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what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 5:39:29 AM

Posts: 28
Joined: 9/11/2005
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this is my first post so please bare with me. I have not been in the life stlye for very long and have meet alot of people online and off at munches. I found a master and we have been getting along together and i thought things were going good untill last night that is. He asked me what i have to offer him. I thought then that maybe i don't understand what a slave is. I thought that a slave offered her complete submission, her loyalty her total obediance. Being new there is alot i have to learn yet and counted on him to guide me and to help me learn new things. I am willing to try just about anything once. If i don't like it well then if he did i learn to live with it and if not then i won't do it again. He was not happy with my answer. I answered the submission and loyalty and that maybe untill i learn more i have nothing to offer him. Needless to say he is not talking to me or i would be discussing this with him. Am i missing something?

quote:

I would rather be hated for who i am than loved for who i am not (van zant)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 5:50:50 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yoursnatch
I thought that a slave offered her complete submission, her loyalty her total obediance.

Those are lovely romantic vague statements. Now what can you really offer? In day to day life, how would your life and his be better in a M/s relationship together?

quote:

Needless to say he is not talking to me or i would be discussing this with him. Am i missing something

If he cut off communication rather than helping you, then no it doesn't sound like you're really missing anything with HIM.

But this is a relationship like anything else. We want people in our lives to fulfill us and that means more than pretty pretty words. Think about who you are, what you bring to the table in a real life context.

And remember not to doubt yourself just because some dork cuts you off.

(in reply to yoursnatch)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 6:12:26 AM

Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline

Hello,

It is a shame that he cut off communication. I suspect it will be his loss, truly.
I would like to suggest something for the next time you are asked the question,
"what do you have to offer me?" -- Make yourself a slave resume. Include your
slave name and all skills that you have, from those you have mastered to those
you are just learning. Cooking, cleaning, sewing, communication skills, household
management, etc. Every six months or so, revise it, add anything to it that you
feel is important. Not only is this an excellent way to answer that question, but
it gives you something in black and white to look at yourself, about yourself,
monitor your growth, build self worth and self esteem. : )

Good luck,
Syn

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to yoursnatch)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 6:31:24 AM

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

i HOPE your HE is not one of those that wants everything handed to him on a silver platter......

that would be pretty shitty.

and if he aint talkin to ya...........ah well.........it's just as well he dont talk to ya while he is ticked off.

give him time to cool his heels. maybe he'll come around later...........sooner or later he HAS TO speak to ya.............even if he just tells ya to get-the-hell-out.......he HAS TO open his mouth.......it is unavoidable!!

sooooooooooooooo

wait a bit..............and try to talk with him calm and quiet and see what He is asking EXACTLY......
what is it HE....EXPECTS from ya?

take care
good luck
wolf

< Message edited by lonewolf05 -- 11/11/2005 6:32:03 AM >

(in reply to yoursnatch)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 6:41:01 AM

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yoursnatch

this is my first post so please bare with me. I have not been in the life stlye for very long and have meet alot of people online and off at munches. I found a master and we have been getting along together and i thought things were going good untill last night that is. He asked me what i have to offer him. I thought then that maybe i don't understand what a slave is. I thought that a slave offered her complete submission, her loyalty her total obediance. Being new there is alot i have to learn yet and counted on him to guide me and to help me learn new things. I am willing to try just about anything once. If i don't like it well then if he did i learn to live with it and if not then i won't do it again. He was not happy with my answer. I answered the submission and loyalty and that maybe untill i learn more i have nothing to offer him. Needless to say he is not talking to me or i would be discussing this with him. Am i missing something?
quote:

I would rather be hated for who i am than loved for who i am not (van zant)

Take a deep breath, it's ok.......... Being new is part of the trouble. I remember well the thought of "wow" what else is there, myself. Yea, they (ok, many) expect complete submission, loyalty, and total obedience and ~we~ think were giving it. Sigh, that thought is somewhat latterly wrong. We know the things were good at, possibly we've even expressed them a time or two, more then likely we've even mentioned the things were not so good at or even despise. We (cough) assume those things as a given, at least I did. Then that question comes up and we think WTF? Then again sometimes being new it might be difficult to separate life and simply kinky sex from our view of the lifestyle. You might be thinking "ok, I'll be good and try an enema while he might be thinking I need her to balance my checkbook." Words are easy, but words are hard if your a page or two apart. Then again if he's turned mute it's his problem.

just my .02
Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to yoursnatch)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 6:42:19 AM

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Just a thought but you may want to change your user name. it may give people the wrong idea about you.

littleone

(in reply to yoursnatch)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 6:52:09 AM

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

I have been asked a number of times by Mistresses what I have to offer them, which doesn't in itself seem at all out of line. After all if you are offering to be a slave or a submissive to a Domme (and especially one who wants a service oriented sub) then you ought to have some skills or abilities to offer them. After the second time I was asked I did prepare a list of skills which I keep somewhere on my computer.

I don't see anything wrong with this: don't you tacitly at least want them to be skilled at bondage, whip wielding, rope or whatever your particular kink is? Don't you want to know that they have the skills and ability to elicit your submission?

What I do find odd or troubling however is your statement that you've been getting along well together up til now. The implication is that you've been with him for a while at least. Seems to me the question should have been posed and answered to his satisfaction at the very outset or at least close to that point. If he is asking now perhaps he is saying, rather inartfully, that in his opinion you just don't have anything to offer to him.

Alternatively, perhaps he just didn't like the passivity and lack of thought or imagination you gave to his question. Everyone has some skills and abilities. What are yours? What are ones that haven't been fully developed yet but which you think or others have told you, you have some potential or spark? What things do you want to learn for him or from him?

You say that you want him to guide you and help you learn new things. Then show him that you are not only willing to learn but that you have potential and will be an active eager partner. At least show him that you are a potentially good medium for him to work with. Think about it some and come back with more of an answer than you gave the first time.

_____________________________

A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

(in reply to yoursnatch)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 7:28:22 AM

Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I'm gonna respond to this in kind of a round-about way. I had a chance to review your profile, and besides the point that I really think you should set up another profile using a different name - I mean, you really are not offering "your snatch" to everyone, are you? Your screenname suggests that you are. Just a thought. But to respond to your original post, I think you are aware that the problem is not that you have nothing to offer your "Master" (I'll explain later why I put that in quotes), the problem seems to have been that you did not fully understand the question posed at the time and were unprepared to answer. He caught you off-guard, so to speak.

Now, why I put "Master" in quotes before. From reading your journal, it seemed that you took him on as your Master, or he took you as his slave, whatever, only the latter part of last month. I don't know how long you've been in the life, but you did say you were new to all this. I don't know the full nature of your involvment with him and it's none of my business anyway, but I get a little concerned when I hear about newbie subs/slaves rushing into M/s relationships and "Masters" who encourage such rushing, in my eyes, are not so much Masters as they are predators. I hope that doesn't sound too harsh, because I don't mean it to be. I know nothing about you or this man and I do not wish to judge harshly, I'm just voicing a concern.

So, back to your original question. The main reason I checked your profile was to find out your age. You and I are about the same age so I'm gonna talk to you like I would talk to any peer of mine, any sister-girl of mine, and as slave to slave-- I know that some Maters/Owners use cutting off communication, limiting access to themselves as a means of punishment -- as a training method. Perhaps he is doing this...if so, seems to me he's not very adept at using this method...b/c if he is using this as punishment, he needs to have clearly stated that and he should have put a definite time limit on it. Also, if this were the case, I fail to understand what you could've done to deserve a punishment. Which leads me to believe he may just be being a non-communicative jerk. Or a coward, if what he wanted to do was end the involvment and just didn't have the "nerve" to tell you directly. The point is, there are so many possibilities and by him not talking to you, it only gives your mind plenty of time and space to imagine all sorts of things. I ask you, is that the behavior of a mature "Master?" Is that the kind of behavior you want to get on a regular from your Master?

Just food for thought, girl. Take it easy.

gina

(in reply to yoursnatch)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 7:49:00 AM

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
For me being my Masters slave means I offer him submission, respect, intelligence, money from my job, my body to use as he sees fit, and making sure all his needs, wants, and desires are met.
I feel it's my job to care for the house, the kids, my Masters mental & physical comfort, sexual urges, and desires in life. I also feel it's my responsibility to make him proud to be my Master. These are my job to make happen and maintain in ways he feels I am permitted to. Sometimes this means I carry him through hard times just by him knowing if things get rough I'm here to use in any way he can think of to make things better.
I also am an outlet of the energy exchange release he needs to find peace.
Overall my loyalty, devotion, respect and desire to please him in any way I see I can is my main goal.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to yoursnatch)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 7:58:47 AM

Posts: 86
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ginawithaB

I'm gonna respond to this in kind of a round-about way. I had a chance to review your profile, and besides the point that I really think you should set up another profile using a different name - I mean, you really are not offering "your snatch" to everyone, are you? Your screenname suggests that you are. Just a thought. But to respond to your original post, I think you are aware that the problem is not that you have nothing to offer your "Master" (I'll explain later why I put that in quotes), the problem seems to have been that you did not fully understand the question posed at the time and were unprepared to answer. He caught you off-guard, so to speak.

Now, why I put "Master" in quotes before. From reading your journal, it seemed that you took him on as your Master, or he took you as his slave, whatever, only the latter part of last month. I don't know how long you've been in the life, but you did say you were new to all this. I don't know the full nature of your involvment with him and it's none of my business anyway, but I get a little concerned when I hear about newbie subs/slaves rushing into M/s relationships and "Masters" who encourage such rushing, in my eyes, are not so much Masters as they are predators. I hope that doesn't sound too harsh, because I don't mean it to be. I know nothing about you or this man and I do not wish to judge harshly, I'm just voicing a concern.

So, back to your original question. The main reason I checked your profile was to find out your age. You and I are about the same age so I'm gonna talk to you like I would talk to any peer of mine, any sister-girl of mine, and as slave to slave-- I know that some Maters/Owners use cutting off communication, limiting access to themselves as a means of punishment -- as a training method. Perhaps he is doing this...if so, seems to me he's not very adept at using this method...b/c if he is using this as punishment, he needs to have clearly stated that and he should have put a definite time limit on it. Also, if this were the case, I fail to understand what you could've done to deserve a punishment. Which leads me to believe he may just be being a non-communicative jerk. Or a coward, if what he wanted to do was end the involvment and just didn't have the "nerve" to tell you directly. The point is, there are so many possibilities and by him not talking to you, it only gives your mind plenty of time and space to imagine all sorts of things. I ask you, is that the behavior of a mature "Master?" Is that the kind of behavior you want to get on a regular from your Master?

Just food for thought, girl. Take it easy.

gina

Perfectly stated.

_____________________________

~~May Bright Blessings Be Bestowed Upon You and Yours~~

(in reply to ginawithaB)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 8:07:48 AM

Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

i believe i'm saying pretty much what everyone else is, but i am going to try to word it in a way that might make things clearer for you.

Master has asked me difficult questions like this in the past. i had an easier time answering them because i have a bit of experience beneath my belt, but that doesn't mean it was easy. What He was looking for was specific answers. He knows that the general answer is, "i offer my complete submission, loyalty and obediance" but anyone can say that. He wanted to know what made me different from the rest. What qualities i had that others didn't. Not an easy question to answer but i tried. i did like you and said the first response, but He informed me that that wasn't what He was looking for and outlined exactly specifically the question He wanted me to answer and so then i did.

It does say something about your master that he ran away and punished you with silence without much if any explanation. i think he should have explained why you were being punished and put a limit on the punishment. Communication is key in any relationship, but it's even more important in BDSM. There is something that was miscommunicated between you and your master that needs to be smoothed over. By cutting off communication it's only making things worse. You and your master need to talk about what happened and how to fix it in the future. And that's my two cents worth.

(in reply to ginawithaB)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 8:08:54 AM

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

Wow, what a great idea. As dumb as it may sound, i never thought about putting all that i could offer in resume form. i have one for my nilla job, of course, and in some ways, i bet some of those same things could be used in a service/kink resume. Would have to be very, very careful not to send the wrong one..lol. Thanks for the idea...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Synocense

"what do you have to offer me?" -- Make yourself a slave resume. Include your
slave name and all skills that you have, from those you have mastered to those
you are just learning. Cooking, cleaning, sewing, communication skills, household
management, etc. Every six months or so, revise it, add anything to it that you
feel is important. Not only is this an excellent way to answer that question, but
it gives you something in black and white to look at yourself, about yourself,
monitor your growth, build self worth and self esteem. : )

Good luck,
Syn

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to Synocense)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 8:50:28 AM

Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Needless to say he is not talking to me or i would be discussing this with him. Am i missing something?

Yes, it sounds as if you are missing the opportunity to develop a relationship with someone who will teach you, help you grow....seriously, i don't know why he is not talking to you when this is the perfect opportunity for him. If he truly did not like your answer he should use this opportunity to talk to you, tell you why he did not like it...and tell you what it was that he was looking for in a response.

_____________________________

Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth
~Unknown

(in reply to yoursnatch)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 9:32:14 AM

Posts: 28
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

sorry about the lack of information. I had thought these things were already dicussed before we took it any further. I didn't make my decision lightly. I know i have alot to offer someone. In all aspects of my life. I know where i'm at and what i expect from my choices. My profile was purposely short I am more than words on a profile or a name . On-line meeting people is not easy i like to look in people eye's when i get into my personal life. I never expected any answers in posting this i was only looking for insite from the more expieranced and i thank every one for thier replies. I have since spoken to him and probally should have waited before i jumped the gun with the post so to speak. But i love the message boards and learn alot from them.

(in reply to wipmebeetme100)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 10:27:36 AM

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

Something stinks about asking what you have to offer and then cutting off communications when he apparently didn't like the answer to his vague question. Reminds me of a dopey job interview instead of a discussion about a relationship, and I think if you were having trouble answering the question he could at least say what he has to offer so you could see the context he was expecting for your own answer. If all he's got to offer is calling himself a master, then your answer was just fine.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 11/11/2005 10:32:53 AM >

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to yoursnatch)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 1:23:26 PM

Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline

Welcome : )

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to krikket)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/11/2005 10:48:33 PM

ChasteSubBlkMale

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

Something stinks about asking what you have to offer and then cutting off communications when he apparently didn't like the answer to his vague question. Reminds me of a dopey job interview instead of a discussion about a relationship, and I think if you were having trouble answering the question he could at least say what he has to offer so you could see the context he was expecting for your own answer. If all he's got to offer is calling himself a master, then your answer was just fine.

Agreed. Frankly, I think the guy is a waste of time and yours might be better spent finding someone worthy of being called Master.

_____________________________

Constantly teased, totally denied.

(in reply to happypervert)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/12/2005 8:46:45 AM

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Just a thought but you may want to change your user name. it may give people the wrong idea about you.

littleone

*chuckle...I agree littleone.
I read one screen name and thought ok... if that is what she wants, then its not reflected in her profile.
I know I wouldnt want to have a screen name like Your_cunt, Your_bitch, Your_slut ...but that's me....

****************************************

Q...your sense of humor is so much fun...I love reading your posts.

******************************************

Something else to add.... sometimes Master does "punish" me with silence.... but then we have been together a while now.....so I know I must reflect on my response, reaction, attitude and then I understand His silence. Gives Him space not to react angrily and me time to reflect. Every relationship works differently.

< Message edited by slavedesires -- 11/12/2005 8:55:12 AM >

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to littleone35)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/12/2005 2:30:25 PM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yoursnatch

Am i missing something?

Yes, you missed something. Yourself. You focused entirely on what you are, rather than who you are. Master and I frequently use questions such as this one as deal breaker questions. It weeds out those who are merely mouthing what they think we want to hear or giving us platitudes with no plan on how to get to what they've laid out.

We're looking for someone that knows what they bring to the table as a submissive and as human being. Someone that has specific, attainable goals. Someone that understands that submission is more than just obeying. Someone that will honestly say "I don't know" when they don't know, rather than spouting what they've read on internet or read in a chatroom.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to yoursnatch)

RE: what do slaves have to offer - 11/12/2005 2:43:45 PM

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: yoursnatch

Am i missing something?

Yes, you missed something. Yourself. You focused entirely on what you are, rather than who you are. Master and I frequently use questions such as this one as deal breaker questions. It weeds out those who are merely mouthing what they think we want to hear or giving us platitudes with no plan on how to get to what they've laid out.

We're looking for someone that knows what they bring to the table as a submissive and as human being. Someone that has specific, attainable goals. Someone that understands that submission is more than just obeying. Someone that will honestly say "I don't know" when they don't know, rather than spouting what they've read on internet or read in a chatroom.

Beautifully stated. I applaud you.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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