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Finding your Dominant - 1/7/2006 3:27:09 PM

KarbonCopy

Posts: 779
Status: offline

As I acend to my throne of harsh bluntness I have to scratch an itch.

There are a million and one threads about finding your Dominant this and Dominant that, why cant I find this, blah blah blah, and all that other whiney crap.

So you cant find a Dominant to satisfy your desires of servitude. What a shocker.

Have you thought to just meet people like you would outside this "lifestyle" as we all so religously put it.
Is there some unwritten code in the world that says you must find your partner on the internet?

What happened to the good old days where people used to meet others by walking over and talking to them.

Here's a suggestion for finding your partner.

1. Get dressed
2. Get yourself prettied up
3. Go to a bar, even an alternative lifestyle bar if you have the choice
4. TALK TO SOMEONE!

Meet people. how do you expect to find people if you just sit at home and expect some miracle to happen?

Sure people do actually find their partners on sites like this, and hell many vanilla couples have met online at similar singles sites.

But if its not working for you, or people have too high of standards that you've found, then look elsewhere, when all else fails, try going to a damn bar or something.

You'd be surprised how many people find our little secret absolutely alluring.

Too many of these partnerships formed here, are formed mainly on the basis of the lifestyle. Get to know a person, learn who they are. Spend time with eachother, build a relationship.

Truely Jaded
~Karbon

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RE: Finding your Dominant - 1/7/2006 11:43:58 PM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

Great words of advice. Before we are D/s or M/s or anything else, we are individuals first. I work locally. I raised my kids locally. I have good friends, all in the area.

I met my Dom locally. At that time, I had no idea this lifestyle was anything but for the very, very demented. He introduced me, slowly, at a pace that I could accept. Told me months later that he pegged me as having a submissive personality the first time I met him.

Now, no one that knows me would ever even think to label me submissive, but in his presence, I felt the natural, compelling draw a strong dominant can have over a strong submissive. I have never been happier. I feel fulfilled for the first time in my life. We lived close enough that distance while "dating" was no problem and many of our local interests were the same. He has taken possession of me and owns me completely.

And, because he is my first and only in this kind of relationship, there were no bad habits or trainings of other dominants to unlearn. I often wonder what would happen should something happen to him and I would be looking again. Where would I look? It doesn't seem like the people on this site have any better luck than those out in the general population at hooking up long term. So, maybe Karbon does make some sense.

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RE: Finding your Dominant - 1/8/2006 5:09:02 AM

DelRey

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy

You'd be surprised how many people find our little secret absolutely alluring.

Very inspiring

quote:

Here's a suggestion for finding your partner.

1. Get dressed
2. Get yourself prettied up
3. Go to a bar, even an alternative lifestyle bar if you have the choice
4. TALK TO SOMEONE!

Meet people. how do you expect to find people if you just sit at home and expect some miracle to happen?

I can do it, I CAN DO IT !

all pumped up........

1. Get dressed , CAN'T DO IT, I QUIT !
2. Sits down and turns pc back on.

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RE: Finding your Dominant - 1/8/2006 5:18:07 AM

typesgirl

Posts: 102
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

i completely agree. i found my Master before i knew i was a sub and when i wasn't even looking. i think "true love", or whatever version of that you believe in, happens when you least expect it. i'm not sure you can find it by chasing it. i think it has to find you.
typegirl

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RE: Finding your Dominant - 1/8/2006 6:24:33 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DelRey

quote:

ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy

You'd be surprised how many people find our little secret absolutely alluring.

Very inspiring

quote:

Here's a suggestion for finding your partner.

1. Get dressed
2. Get yourself prettied up
3. Go to a bar, even an alternative lifestyle bar if you have the choice
4. TALK TO SOMEONE!

Meet people. how do you expect to find people if you just sit at home and expect some miracle to happen?

I can do it, I CAN DO IT !

all pumped up........

1. Get dressed , CAN'T DO IT, I QUIT !
2. Sits down and turns pc back on.

LMAO!

Good general idea by the OP, but I think those of us with a few more years of experience know that the bar scene ain't the way to meet a lot of decent people. I'm sure he meant it as just one suggestion.

There are also local clubs, work....preferably in a department other than yours, if that exists, and, dare I say it....church? I have actually met quite a few people who are active in church who are also active in the kink world.

I say it will happen where it happens.

chymes

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RE: Finding your Dominant - 1/8/2006 5:55:23 PM

KarbonCopy

Posts: 779
Status: offline

I found my significant other, the exact day that I completely stopped looking. When my mind was finally out of looking, which I have to say took a LONG time, was the day she walked into the door at the coffee shop.

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RE: Finding your Dominant - 1/9/2006 3:25:53 AM

1wildwolf

Posts: 120
Joined: 6/30/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

so true....i finally found my Domme when i got so frustrated at being online and got my ass out into a local munch.....

that said....it took over 2 years of trying to get the confidence....and a lot of walks up and down the street before i walked into the bar, lol

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RE: Finding your Dominant - 1/9/2006 7:50:46 AM

pettaurus

Posts: 9
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

I have one for you. Master and I met online. AOL to be exact, in a local chat room. We had been talking on and off for sometime. One night, I was in a very manic state of mind, and HAD to get out of the house. But I couldnt find anyone to go with me. So, I signed on, and Master was there, so I asked Him out for coffee. It was all totally vanilla. He knew I was submissive. Yes, I had told Him. He chose at that time, not to explore it, but, we remained as a vanilla couple. Subs can pick out the same thing in Doms, that Doms can in us subs. I myself prefer to "date" for a while first, before we really start discussing me submitting to them. I want an established relationship first. If the kink is the only thing holding you together, what happens if that has to leave unexpectedly? you are left wondering what happened. IMO, there needs to be an established relationship seperate from the D/s. I was in a relationship where, it was D/s from the start. It ended vanilla when He passed away. after the D/s left, we struggled to re establish something there. We worked on it untill He passed away.

D/s has been incorporated into our lives for three months now. And I have never been happier or more content.

pet

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RE: Finding your Dominant - 1/10/2006 5:46:44 PM

KarbonCopy

Posts: 779
Status: offline

It happens.

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RE: Finding your Dominant - 1/10/2006 7:21:53 PM

Duste

Posts: 10
Status: offline

Oddly enough, I never really found that special one for me...

Of course, that doesn't mean there wern't those that tried to make me theirs, and I loved every minute of it.

Karbon, you may want to add "Blind Luck" to that list.

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Whipping, beating, slapping, paddling, pinching, screwing, being screwed, sucking, eating, licking, blowing, submitting, dominating, wild whoring, poking, proding, swinging, hanging, sense inhibiting and total obedience to anything with a sex drive.

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RE: Finding your Dominant - 1/10/2006 8:54:50 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

I found my significant other, the exact day that I completely stopped looking. When my mind was finally out of looking, which I have to say took a LONG time, was the day she walked into the door at the coffee shop.

Ditto. I managed a coffee house for a couple of years and I met my husband there, through mutual friends. After I got off work we ended up together at Harry's Chocolate Shop (a bar across the street). We have an active sexual and D/S relationship, and we're doing great. I'm all for an active approach. You never know about someone until you dive in and give it a real shot.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

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RE: Finding your Dominant - 1/10/2006 9:33:40 PM

fergus

Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy

As I acend to my throne of harsh bluntness I have to scratch an itch.

There are a million and one threads about finding your Dominant this and Dominant that, why cant I find this, blah blah blah, and all that other whiney crap.

So you cant find a Dominant to satisfy your desires of servitude. What a shocker.

Have you thought to just meet people like you would outside this "lifestyle" as we all so religously put it.
Is there some unwritten code in the world that says you must find your partner on the internet?

What happened to the good old days where people used to meet others by walking over and talking to them.

Here's a suggestion for finding your partner.

1. Get dressed
2. Get yourself prettied up
3. Go to a bar, even an alternative lifestyle bar if you have the choice
4. TALK TO SOMEONE!

Meet people. how do you expect to find people if you just sit at home and expect some miracle to happen?

Sure people do actually find their partners on sites like this, and hell many vanilla couples have met online at similar singles sites.

But if its not working for you, or people have too high of standards that you've found, then look elsewhere, when all else fails, try going to a damn bar or something.

You'd be surprised how many people find our little secret absolutely alluring.

Too many of these partnerships formed here, are formed mainly on the basis of the lifestyle. Get to know a person, learn who they are. Spend time with eachother, build a relationship.

Truely Jaded
~Karbon

HEAR HEAR!

Though it doesn't have to be a bar. And it doesn't preclude you from looking on the net ... jsut do both. and all things in between.

fergus

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RE: Finding your Dominant - 1/11/2006 3:08:42 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

ally think its more about patience and meeting everyone you can , worse cae senario they become friends. I met Master here on Cm , when i was fed up with the whole internet thing myself. i had always met people locally at D/s events and really fed up with the deception of some online. i couldn't have met someone i am more connected too and goo goo over then he right now. i hope i make him happy with me for many years to come.

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RE: Finding your Dominant - 1/11/2006 7:57:34 PM

lilyophelia

Posts: 38
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline

You know, i have to say that i really love the internet when it comes to the idea of people meeting. As long as you take away the anonymity quickly enough (via telephone and real-life meetings), it's a great way to bypass the ice and just get to know people. W/we all open up so much more quickly online than we do in real life. As long as you supplement with phone and real-life meetings, i think the internet is an amazing resource! At the same time, i completely agree in not getting caught up in online, fantasy worlds for extended amounts of time. Fine, you met someone cool...don't drag it out for three years via IMs. Talk on the phone, make dates to meet in real life, play with each other, have sex and make sure you're compatible, and do whatever else it is that you need to do to transform an online meeting into a real-life tryst or relationship.

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Post #: 14