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RE: slaves with poly limits


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RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/11/2009 5:01:16 AM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		i havent read the whole thread, and i was gonna keep my mouth shut. but i changed my mind. now i know that i am a bit silly in my thinking of submissive MAN/WOMAN, but where would any dom get off trying to change that individual's wiring. i mean comeon not everyone is cut out for poly, but then not everyone is cut out for mono. screwing with a body's core ethics really goes beyonds limits. you are talking about who they, what they believe, what defines them as a person. belittling that or attempting to alter it violates the person's humanity.

sorry this is something i happen to feel very passionate about

lee

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Profile   Post #: 61
RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/11/2009 5:01:40 AM   
RainydayNE


Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline 		the only thing i wonder is if the oh so offensive slave knew about it beforehand.
meh, people change. whaddya gonna do.

(in reply to tsatske)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/11/2009 7:19:19 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 1753
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline
quote:

meh, people change. whaddya gonna do.


Exactly, people change. You can't predict it, you don't cause it (rather you are the changed one or the periphail one to the change) and you can't stop it from happening. It is called growth when we are happy with it - in truth, it is ALWAYS growth, rather we like the results are not.

I hope my relationship is strong enough to withstand any change that comes our way. but that, in all honestly, is HOPE, teamed with work to help that hope be a truth.

A relationship is the house my love lives in. Now, I hope my house is strong enough to withstand anything life throws at it - Earthquake, fire, Tornado, what have you. Blow off a few roofing tiles - or the whole roof - and I'm gonna set about repairing it. But a house has a foundation, and if you do enough damage to the foundation, the house just might be toast. It might be a matter of - bulldoze it and start over from the ground up, or move away and move on. In fact, this CAN happen without a single act of weather - sometimes, for instance, someone finds the death of a loved one to be such a traumatic event they can no longer live in the house that held that love, so they must move on. (and sometimes they find they CAN'T move, - there is, again, no predicting)

The foundation of a relationship are my core relationship agreements. Not just the fact that I am a slave, but many, many things. I hope we have talked about them all, but, honestly, there are probably some hiding inside each of us that we don't even know ARE part of the foundation, till something rattles them. My sister and BIL are deep, deep seated fundimentalist. They raise their children up in the light of God, they are in church everytime the doors are open. They serve in church offices. All their friends are either family and their friends, or they are church friends.
If oen of them decided to become - oh, more like ME - that would rattle their primary relationship agreements. Not because they are narrow minded, but because they are just like everyone else. Rattle the foundation and you are gonna have to talk, Talk, and TALK some more. Start causing cracks and you are going to have to roll up your sleaves and get to the real work of repair. Do enough damage, and you will, eventually, be left with no choice but to bulldoze and move on.
That is not to say that people shouldn't change. People do grow, you can't help that - and, if you can help it, for G-dsake, DON'T. People NEED to grow. But, when the growth rattles your basic agreements, yea, you're gonna have to talk.

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Profile   Post #: 63
RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/11/2009 1:06:57 PM   
sunlitflames


Posts: 82
Joined: 3/6/2006
Status: offline 		slavery and poly have to do with how someone is wired.... it's not a conscious decision ... it's a need... a place where some have to go.

and it's a place where some don't go... simple as that.  

it gets complicated when people get needs and choices confused.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/11/2009 1:44:24 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunlitflames

slavery and poly have to do with how someone is wired.... it's not a conscious decision ... it's a need... a place where some have to go.

and it's a place where some don't go... simple as that.  

it gets complicated when people get needs and choices confused.



I FULLY Disagree. But isn't that the great thing about Forums we are allow to do that.

I am Poly turns out I always have been, however what I Desire, the way that I choose to live a Poly Lifestyle is very specific and so I would rather be with only one other person or No one at all rather than live the Poly Lifestyle in a way that I do not want to. Thus it is a Choice I make to live the way I do.

Poly may be a NEED for you but I am sure you have been involved with only one other person this does not mean that you are Mono you are just a Non Practicing Poly.

I do not NEED to be with two or more people, I WANT to and am Capable of being with more than one person. Polyamory is an Ability that I have and can function within easily.

But Like I said I want is a Specific way and would rather not have it than have it in a way that I did not care for.

Steel

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(in reply to sunlitflames)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/11/2009 1:52:29 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		See I think im more on the lines of Steels way of thinking, I tend to term it as an oriantation so you are predisposed to a certain thing but I dont think you have to be that thing. I know I work better in poly relationships but i can still function in mono ones.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/11/2009 6:37:21 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 6464
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunlitflames

slavery and poly have to do with how someone is wired.... it's not a conscious decision ... it's a need... a place where some have to go.

and it's a place where some don't go... simple as that.  

it gets complicated when people get needs and choices confused.



I don't agree with this at all in the universal sense.

It was a conscious decision for me to choose to live a poly lifestyle.  It wasn't a place I needed to go.  It was a choice!   After making that choice.. there was things that needed to happen for a poly-relationship to occur in my life and most of those things that needed to happen was between my own ears.

I sure that for some entering into a poly lifestyle was as natural as their sexual orientation.  However.... for others it's nothing more than a learned behavior!.. and for me it took sometime to learn those behaviors to be successful at it.

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"Respect.... It is the ability to see people as they are, to be aware of their unique individuality" Eric Fromm

(in reply to sunlitflames)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/11/2009 8:38:50 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Wow, you hit sooooooooo many points in that post...and you were right on in all of them.  Excellent post. 
 
I'm going to have to bookmark it and refer to it when responding on future threads.

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Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to tsatske)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/11/2009 11:35:31 PM   
subbiestudent


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		This is my very first post on collarme, so i will probably get jumped on but thats ok! I believe that it is the responsibility of a slave to do through research on any perspective Master. This includes, IMO, asking about specific situations that COULD come up such as adding more to the relationship (POLY). Once a collar is placed i then believe that it is the Masters responsibility to care for the needs of such slave IE)physical, emotional, and spiritual well being.  Any Master with any intelligent or experience in BDSM knows He is capable of "breaking" a slave.  What He has left is then a broken slave, but it was originally up to the slave to offer herself to the Master.  If more slaves would "stand up" to Those Master/Mistresses BEFORE then pledge their life to their Owners....i believe there would be ALOT less heartache with regard to POLY.
 
I speak of Master=Male and slave=female....not out of disrespect for those with opposite titles....but i speak from my own experience.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/20/2009 6:38:01 AM   
SadysticJester


Posts: 122
Joined: 6/24/2008
Status: offline 		do you want your slave to remain your slave?? then allowing them some say or input into whether or not you bring others into the house/relationship.hearing them out and even soothing some of their fears will go along way with the trust aspects of the relationship.

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/20/2009 9:37:20 AM   
DrSysAdmin


Posts: 37
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		Its real simple - slave or sub doesn't matter. The premise here seems to indicate that the "slave" would dare question if her Master announced he was bringing in another person. Well - the only way a slave would question that - or a submissive for that matter - would be if they were not aware that the relationship was poly to start with. If thats the case, then I would not blame the sub/slave at all. Its incumbent upon the D to make sure any He/She accepts knows going in the full and real deal. If such important topics have not been made clear and thoroughly dealt with, then is the slave or sub to blame? No - obviously not.

(in reply to SadysticJester)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/25/2009 7:17:43 PM   
Naberius


Posts: 98
Joined: 1/7/2009
From: Dalton, GA
Status: offline 		I'm probably going to get my tush in a sling, but eh, it's norm for me LOL. Slavery, true slavery does not exist as has been stated. Slavery in this lifestyle is merely choice. Choice for the slave to choose who they want to be with, serve under, please and so forth. I was taught many moons ago that once this choice is made, when the slave finds happiness, then their limits are stretched, and broken and sometimes limits are just best to leave alone for the slaves own psychological safety. However (here is where I will get blasted), once this choice is made, the slave places full trust in her owner/Dom and gives up the right to cast out demands. Full trust means having faith in what the slaves owner/Dom does and doesn't question UNLESS they feel unsafe about something.

The keyword here though is "question" not demand. Demanding, as I have taught and been taught only shows disregard for the slaves position and insults their owner/Dom. To demand anything doesn't get anyone anywhere. Even in life outside the house, if my secretary demands I pay her more wages, she has another thing coming. But if she questions it, then discussion is made and progress begins. 

However, communication is key to any relationship and if the dom fails to communicate his ideas, the slave is not at fault. The dom here is not looking for approval when he states his ideas, he is merely letting the slave know his/her thoughts and that is communication.


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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/25/2009 9:38:34 PM   
devotedinSD


Posts: 91
Joined: 11/30/2008
Status: offline 		I would never try to impose limits on my master. But I know MY limits and disclose them upfront and if they don't get respected that will impact the relationship, probably not in a good way.

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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: slaves with poly limits - 1/26/2009 10:16:44 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3650
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I think that there is a combination of things in place with poly. I think that it is 'wired' into a person to be open to the idea of poly, in the same way that our preferences for gender are 'wired in'... but I think that acting or not acting on that capacity is completely voluntary, and that often, we don't think through our own responsibility for choosing to act on our preferences -- we allow circumstance, haste, indecisiveness and fear to make our decisions -for- us. I think it is possible to choose to be in a monogamous relationship for all or part of one's life, and still have that active capacity for poly.

I disagree with the people who say "if you're poly, then you HAVE to have multiple partners to be fulfilled". I think that, in order to be fulfilled, we have to make the right choices. I also think that we -choose- whether or not we allow our lives to fulfill us. A person who can't be fulfilled within hirself will never find fulfillment by adding other people, whether it's one person or a dozen, because satisfaction and fulfillment come from inside. I can be as fulfilled in a monogamous relationship that I chose as in a poly relationship that I chose. I can be fulfilled when circumstances change and what was a poly household changes shape and is more dyadic than group-oriented, or vice versa. I get my fulfillment from making choices with integrity, accepting that I will make mistakes with equanimity and candor, and choosing to see each day for its opportunities rather than its flaws. If we -have- to have another person to make us happy, to me, that indicates an internal complication... a need to find oneself and the internal tangles that keep one from embracing happiness individually...

That being said, I truly enjoy sharing happiness collectively, and will not deny feelings of affection and connection to another, should they arise. I believe that, as a healthy person, I will have an endless supply of affection to share, and the capacity to connect to any number of individuals without losing any of myself to the connections... and -that- is what defines me as 'poly'. For the person who cannot conceive of the possibility of unlimited affection or unlimited connection... well, to say the least, it would be a difficult, thorny, and broken road to attempt to drag them, kicking and screaming, down the poly route--and on top of that, it isn't much fun. I'd rather have a monogamous or monastic life full of joy than a poly life full of an unwilling harem of Vin Diesel clones.


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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to devotedinSD)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: slaves with poly limits - 3/16/2011 12:49:46 AM   
quantummaster


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/12/2011
Status: offline 		If a slave has limits, it limits the master, if the master has limits, it limits the slave, a slave is limited when it is not truly the slave, the master is limited when he is not truly master

A true master understands to look after property so that the property can serve him well, even though the property has no rights to break it completely would serve no purpose, it's as if you deliberately break your car even though the car is slave to you

The master respects the car as a good slave and looks after it, similarly the slave is respected in the same way it needs to be healthy to serve master and all his needs

It is true the master can destroy the slave but to what end?



(in reply to Behness)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: slaves with poly limits - 3/16/2011 12:54:36 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1249
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Bringing up topics that are over 6 months old are highly frowned upon,

And even slaves have feelings...

Theres a reason why masters were killed in their sleep when they neglected their "property"


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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: slaves with poly limits - 4/17/2011 7:08:57 AM   
XXMystiqueXX


Posts: 41
Joined: 1/4/2011
Status: offline 		 
      I believe poly is a choice for both Master/Mistress and slave.  The choice should be given at the very beginning of the relationship:  "This is going to be a poly household.  I would love for you to explore this journey with Me and Mine.  Are you interested?"
       When a former Dom and I entered our relationship (nearly 8 years) it was mutually agreed upon to be a monogamous one.  A few years later He was whining about "Wouldn't you like a subbie sister" all the while playing w/ another unbeknownst to me <and play to him included sex>/  I thought about it and finally told him "Yes you are the Master......you are entitled to have as many slaves as you wish.  However, I will NOT be one of a group."
          Why should someone stay in a relationship when they are not happy?  Life is too damn short to be miserable. Too many Dom's would be thrilled w/ ONE good sub/slave.  Just my .02 cents..................


(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: slaves with poly limits - 4/17/2011 8:18:33 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 8110
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Behness
I personally do not see how slaves can have limits.  Period.
A slave is just that, a rightless being.  It is owned, it is Mastered, it is a toy, a thing, a pet.  It is whatever the Master wills it to be.  If a "slave" has limits, isn't it merely a very submissive sub then? Granted, in the real world, true slavery cannot be brought to life.. without the help of the slave.  A true slave should be willing, from the heart, to do whatever is in her power to please her Master, because ultimately, his (or her) pleasure is her (or his) world.  Anything less than that, to me at least, is an extreme D/s couple, not a M/s relationship.
That is just my understanding of it though, and I'm sure many people will disagree.  Even if the OP was just "stirring the pot", I still think he has a valid point.  Slaves shouldn't have limits.  They are slaves, not subs.


Just curious - you don't see any contradictions between your statement here and the age/location/relocation limits in your profile? Or do you think it's ok to have limits before you become enslaved after which time this right evaporates? What if after you agreed to be a slave to a local man he announced that you were relocating to India before you finished your degree? Wouldn't that be the same bait-and-switch as a master announcing that his slave was now to be poly?

(in reply to Behness)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: slaves with poly limits - 4/17/2011 8:46:08 AM   
VideoAdminTheta


Posts: 2866
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		If a thread is over three months old, please start a new thread if you wish to discuss the topic. You can always link back to an older thread. This oldie will now be locked.

Thank you

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Profile   Post #: 79
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