safewords?

Collarchat.com

Create a
Free Account

As the Collar Turns:

Collarchat.com - BDSM Forum

Home Login Search

Espanol

Deutsch

Francais

Italiano

Portugues

safewords?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Gorean Lifestyles >> safewords?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

safewords? - 12/27/2005 3:04:00 AM

millisande

Posts: 182
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline

Just out of curiosity... Who here has a safeword, and who chose not to have one? ... i was talking in a chatroom with some other slaves and a few subs, and i found a string of people who simply trusted their Masters implicitly to NEVER make a mistake or misjudge their body language... i just dont understand it... Master is amazing, and wonderful, but He is still human... and if he misses a visual/verbal cue i give Him - and i have no safeword - then i am Fucked.... i have had friends who have been 'broken' (not in a good way... that's just the best term i could think of for it) for lack of a save word...

What do you think, girls, and Masters and Mistresses?

Respectfully,
adrianne

< Message edited by millisande -- 12/27/2005 3:10:41 AM >

_____________________________

[img]http://www.swampreclamation.org/forum/images/avatars/gallery/home%20made/camelback-mountain.jpg[/img]

Post #: 1

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 5:25:55 AM

yun

Posts: 138
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline

greetings Masters, Mistresses and slaves..

i think safewords (or lack thereof) are another distinction made between subs/slaves and also between Gor and BDSM. i have yet to serve a Gorean Man that would allow even a discussion of safewords. Once a girl is given that safeword and the chance to use it, then she is climbing more towards being a sub..she is given a choice of submitting to her Master at that moment or not. i don't believe you will find many Gorean Men that will agree to that notion. of course one thing i have noticed, is that many kajira don't play with many different people. their Master may give them to someone else for a scene but it's going to be someone he highly trusts. therefore to me, a slave wouldn't have need of a safeword.

trust is a big issue for many MANY slaves though. to me you need to know the in's and out's of your owner or whoever you are playing with before you make that choice to kneel down and serve him. you should know his belief's, what he enjoys, how far he will push things and be most certain he can read you because i've learned that "god dammit stop you ass" doesn't work as a safeword either! hehehe if you can't trust him (or yourself..your own decisions) then you shouldn't kneel down and beg his whip. because even with a safeword they can do damage to you.

i've had men who wanted me to use a safeword..i have been beaten to the point of having my whole chest bruised for the sake of someone wanting to hear me safeword. but they knew i don't believe in safewords. i was told repeatedly just to drop to a knee when i couldn't take it anymore so i didn't have to say a word..i never dropped. if i consent to kneel before him then i trust him with my life and trust his decisions. and i have never once regretted a single time i've dropped to a knee before someone and i've never been broken or hurt by their actions.

with an allowed voice..

_____________________________

*~lauryl~*
owned property of BLS

(in reply to millisande)

Post #: 2

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 5:34:38 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

To me there is nothing magical about a safeword. It's a lot like a seatbelt. You don't expect to need it. It's not a guarantee you won't get hurt, and sensible people don't drive into walls just because they have a seatbelt on. That said, I won't play without a safeword in place simply because I'm dominant, not psychic.

A safeword is simply an explicit signal something is wrong. Saying "I need to take a break" or simply "stop" can be a perfectly good safeword.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to millisande)

Post #: 3

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 5:51:48 AM

nephandi

Posts: 3930
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

i dont have a safeword, i need not say orange pie i simply say, i have this or that real problem now, for example my hands are getting numb or i am getting that problem whit my bladder that i somtimes get now, or you are hitting my spine, i simply call a cat a cat and say what the problem is, instead of some word.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 4

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 6:13:04 AM

lisaSea

Posts: 340
Joined: 8/27/2005
Status: offline

Greetings adrianne,

No safewords here. However, since we don't partake in any form of BDSM, there truly is not a need. I wonder how Master would react if I begged for a safeword when laundry just became too much to handle? *grins*

Thank you for the easy question, until these hormone pills kick in it is about the only thing I am able to handle, lol.

lisa{Sea's}

_____________________________

I prefer to think of it as aged to perfection, rather then just plain getting older.

http://www.geocities.com/house_of_sea

(in reply to millisande)

Post #: 5

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 6:35:48 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: millisande

Just out of curiosity... Who here has a safeword, and who chose not to have one? ... i was talking in a chatroom with some other slaves and a few subs, and i found a string of people who simply trusted their Masters implicitly to NEVER make a mistake or misjudge their body language... i just dont understand it... Master is amazing, and wonderful, but He is still human... and if he misses a visual/verbal cue i give Him - and i have no safeword - then i am Fucked.... i have had friends who have been 'broken' (not in a good way... that's just the best term i could think of for it) for lack of a save word...

What do you think, girls, and Masters and Mistresses?

Respectfully,
adrianne

Personally I don’t have a safeword with my owner and I never did. Essentially I trust my owner and we have very good non-verbal communication (I said in another post that subspace to me feels like I am burrowing into him). Also the concept of having a safeword just never really resonated with me since its basically me having a codeword that tells him when to stop and how to proceed in a BDSM scene. I know he’s human and will make mistakes whether there is a safeword in place or not so to me its not that I trust him to never make a mistake, its that I trust his judgment on how a scene should proceed, I don’t feel the need to control the flow or when it ends.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to millisande)

Post #: 6

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 7:01:57 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well from my gathering, a lot of goreans are about ownership and don't get into bdsm play, where safewords generally apply. So they wouldn't need one.

Secondly, safewords have nothing to do with how much you trust someone. Doesn't matter how much you trust someone if a sudden body twist causes a rope to shove into a nerve...or a leg to suddenly cramp up...or things like that which DO happen in a scene.

Safewords are a method of communication. If you want your slave to say "red" fine. If you want your slave to say "Ouch leg cramp!" that works great, too. If you want your slave to not say anything, go for it.

I think the issue is with BOTH parties thinking that a "word" means more than it actually does. The scene is still the scene, the dom is still the dom, the slave is still the slave. A safeword doesn't negate any of that and I think if the people involved think it DOES then they aren't really understanding the process as a whole and giving WAYY to much importance to a word.

(in reply to millisande)

Post #: 7

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 7:17:04 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

with Master in absolute slavery is no such thing as a safe word....i am his to do with as he sees fit

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to millisande)

Post #: 8

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 10:11:50 AM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

with Master in absolute slavery is no such thing as a safe word....i am his to do with as he sees fit

While yes this is the way of a slaves and Masters thought process depending on the depth..Most Masters while they may do as they wish with their slave..don't wish to damage their property to a irreversible point, and decrease it's value.

If kink play is engaged in then it is just really wise on the Masters part to set up some sort of signalling system incase unforseen emergency's arrive..i.e. chest pains, suffocation, possible nerve damage from bondage..etc.

Knowing that the majority of Masters would not care to permanently damage the property..it is likewise and equally as important that the slave be responsible for maintaining, and continuing to reach perfection of their Masters property.

If your relationship to your Master is of one that didn't allow for these petty lil eye flutters or sweet talk to get you out of something you'd rather not do..then why should an alert word suddenly change the dynamic depth already entrenched. That can equate to about the same arguement as why if a slave is a slave, would her Master marrying her change their dynamic..or if the slave suddenly went to work outside the home and took on incharge roles there? It should not alter (if they are being true with themselves about who and what they are to begin with) the dynamic.

Like marriage or outside work ..the safeword or signal might be a (oooo lets see how this works) thing at first but if the Master doesn't allow the slave to get away with stepping out of her place in other situations..it shouldn't be a problem.

The last thought...why on earth would a slave who has sought to find the Master that makes her feel and know her slavery, want to do anything to take her out of that which she so desperately sought?

Master is deaf in one ear. He insisted that I have a safeword, and looking up to Him towering over me stating this is not to be used lightly, and emergency only was more than enough for me to only use that word for that reason.

A year has come and gone, and thankfully it has not had to be used.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

< Message edited by starshineowned -- 12/27/2005 10:58:32 AM >

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Post #: 9

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 10:20:16 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Safewords are a method of communication. If you want your slave to say "red" fine. If you want your slave to say "Ouch leg cramp!" that works great, too. If you want your slave to not say anything, go for it.

I think the issue is with BOTH parties thinking that a "word" means more than it actually does. The scene is still the scene, the dom is still the dom, the slave is still the slave. A safeword doesn't negate any of that and I think if the people involved think it DOES then they aren't really understanding the process as a whole and giving WAYY to much importance to a word.

To me safewords are a codeword to indicate what the dominant/top/whatever is supposed to do. Thats why a lot of parties have red as a "house safeword" and the dominant/top/whatever is supposed to stop whatever they are doing when red is uttered. If red was just communication then the dominant/top/whatever could continue when red was being said.

I don't think a safeword negates someone being a dominant, but frankly if I can trust my owner with life decisions then I can trust him to decide on the course of a scene.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 10:23:19 AM

nephandi

Posts: 3930
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

But why a codeword, why not simply say my leg have cramed master or the rope cut into a nerve or i think i am going to faint Master, by say doodle moodle?

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 11

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 11:02:29 AM

edana

Posts: 594
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline

one time, i was letting this *cringes* ~man~ use me to demonstrate how to tie a girl to the rafters for a friend of his, and once he got me there ... he tried to kiss me.

"RED! "

the only time i used a safeword... was glad i had one!...lol

_____________________________

In service,

edana

"Discipline turns talent into ability"

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 12

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 11:06:28 AM

nephandi

Posts: 3930
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

But why need a code, why not just say that it was unaceptable for him to kiss you, why say it whit another word that makes no sense when one can use plain English, or whatever one speaks?

(in reply to edana)

Post #: 13

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 11:07:29 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

pouts and crosses tie edana to the rafters and kiss her off her list of things she wants to do.

Grins teasingly.

angel

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to edana)

Post #: 14

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 11:10:53 AM

edana

Posts: 594
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline

well, i was sort of trying to make a joke here but...

honestly, i didnt want to hurt his feelings. i wanted him to enjoy me... even then i was a slave to men. He saw that i didnt want him to kiss me and asked me if i wanted to use my safeword, i said yes, and he commanded me to use it. that is the way it went.

it was actually a kindness on his part... i am sure his male ego took a ding anyway.

for me "no or don't" .... was not an option i used very often. that is why i needed to be in collar. that is why my master took me.

_____________________________

In service,

edana

"Discipline turns talent into ability"

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 15

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 11:36:33 AM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

But why a codeword, why not simply say my leg have cramed master or the rope cut into a nerve or i think i am going to faint Master, by say doodle moodle?

Alot of times nephandi when in a compromised situation especially from a Sadistic Owner..if you've the ability to talk at all..things like "outch" or that really hurts Master or something to the similiar will just spill out. Well, duh, ofcourse it's going to hurt..He's a Sadist. So just mumbling out that expected type of communication would do little to alert that something is terribly not right vs just hurting.

Often time it can get intense, the slave is out of breath or even having lack there of if that be the problem..trying to blurt out Master help I can't breathe is alittle more difficult than just one off the wall word or signal..depending on whats mobile still on you or again if you have use of your mouth to speak.

Again if your using it to get out of something because you don't feel like doing it..it would be a good time to evaluate why you were doing it in the first place. Using it for the wrong reasons is only cheating your Master and yourself for that matter.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 16

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 11:39:32 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned
Again if your using it to get out of something because you don't feel like doing it..it would be a good time to evaluate why you were doing it in the first place. Using it for the wrong reasons is only cheating your Master and yourself for that matter.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

I completely agree. Doing something because "it's really intense and hard and I really don't want it" is completely different from "Fuck somethings wrong and needs to be checked NOW"

Although granted in both cases I advocate communicating those feelings. Some sadists could really get off on it.

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 17

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 11:47:04 AM

wolffeathers

Posts: 315
Joined: 8/6/2005
From: Clearwater
Status: offline

To me, it depends on what is happening.

With a new partner in play, I will have a safe word agreed on.

As I don't use pain as punishment, safe words for punishment are not needed.

I have not set up a safe word with adrianne, even though at times there may be the need for one.

As my pet said, I am only human.

And the glowing praise, even though appreated, is not getting you out of your punishment, pet.

_____________________________

It's my way or the highway. Just happens that the highway is on my way.

~Master Wolf

(in reply to edana)

Post #: 18

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 11:52:04 AM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

It's amazing what the mouth will say, and the body will tell a completely different story. :)

Though I agree that if the slave comes to a point of something that is really troubling for them..then it should be expressed to the Master..though I dis-agree it be done while in the situation at that very time the slave feels it, and wait to seek audience with the Master afterwards. This allows for not interrupting the Master during His work but allows the slave time to come back to their senses, and evaluate in their own minds what happened to bring about those feelings, and formulate it so that they can best relate it to the Master or not at all if ends up being the case.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: safewords? - 12/27/2005 2:30:44 PM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

quote:

But why a codeword, why not simply say my leg have cramed master or the rope cut into a nerve or i think i am going to faint Master, by say doodle moodle?

It is because safe-words are primarily used for scene-play, nephandi. The reason that they were invented was so that a dom could distinguish "please, stop!" from "no really, please stop!". They allow the submissive to cry, and scream, and plead, and beg all she wants without the dominant feeling obliged to stop whatever he is doing. During scene-play, the use of a safe-word signifies the withdrawl of consent for those who follow the SSC and similar credos. If the dom keeps going after the use of the safeword, he is doing so non-consentually. Sometimes it's more complex than just a binary go/stop signal. There are gradations that tell the dom to stop, slow down, lighten up, or even speed up or go heavier. All of this gives the illusion that the sub is completely at the dom's mercy, and he's doing as he pleases regardless of her begging and pleading, when in reality something different is going on. It's all play anyway, so why not have fun, yes?

Some people in the BDSM world carry the notion beyond scene-play. They have safe-words written into their "slave contracts". Often in this context, the invocation of the word means that the submissive is choosing to "stop the dynamic". In other words, step out of their role and speak to their dominant as an equal, to express a grievance or negotiate something. Not all BDSM lifestyler's do this, but it's pretty common. For many in the BDSM scene it is a way to reconcile their belief that the sub is fundamentally the dom's equal with wanting to behave as if that isn't so some or even most of the time. As you know, Goreans don't do that. We don't have a fundamental belief that the slave and her master are equals. In fact, we don't accept that they are at all, so there is no necessity or desirability for the slave to be able to call "time out" and assert her equal rights.

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 12/27/2005 2:37:23 PM >

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Gorean Lifestyles >> safewords?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2012

Collarchat.com is a member of the Free Speech Coalition

Terms of Service

0.188