6/29/2008 2:28:26 PM >

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RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/29/2008 3:22:33 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

I am turned off by women who are bigoted or judgemental. They lump groups of people together based on their limited experience with a few.

At least I have the guts to be perfectly honest, based on my own experience. Its easy to say "poly". Not so easy to tell the truth and risk being a pariah.

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RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/29/2008 3:29:39 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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Absolutely. I can think, offhand, of three things that, if they come up in a querant's email before we've met in person and talked face-to-face, will absolutely terminate any consideration I might have made about sitting down with the person.

Oh, and that obliquely also lists another of my deal-breakers... I absolutely don't have anything to do with someone who says "I can't do offline -- I just want you to dominate me online or on cam."

Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 6/29/2008 3:34:19 PM >

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Post #: 52

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/30/2008 10:46:37 AM

EarthGoddess52

Posts: 70
Joined: 12/13/2005
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Thank you ALL so much for your replies!! It's so validating to know that one is not alone in these things!! I agree with many of the Ladies here in that, after several years "in the lifestyle", I know what I want.......well, know what I DO NOT want, and will not settle for anything else.

Hopefully the thoughts here will give others some insight. As I don't want this thread to go on forever, I'll probably close it down.....or does CM do that for you?? Thanks again for your input. And Yeah, shivermetimbers, I agree: I need money too! (What was THAT about?)

theEarthGoddess

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Post #: 53

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/30/2008 1:57:31 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EarthGoddess52

As I don't want this thread to go on forever, I'll probably close it down.....or does CM do that for you??

Only the powers that be on CM can close down a thread, at their discretion. Hence all the resurrected from the dead threads that come up from time to time, and why I always read the date of the thread first.

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Post #: 54

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/30/2008 3:51:17 PM

Steponme73

Posts: 552
Joined: 11/9/2007
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My list would include:
Drugs/alcohol addiction
Negative attitude
Absorbed with oneself
Unkept
Close minded
Looking for a money slave

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Post #: 55

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/30/2008 9:35:14 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

I am turned right off any male who puts bisexual in his profile, no matter how charming he seems in every other way.

That is becuase in my unpleasant experience, every bi guy I have dated has turned out to be a screaming queen who is really gay OR a cheat who slinks around public toilets and gay bath-houses at night for sex and exposes both of us to STDs. I have given up testing that market for nice guys.

IME bi guys seem incompatible with monogamy, so they are crossed off my list.

Geezzzzzzzzzz, how did I miss this little gem?

Boy, I better get my ass to the "How To Be A Bi Guy And Feel Absolutely Filthy"
graduate studies at the local public toilet before I hit the gay bathhouse. Damn.

Then I'd best run out and catch some STD's so's I can spread the love.

Guess I'll just add "Headless Women" to my list of deal breakers.

chia* (the pet)

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Post #: 56

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/30/2008 9:47:20 PM

ServingGirrl

Posts: 115
Joined: 10/10/2007
From: Melbourne, Australia
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Her comments are very stereotypical and negative but that is all part of the free speech forum which is Collarme. It reflects one person's experience - hers - and from Her perspective is therefore valid.

Personally, i don't find bi men or women any more or less at risk of STD's and the like than any other person in the community - it's not who you do it with, but the brains you use when you do it and the precautions you take. As a lesbian most of the woman i am in contact with consider themselves bi, and i'm not bothered by that in the slightest.

As for monogamy, as a poly woman i think it is an outmoded concept and irrelevant to any relationship where there is full trust and honesty.

Oh; and my hard limits are drugs, children, scarification and anything my Mistress tells me is my hard limit :)

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RE: "Deal Breakers" - 7/1/2008 8:32:47 AM

Coupleofwhats

Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
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I find that I don't often have to read the profile of the people who contact me in order for them to exhibit deal breaking behavior.

* Immediate and indiscriminate groveling: for me, submission is about trust. If you submit to every and anybody with a photo, you're reckless and your submission loses all value to me. And anyway, my two sentence profile doesn't even indicate that I'm looking for a sub: quite the opposite!

*When I was in the market for a personal:

Uninterested in non-masochists (No, I don't want to train you to be a slut. No, I don't need to be worshipped. I want to make you bleed, gag, moan and, if possible, cry.)
I don't top women non-professionally
I wouldn't want to be involved with a father
I don't do polyamory
Sub should be gainfully employed, attractive, hetero
I don't do online domination
I really really hate the "it would like to serve you" patter. Makes me think of that retarded elf in the Harry Potter movies.

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Post #: 58

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 7/2/2008 7:51:50 PM

unforegvn

Posts: 159
Joined: 8/25/2005
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Deal Breakers - In no particular order

Rats
Snakes
Ticks
Facial Hair
Spam Emails
"I will do anything for you"
Mr/Miss Know It Alls
Dishonesty
Married to someone other than me
Those who try to top from the bottom

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RE: "Deal Breakers" - 7/2/2008 7:59:39 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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My new deal breakers *because of the relationship I am in now* are going to be lazyness, mental illnesses, *any mentalillnesses* inability to tell your family it's my life and my relationship and I don't care if you don't like it so back off, inability to manage money in responcible an mature ways, and poor hygein. And most importantantly lack of any desire to take care of themselves or their property or their health is a deal breaker. So is smoking and being overly fat* like say 400 500 and more pounds* And dis interest in play parties and lifestyle events. inability to deal with life in a mature and responcible way, and not putting your head in the sand an ignore something till it's going to blow up and bite you in the ass, and become a huge legal deal, an it didn't have to be, if youda been mature enough to handle it correctly.

Something that'd make me think twice, but is not a deal breaker is weather or not they have health insurance, and if they don't are they willing to go to walk in clinics. Because Itell you after having a partner who has no insurance an will not go to walk in clinics, I will never again put up with someone who would rather potentially put my health at risk then go to the dr's.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 7/2/2008 8:05:47 PM >

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