LadyNTrainer
Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Houston47man
This is what makes the world go round and it is my opinion from observing two poly households that the reason there was unrest was because the Dom or Domme was not in charge of certain aspects of the households.
Generally speaking, that's not what makes things go south. Poly is a team effort by nature, and any single player on the team regardless of their role can either make or break the play.
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I agree with many of you that it is a TEAM EFFORT and for success of the household that idea must be at the forefront. However, it is the Dom or Dommes (Lady Pact) responsibility to set rules, regulations, and set structure.
Hey, at least you get the team effort concept. If the poly household in question is BDSM oriented at all, that *may* work. Or it may not. Chances are actually pretty good that it may not. If I tried to micromanage my boys' relationship, I don't think the end result would be nearly as stable as if it evolved naturally between them. I do let them know that I always expect honesty and courtesy and respect in the family, and might help to smooth things over or make suggestions now and then. But being overly controlling of how other people in my family dynamic relate socially is asking for trouble, and has the potential of disrupting or stunting any natural and more stable relationship they might otherwise form.
I wouldn't be with either of them in the first place if they weren't the kind of men who could be trusted to be decent to one another, reasonably unselfish and considerate, constructive in how they relate, and fully invested in maintaining the health and longevity of our three-way relationship. In short, my adult partners are adults, and while I am unquestionably the dominant, I'm not foolish enough to wreck a good family dynamic by treating them as if they were not adults.
My primary owns a motorbike. I own him. This does not make me qualified to drive his motorbike, and I would be a damn fool to try. Likewise, he needs to manage his own social relationships, including those within my poly family. I can't (or more to the point, shouldn't) manage those for him. I'm not qualified to do that any more than I'm qualified to drive his motorbike. Being a dominant doesn't instantly give me the ability to operate those things, even if technically I do have the right. I can tell him which direction he must drive in, and what the end goal must be, but he needs to do his own driving. If I do it for him, we all risk derailing. A much better job gets done if we can all be adults and work on practicing good, ethical, stable poly together.
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I am just starting a household and we will all share in the work and profits from our investments in real estate and restaurants. My motto...we all work together for the betterment of the group or we die.....Its from the Seringehty Plains....if you notice animals work in packs to win and stay alive....Best wishes to all for a very happy holiday season....Master Ian.
It's "Serengeti", and the potential for conflicts and issues gets multiplied exponentially when you're trying to run a business with employees AND a poly household at the same time, and it's the same people. Just a heads up there.
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RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER - 
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