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RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/20/2009 5:52:28 PM

greeneyedreamer

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Sex isn't just SEX. It's intimacy, physical closeness, opening your mind, body and soul to someone. Making someone feel wonderful. It's a lot more than just SEX or Kink. I think you need sex for a healthy relationship in some form. Being naked and vulnerable to someone has it's use in life and relationships.

Just my opinion...

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I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

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RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/20/2009 8:24:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
There's a strong counter culture streak that wants to make Ds and Ms a legitimate relationship and does so by divorcing it from the sex aspect.
Polyamorous people do it all the time also.

If there's no sex, I'm so outta here.

M

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/21/2009 7:40:58 AM

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I missed the original, but this is an interesting thread.

Any question posted on the boards can go in any direction. The poster of the original can't dictate where it's going to go. Many threads start in one place an those who respond take it somewhere else. Anybody who's been around here a while knows this.

If someone asked a question about sex, or rather the lack of it, you would think the answers would be related to the situation in regards to her sex life. I've seen a lot of threads where this has happened on everything from ED to side effects of medications. Whether that constitutes a topic that is BDSM oriented could be debatable. For some it is and for some it isn't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Because you...the generic you...might be considered to be "shallow" if the sexual part of the relationship is uppermost in your mind at any point in time, because you might be seen as being wrong for being concerned about something that "isn't that big of a part" of a "good" relationship, etc., etc..

Personally, I call B. S. on the idea that sex isn't an integral, important part of most relationships (on a romance level, on a BDSM level, on a combined romantic & BDSM level). Human beings, while being evolved to a higher level than most animals, are still of the animal kingdom. We can wrap all the pretty things around the basic drive as much as we want to but that does not stop nor eliminate the basic drive that brings two or more people together. Don't get me wrong, I ENJOY all the frills...the conversation, the love, the understanding, the D/s, the companionship...but I also enjoy what is at the core of my interactions with someone I am attracted to as a partner.

CD, we don't disagree often, but I'm going to call BS on you calling BS. Sex may be an integral part of most of your relationships, but for a lot of us, it isn't. For some of us, the romantic part doesn't come into it either.

Just like someone else mentioned that for them it can be all about sex, there are a number of us for whom it isn't. I don't know where the majority lies, but it doesn't discount those of us who don't fall into it.

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RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/21/2009 7:53:39 AM

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I know as many strictly D/s couple where sex is a normal part of their relationship as there are couples where sex is not part of their dynamikc at all. M/swise the same applies and in factwhen I have a strictly service only girl with no BDSM there may be no sex either it all depends on each couple and what their primary orientation is. Many girls I see are looking for a Dominant and also seeking a partmer/husband too..

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RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/21/2009 7:57:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

Sex isn't just SEX. It's intimacy, physical closeness, opening your mind, body and soul to someone. Making someone feel wonderful. It's a lot more than just SEX or Kink. I think you need sex for a healthy relationship in some form. Being naked and vulnerable to someone has it's use in life and relationships.

Just my opinion...

Sex CAN fulfill a lot of needs, but sex itself is just sex. Intimacy can be had in so many ways and it's a shame to think it can only happen during sex. Physical closeness can happen in the shower, snuggling in front of a fire, or in a dressing room (if you are all good friends and REALLY quick about it!).
Opening mind, body, and soul can happen during sex, but it can and does happen in other ways as well, sometimes together, sometimes one or two out of three. Making someone feel wonderful, well come on. If that is the only way you can make your lover feel wonderful, then you aren't trying or they are really stunted.
As for being naked and vulnerable, we all do that at the doctor's office, the gym, and in the shower. If you include nearly naked then the list gets a whole lot longer.

Sex is sex. If you only have sex for deep romantic reasons, then you might be missing out on some of the very fun and varied ways that sex can happen like mad sex and therapeutic sex (great for cramps and headaches!) or stress relief.

All I am saying is be careful of making sex MEAN something and only one thing. You can really mess yourself up by limiting your sex drive and your sexual expression.

_____________________________

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(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/21/2009 9:22:49 AM

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From: NJ
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quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

Sex isn't just SEX. It's intimacy, physical closeness, opening your mind, body and soul to someone. Making someone feel wonderful. It's a lot more than just SEX or Kink. I think you need sex for a healthy relationship in some form. Being naked and vulnerable to someone has it's use in life and relationships.

Just my opinion...

I agree. Sex encompasses SO MUCH more than just the physical act. Mostly the reason I can't just "play". Not knocking those who can do that, I'm just not one of them.

_____________________________

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Collared June 4th, 2008
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(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/21/2009 1:59:21 PM

greeneyedreamer

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quote:

Sex CAN fulfill a lot of needs, but sex itself is just sex. Intimacy can be had in so many ways and it's a shame to think it can only happen during sex. Physical closeness can happen in the shower, snuggling in front of a fire, or in a dressing room (if you are all good friends and REALLY quick about it!).
Opening mind, body, and soul can happen during sex, but it can and does happen in other ways as well, sometimes together, sometimes one or two out of three. Making someone feel wonderful, well come on. If that is the only way you can make your lover feel wonderful, then you aren't trying or they are really stunted.
As for being naked and vulnerable, we all do that at the doctor's office, the gym, and in the shower. If you include nearly naked then the list gets a whole lot longer.

I have to agree but disagree, Intimacy CAN be had in many other ways in all types of relationships. BUT the fact remains in a loving relationship with 2 people who are capable, willing and able to have sex there is nothing more perfect. IN addition, sex just for sex sake is great, but i have to say sex in any close intimate relationship is out of the ball park. Like i said, my own opinion.

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to feydeplume)

RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/21/2009 2:19:51 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: feydeplume

quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

Sex isn't just SEX. It's intimacy, physical closeness, opening your mind, body and soul to someone. Making someone feel wonderful. It's a lot more than just SEX or Kink. I think you need sex for a healthy relationship in some form. Being naked and vulnerable to someone has it's use in life and relationships.

Just my opinion...

Sex CAN fulfill a lot of needs, but sex itself is just sex. Intimacy can be had in so many ways and it's a shame to think it can only happen during sex. Physical closeness can happen in the shower, snuggling in front of a fire, or in a dressing room (if you are all good friends and REALLY quick about it!).
Opening mind, body, and soul can happen during sex, but it can and does happen in other ways as well, sometimes together, sometimes one or two out of three. Making someone feel wonderful, well come on. If that is the only way you can make your lover feel wonderful, then you aren't trying or they are really stunted.
As for being naked and vulnerable, we all do that at the doctor's office, the gym, and in the shower. If you include nearly naked then the list gets a whole lot longer.

Sex is sex. If you only have sex for deep romantic reasons, then you might be missing out on some of the very fun and varied ways that sex can happen like mad sex and therapeutic sex (great for cramps and headaches!) or stress relief.

All I am saying is be careful of making sex MEAN something and only one thing. You can really mess yourself up by limiting your sex drive and your sexual expression.

Nicely said, feydeplume. Especially nice that it came from the female side of the equation.

So many people tie sex up...so to speak...by loading it down with every other part of the relationship. "Sex is representative of our union, sex is representative of our emotional bond, sex is the physical expression of what we are together in every other way"...it can, and in a relationship should be, all this but NOT...ALL...THE...TIME.
Here's a question: how many of you who've loaded down all those burdens on sex each and every time you engage in it load down other important areas of your life like that? I can't help but wonder if bringing all these things to sexual expression is always helpful...because sometimes, that burden leads to a feeling that the sex HAS to be great.

As fey said, sometimes it can be all those things but sometimes, it is great for stress relief and sometimes it is great for headaches and sometimes it is great for satisfying that "itch" that most folks have.

I don't go out and do just casual anymore...been there and done that and prefer at this point in my life to have someone mean something more to me than just being my "friend with benefits" BUT that doesn't mean that with the right partner that sex would always be a way of sharing intimacy of an emotional/spiritual/mental nature...sometimes it would be just about great fucking fun. There will be more than enough times when there will be very intimate love-making in which the partnership is expressed through the physical nature of the sex and we will both be aware of it...but there will also be times when I just want to come home, grip her hair and growl in her ear..."Bend over and spread yourself as wide as you can, slut" and then push into her pussy just long enough to feel it begin to moisten before I begin to fuck deep into her at every angle I can as hard as I can while spanking her with one hand and helping to steady her with my other hand around her throat.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 1/21/2009 2:27:24 PM >

(in reply to feydeplume)

RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/21/2009 4:14:31 PM

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BDSM can be sexual. Its true you can get really erotic thrills from it.
For me though it is completely psychological. I love the feeling. I love what it does to my mind and emotions. If I am in scene with a guy, its about intimacy and trust.
I couldnt do it with someone I didnt have romantic feelings for, I dont think.

(in reply to feydeplume)

RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/21/2009 5:40:28 PM

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I love sex and need sex and would not have a non sexual realationship with any Dom

(in reply to DomDG)

RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/21/2009 5:53:17 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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i have no problems excluding those who are only seeking a sexual D/M/s relationship - i'm not compatible to those type of people. a sex-only relationship would certainly bore me after a while.

Daddy and i have a wonderful nonsexual D/s dynamic ...lots of conversation, shared common interests and etc.

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(in reply to DomDG)

RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/21/2009 7:50:10 PM

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all i know is i love sex

i need sex

so does my mistress and yes we have sex whenever we are together

she wants me naked and clean on the inside as well as outside when she walks in the door

and soon thereafter she changes into whatever role playing clothes that she brings

oh ok most times it includes the 10 in strapon that she wears so well

if there wasnt no sex she sure wouldnt be my mistress for very long

yes i pay her to be my mistress ..she knows my wants and needs and she fully satisfy them one way or another

it could be from a awesome bbj with a great prostate massage which im totally at her mercy

one way or another shes going to get the cum out of me

and yes the lady cums too its not all about me when we are together

love sharing with her my cumming and her cummiing too

the look on her face when she does so is priceless indeed

how do i know shes not faking ? she squirts and thats very awesome indeed with a woman who does so

i understand some mistresses dont like the sex part ..hey thats your choice

lifes too short make mine with as much sex as we both can handle please ...have fun mal

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/21/2009 9:03:28 PM

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In regards to the situation in the OP I find it deplorable that people would feel the need to lecture someone who clearly had a healthy long-term relationship and just needed a bit of reconciliation with her feelings. Then again, it is the internet, people have a tendency to forget how to read.

When it comes to sex... I think *every* romantic relationship, in part, is about 'the sex,' even those that don't include actual orgasm of one or both parties. I think it is a healthy, natural, and *required* part for any long-term romantic relationship, regardless of BDSM (or any other) inclusion within it.

Non-romantic relationships it's a toss up. Some *are* purely about sex, most aren't. To me a romantic relationship is a mixture of both.

In my case any romantic relationship would require sex. Period. I'm not saying I'd jump in just any guy's britches who wants to date me, but once we've established a relationship that we're going to take one step further, sex is (to me) an important part of it.

But *any* romantic relationship is about more than the sex (otherwise it's not a romantic relationship, it's a purely sexual one)... that wasn't the issue that she brought up... it was that the sex (which was an important *aspect* to her) was gone/lacking due to a non-controllable variable by either partner.

Meh, I'll stop rambling, I'm probably making an ass of myself.

(in reply to DomDG)

RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/22/2009 2:53:09 AM

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From: Melbourne, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

i have no problems excluding those who are only seeking a sexual D/M/s relationship - i'm not compatible to those type of people. a sex-only relationship would certainly bore me after a while.

Daddy and i have a wonderful nonsexual D/s dynamic ...lots of conversation, shared common interests and etc.

IMO a sexual D/M/s relationship doesn't mean that you don't have a nonsexual D/s dynamic with lots of shared interests etc. A sexual D/M/s relationship is not about sex-only, hence the D/M/s aspect to it. All it means that you are looking for a D/M/s relationship that includes sex.

I'd be curious to know what your definition is of a sexual D/M/s relationship.

Keiko

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~ Ulysses by Lord Alfred Tennyson

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/22/2009 4:57:48 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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From: Chicago, IL
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if sex is the only thing that will define the D/M/s relationship (meaning that's all the person wants/needs without building a foundation of trust, friendship, communication), it's not for me. sex isn't the main focus in my relationship with Daddy (and the same with my pet). or let me put this way, sex is the dessert not the main course in a 7 course formal dinner.

i have to be very intimate and feel comfortable with the other person before expressng myself sexually to them.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to nafakcha)

RE: "About more than sex?" - 1/22/2009 7:16:08 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

But I am a sexual Dom, and people that always say "it's not about sex" seem to want to exclude a lot of poeple.

You're a sexual dom... that works out great for you. I expounded on another post about what my particular involvements in WIITWD are, and why, for me, it's -not- about sex.

Rather than saying that I want to exclude the people who are looking for a sexual relationship from getting involved with ME, I prefer to phrase it as being selectively INCLUSIVE of those individuals who are willing to consider a relationship that focuses on the artistry and sensation... or at least who will be able to enjoy any sexual feelings that the play brings up without actually having to have intercourse and genital play and such as part of the experience (because I do understand that it can be about sex without the need to actually -have- intercourse for some folks) -- it's not that I disagree with mixing sex and/or intercourse and kink/fetish or service, it's just that neither one of us would be happy if they were with me if they were dependent on intercourse with me as an aspect of play. I'm pretty monkish. My sexuality is pretty subsumed into other aspects of my life, and because of that, I -absolutely- am selective and clear about what I'm seeking. I want to narrow the field down to the people who would be a good fit for me and for my situation (and, in my case, for my poly household). I don't want them to stop doing what they do... I just want to be really clear that they won't get what they're looking for, if they're fixated on sexual play, from a relationship with me.

It rocks that you're into this as a sexual thing... but I'm betting you are selective in your version of WIITWD too... you want to include the folks who want a sexual relationship.

There's nothing wrong with either direction, but I think that it's -good- for people to know why they do the things they do -- and even better if they know why they do what they do, and don't try and judge other people's choices by those criteria.

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to DomDG)

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