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Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 11:09:11 AM

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I would be so interested in hearing responses from Doms and subs.

A potential sub asked me how I would like to be referred to; Ma'am, Dom, Mistress, my name. None of these felt fitting to me. I thought for a while about how I would like to be referred and I came up with "Miss." Part of me thinks this is in total contradiction calling a Dom "Miss." Though when I imagine a potential sub calling me that it feels right. What do some of you Doms and subs out there think about this? Are there any subs who would be bothered by calling their Dom "Miss?" And what about you Doms; Do you any of you prefer to be called "Miss?" And how has this worked for you?

About a year ago I started exploring my dominant side. I have a strong tendency towards servitude and an unmistakably submissive side to my personality though I do not feel completely home in my submissiveness. There is so much more to me, and I want to stretch and challenge myself to expand. Luckily, I have a partner whom is very supportive of my curiosities.

Anyway, When I first started exploring I was hung up on seeming dominant. So instead of listening to my own wants and needs I tended to follow the mandate of what I thought a dominant women would do. My intention was to play the part long enough in hopes that eventually I would find some level of confidence in playing it. Now a year later, and after having a several month break from any lifestyle activity, I feel much more clear in what I actually want. Does being called "Miss" Fit? (no pun intented)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 11:24:53 AM

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You could certainly look at it this way:
Lord - Lady ( Titled individuals that owned land)
Master - Mistress (and Mis' being the shortened version, adding the 's' a modernization)
Dom - Domme (both mean the same, just one is masculine, the other feminine, girl always perceives such to denote bondage)
Duke - Dutchess (titled individuals that owned duchies)
Hope it doesn't confuse you, but what is important is what you find appropriate and comfortable.

(in reply to youQadesh)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 11:25:19 AM

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It is entirely up to you. If being referred to as "Miss" feels right to you, then it is right. There are no rules indicating what should or shouldn't be a correct title, every person uses what works for them. I personally enjoy M'Lady or Miss Sue over the traditional Mistress and Ma'am. You will find many varied opinions on this matter but they boil down to ... it's what YOU want that matters.

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RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 11:34:19 AM

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Thanks to both of you for the response! It made me feel so much better just to know I'm not off track.

(in reply to MsLadySue)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 11:37:12 AM

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I dislike being called "mistress", so yes, I am known as Ms (Miss) Francine. If it makes you happy, it's the right choice!

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RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 11:45:45 AM

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Girl finds Miss much more publicly tolerant than referring to your dominant as mistress. Though girl has been known to use Ma'am, but that is only with women that are twice my age+. Ma'am is more an admiration for someone having lived longer than you have.
Yes Miss. (its very feminine and has that respectful sound that just rolls off the tongue)

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 11:58:07 AM

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I totally agree! I felt strange being called ma'am. I am 24. It just didn't seem fitting. Anyway, I just told the sub I would like to be called Miss. It felt good! It's a good start to my re-entry into the lifestyle.

(in reply to Aszhrae)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 11:58:17 AM

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I'm not big on protocol, so I usually let the sub decide what feels right to him, because I don't care all that much. One person with whom I swap emails calls me "Lady P." in our correspondence, which is fine with me (my given name is "Paige"). If a sub can't decide what feels right, I generally suggest "Miss P.," which I think is a nice balance between casual and formal. I do put my foot down at terms like "goddess," unless it's clear that it's said tongue-in-cheek. I have an absolute horror of taking myself too seriously, so anything that smacked of fantasy-land would be off limits.

(in reply to youQadesh)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 12:08:27 PM

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Girl has but one Goddess, not a title girl is comfortable with giving such a title to a domme. Not even in effigy, it just seems wrong to me.
Girl usually refers to all dommes as mistress out of respect when making first contact. Unless they tell me otherwise, like one has already, and has chosen to be called Ma'am by me during conversation. Some reserve the title, mistress, for their collared sub/slave(s).

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 12:12:17 PM

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Its good that you say that because being new to the dominant role there is a degree of novelty in every step of being a Dom. This can make it hard for me to discern what is truly strange and what is normal. I understand that this doesn't necessarily matter but it does help me check myself to have at least some concept of the status quo. I don't think I will be a "showy" Dom. I don't like a lot of frills and role playing elements so it would be completely of base for anyone to call me Goddess. Though I do see that many people find those elements of drama and fantasy appealing.

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 12:21:13 PM

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I think you have to be feel comfy with what you do and how you are called (Goddess usually makes me cringe, I feel like a fraud because I am still lacking the ability to end world hunger, change the weather and all those minor things), so don't take it all that seriously.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to youQadesh)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 12:41:13 PM

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From: SE Michigan
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The only person at the moment with the right to call me Mistress is my beloved hubbypet as I am his Mistress.
Everyone else address's me as Alexandra, which is my given name. If they feel a need to call me by a title, Ma'am is acceptable, or Ms.Alexandra.
I cringe at the faux word "domme" ( especially when pronounced "dom-ay) a made up internet word with an attempt to feminize a genderless word, dominant. When describing a female submissive no one calls them subbe or some attempt at feminizing the word submissive.

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~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 12:41:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I think you have to be feel comfy with what you do and how you are called (Goddess usually makes me cringe, I feel like a fraud because I am still lacking the ability to end world hunger, change the weather and all those minor things), so don't take it all that seriously.

Clearly, I need to set my sights higher. I'm having trouble just getting the new version of iTunes to work properly.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 12:50:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youQadesh

Its good that you say that because being new to the dominant role there is a degree of novelty in every step of being a Dom. This can make it hard for me to discern what is truly strange and what is normal. I understand that this doesn't necessarily matter but it does help me check myself to have at least some concept of the status quo. I don't think I will be a "showy" Dom. I don't like a lot of frills and role playing elements so it would be completely of base for anyone to call me Goddess. Though I do see that many people find those elements of drama and fantasy appealing.

Some dominas *love* what I call the "over-the-topness." It's all a matter of personal preference, and I don't mind it so much as long as it's limited to a scene. I just feel that if you engage in it all the time, it's easier to let all this goddess/queen/bitch stuff carry over into vanilla life and it probably won't go over too well with your boss, your mother, or your dry cleaner. Hang around on the boards for a while and you can tell when some people have let the d/s dynamic warp their perception (anybody remember Stacy?).

(in reply to youQadesh)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 1:03:09 PM

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Oh within a scene over the top can be fun, but that would be role-play...

Sometimes people really get carried away and the dreaded domititis is not a pretty sight.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 1:05:13 PM

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Whatever feels good for you is correct.

Ma'am is fine. I'm southern. I've been taught to always answer Yes or No, sir or ma'am. I simply consider that to be good manners. I don't like Mistress as that always sounds like 'the other woman'. Lady is acceptable, but often sounds 'pushed', unless I'm at an SCA event.

I usually tell my boys that I prefer 'Ghoddess' - but only if they 'feel' it. I chose that one because my first twue sub called me 'goddess' and I liked it because he really did keep me on a very high pedistol - probably just so he could get a better view up my skirt. I added 'the silent H' because an old friend of mine used to do that whenever typing the word 'ghod' as a differential between our heavenly Father and any slightly derogatory phrase.

One of my friends calls me Ms S in the C-mail because my real name also starts with an S. It's probably the same person that calls Venatrix Miss P.

_____________________________

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It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 1:12:46 PM

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lol...domititus.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 1:16:51 PM

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Well, now that we are getting back into the lifestyle again I'm sure I'll be on here many times asking for advice. I hope I don't encounter too many people with domititus!

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 1:23:45 PM

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Joined: 1/30/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: youQadesh

Its good that you say that because being new to the dominant role there is a degree of novelty in every step of being a Dom. This can make it hard for me to discern what is truly strange and what is normal. I understand that this doesn't necessarily matter but it does help me check myself to have at least some concept of the status quo. I don't think I will be a "showy" Dom. I don't like a lot of frills and role playing elements so it would be completely of base for anyone to call me Goddess. Though I do see that many people find those elements of drama and fantasy appealing.

Some dominas *love* what I call the "over-the-topness." It's all a matter of personal preference, and I don't mind it so much as long as it's limited to a scene. I just feel that if you engage in it all the time, it's easier to let all this goddess/queen/bitch stuff carry over into vanilla life and it probably won't go over too well with your boss, your mother, or your dry cleaner. Hang around on the boards for a while and you can tell when some people have let the d/s dynamic warp their perception (anybody remember Stacy?).

Don't know stacy, but I hear that her mom had it goin' on.

To be serious for a bit, I don't think that you can really blame a dominant's preferred title for how they conduct themselves outside of their private life. Someone who likes being called Ma'am by their sub can still take themselves too seriously in the public realm. My girlfriend likes to be addressed as Goddess, and she's one of the silliest, joy-inducing people I know. To me it's just like any other title, as it represents power and responsibility, and establishes a chain of command. Plus, I think we both like the irony, considering we're atheistic. Now if she expected me to sacrifice live koalas while juggling starved piranhas in a weekly ritual to worship her, it'd be a bit different. But again, she could expect that, and still just like to be called by her name.

To summarize, as long as you know how to laugh at yourself, you can call yourself whatever ya like and I doubt you'll have a problem.

(in reply to Venatrix)

RE: Mistress Titles - 11/23/2008 1:33:13 PM

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Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: youQadesh

Well, now that we are getting back into the lifestyle again I'm sure I'll be on here many times asking for advice. I hope I don't encounter too many people with domititus!

If you do encounter them, it is always quite entertaining if they try to dominate inanimate objects....

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to youQadesh)

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