AAkasha
Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
|
Like most femdoms, I get frustrated with the inability for some submissives to follow simple instructions (email me before bed, write a few lines about what you felt about our recent encounter, send me your schedule, call me at xyz time, that kind of thing). I tend to have a short fuse and am admitedly cynical, but I don't give third and fourth chances when it comes to instructions that I find are fairly straight forward.
It used to be that I thought this bothered/hurt/irritated/disappointed me simply because if I was becoming super fond of a guy, it's like any form of "rejection," it's not pleasant, and it's emotionally painful. Regardless, having someone "let you down," is always a bummer - and again, I'm talking about *simple* instructions, not crazy stuff.
But I realized that there are a couple of men who are equally as inattentive, or slow to respond, or don't quite do things in the manner that they were instructed, and I am not NEARLY as upset - in fact, I am not upset at all. These are men that I am 'negotiating' with as more potential bottoms than subs, and despite the fact that in a few cases I am clearly more attracted/excited/interested than with one of the subs described above, I don't find myself really bothered all that much if they are not quick to respond - it's like, whatever, people are busy. Granted, my expectations and commands are not structured (they are, after all, not petitioning to be my 'submissive' or 'slave', we just are investigating the possibility of 'play') -- but, it would be logical that I would be just as upset, irritated, saddened or "let down," if a potential bottom-partner was not behaving in a manner that I would like. Simply put, I am not bothered at all, comparatively.
So it's an easy, logical, solution: Don't make demands or have expectations of subs, just like I do with potential bottoms, right? Here's the rub. It's not that easy. If I am looking for a submissive, I want one that can follow instructions. And moreso, they WANT instructions. They are courting that. They crave control. It's what the initial courting is all about - they push for it just as much. If I give instructions though, and I expect them to be followed, I am going to be *upset* if they are not. I don't care how small the instruction is. If I say, and a sub agrees, that he's going to email me before he goes to bed, and he "forgets," and apologizes the next day - and it was just a "oops, duh, well...I guess I forgot..." thing (not "I had friend in crisis, my dog got sick, my sister had an emergency - it slipped my mind, I am sorry" - I get that)....he's just pissing me off. I can give the same "command" (but I will call it a "request" because that's more literal) to a potential bottom, kink friend, whatever, and if they forget or it slips their mind, who cares. I might mention it to them, but really - I don't get upset.
I guess that's the point. I am not an *anal* person. One of my best girlfriends is always late. I don't bitch at her. I just know that she's that way. I am not the kind of friend that gets irritated or mad when a friend has to cancel attending something or flakes when they say, "Hey I'll call you later tonight!" - I am not that way at all, I just know people are busy. But when a man is attempting to engage in a submissive relationship with me and he's flaky like that, I simply cannot tolerate it - even a little.
Why not, as a femdom, just shrug it off the way I do with my girlfriends, or my "bottom" boys, or whoever - hey, everyone is busy. People forget. It was a simple command and a trivial one, therefore, it's stuipid to overreact to it, just accept that maybe they will obey 30% of the time or 60%. Then everyone is happy, right?
Wrong. I can't do that. This is the self analysis I am having. I realize that if a man is engaging a power dynamic with me and wants to follow commands, he has to follow them all. He can't only follow the ones that are convenient or fun. It has nothing to do with how attracted I am to him, how much I care about him, or how much he rocks my world - I can be more attracted to a "bottom," and if he forgets to do what I asked (casually, as a friend), I just don't mind it. But if I give an *instruction* to a submissive, no matter how small, and he blows it off or "forgets," it's irritating. I guess the reality is that I can't be obeyed partially, it must be all or nothing.
(again, the caveat here is that I am not talking about difficult or over the top commands for a new relationship -- ie, of course no one should expect a new sub to do everything as told if the commands are unrealistic). Or, is the thinking backwards for me: really, in a *new* relationship, a submissive should be expected to only follow SOME of the instructions he receives...until things get "serious."?
Femdoms, do you just brush off and ignore if a new submissive doesn't follow the smaller details and consistenly says he forgot? Are you anal when your friends (non kinky) are flaky, do they get more slack? Does the level of intensity/romance impact your level of expectation? Does it just depend on what the instructions are? Does it depend on how much you LIKE the guy? If you give a guy instructions and he flakes half the time, but you are only a LITTLE into him, do you not care and let it go, but if you REALLY like a guy do you give him less or more leeway?
Akasha
_____________________________
Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]
|
The devil is in the details of the dynamic: Submission ... - 
Profile
And Akasha, you have a *husband* at home. I think that puts a different spin on things, perhaps? Yes, I need attention, but it does have to be sincere attention. "Hi, Francine, just checking in as ordered" is not meaningful to me. "Hi, Francine, hope all goes well with your new client this afternoon" is. The point of the checking in is my little bit of proof that the person who is not living with me still thinks of me, at least for those few minutes. That he is, yes, following directions. Do I reciprocate this kind of attention? Hell yes, I do! I am not expecting to be kowtowed to, I certainly hold up my side of the relationship. 
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread