HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (Full Version)

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Houston47man -> HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/3/2008 6:55:47 PM)

A poly household is one of the hardest to hold together and takes an extremely Dominant male who has the ability to communicate, has passion for the group, and has compassion to hold it together.  There must be a leader and he must lead...and thwart all trivial and petty differences from the group.  If he allows continual deterioration of attitude and pettyness then it will not work.  The Dom must also take care of everyones mental, soul and body needs within the group..



SirMIkeSD -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/3/2008 7:04:47 PM)

and what's your question?



KnightofMists -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/3/2008 7:37:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Houston47man

A poly household is one of the hardest to hold together and takes an extremely Dominant male who has the ability to communicate, has passion for the group, and has compassion to hold it together.  There must be a leader and he must lead...and thwart all trivial and petty differences from the group.  If he allows continual deterioration of attitude and pettyness then it will not work.  The Dom must also take care of everyones mental, soul and body needs within the group..


mmmmmmmm somebody is full of themself I am thinking!!

Though that in some cases what you say is true... it is only true for the type of household that requires an "extremely Dominant male"  I am thinking that such a person would be rather um useless in a poly household of lesbians. 

Besides that... do you actually have a point to your post..... or are just showing off your ego?



Celene -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/3/2008 7:45:16 PM)

Question? Point? Who has time for such things? He "runs" a poly house and I must run and see what such a masterful profile shows.
C-:
Ps... er, edit, In the whole poly household it seems he couldn't find anyone to be HOLDING the camera. Must have been busy thwarting on picture day.



DavanKael -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/3/2008 8:00:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
quote:

ORIGINAL: Houston47man
A poly household is one of the hardest to hold together and takes an extremely Dominant male who has the ability to communicate, has passion for the group, and has compassion to hold it together.  There must be a leader and he must lead...and thwart all trivial and petty differences from the group.  If he allows continual deterioration of attitude and pettyness then it will not work.  The Dom must also take care of everyones mental, soul and body needs within the group..

mmmmmmmm somebody is full of themself I am thinking!!
Though that in some cases what you say is true... it is only true for the type of household that requires an "extremely Dominant male"  I am thinking that such a person would be rather um useless in a poly household of lesbians. 
Besides that... do you actually have a point to your post..... or are just showing off your ego?


What is it today with incoherent posts?! 
I totally agree with KoM and everyone else. 
OP: Is there a question/are there questions?  At the very least, I'd like to see some citations of either personal experience or tales of folks you have directly known to prove out your assertion. 
Across the years, I've known directly of numerous types of poly circumstances that work.  Ego-tripping isn't generally a trait I recall having a lot of veracity in those circumstances but a commitment to working together is. 
Davan



chamberqueen -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/3/2008 8:34:09 PM)

I think, more to the point, that it takes an extremely UNDERSTANDING man.  Someone who loves setting down rules but doesn't understand relationship dynamics or the emotions of the ones serving him along with their interactions with each other will not be good at holding a family together.  He must also be willing to dismiss someone who may be pleasing personally to him but causes continual dissent among the others.



Lockit -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/3/2008 8:38:46 PM)

Petty differences?  Yes, I do believe that can happen... but to point that out as if the people there don't want to be there and will have 'petty' differences rather than differences might explain why you are taking your own picture and don't have part of the 'group' to help.  If you want to be an expert on something and point out your expertise, you might want to look at women as maybe having some difference, but not automatically calling them petty.



peppermint -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/3/2008 9:06:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celene

Question? Point? Who has time for such things? He "runs" a poly house and I must run and see what such a masterful profile shows.
C-:
Ps... er, edit, In the whole poly household it seems he couldn't find anyone to be HOLDING the camera. Must have been busy thwarting on picture day.


[sm=rofl.gif]



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/4/2008 4:39:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Houston47man

A poly household is one of the hardest to hold together and takes an extremely Dominant male who has the ability to communicate, has passion for the group, and has compassion to hold it together.  There must be a leader and he must lead...and thwart all trivial and petty differences from the group.  If he allows continual deterioration of attitude and pettyness then it will not work.  The Dom must also take care of everyones mental, soul and body needs within the group..


I don't know...maybe in your household, this works. I do know that it's been my experience that it takes everyone involved in a poly relationship to keep that household together, and that gender is irrelevant. Of course, I've been in 1 household that incorporated d/s, and 3 that didn't, so I guess, for some reason, I got the idea that what kept a poly relationship healthy and strong was focus, by all the members, on the relationship instead of their own ego-stroking.

It also seems to me that no one person can take on responsibility for meeting everyone's needs across the full spectrum of existence. In many cases, it is up to us to meet our -own- needs (or at least being responsible for making sure that one's needs are expressed in a way that one's companions can interpret), because someone outside ourselves will simply not be able to know what it is that we need to be fulfilled in our life.

I do, however, ascribe to the idea that, if an individual is going to take up the cloak of leadership, that xhe should be able and willing to lead. Now-- ask me what that leadership -looks- like and that will be completely dependent on the situation, the people, and the dynamics involved, so what constitutes leadership in one situation may look -nothing- like what constitutes leadership in another.



sparkyRBF -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/4/2008 5:03:13 AM)

Isn't it everyone's responsibility to hold the entire relationship together, not just the head of the household?  Aren't we all adults to work out differences on our own or together?  I  would not appreciate some one solving my differences with someone else especially if he saw my issue as being 'petty'. 

sparkyRBF



LadyPact -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/4/2008 5:21:12 AM)

Sorry, but I'm still stuck on the part where it's automatically assumed that the Head of the Household is going to be a male.  If that were the case, we wouldn't be a poly family at all.  It takes all three of us to be a family.  That includes the interaction between the two males, even when such leadership has little to do with it.  The two of them handle a working interaction, communication, courtesy, and respect for each other just fine without Me.  



KnightofMists -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/4/2008 6:29:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sparkyRBF

Isn't it everyone's responsibility to hold the entire relationship together, not just the head of the household?  Aren't we all adults to work out differences on our own or together?  I  would not appreciate some one solving my differences with someone else especially if he saw my issue as being 'petty'. 



I would have to agree with you.... BUT... if the other members of the household are blowup dolls... I am really not sure if they are strong enough to hold up their side of the house.. and therefore the "extremely dominant male"  (lets call him atlas) will have to carry the whole house on his shoulders



phoenixrising43 -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/4/2008 6:36:00 AM)

Huh???  



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/4/2008 6:43:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Houston47man
A poly household is one of the hardest to hold together and takes an extremely Dominant male who has the ability to communicate, has passion for the group, and has compassion to hold it together.  There must be a leader and he must lead...and thwart all trivial and petty differences from the group.  If he allows continual deterioration of attitude and pettyness then it will not work.  The Dom must also take care of everyones mental, soul and body needs within the group..

You do know the majority of polyamorous relationships are NOT Ds or kink as well?

And frankly, if a person really thinks they can do all that, they've already lost perspective and understanding on how multiple simultaneous relationships work in tandem.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/4/2008 10:11:53 AM)

I shoulda known better then to read a thread where the title is all caps... geeeeze. I'll have to tell Scooter he da man here and... crap, I can't even type it with a straight face.
 
Yeah, poly households can be tough to keep together... it takes a team effort.
 
Jewel



pinkwind -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/4/2008 8:09:15 PM)

i can only speak for the poly household i am involved in, but it has proved to be one of the easiest ones to "hold together", and has taken the efforts of all parties, not just Master Andy himself, using good communication and understanding of each person's needs and worth within this caring environment to bring us all closer together.

What it has needed most of all is a head of household with the wit and wisdom to know the strengths and weaknesses of all within the family and the ability to use the ultimate sanction of rank wisely, with an understanding of when there is time to leave us to sort ourselves out and when they might be needed to take executive decisions for the betterment of all concerned.

Unnecessary and heavy handed intervention in certain circumstances could do more harm than good, and the balance of characters within the household has been well thought out with each knowing their place and value within it so that deteriorating morale or petty squabbling have not occurred, and little intervention has been necessary.

Everyone involved within our poly relationship works together with an eye to the emotional and physical welfare not only of themselves but the rest of the family. It takes the willingness of all of us pulling together to the same end to make a happy household.

Egomania has no place here.









ScooterTrash -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/6/2008 3:24:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

I shoulda known better then to read a thread where the title is all caps... geeeeze. I'll have to tell Scooter he da man here and... crap, I can't even type it with a straight face.
 
Yeah, poly households can be tough to keep together... it takes a team effort.
 
Jewel

Geeez, there goes my ego trip.....lmao. Seriously, if the day comes where I think the world turns around me and I'm the only one who keeps it stuck together, someone send me for some help. Poly is a group effort, at any point in time, depending on the situation at that moment, any or all of the individuals in the group can be the most important. Anyone thinking it's a monarchy where the "male" Dominant can solve all the problems without cooperation of all involved is perhaps a tad bit too full of themselves. Trots off to see where he can find that throne and crown the OP was talking about.



Twicehappy2x -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/6/2008 4:48:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

Trots off to see where he can find that throne and crown the OP was talking about.


Silly Master, the throne is in the bathroom where it always is.




CallaFirestormBW -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/6/2008 9:05:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

Trots off to see where he can find that throne and crown the OP was talking about.


Silly Master, the throne is in the bathroom where it always is.




(OT) OOOO... I love you guys. My poppy used to call that his "throne" and it always made me chuckle.... "Well, I'm going to take a private audience on my throne..." ... and we'd all groan and momma would say "Well, I guess it's time for the censers and incense!"



Darigone -> RE: HOLDING A HOUSEHOLD TOGETHER (12/6/2008 2:15:43 PM)

To the reality of it all there is a reason why you don't see monarchy anymore, because it dose not work it's simple.  Sure there is a leader someone has to set the example, but that's the thing a figure head the *example* for the rest of the household.  If he prudes towards selfish tendencies it will not end well.  Being apart of the military you see a lot of piss pour leaders.  Strength is good only when it's used right. assertiveness is only good when used right, but kindness  and many other emotions and actions are also good as well.  From what I'm taking from this guy not to sure if he is acutaly aware of anyone but himself.  In the end it dose not get you anywhere.  Just seems to me he just wanted to start up a conversation because there is no comment after he made the first post.



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