RE: "A sub" but not

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RE: "A sub" but not - 10/13/2008 9:29:47 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
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I'm going to have to bookmark this thread, and go back and read it at need. There are some great answers to my internal questions all through it, and I do appreciate them all!

When I hear all the things "submissives are and want and like", I tend to be left walking away sad and lonely. Because no, that's not me. I'm not a people-pleaser, it's not in my nature to think of others first. I am *gasp* not by nature submissive at all. I don't want to give up myself, or my opinions, or even my flaws! I just want to use the good parts, and work on the bad parts enough to please one. Sometimes I do wonder how much easier his life would be if I had a more traditionally understood version of submission. But alas, he would have to get rid of me, and he seems happy enough to keep me, so there we are, muddling through.

It just seems when I try to use any of the s-words, it brings to minid very different things that what I intend. It's always handy to have shortcuts to explaining that "what you think you heard is not what I meant".

Or.... find that can of dominant-personality whoop-ass at the right moments!

< Message edited by mbes -- 10/13/2008 9:30:40 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: "A sub" but not - 10/14/2008 12:11:04 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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OK,let me try this again. If I was seeking a new submissive partner, nothing in anything you wrote, not in the first post and not in any of the follow-ups, would give me a moment's pause. Whatever your "understood definition of submission" is, it's remarkably close to mine... and other doms who have posted on this thread. Who the heck is telling you that it's not so?

So you read things that other submissives post and you say, "but that's not me." Fair enough, they are not you. But then again, who knows who exactly you would be in the presence of the perfect dominant for you? Ask yourself how you would feel about all your various "balking" statements in the presence of a dominant that was perfect for you? Would they still be applicable then? I'm guessing not. Implied in your view is an awful lot of "giving up of yourself" that I would absolutely and totally NOT ALLOW my own sub to do.

Out of curiosity, how many doms would have to post here saying some variant of, "sure, I could work with that" before you'd be convinced? Maybe you should've posted on the dom forum.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to mbes)

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RE: "A sub" but not - 10/14/2008 9:16:38 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
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There's really only one d-type whose intimate interest matters to me, and he appears happy enough. He's not really the one I'm worried about. There are far more interesting dichotomies in my nature to keep him amused for a good long time.

But it does still become frustrating from time to time, thinking that two people are discussing one concept, only to find they are two very different ideas. No harm no foul, and it's great if you can find where the wires cross, but that isn't always easy to do.
So what I can I say? I get frustrated!

(in reply to leadership527)

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RE: "A sub" but not - 10/15/2008 3:51:36 PM

bound4more

Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelesslyInvo

"my mind has, and always will have its own thoughts and wishes, but i prefer to give the thoughts and wishes of my partner priority over my own, and to learn what their thoughts and wishes might be."

Yup! I've always thought submission means deference to another - whether that deference is in the form of thoughts, wishes, actions or whatever. If I have no opinions, desires, perspectives etc. then what is it I'm submitting to him? I think there's this idea floating around that submissives and slaves are such because they actually have no desires, opinions of their own - like some kind of blank slate waiting to be written on.

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