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"Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 11:20:37 AM

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I was asked this today with regards to our last sexual encounter. To be completely honest with him, I had to tell him "no". Now I don't know if he's going to initiate a conversation about this later, certianly right now it's not possible to have that kind of conversation. He was so sad and later asked if he could play with my hair and stated that he was worried about me.

It makes me wish that I'd lied. It's not like out intimate relationship is unfulfilling, it just didn't click with me today.

Do you think that in this scenario a white lie just might be appropriate?

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 11:25:47 AM

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I think it depends on the type of man that he is. I once told someone something very similar to what you have said here and after that it would be bought up all the time and we barely ever had sex again. However there have been other occasions with other men where on admitting I didnt enjoy it they responded 'good' it depends on the context.

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 11:28:30 AM

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I believe honesty is the best policy, though sometimes it is in how you say it. If you really weren't "into it" because of other factors, I would have made him aware of those. So yeah it stung for the moment but you will work through it.

~Lashra

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 11:32:29 AM

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My boy and have times not very often when it (play, sex) just does not work for us. It happens its a fact of life, we are open and honest with each other and say it's just not working. Does not trouble me, I know it's not working I can tell. To lie to me would trouble me more.

Mike

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 11:34:49 AM

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I would have simply stated it differently. I wouldn't have said "no". I would have said something along the lines that while I immensely love him, his company and just being with him, I just couldn't enjoy the last encounter for whatever reason.

Tell him what you didn't enjoy and why. Don't just say "no".

At this point I would ask him if you two can talk so that you can explain this to him. You gave the man a crushing blow to his ego. He's human and he's a man. Help him out.

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 11:45:35 AM

agirl

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I imagine that by asking you that, he had a different response in mind if he was *sad*. It obviously had some importance that you DID enjoy it., so might have been a kick in the teeth, so to speak. But hey-ho, however prickly it is right now, there's a conversation likely in the offing.

agirl

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 11:46:48 AM

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I am sorry to hear you and yours had a not so good time together. I am guessing he asked if you had a good time because he guessed that you didn't. I think the truth was better than a lie if that was the case. Hurt feelings or sadness are better than hurting the trust between you two. As for what to do next? Try to be clear in your own mind why it wasn't so good for you so you can continue to be honest with him and yourself.

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 11:48:34 AM

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Personally, I'm an honesty junkie and would far prefer to hear the ugly truth than to live in a flase fantasy... So I agree you should have answered the question honestly...

But a half truth is just as misleading as a lie...

If you weren't into it for reasons other than it was a lousy session... offering that part of the truth is critical to avoid misleading him...

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 12:05:08 PM

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O ouch.

Personally I have no qualms about expressing likes/dislikes to C about various things we do... but I do them while they are happening, not afterwards, I'd imagine it's less hurtie that way, because then, there's a chance to adjust, and continue on having a good time.

Neither of us have any problem with a..''Just what the f are you trying to do?"

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 12:05:57 PM

dreamerdreaming

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I would have used the time- honored technique of sandwiching the negative between two positives.

For example: While I loved being close to you (and here I'd give specifics: feeling your skin against mine, etc.) , I didn't enjoy ______ (and again I'd be specific here, about exactly what was not enjoyable and/or why) this time. But I LOVED the way you (pushed me up against the wall, held me down, etc. again be specific).

I would take time with my answer, use good eye contact, and touch him and reassure him that your feelings for him are as strong as ever.

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 12:15:18 PM

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My Lord would prefer that I be truthful, even to the point of pain. Sometimes he likes it when I don't like something. I admit there have been occassions when his initial response to my honesty upsets me, but we always come back around to having our arms around one another.

Hang in there. You'll feel better for being honest. :D

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 12:19:57 PM

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Sometimes honesty hurts and that's a part of life. It's ok and normal for him to not immediately be all smiley and happy over it.

But that doesn't give him license to make it your problem or make it a source of further problems. If he can't handle honesty, he's the one not ready for a relationship.

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 12:20:15 PM

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Could you tell him why? Are you fighting off a cold, worried about a friend, having trouble with your family? Because the last couple of days this has been us. I start to get interested and then it all stops. But I'm living off of Benedryl in order to stop a major allergy attack and I have told him I think it's the Benedryl. Or the allergy attack.

I was careful to say it wasn't him, it was just me and the meds.

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 12:26:01 PM

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FR
Intimacy in a relationship isn't just about those warm fuzzy moments...it is about the not so soft and safe things as well.
When we conceal the truth we are depriving our partner of knowing who we REALLY are.

Having said that... there are ways of expressing the complete truth with compassion.

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 12:35:44 PM

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I think for most people in LTRs, sometimes it's great, other times good and sometimes tolerable. Things cycle. Honesty must be 24/7. I would worry about him seeming sad rather than discussing something on his mind.

Personally, sometimes He doesn't want me to enjoy sex, or even hotter, doesn't care. If He does want me to enjoy myself and I don't, I will tell Him and why (sometimes an off day, my body wasn't responding normally because of hormones, whatever). But my obligation is to tell Him the truth- always.

Often, in sex and/or play, even when I am not enjoying it (and I don't enjoy most pain- He enjoys seeing me take it for Him), what I AM enjoying is being the object of HIS sadistic pleasure. So, while I may hate what He's doing to me, I love that He's getting pleasure from it. I don't know that I'm explaining it well, but it is all wrapped up in the need to please Him and see Him happy.

And it gets really confusing when He asks if I am enjoying myself while He is "torturing" me (in quote because everything is, of course 100% consensual). I want to say, "no", but if I am not blindfolded I can see the gleem in His eye and I love that. So, I have to say "yes, I am enjoying myself" when He knows I hate what He is doing to me. It's actually a mind fuck. I get so confused- and He loves that.

I guess it's great to enjoy every encounter, but as I'm His to enjoy, it doesn't really matter if I do as long as I'm pleasing Him.

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 1:44:36 PM

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I like to be honest. I would just explain the other factors involved and it wasn't him personally.

< Message edited by sweetnurseBBW -- 2/1/2009 1:45:17 PM >

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 1:59:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

Do you think that in this scenario a white lie just might be appropriate?

I don't think so but providing more detail might have helped. Was there anything about it you did enjoy or can you point to why you didn't enjoy it? Such as: Is it something you usually enjoy but you are stressed lately?

Something that we've realized is that, during times of high stress, I usually don't orgasm and I don't enjoy sex as much. But I still enjoy it because he is taking is pleasure with me and that suits us both. I don't know that if that is helpful to you or not.

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 2:06:53 PM

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I would have answered with the cause saying something like " I just couldn't let go today" or whatever else.

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 2:22:07 PM

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I'm a firm believer in not asking questions that you really don't want the answer to. If you had truly enjoyed whatever happened, he would have probably been able to pick up on that. The fact that he felt compelled to ask indicates to me that there was doubt in his mind that you did enjoy it. He probably had that doubt, then asked, then got the answer he feared he'd get. That hurts.

In my life and relationship, however, it would hurt both of us alot worse if I lied. A "white lie" or not, it's not really effective in our relationship for Him to ask a question and me to lie. Firstly, there's no way to clear the air, work it out, correct it or whathaveyou if He doesn't even know. Secondly, why would I lie to Him when all He expects is me to answer honestly and then we'll work it out from there?

Nothing could have been gained by a lie. Sure, it'd spare his feelings in the short-term but in the long run it can't possibly be a good thing. Besides, as I said earlier, he must have already sensed something was off if he felt it necessary to ask if you enjoyed it..............luci

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RE: "Did you enjoy it?" - 2/1/2009 4:01:01 PM

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Without honesty, there cannot be growth in a relationship. While I, too, would have softened the bluntness of the answer perhaps, that is part of my nature as a submissive. Had I made One sad, I would have asked permission to explain and to try to clarify my feelings and increase our bond.

I am sorry. This is tough as you so obviously did not mean to hurt Him. SubGirl

(in reply to slaveluci)

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