Collarchat.com

Create a
Free Account		 As the Collar Turns:
 Collarchat.com - BDSM Forum

Home  Login  Search 
Espanol  Deutsch  Francais  Italiano  Portugues 

RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/14/2008 1:22:06 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 6435
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

You know, I get the fact that not every poly family has had the opportunity to be together for years.  We all start somewhere.  However, I am sticking by My earlier statement.  If someone has never lived as a poly person, it's really all conjecture.  It kind of goes along with similar theories that I have that if someone has never been in a working M/s dynamic, they can't claim to be a Master or if they've never lived that way, someone can't claim to be a slave.



I am going to continue with the high jack... just because there needs to be some actual quality discussion in this thread rather than the direction the OP seems to keep trying to take it.

I do agree with you to a degree that in some cases a lack of direct experience in some things does raise to question the quality of ones' own labelization.  But.. to me it doesn't neccessarily mean they shouldn't adopt such labelizations.  It more a question of speaking from balanced opinion that reflects one's own experience and not projecting that one true way.

For example... I didn't have to engage in Sex to know I was Hetrosexual.  But... it was the experience of engaging in sex that I learned alot about actually doing it in a manner that was pleasing for me and my partners.  Even with the experience of the women I have enjoyed it seems rather arrogant and presumptous to speak on "How to please a Women Sexually" it seems to be better to express..."How I have pleased women sexually".   The one comment seems to suggest there is a one way to do it and just listen to me and i will tell you.  The other just expresses how I did it with the women I have been with.


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

"Respect.... It is the ability to see people as they are, to be aware of their unique individuality" Eric Fromm

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/14/2008 1:36:30 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

ORIGINAL: Houston47man

However, it is the Dom or Dommes (Lady Pact)  responsibility to set rules, regulations, and set structure. 


Actually, rules are only any good if they are easily followed and agreed upon.  Jewel

Jewel


Jewel made what is, imo, an immensely important point here about clear boundaries and agreements.  From there, actually keeping them and being committed to what one proposes to commit to becomes the next step. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/14/2008 1:55:31 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 3960
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		Wow, interesting that after being with my primary partner for nearing 14 years, my secondary for nearing 2 years and my pet about the same time, who is also my primary partners secondary, that I'm a 'wannabe'.  And oddly enough, the only one in there that is at all about 'control', is my relationship with my pet.  Granted, it does lead to some interesting conflicts of interest every now and then, but we (re-read that... 'we') work them out.  Not 'I', not 'someone else', but we.

Until that particular post about all the other poly groups here being 'wannabes', I simply thought you were perhaps not terribly eloquent and just a bit clumsy with words.  Now, I think it's more accurate to say that you're full of something that might be left in the aforementioned 'throne'.


EDIT:  Not a direct reply to you LP, sorry, just happened to click the reply button whilst reading your post.

Also, am I saying I'm an expert on this whole thing?  No.  Not even remotely.  I'm saying that I know what works here, and I know what works in the other poly / Ds households I've seen.  Of course, it may work for you, it may not.  Hell, a poly relationship might not work for you at all.  That, I think, is one of the major points here.  Every household is different.  So, Original Poster, don't you DARE preach to me about how I should run my house, and call me a 'wannabe', until you can pull your head out of your backside and look around to see how these other households are working.  It's really rare to find someone that has pissed me off and disgusted me this much, so very quickly. 

God, not even a couple people that frequent the political threads have managed that.  And I'm in a good mood today.  This must be some kind of a record.


< Message edited by BKSir -- 12/14/2008 2:07:19 PM >

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/14/2008 2:32:54 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 20089
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline 		BK, I didn't think it for a second.  I find that reply feature tends to cause confusion more times than it helps alleviate it.  I happen to agree with what you had to say.

KoM, we're really not that far apart here.  Actually, your house is one of the great examples that I tend to think of when I write in replies about how two families can be so very different and yet still be working for the people who are living them.  One of our differences is that I haven't always been poly, or at least I haven't always lived that way, so I'm not so sure that I would attribute it to nature the same way I would to being heterosexual.  That's one of those great questions that I don't have a definitive answer to for Myself.  Good thing I don't have to have them all before the exit exam.

I see each of us having the poly situations that we do because the people involved in them fit in the different ways that each of us makes them work.  Sure, before we all found our respective partners, we may have had concepts, but until each of those individuals joined us, we didn't have the final revisions of the plan.  I don't know about anyone else out there, but we don't base what a family is on just one person's idea.  It's all of us combined that make us a family.


_____________________________

Proud owner of LPslittleclip.


I really do appreciate your opinion and all, but My dynamic is not a democracy and you don't get a vote.

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/14/2008 2:46:53 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 3960
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

BK, I didn't think it for a second.  I find that reply feature tends to cause confusion more times than it helps alleviate it.  I happen to agree with what you had to say.

KoM, we're really not that far apart here.  Actually, your house is one of the great examples that I tend to think of when I write in replies about how two families can be so very different and yet still be working for the people who are living them.  One of our differences is that I haven't always been poly, or at least I haven't always lived that way, so I'm not so sure that I would attribute it to nature the same way I would to being heterosexual.  That's one of those great questions that I don't have a definitive answer to for Myself.  Good thing I don't have to have them all before the exit exam.

I see each of us having the poly situations that we do because the people involved in them fit in the different ways that each of us makes them work.  Sure, before we all found our respective partners, we may have had concepts, but until each of those individuals joined us, we didn't have the final revisions of the plan.  I don't know about anyone else out there, but we don't base what a family is on just one person's idea.  It's all of us combined that make us a family.



Good god, tell me about it.  If someone had even suggested, 26 months ago, that I'd be in a poly relationship, I'd have laughed until my ribs were bruised.  And then... I met my Brendan, and then we met my pet.

Sure there have been some hard times, some fights that damn near went to blows, god only knows how they didn't.  No, things aren't always rosy, but in the end, I would trade a second of any of them.  Those fights get things out in the open and, although loud, they get resolved.  So, in the long run, they're necessary evils.  And no matter how pissed off I may get at any of the people I love, there is one thing that remains constant.  I love them.  And to rule with an iron fist is useless.  I'm not always right (don't you dare tell anyone though). 


_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/14/2008 9:19:42 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 20089
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline 		Don't worry.  I won't tell a soul.  I have a similar one that goes around here about Me.  Somebody decided one day to tell people that I'm actually kind hearted.  You know how these things get out of hand.

My husband and I decided together that poly was for us.  Neither of us had ever been actively poly before.  Prior to that, if anyone would have told Me that was the direction we would take, I wouldn't have believed it.  Just goes to show that we don't always end up where we start out.


_____________________________

Proud owner of LPslittleclip.


I really do appreciate your opinion and all, but My dynamic is not a democracy and you don't get a vote.

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/15/2008 6:41:45 PM   
Houston47man


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		What are you guys suppose to be a band of Canadian gypsys?

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/15/2008 6:58:32 PM   
VBPiercedGal


Posts: 76
Joined: 6/18/2008
From: Virginia Beach, VA
Status: offline 		Yeah, comments like that are certain to ensure you will never be taken seriously in this forum. Thanks for playing.

_____________________________

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." Miss Piggy

(in reply to Houston47man)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/15/2008 7:06:16 PM   
elegantalexis


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Apparently you have the social skills of a 2-day old May Fly.

Thank you for playing, come on back when you have the balls to admit that you are a mere mortal.

_____________________________

Subbies to 12 cats...

(in reply to Houston47man)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/15/2008 7:31:14 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3231
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Houston47man

What are you guys suppose to be a band of Canadian gypsys?


No, no, no... your sentence is all wrong.

The question is:

"What are you guys suppose to be a band of Canadian gypsys, eh?"

LOL

Knight's Kyra



_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Houston47man)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/15/2008 7:59:18 PM   
DuckyWolf


Posts: 19
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline 		IMHO, what makes or breaks poly relationships is how well communication, understanding, and forgiveness are practiced. Couple those with a willingness and desire to make the relationship work, and things generally work out. Those have to come from ALL parties, not just one egomaniacal knuckle-dragging Dom wannabe. Dictatorships don't result in happy families, poly or otherwise. 

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/15/2008 8:11:44 PM   
elegantalexis


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

_____________________________

Subbies to 12 cats...

(in reply to DuckyWolf)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/15/2008 8:31:03 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 6435
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Houston47man

What are you guys suppose to be a band of Canadian gypsys?


wow. you are indeed a perceptive one... with such perception... I can see the success in your poly future.....



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

"Respect.... It is the ability to see people as they are, to be aware of their unique individuality" Eric Fromm

(in reply to Houston47man)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/15/2008 9:11:05 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 4768
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmm......I tend to keep an eye on those who criticize how a dominant runs his/her home, and puts ALL the blame for failure on said dominant, because I've found them more often than not, to be poachers.  Anway, that's a completely irrelevent aside to the original post.  Just a random musing. 

I can pretty much guarantee that no matter how perceptive you are, as an outside observer, you will probably never know the truth of all that transpired between the parties involved.  To unilaterally put all the responsibility of success or failure on a single individual tells me that you have a lot to learn about relationship dynamics. 

Anyway, pfftt....if it works for you, kudos.  Good luck and best wishes.

WinD

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/23/2008 6:33:55 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 19154
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Sorry, but I'm still stuck on the part where it's automatically assumed that the Head of the Household is going to be a male.  If that were the case, we wouldn't be a poly family at all.  It takes all three of us to be a family.  That includes the interaction between the two males, even when such leadership has little to do with it.  The two of them handle a working interaction, communication, courtesy, and respect for each other just fine without Me.  


Silly girl.  The only reason that there are Dommes in this world is that they just haven't found the Man strong enough to Dominate them properly.

/runs for cover, but it was WORTH it!/


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/23/2008 10:34:13 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 10356
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LOL DarkSteven... ummm are you tempted to switch here or counting on the Lady's good humor? With that one, you either wish to be beat... hard! or are humorusly evil!  One day I must see some of your stand up comedy!

_____________________________

Some days, I ought to come with a warning label.

My Knyt is sure rocking all my days! He is living proof that dreams can come true and there are amazing male submissives out there!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/24/2008 12:08:52 PM   
CelticPride


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Sorry, but I'm still stuck on the part where it's automatically assumed that the Head of the Household is going to be a male.    


Hi LadyPact. I'm new to this forum and a novice as far as plural relationships go. I'm a believer in these kinds of relationships but also, without trying to ruffle any feathers here, I believe because of different social dynamics innate in both the genders, that some of these relationships will be more durable than others.

The reason we automatically assume that a male would be the head of the household is because historically, especially in plural relationships, this was the case. As Polyamory is purely a modern concept, we can't look at history for answers.

I can see from the few posts I've read that some of you here have had quite a bit of experience and I'd be interested to know, apart for the rare exceptions, which arrangement of genders tends to be the most durable. And also if the dominant and submissive roles help to fine tune these various arrangements.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/24/2008 10:45:33 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 20089
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Sorry, but I'm still stuck on the part where it's automatically assumed that the Head of the Household is going to be a male.  If that were the case, we wouldn't be a poly family at all.  It takes all three of us to be a family.  That includes the interaction between the two males, even when such leadership has little to do with it.  The two of them handle a working interaction, communication, courtesy, and respect for each other just fine without Me.  


Silly girl.  The only reason that there are Dommes in this world is that they just haven't found the Man strong enough to Dominate them properly.

/runs for cover, but it was WORTH it!/


Poor thing.  That mile high altitude really does get to a person after a while, doesn't it?

LOL.  Just teasing.  Even I can be forgiving on Christmas.


_____________________________

Proud owner of LPslittleclip.


I really do appreciate your opinion and all, but My dynamic is not a democracy and you don't get a vote.

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/24/2008 10:49:23 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 20089
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPride

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Sorry, but I'm still stuck on the part where it's automatically assumed that the Head of the Household is going to be a male.    


Hi LadyPact. I'm new to this forum and a novice as far as plural relationships go. I'm a believer in these kinds of relationships but also, without trying to ruffle any feathers here, I believe because of different social dynamics innate in both the genders, that some of these relationships will be more durable than others.

The reason we automatically assume that a male would be the head of the household is because historically, especially in plural relationships, this was the case. As Polyamory is purely a modern concept, we can't look at history for answers.

I can see from the few posts I've read that some of you here have had quite a bit of experience and I'd be interested to know, apart for the rare exceptions, which arrangement of genders tends to be the most durable. And also if the dominant and submissive roles help to fine tune these various arrangements.

I wouldn't think there would be any way to know.  I tend to concern Myself more often with those who participate in poly and have found success.  I really don't worry too often about how folks make it work.  It's good enough that it does work.


_____________________________

Proud owner of LPslittleclip.


I really do appreciate your opinion and all, but My dynamic is not a democracy and you don't get a vote.

Now running "Lady Pact's World".

(in reply to CelticPride)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 12/24/2008 11:16:41 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Polyandry ----- It happened enough they made a term for it..... Seriously People LOOK IT UP.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2012
Collarchat.com is a member of the Free Speech Coalition
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

1.734