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undergroundsea -> RE: Someone painting your nails or your house? (1/7/2009 9:20:50 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lockit
I haven't ever wanted a man who would be worked simply because I didn't wish to do things, but in every day life, we have a house and cars to keep up, shopping to do, cooking, laundry and on and on. A man is not doing me a favor to take part in keeping things going.
Thank you for elaborating on the context of your thoughts. I agree with points you raise and see my thoughts to not contradict them but to add additional data points.
Indeed the relationship matters. A man fixing a car for a woman can take on different meanings based on whether it is a companionship where each contributes to running the household, or whether they are dating, or whether it is a service relationship. A task that might be service under other contexts might not be service but instead, like you said, a share in responsibility in the context of a companionship.
I think criteria for a companionship focuses more on traits wanted in a companion than on specific skills. When I speak of specific skills, I tend to speak more with a context of a service only relationship. Also, one of my projects is to do seminars about the psychology of service submissives. And often my comments about service come from considerations about what creates the different motivations to serve, and what can enhance or deflate these motivations. What these considerations suggest is that service fares best when each person participates or contributes in a complementary manner.
There are women who want a man--not as a partner but as a service submissive--simply because they do not wish to do things. And even that scenario can work as a win-win scenario. Each scenario--whether it is a companionship or a service relationship--requires adequate energy return for the relationship to sustain. If the service comes as an expression of love, there needs to be an adequate return of love or whatever else motivates the flow of service. If the service comes from a desire to be subservient, the motivation starves if one does not feel subservient. This latter motivation might not matter as much in a companionship where tasks might be done under a companionship context but is likely important, perhaps critical, for a relationship that is a service-only relationship.
In most cases, the desire to provide service is not black and white but grey. It depends on how the rewards weigh against the costs. The rewards might be how one feels about the relationship, how one feels about bringing joy to a domme, the masochistic gratification one feels in being subservient, more. The costs might be cost of time, energy required to do a task one otherwise does not enjoy or even loathes, more. A task that one otherwise dislikes can become enjoyable in the context of service. And it is possible for the same action by a domme to enhance or deflate the motivation for service depending on the submissive. If there is a way to tilt the balance in favor of the rewards within reasonable convenience for the domme, it serves the relationship.
I agree that a service relationship would not be much of a relationship if the service submissive did only things that he enjoys. But there is a balance to be had and understanding the psychology of a submissive helps understand what makes for this balance. And it also helps with decisions about where it is in the better interest of the relationship to seek professional services. For example, I had a conversation with a domme whose submissive husband was in a lucrative career and she enjoyed domestic service. They were having some difficulty and tension about him keeping the house, a task for which he was not wired and which he loathed. My suggestion to her was that it would serve their relationship better to instead hire a housekeeper, as he was proposing, or consider having a submissive for domestic service if doing so fit their relationship. This thought comes from a workplace philosophy that there is more to be had in terms of morale and productivity if people are placed in roles that rely on their strengths versus roles in which they are likely to be miserable and fail.
To do service out of bringing joy to a partner and for sake of feeling subservient are not mutually exclusive. The same task may represent both, or a combination of tasks may cover the two collectively.
Cheers,
Sea
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