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I'm her first slave!!! - 2/25/2009 3:00:50 PM

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Hello Everyone! I'm new to the scene and need some advice if you don't mind!

I had been looking for a Mistress who I thought I would have a connection with and would be able to serve well for a long time now. I am not one of those guys who is wanting just a sexual experience every now and again, I want to go into the mental and spiritual side of things as I find submission a very complex and interesting subject. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I have found her at last! She has been dominating me online for around a month now and it has been going very well. We share the same interests when it comes to BDSM and seem to get along very well in general. She has me write her sex stories which I love because I get a chance to prove my writing skills! I'm not great looking and have some minor self confidence issues but she compliments me on my looks which nobody has ever done and makes me feel good about myself for a change. On top of all this she is an absolutely gorgeous woman with a great body and that is just a bonus. Everything seems perfect right?!

The only problem is, well I'm not even sure if it is a problem yet! I am her first ever slave. I know it would be stupid of me to hold this against her as she is my first Mistress and I wouldn't want her to do the same to me but is there anything I should be more careful about as she is also inexperienced? Also if anyone else has been in a situation like this where you are both getting into the scene together but don't actually know each other that well I would like to hear how it went and any experiences you had, good or bad? Also is there anything you regret doing when you first got into the scene?

This is my first forum post except my introduction and I hope I have not asked anything stupid! I'm just really nervous as I have been waiting for a long time for this and don't want to screw it up!

Thanks!

YorksSub

RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/25/2009 3:10:15 PM

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think about the discussion you two are going to have about honest needs and feelings. do you think she is nervous?

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(in reply to YorksSub)

RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/25/2009 3:26:07 PM

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She doesn't seem to be nervous at all, she messages me every day telling me how she cannot wait to have me round there and seems very happy with the fact I have completed all the tasks she has set me. I trust her so much I sent her my face picture, phone number and told her my real name. I NEVER do any of those things but it seems so perfect that I just have to take a leap of faith and go for it!

I have told her my hard limits which are scat, needles, knifes and permanent damage and she is not into any of them anyway. I guess I'm just being silly because it seems too good to be true! I hope not because since we have been speaking I am alot happier and to say we have not met I think that is something special! Hope so anyway!

The talk about needs and feelings is going to be tough as I have never even spoke to anyone about me being submissive before! I'm going to be honest though because I don't want things to go wrong later on in the relationship as a result of me not stating what I need truthfully. Eventually I am looking to be at least collared and owned, idealy 24/7. Is there any way of telling her this without coming across in the wrong way? I mean if a slave told you he wanted it to be long term when he was your first would that make you nervous?

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RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/25/2009 3:43:29 PM

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lol. communication is going to be a reoccuring theme, you will find on CM. there's a reason for that, it is IMPORTANT.

in all relationships, you have to communicate. Doctor/ patient, husband/ wife, parent/ child, teacher/ student... you see where i'm going here. If you don't tell a doc what is bothering you, he'll stick a thermometer in your bum and treat you for laringitis.

< Message edited by FelineFae -- 2/25/2009 3:44:16 PM >

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(in reply to YorksSub)

RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/25/2009 4:04:56 PM

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If you're online only, don't mistake online chemistry for real life face to face chemistry, what is great online could be a serious flop in real life face to face situations.

quote:

ORIGINAL: YorksSub

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I have found her at last! She has been dominating me online for around a month now and it has been going very well.

but is there anything I should be more careful about as she is also inexperienced?
YorksSub

(in reply to YorksSub)

RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/25/2009 4:09:10 PM

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"he'll stick a thermometer in your bum and treat you for laringitis." LMAO!!!

I understand what your saying totally and agree that without comunication all relationships will break down. I just don't know that me telling her I eventually want to be 24/7 is the right thing to do when we first speak about things. As she is new to this also she probably doesn't even know whether that is what she wants yet and it will take some time for her to figure out exactly what she wants as it will me. As we all know sometimes what you think you want isn't actually right for you. At the moment we have rough ideas of how things are going to go and after we have a face to face chat about it I'm sure we will be much clearer. I think I will wait until we are both sure we are right for each other before asking about full commitment.

Is there anything that is a 100% no go when it comes to a Domme/sub relationship, apart from the obvious things like topping from the bottom? And is there any other tips you have for a first timer?!!

Thanks for your help Fae!

(in reply to FelineFae)

RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/25/2009 4:14:24 PM

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I agree with you there and have heard of lots of people that have thought they have found someone and when they meet face to face things have not gone so well. I just hope this isn't one of those times! I suppose I should keep a clear mind about the whole thing and not get my hopes up too much just in case, easier said than done though!! Thanks for your advice!

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/25/2009 4:19:31 PM

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Just be yourself and try not to project. I would rather see someone totally himself and nervous, even saying things that wouldn't be okay with me... it would be where his head or heart were and those are things I want to know. I can always temper things I feel he might be rushing into. Now is the time to speak your mind and heart and let everything fall into place. If I am doing a face to face... I want to see it all.

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RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/25/2009 4:25:03 PM

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Have you talked to her via voice and seen her live on cam to be absolutely sure she is a she, and not in fact a "he" who is enjoying your erotic story writing exercises? Hate to be a downer, but you would be shocked how often this happens!
Move as quickly to real time as possible...

Akasha

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(in reply to YorksSub)

RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/25/2009 4:52:32 PM

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Hi AAkasha. I assure you that I would not be suprised!! The last "Mistress" I was in contact with told me she was a 35 year old called Emma. It turned out to be a 50 year old called John!!! Not good!!!

I have not cammed with her but I am sure that she is in fact who she says she is! Hopefully we will be real time by next week so I will keep you updated and let you the outcome! I didn't meet her on CM and I know that LOADS of people on hear are fakers, it's good to know there are some nice genuine people on hear though!

Thanks for your advice, you too Lockit! I am definately going to be myself and hopefully she will see that I am willing to and want to better myself as her slave and in general so that both our needs are met.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/25/2009 5:08:00 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YorksSub

Hi AAkasha. I assure you that I would not be suprised!! The last "Mistress" I was in contact with told me she was a 35 year old called Emma. It turned out to be a 50 year old called John!!! Not good!!!

I have not cammed with her but I am sure that she is in fact who she says she is! Hopefully we will be real time by next week so I will keep you updated and let you the outcome! I didn't meet her on CM and I know that LOADS of people on hear are fakers, it's good to know there are some nice genuine people on hear though!

Thanks for your advice, you too Lockit! I am definately going to be myself and hopefully she will see that I am willing to and want to better myself as her slave and in general so that both our needs are met.

I am curious how you can know for sure she is really who she says she is if you have not had intimate (ie non-online) contact?

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to YorksSub)

RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/25/2009 5:30:40 PM

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My only concern with a newbie Mistress would be safety training for any bondage or discipline activities you might engage in; it would be good if she knew enough to keep her EMT scissors handy and she knew what the safe "striking zones" for your body are, etc.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/25/2009 7:04:06 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I am curious how you can know for sure she is really who she says she is if you have not had intimate (ie non-online) contact?

Akasha

I was thinking the same thing. Any online domme, especially ones with pictures that seem too good to be true, often are. Not always, I'm sure, but often. Also, perhaps I am jaded, but when actually talking with the intent of moving to real time with someone, I need to have a skype/phone call/webcam...SOMETHING to show that they are for real

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/26/2009 3:06:03 AM

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Well, she is not a Pro Domme, more of a dominant woman who leads a totally normal life but wants to get into this becuase it is what she feels is missing. She has no intention of going pro. She is not an online mistress, it's just that before we met real time she wanted to see if I have the right attitude to be her slave. I have spoken to her briefly on the phone and therefore know she is not another man trying to con me! Also, I have seen many pictures of her, all consistantly look the same, are in the same room and are on a dated camera. She always takes the photos just before she sends them and I'm sure that it is her, I have been played too many times to fall for that trick again! I am going to meet her in public first anyway so if she is not who she says she is it wont be a problem, just another let down!

FetishRose, I don't think YOU are jaded, I think everyone has run into fakers and people that make you skeptical and it's to be expected that you are more cautious when it comes to things like this! I would challenge anyone to find one person on this site that hasn't been messed around by other users!

ShaktiSama, She has been researching those things as have I and I dont think we are going to get into heavy bondage straight away. I am quite flexible and when I work out I do lots of flexibility training so hopefully we wont run into too many problems. Eventually when we are both experienced enough I would like to try suspension and I may suggest to her that we see a Pro Domme for some training to reduce the risks and also just for the experience! It will take a long time to get to that level though as I know suspension puts massive strain on your body.

(in reply to FetishRose)

RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/26/2009 3:27:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Have you talked to her via voice and seen her live on cam to be absolutely sure she is a she, and not in fact a "he" who is enjoying your erotic story writing exercises? Hate to be a downer, but you would be shocked how often this happens!
Move as quickly to real time as possible...

Akasha

Thank you for saving Me the keystrokes.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: I'm her first slave!!! - 2/26/2009 6:02:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YorksSub

ShaktiSama, She has been researching those things as have I and I dont think we are going to get into heavy bondage straight away. I am quite flexible and when I work out I do lots of flexibility training so hopefully we wont run into too many problems.

Circulation is a greater issue than flexibility in my experience, and that's the area where an inexperienced top is most likely to make a mistake. It's not so much the position you're bound in--you can tell her right away if it isn't working in that respect--it's mostly whether the ropes are just that bit too tight. Generally if your hands or feet get cold, tingling, numb, or pale/blue, the bondage needs to be adjusted. Problem is, it's pretty easy for both the top and bottom to fail to notice that sort of thing at first, if the scene is too engrossing...

I am sure you will be fine, just try to keep safety in mind when first starting out. There are places on your body where a top can genuinely injure you, if she hits you too hard with a flogger, a strap or a heavier instrument like a cane. She needs to make sure that she strikes the areas that are protected by bone--below the hips or above the ribs. A lot of newbie tops don't know this, and that can be a bit dangerous too. It isn't that they mean any real harm, they just don't realize how close your kidneys and other internal organs are to the surface, and how damaging the burst blood vessels in those areas can be.

One of the reasons I am glad there is a "community" to some extent is that most people can learn these things the easy way, rather than the hard way. Good luck to you and your mistress.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to YorksSub)

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