RE: Why is he enough, when she isn't?

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RE: Why is he enough, when she isn't?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Polyamorous Lifestyles >> RE: Why is he enough, when she isn't?

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RE: Why is he enough, when she isn't? - 3/15/2009 8:31:12 PM

asianchloe

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissIsis

I didn't want to hijack the other thread going on, so I am starting another one. This is more for dominant men & submissive women.

I am not trying to be rude, but I am really curious. Most of the dominant men I have met & talked with, who have talked about poly or been involved in it, have been pretty clear that they also are very jealous. They will insist to their submissive that it isn't because they (the submissive) are not enough. They give the argument that not one person is able to meet all their needs, but yet, they seem to have an expectation that, they themselves should be enough for her.

Which brings me to the question, how is it that he needs to get some of his needs met through a secondary, or more, but she is supposed to get all of her needs met through him alone? Very often, he will be insistent that she participate in bi-sexual encounters with his others, so she can get those needs met, whether or not she is bi or even bi-curious. I've even met some men who insist that all women are bi capable, but men are not necessarily so.

I know vanilla men who try this too but the women usually don't put up with it. Rather than the male-female dynamic, I think it's the Dominant-submissive dynamic that determines whether the Master/Mistress can have multiple slaves while the slave can only have one Master. I know Dominas who have multiple slaves, for multiple uses (including sexual ones) while the male subs remain faithful to their Mistress. Forced bi is not a hard limit for many people (men or women) so if the sub agrees to the rules of engagement, I don't see anything wrong with one-sided polyamory.

(in reply to MissIsis)

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RE: Why is he enough, when she isn't? - 3/16/2009 12:33:59 PM

SirJ40

Posts: 157
Joined: 12/21/2008
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The following is simply My opinion.. I do not ask anyone to agree with Me.. I hope that some do, naturally.
The thing that bothers Me when it's "one sided" is that, for Me, it flies in the face of the understanding and acceptance part of Poly. Personally, I don't feel that you're practicing it "very well" when you can't accept that others want to practice it too. In the case of a partner who is ok with their partner's Polyamory, but doesn't wish to practice it themselves, then I agree that it's just fine.. and admire the monogamous person who can live that lifestyle, it takes a lot of willpower and understanding to be the mono to a Poly person.
Those who accept a submissive but wish to add the caveat that the submissive may not practice Polyamory, (assuming the submissive wants to.. if they don't, then they're not part of this argument, lol) while they claim to be Poly themselves, are just being greedy or power hungry, IMNSHO.
There's somewhere between very little and nothing about Polyamory that is so restrictive.. and those who try to hide behind the label because it's "in vogue" or "popular" as a "lifestyle choice" are doing truly loving Poly people a disservice.
If you're a Dominant who wants to have sex outside your primary relationship, act like the "take charge" person you are, and say so.. don't say "I'm Poly, but My subs aren't allowed to be".. the D/s dynamic does not take precedence over the overlying precepts and beliefs of Polyamory. Say it! "Ok.. you're not allowed to fuck others (unless I order it) but I'm going to be doing whatever I want".. just say it! Don't use Polyamory as a cover!
Polyamory and D/s or BDSM are distinct and seperate mindsets and belief systems.. and much of what D/s is about.. controlling someone, dictating behavior, demanding things.. that's almost directly opposing the direct meaning or drive of Polyamory. which promotes understanding, caring, and acceptance.
If you're too jealous or controlling to allow your partner to have sex outside the relationship while you DO.. then that's as far from being Poly as can be. Are you forming loving, lasting relationships, or just fucking? If you're enjoying partners but not forming attachments, you're swinging, or living an open relationship, but you're NOT Polyamorous.
You're not "loving many". You're fucking many.. let's call it.. Polyfuckery- defined as "sleeping with many people but not loving them". Polyamory is "loving many" but it does not mean that you're sleeping with them.
I don't argue that people should do what they wish to as long as they're harming nobody else.. but scenarios like the OP are not about Polyamory. They're about PE and My favorite new word.. Polyfuckery. The only loving relationship there is the one between the Dom and himself.

(in reply to asianchloe)

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RE: Why is he enough, when she isn't? - 3/18/2009 1:13:19 PM

ThomasMore

Posts: 52
Joined: 9/25/2007
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If the submissive isn't playing with other girls because she innately wants to - rather than just for the pleasure of the dominant - then there's something inherently flawed in the dynamic.

Conversely, it's not a matter of the submissive being "not enough" - it's a matter of different experiences. "There's no aphrodhisiac hotter than strange," said the man. Or something like that.

(in reply to MissIsis)

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Post #: 103