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RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER


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RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/6/2008 5:10:00 PM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW


quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

Trots off to see where he can find that throne and crown the OP was talking about.


Silly Master, the throne is in the bathroom where it always is.


"Well, I guess it's time for the censers and incense!"


Grins, hmmm....maybe some incense on the days i serve good old fashioned corn bread and beans for dinner is a good idea, lmao.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/6/2008 8:27:14 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		We used to refer to those private moments as "having a word with the President." Which gave us rather a quandry when we elected a man we actually respect. Consequently, now those moments have become "having a word with Rush Limbaugh about tomorrow's show."

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/9/2008 3:51:25 PM   
Houston47man


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		Wow my back is alittle sore from all the people stepping on me to the discussion podium....ouch...This is what makes the world go round and it is my opinion from observing two poly households that the reason there was unrest was because the Dom or Domme was not in charge of certain aspects of the households.  I agree with many of you that it is a TEAM EFFORT and for success of the household that idea must be at the forefront.  However, it is the Dom or Dommes (Lady Pact)  responsibility to set rules, regulations, and set structure.  I am just starting a household and we will all share in the work and profits from our investments in real estate and restaurants.  My motto...we all work together for the betterment of the group or we die.....Its from the Seringehty Plains....if you notice animals work in packs to win and stay alive....Best wishes to all for a very happy holiday season....Master Ian.

(in reply to Darigone)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/9/2008 4:06:17 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Houston47man

Wow my back is alittle sore from all the people stepping on me to the discussion podium....ouch...This is what makes the world go round and it is my opinion from observing two poly households that the reason there was unrest was because the Dom or Domme was not in charge of certain aspects of the households.  I agree with many of you that it is a TEAM EFFORT and for success of the household that idea must be at the forefront.  However, it is the Dom or Dommes (Lady Pact)  responsibility to set rules, regulations, and set structure.  I am just starting a household and we will all share in the work and profits from our investments in real estate and restaurants.  My motto...we all work together for the betterment of the group or we die.....Its from the Seringehty Plains....if you notice animals work in packs to win and stay alive....Best wishes to all for a very happy holiday season....Master Ian.


Actually, rules are only any good if they are easily followed and agreed upon. We could set all kinds of rules (two dominant household here) but if they aren't agreed upon, if they are difficult to follow then we would only be accomplishing making more work for ourselves. Not my thing in life.
 
Instead, we let the relationship morph into what works best for everyone involved. Yes, we have set standards and luckily twice had the same standards when we met her... one of the things that makes us so compatable. So, no, it isn't the dominant persons responsibility to set the rules and regulations... it is still a group effort.
 
Your best bet is to do what works for you and yours,  you are preaching to the choir here hon, we all know what works best for us. My suggestion is to talk about what works for you and give others the opportunity to tell you what works for them, not tell us what works best... period. Or what we are responsible for and how to do it.
 
Jewel

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Houston47man)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/9/2008 4:59:53 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 20089
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: online
quote:

ORIGINAL: Houston47man

Wow my back is alittle sore from all the people stepping on me to the discussion podium....ouch...This is what makes the world go round and it is my opinion from observing two poly households that the reason there was unrest was because the Dom or Domme was not in charge of certain aspects of the households.  I agree with many of you that it is a TEAM EFFORT and for success of the household that idea must be at the forefront.  However, it is the Dom or Dommes (Lady Pact)  responsibility to set rules, regulations, and set structure.  I am just starting a household and we will all share in the work and profits from our investments in real estate and restaurants.  My motto...we all work together for the betterment of the group or we die.....Its from the Seringehty Plains....if you notice animals work in packs to win and stay alive....Best wishes to all for a very happy holiday season....Master Ian.

Well, at least you conceded the point that not all households are male ruled. 

The thing is that different things work for different people.  What works in My house probably isn't going to work in your house, and that might be completely different than what works in say, Jewel's house.  Different philosophies, different people, different approaches. 

Just another point of order.  Observing a poly household is a lot different than actually participating in one and getting the experience first hand.  A lot of folks will tell you that they had lots of plans scoped out in their minds about how everything was going to work, how things were going to run, and even might have envisioned what kind of people were going to be in it.  Some of those same folks will tell you that it didn't turn out that way.  A number of which will even tell you that they are a lot happier with the house they have today than the one they dreamed up.

There are some really good poly folks here on these boards.  None of us are just like everyone else and there's no one way of doing things.  It's fine to have an opinion or talk about what works for you, but grand standing statements of how it's going to work for everybody just aren't going to jive. 

Be well, and good luck finding the other members of the pack.


_____________________________

Proud owner of LPslittleclip.


I really do appreciate your opinion and all, but My dynamic is not a democracy and you don't get a vote.

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

(in reply to Houston47man)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/9/2008 5:31:23 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3528
Status: offline
quote:

A poly household is one of the hardest to hold together and takes an extremely Dominant male who has the ability to communicate, has passion for the group, and has compassion to hold it together.  There must be a leader and he must lead...and thwart all trivial and petty differences from the group.  If he allows continual deterioration of attitude and pettyness then it will not work.  The Dom must also take care of everyones mental, soul and body needs within the group..


Even single mamas and babydaddies can handle do this every second and minute of the day.

Poly has nothing to do with it.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/10/2008 8:31:09 AM   
respectyourowner


Posts: 122
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline 		Many think that the domanant has the easy job. I find it the hardest. You also have to keep your slave(s) interested and happy; that is not easy. It is also a relationship and in my case a very serious one.

(in reply to Houston47man)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/10/2008 8:55:26 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 4705
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I gotta go with LA on this one.  Not all poly's are power based.  For some it is just a matter of finding the right mix of personality and skills.  I doubt that many of them would be ok with one person appointing themselves as leader and demanding all others comply.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Houston47man

Wow my back is alittle sore from all the people stepping on me to the discussion podium....ouch...This is what makes the world go round and it is my opinion from observing two poly households that the reason there was unrest was because the Dom or Domme was not in charge of certain aspects of the households.  I agree with many of you that it is a TEAM EFFORT and for success of the household that idea must be at the forefront.  However, it is the Dom or Dommes (Lady Pact)  responsibility to set rules, regulations, and set structure.  I am just starting a household and we will all share in the work and profits from our investments in real estate and restaurants.  My motto...we all work together for the betterment of the group or we die.....Its from the Seringehty Plains....if you notice animals work in packs to win and stay alive....Best wishes to all for a very happy holiday season....Master Ian.

(in reply to Houston47man)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/10/2008 12:56:03 PM   
Orleana


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/10/2008
Status: offline 		it takes a really strong human beings to hold a POLY home together...
I had lived in a POLY situtation for over 20 years..during which time I have had a DOM male with me(husband of 22 years) ...3 sub males and I sub female...for periods of up to 6 years...
At on epoint there were 5 of us in the home...

COMMUNICATION is the key and each basically CLEAR in their roles ...expectations and ...we had regular check ins..meetings..talking circles...and protocol as to when to speak freely as to issues and concerns right away..

Each having thier own space was important and there were times when all doors were shut...

Having an acerage and the space was most condusive to poly life...
WHen most ppl hear of a POLY realtionship-home what is it they think of first...yep.."were you all in the same bed?HOW did you switch off ?..did you go with 3 men?........all about the sex..

THAT is not WHY we had a POLY home or what it is about...we all had differnect desires..needs...
TO begin I loved my husband and then another man in our open marriage..it seemed natuarl that he move in..
financially...work wise and love wise...he chose to explore his submisive side while with us
We became ONE unit...

OUR infinate capacity for love..joy...and experiance is one reason a POLY home can work


ORLEANA

(in reply to Darigone)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/10/2008 6:13:28 PM   
Skully7000


Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline 		LOL Wow I needed a good laugh, the comments were just hysterical and wanted to say thanks to the peanut gallery:)

Cheers 
Skully

(in reply to Orleana)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/11/2008 10:13:25 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3650
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Actually, after 30 years of poly participation, it seems to me that what it takes to hold a poly household together is really -flexible- human beings, who genuinely want to be with one another. Poly is like any other relationship -- sometimes, it just isn't pretty. In fact, sometimes, it's pretty damned messed up... and unlike dyadic relationships, there is no 'mess' that can be mutually ignored or conveniently closeted, because things that aren't resolved seem to get dug up and re-exposed over and over again when you're in a greater-than-dyadic group.

The household I'm in currently started out without D/s in the mix. What held it together through the rough spots wasn't some domineering individual with buttloads of rules. In the previous poly situations I was in, there was -never- a D/s dynamic involved, and the same thing held those together... the fact that the people in the relationship wanted to be there, and were -all- committed to doing what it took to keep the relationship healthy and strong.

I've been fortunate, in some ways. I've never had a poly relationship 'decay'. The ones that have ended have ended because of external demands (jobs that meant people moving in different directions, death, etc.), and they ended with affection and respect for one another still intact. I think that the reason this is the case is because beyond anything else, the people -in- the relationship have wanted to be there, and have wanted to share themselves with the other folks to whom they were connected--enough so that they made the household a commitment, not because it was -compelled- that they did so, but because they -wanted- things to work.

You can't compel a relationship into being. You can't compel a household into staying together. You can order someone to do something or be somewhere, and they may obey, but a command or a rule won't make them -want- that thing (or want to participate in a healthy way in that thing).

The thing that holds it together is the desire of the members for it to be what it is. That's true whether you're talking about a poly household or a dyad, a family-of-choice or a family-by-blood. Trying to make it a big old ego-stroke, and taking away the communal responsibility for the health of the household won't -protect- that household... it will weaken the foundations that would hold it in place when things get rocky. If everyone involved does not believe that xhe is vested in the health and well-being of the relationship, xhe will have no incentive to work towards resolution. Rules won't provide a foundation for a healthy poly home. Honest affection, time, committment, and active, mutual problem-solving and crisis resolution are the only things that will work over time.


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Skully7000)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/13/2008 9:55:17 AM   
Houston47man


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		Your smile is way to cute gurl.

(in reply to phoenixrising43)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/13/2008 9:59:48 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 10356
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Oh good lord!

_____________________________

Some days, I ought to come with a warning label.

My Knyt is sure rocking all my days! He is living proof that dreams can come true and there are amazing male submissives out there!

(in reply to Houston47man)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/13/2008 10:00:54 AM   
Houston47man


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		Your post is the best one here.  You reveal to most of these wannabees the true nature of a polyhousehold....the bottom line is what works is WHAT WORKS for your specific situation and household.  Like I said previously I have observed two households where the submissives were left to run wild with no structure and no discipline.  That leads to an unstable household.  As a Dom male it would be my responsibility to feed and nuture my submissives...Im not talking about having four or five of them...two or three maximum as no one man or WOMAN could give their all...to all...One of the strongest attributes of this lifestyle is that you can take from it that which brings enjoyment to all individuals in the group...

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/13/2008 3:59:08 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 20089
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: online 		Sorry to be snarky, but I can't resist.

So the rest of us posting on this particular thread are fakes and wannabes?  I've been married to My husband going on seven years now and My sub's been collared for over a year.  Oddly enough, the pictures on My profile weren't taken by Myself holding a camera up to a bathroom mirror.  Oh, yeah, that happens to be Me in the pictures on My husband and My sub's profile as well.




_____________________________

Proud owner of LPslittleclip.


I really do appreciate your opinion and all, but My dynamic is not a democracy and you don't get a vote.

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

(in reply to Houston47man)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/13/2008 7:00:38 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		You know, the throwaway line about wannabes is a little insulting.

I have done polyamorous relationships since I started having crushes in junior high school. I've lived in an open marriage for eighteen years and had it move to a triad or a V about three times for several years at a time. I "wannabe" in a triad again, but that's the only sort of "wannabe" applying here.

We haven't collared our sub yet, or agreed to fluid bonding, etc. so I don't quite consider it a triad yet. It's an embryonic one.

(in reply to Houston47man)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/14/2008 6:47:41 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Houston47man

Your post is the best one here.  You reveal to most of these wannabees the true nature of a polyhousehold....the bottom line is what works is WHAT WORKS for your specific situation and household.  Like I said previously I have observed two households where the submissives were left to run wild with no structure and no discipline.  That leads to an unstable household.  As a Dom male it would be my responsibility to feed and nuture my submissives...Im not talking about having four or five of them...two or three maximum as no one man or WOMAN could give their all...to all...One of the strongest attributes of this lifestyle is that you can take from it that which brings enjoyment to all individuals in the group...


Please, don't insult us with you holier than thou attitude, ok? I can honestly say that most sub/slave types that I know are adults and quite capable of providing their own structure and disipline, they aren't a bunch of five year olds that would burn the house down if you weren't watching them constantly. In fact, of the s-types that I personally know I can honestly say that the largest part of them are far more responsible then most of the D-types I know. Yeah, twice is one of those s-types that is left to run wild, make her own decisions and occupy her own time with no "structure or disipline" from either of us. And what she has accomplished in those wild, unstable times is amazing. And our household? Horribly unstable. We have no bills other then the utility bills, everything we own is paid for, hubby is retiring in a few months and will actually have a better income then he is currently earning (Our unstructured and undisiplined s-type is in charge of investments and such) and everyone that knows us envys our wonderful familial relationship... it's rough I tell you... rough!!
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Houston47man)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/14/2008 8:12:03 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 6435
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Oh, yeah, that happens to be Me in the pictures on My husband and My sub's profile as well.


There is just something very amusing about this comment and even ironic when one considers the comment that  condemns all the wannabes. 

You do of course realize that this must be an ollllld picture and he just hasn't had time to get another one since he as been busy feeding and nurturing his home. I figure I would say it before he did.


<<<<<<<<<<<<<< if you have it setup that way.. you can see my picture of me and family.... I didn't even need a mirror to show us.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 12/14/2008 8:13:46 AM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

"Respect.... It is the ability to see people as they are, to be aware of their unique individuality" Eric Fromm

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/14/2008 8:34:03 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 6435
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Houston47man

I am just starting a household and we will all share in the work and profits from our investments in real estate and restaurants.  My motto...we all work together for the betterment of the group or we die.....Its from the Seringehty Plains....if you notice animals work in packs to win and stay alive....Best wishes to all for a very happy holiday season....Master Ian.


So... you are just starting then... and your experience is really only the limited to what you have personally observed from others... which is what exactly?

Before you start to claim how a Poly-household should work... maybe you should actually have one working for a reasonable amount of time (a few years or so) and share how it is working for you with some actual experience behind you instead of narrow-minded half thought out theories.

Lastly, I have seen dozens of poly-relationships fail and by the far the most common failure has been do to the ignorance and arrogance of the Dominant.  I also happen to see a few successes of poly-relationships and it is always because they as a group find what is best for them as a group... which interestly is rather unique from family to family.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

"Respect.... It is the ability to see people as they are, to be aware of their unique individuality" Eric Fromm

(in reply to Houston47man)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/14/2008 11:42:52 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 20089
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: online 		Forgive the mini hijack here.  Just wanted to say KoM that I took the invitation to check out the shots on the profile.  I really enjoyed them.  Some of the costumes were terrific.  Both of the girls are just lovely.  (My best to both of them as always.)

You know, I get the fact that not every poly family has had the opportunity to be together for years.  We all start somewhere.  However, I am sticking by My earlier statement.  If someone has never lived as a poly person, it's really all conjecture.  It kind of goes along with similar theories that I have that if someone has never been in a working M/s dynamic, they can't claim to be a Master or if they've never lived that way, someone can't claim to be a slave.

Not a popular theory for many, but I'll stand by My opinions as My own.


_____________________________

Proud owner of LPslittleclip.


I really do appreciate your opinion and all, but My dynamic is not a democracy and you don't get a vote.

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 40
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