"DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "The Sissy Maid Who Broke Up With Me"

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "The Sissy Maid Who Broke Up With Me"

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"DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "The S... - 2/16/2009 11:38:14 PM

Posts: 27
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline

I got dommy dumped via email! I realized that unsettling feeling of deep disappointment turned out to be hurt feelings. I pride myself on being a lady's woman, a seductress, a player, tough as nails. It's occurred to me before that a lot of prospective subs treat me as though I am the one dimensional charicature of a dominatrix. No real feelings, just a fantasy of a cruel comic book villainousness. Sometimes I am. When I am cracking a whip or standing tall over a man atop five inch stilettos. Other times I am in my jammies reading my morning email when I learn that I've been dumped. And those days I don't want to eat my oatmeal anymore and I might even cry. I wish I could blame these tears on the cycle of the moon. I guess I forgot what it feels like to be rejected. I guess this isn't a question, just wanted to let the subs know that the feelings of doms need to be respected too!

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/16/2009 11:45:55 PM

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*hug*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/17/2009 12:35:27 AM

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

Dominants most certainly have feelings too, and have no reason to feel any better about being dumped than the rest of us. We're all human.

The only advantage of being sub is that our relationship complaints have added drama - "You wouldn't believe some of things he did to me, and those were just the fun parts!"

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/17/2009 12:54:58 AM

Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

I have often said to other D-types who go through this (and I see it pretty often), that a collar is only as good as the person wearing it. Sometimes, (usually to subs who have been abandoned) I alter it to say a collar is only as good as the relationship it represents. In both cases I mean the same thing, it is just two different ways of looking at it. It is very disillusioning to discover that special person just isn't that into you.

You question everything, the meaning of every moment is suddenly in question. You feel duped and you feel like you duped yourself. It is a greater risk for the online relationships though, because in at least some ways you are duping yourself. Please save yourself the heartache of replaying it over and over trying to separate the truth from the lies. You cannot change the past. It was sweet, and now it is over. Wish him the best and move on. Not all online relationships are complete delusions. Some of them work and very well, resulting in eventual meet-ups and a real connection that is fulfilling to all involved.

So, just maybe you were used a little.. or a lot.. but in any case, if the feelings you had were real then you got the better end of the bargain. That sub will never know what they have given up.

_____________________________

Use your head can't you use your head? You're on Earth! There's no cure for that! - Samuel Beckett (Endgame)

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/17/2009 12:57:26 AM

Posts: 27
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline

Thank you. You are very sweet. I hope you find a loving master who will treat you like the good and darling boy that you are!

(in reply to WestBaySlave)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/17/2009 1:04:41 AM

Posts: 27
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline

Thanks. It had progressed from an online relationship to real time play mates pretty quickly. I am not sure what my motivation for posting was, I guess I needed validation from other folks!

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/17/2009 1:26:02 AM

Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
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Fiercest, come and watch a sexy movie with me (I love them young, too - eeee!) in our least Goddess-like clothes, and let us indulge in our blender drinks of choice.

You said a mouthful. People often start looking at their partner as the role they represent - as wife, husband, sex partner, girlfriend, boyfriend - and load that role with all their fears and expectations about what a boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, is, losing contact with the real individual. As much as people in vanilla relationships do this, how much more so, in a kinky relationship.

We're people. I mean, we are, each of us (top or bottom), God and Goddess but we are people, if you see what I mean. If a submissive is desperately depending upon the invulnerability and infalibity of a dominant, then hey! we're just doin' our best. You should be pleased we have feelings.

And don't say you love us and want to belong to us forever, if what you really mean is, you look right hot in that outfit and I'm sticking around for as long as this keeps my attention. We have feelings.

Fiercest, sometime, the feeling of genuine relief will arise, that you dodged a bullet, with that one. But I feel for you, in the time before that.

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/17/2009 8:47:02 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you present yourself to people as a persona of a seductress, a player, etc instead of as a full person then why are you upset that people believe you to be the person you presented yourself as? Don't engage on this level and you should have less people who are searching for that instead of someone happy to sit around in her fuzzy slippers watching cheesy comedies.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MadameMarque)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/17/2009 11:10:30 AM

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Back when I was a Domme I found that I often felt that subs approaching me didn't think of me as a well rounded person; they projected an image onto me of what they wanted. I was called a Goddess, I came to cringe at being called beautiful (now, who would think that could ever happen - LOL), they created a fantasy based character that they tried to make me into. I felt more like a comic book hero to many than like a real live person who catches colds and sometimes has emotional needs.

I'm sorry that you were hurt and hope that it wasn't too badly. The nice thing for Dommes is that it seems that there are hundreds more waiting to take an open spot in their schedules. : ) May you find one that treats you exactly the way that you want to be treated in the near future.

_____________________________

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/18/2009 2:00:08 AM

Posts: 27
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline

Thanks all. I've spent the day catching up with backed up email on CM trying to find a new domestic. I realized today that my former slave was dealing with a lot of self loathing and guilt about our lifestyle and I am starting to feel like I dodged a bullet! Thanks so much for all the loving support.

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/18/2009 2:04:48 AM

Posts: 27
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline

Thank you for your kind words! If you lived in LA I would accept that invitation to watch movies and eat vegan ice cream (cause that's what I do when I am sad and I watch movies:))

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameMarque

Fiercest, come and watch a sexy movie with me (I love them young, too - eeee!) in our least Goddess-like clothes, and let us indulge in our blender drinks of choice.

You said a mouthful. People often start looking at their partner as the role they represent - as wife, husband, sex partner, girlfriend, boyfriend - and load that role with all their fears and expectations about what a boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, is, losing contact with the real individual. As much as people in vanilla relationships do this, how much more so, in a kinky relationship.

We're people. I mean, we are, each of us (top or bottom), God and Goddess but we are people, if you see what I mean. If a submissive is desperately depending upon the invulnerability and infalibity of a dominant, then hey! we're just doin' our best. You should be pleased we have feelings.

And don't say you love us and want to belong to us forever, if what you really mean is, you look right hot in that outfit and I'm sticking around for as long as this keeps my attention. We have feelings.

Fiercest, sometime, the feeling of genuine relief will arise, that you dodged a bullet, with that one. But I feel for you, in the time before that.

(in reply to MadameMarque)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/18/2009 2:10:41 AM

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

While I feel for you (oh God have I had my share of post-break-ups ice cream and cheesecake), once you've move past the hurt, you may want to consider this. It's a lot easier to not care about hurting someone's feelings when they always hide the fact that they have them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If you present yourself to people as a persona of a seductress, a player, etc instead of as a full person then why are you upset that people believe you to be the person you presented yourself as? Don't engage on this level and you should have less people who are searching for that instead of someone happy to sit around in her fuzzy slippers watching cheesy comedies.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/18/2009 2:12:29 AM

Posts: 27
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadameMarque

(I love them young, too - eeee!) i

quote:

I love them young, too - eeee!

I also love androgny.. That's got to be the connection right? Those baby faces?

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/18/2009 2:18:09 AM

Posts: 27
Joined: 12/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

While I feel for you (oh God have I had my share of post-break-ups ice cream and cheesecake), once you've move past the hurt, you may want to consider this. It's a lot easier to not care about hurting someone's feelings when they always hide the fact that they have them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If you present yourself to people as a persona of a seductress, a player, etc instead of as a full person then why are you upset that people believe you to be the person you presented yourself as? Don't engage on this level and you should have less people who are searching for that instead of someone happy to sit around in her fuzzy slippers watching cheesy comedies.

Yuck, I am certainly not looking for someone to wear fuzzy slippers with and I wasn't just "presenting myself" as someone other than myself.
There's a learning curve in D/s relationships, and I certainly learned many valuable lessons from this relationship.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/18/2009 2:22:07 AM

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MommyFiercest

Yuck, I am certainly not looking for someone to wear fuzzy slippers with and I wasn't just "presenting myself" as someone other than myself.
There's a learning curve in D/s relationships, and I certainly learned many valuable lessons from this relationship.

It's not so much the specifics as the overall idea of if you want subs to remember you have feelings, you need to actually show that you have them.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MommyFiercest)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/18/2009 5:08:13 AM

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

Just a thought to all the Dommes and Ma'ams and Mistresses and Goddesses out there. Some times you need a girly break with girly time to do stupid girly stuff; to recharge your inner teenager and your inner giggle machine. Pay to get your nails done and go with a friend and laugh and shriek at the pain and indignity of it. Go shoe shopping for practical shoes that you hope to never, ever wear even if you make it too 100. Heck buy Tigerbeat or what ever the new teen girl mag is and cut out the pretty pictures. Just give yourself time to have and create silly joy in your life. You gals all work to hard, with jobs and kids, and lovers, and pets, and prospective lovers, and friends in melt down, and laundry and and and ....

_____________________________

Wait! Are those my pants?
If it has testicle or tires, it's gonna give you the fidgets.
Pretend I said something witty and laugh.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/18/2009 5:54:45 PM

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

I'm sorry that this happened but I'm with Aquaticsub on this one. You can have whatever persona you wish and present yourself as you see fit but you are not being served until they are serving you as the whole complete person that you are, fuzzy slippers inclusive.

_____________________________

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(in reply to MommyFiercest)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/19/2009 3:04:58 AM

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

I'm sorry that this happened but I'm with Aquaticsub on this one. You can have whatever persona you wish and present yourself as you see fit but you are not being served until they are serving you as the whole complete person that you are, fuzzy slippers inclusive.

I agree with you, stella41b. I happily serve Mistress no matter if she's all gothed out in her full latex catsuit and knee-high boots, her cargo pants and babydoll tee, or her Happy Bunny pajamas. She is my owner, no matter if she's in full-out domme mode or if we're sitting on the couch watching a movie while eating chocolate chip cookie dough. She is the one I love, the one I devote myself to, and the one who completes me. That's why I serve her, not because of a style, facade, or image that she portrays. Her complete person is why I happily and eagerly serve her.

MommyFiercest, I certainly feel your pain. While I may agree with stella, I also say "to thine own self be true". You have to be yourself. It's not fair to you to be someone or something you're not. If you prefer to have a certainly level or style of dominance, you are certainly entitled to do whatever you wish. A submissive who really wants to be with you because they like/love you for who you are, will serve you on your terms. You just have to remember that most people, both dominants and submissives, tend to prefer a more complete relationship, instead of a facade. If you give a half-assed approach or perception of a fantasy, unfortunately, that's usually what you'll receive in return.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to stella41b)

RE: "DOMMES HAVING FEELINGS TOO!!!"OR "T... - 2/19/2009 9:18:14 AM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I wanted to say that I am sorry that you got hurt. I don't think there are any of us out here who haven't felt the sting of a break up. D types definitely do have feelings, too. We aren't robots, fantasy personas, or anything else other than human.

I tell people all of the time it takes a lot of work to be Lady Pact. That public image of Me isn't the Me that's underneath. It's not the gal who laughs at silly stuff, or the woman who talks a mile a minute when excited about something, or the one who wears her purple fuzzy slippers when her feet are cold. That leather clad person has even been known to cry a few tears once in a while. Makes mistakes. Isn't always absolutely confident about everything. Has doubts. Has feelings.

I guess what I'm saying here is that, I wouldn't want a sub who doesn't want all of Me and just wants the image. Whoever it was that dumped you via mail (which by the way is rather tacky) probably did you a favor in the long run. I'd like to wish you the best of luck.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to rubberpet)

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