Musicmystery
Posts: 15298
Joined: 3/14/2005
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A girl’s guide to finding a Gorean man
Prelude
These thoughts are intended for Gorean men and the girls who wish to serve them as slaves or who serve them currently (including the regular girls here in Gorean-type slavery). All others are respectfully asked to initiate independent threads if they wish to comment or contribute tangents. Thank you.
I’ve seen a number of girls come and go here, seeking in frustration or in occasional drama, or just long term fruitless looking, when many common problems could be avoided with a few heads-up, a few changes, and some common sense type reminders. At the very least, this should provide food for thought, and perhaps some of the other men will add their thoughts and observations too.
1) Have a Profile
Seems obvious, I know, but a necessary point. And not just have it active--say something. MANY profiles have either nothing or something short and general, like “I’m looking for a good man to own me.”
Two problems with this. First, all we know is you’re submissive, and this makes you no different than a lot of other girls here. It’s not enough--and do you really want to be owned by someone who just wants a girl, any girl? And second, MANY of the CM profiles are scammers looking for email addresses. When you have a short profile like this, you look like one of them, and may be unjustly ignored.
What should you say? Men look for interesting girls with enticing personalities--we already know you’re female and submissive. Write about you: your activities, your interests, your daily life, your hopes and dreams--really anything, as long as its personal, not just the obvious stuff generally true of all the slave girls. Give a glimpse of your character.
Don’t go negative. Yes, it’s important to you that no this, no that, or you’ve had bad experiences with whatnot, but leave it out of your profile. First, it probably won’t deter the people you’re trying to avoid, but more important, it likely will deter the guys you’re hoping to interest, as the first impression of you is unflattering, complaining, bitchy. Be who you are and be positive. Sort later.
2) Pictures
The girls want to see who they’re talking to--so do the guys.
I don’t put much stock in the “I’m a professional and can’t afford to risk people seeing me here” argument. First, if they’re here, they are also into “alternative lifestyles”--it’s not like this is your Facebook page. But OK--at the very least, have pictures to send to guys you start chatting with seriously. Hell, they’re gonna see you eventually.
The most important feature is your face. Headless torsos, disembodied breasts, anonymous asses and hidden faces are neither helpful nor attractive--now we’re just back to we know you’re female.
3) Participate in the Forums
While a profile is a good starting place, it’s still just the start. Let people get to know you in the ebb and flow of conversation in the forums.
If you’re new, start by reading--a lot. Get to know the people, the community, the norms, the expectations. Then, as you become more comfortable and see a topic where you’ve something to offer, chime in.
The slaves’ thread is a good place to start, because you’ll become acquainted with the other girls, many of whom can be quite helpful and can answer a number of questions. But also venture out when appropriate. Be careful not to post if the thread is for the men, or if clearly the men are going at it--stay out. Observe the appropriate protocols and manners (the girls can help if you don’t know).
Be respectful--not just to the men, but to all. Men do watch, and see how a girl behaves when she doesn’t think they’re watching (to ascertain her character). This includes the other forums.
4) Carry on a Conversation
Contrary to what some apparently believe, you may approach the men with a cmail. Be appropriate and respectful, and most here will be glad to interact with you. A girl may even respectfully indicate her interest, and will probably meet polite responses.
When you are chatting, however it started, CARRY ON A CONVERSATION. If he asks, “So, tell me more about you,” don’t respond with just “What do you want to know?” What do you expect to happen next? “OK…I want to know whether you’ve ever waterskied off the coast of New Guinea”? “What’s your opinion of utility poles?” Give the guy something to work with.
If after a few tries the conversation is like trying to push a rope, and if I’m clearly making all the effort, I stop trying and move on. And never mind this “Well I’m shy and not good at talking” nonsense--you’re an adult.
And on the plus side--I’ve had many long, delightful conversations, email and phone, with girls when we knew we weren’t pursuing anything more with each other, but simply enjoyed each other’s company and friendship. So talk--and enjoy.
5) Health, Appearance and Wellness
Often girls wonder how they can possibly serve with a health condition or disability. We’ve had a few threads on this topic.
The answer is--like in so many other areas--communication. Be honest and forthcoming, and the guy will come along who can readily accept and deal with it. After all--men have health issues too.
The other concern is being that gorgeous girl on the book covers. Forget about it. Women come in all shapes and sizes. Men know this, and worry about it far less than girls think--and that includes all specific body parts.
What IS a factor though is a healthy lifestyle. Eat a diet rich in fruits and vegetables and you won’t be wrestling with excessive pounds. Exercise, something you enjoy, a bare minimum of four days a week, at least an hour each of those days. You’ll feel better, have more energy, and look and feel more confident, alive--and attractive.
And don’t wait for your future Master to put you on a disciplined health regimen. You’re an adult--take control of your own wellness.
6) Know Thyself
The fantasy sounds so good, and a girl decides she wants make it real. She dreams and searches and chats and finds someone…and as the reality date comes closer, she thinks of a million problems and starts over--again and again.
Have you thought this through? I’m not trying to talk you out of it, but are you sure you want to be a slave? To pick up, move to him, your life now revolving around his life, decisions and direction now in his hands? Are you ready for that?
If you truly aren’t, that’s OK, and you’ll save yourself and the men a lot of time and emotional trauma. Perhaps you realize you’re not really a slave, just submissive. Well, a lot of men will be happy with a submissive like you. Best to know and go looking for that, instead of the perfect Master for you when there never can be. And if you truly ARE a slave, the serious and thorough self-searching will help you when the time comes to make that final leap.
7) Neither Therapy nor Miracle Cure
Some girls are looking for a man to straighten out their lives. This is a mistake.
Slavery is not therapy. Yes, a man’s strong hand and guidance can certainly benefit a girl, but if a girl has underlying problems, a Master isn’t going to solve that. Address the issues first (or at least concurrently).
The same is true if you are unhappy. A man will not essentially change this. He cannot “make” you happy. Slavery is not a miracle cure--you will simply be owned and unhappy.
You must take responsibility for your own well-being and general emotional/mental state. If you need help with it, get that help. It’s beyond the man’s capacity to address. After getting that help, absolutely happily serve.
8) Not everything has to be Forever
Many a girl will look forever because she wants to be sure she gets the one perfect guy who will make everything wonderful until the end of time. These girls will never find him--he doesn’t exist.
Nothing wrong with looking for the dream guy, but in the process, shooting down every possibility each time any shows any signs of any potential flaw--such a girl will find ultimately nothing.
Forget Master Perfect. Go after Master Goodenuff. Relationships of all types are built by mutual work anyway. Grow together. Or spend some quality time serving while waiting for the next life adventure. It’s hard to know the distant future. Enjoy and embrace the life that’s here before you, now.
It’s OK to play, too. Last year I joked about a Slave Fest--and half a dozen girls took me up on it, getting a taste of slavery and a chance to get acquainted and have some fun without the pressure of “forever.” One step at a time.
9) Ums
We can’t discuss this here, so just quickly--if you have existing ums, or want to have some, don’t make it a precondition. Yes, such things are important, but it’s the wrong order of things. Let him get to know you first, and then he’s far more likely to become interested in the other.
10) Gor
You want to be kajira. Know something about it. Yes, some will say “Your Master will tell you what to do,” and that’s true, but if you’re going to serve a Gorean man, it would be helpful to have some clue what he thinks and why.
Read the Gor books. In order. All of them. It will give you something to discuss with him.
Postlude
There’s no set prescription. The men here differ in outlook and tastes, and girls come from all situations, beliefs and backgrounds too. And much of this is common sense. As I said at the start, perhaps others will offer their observations as well.
Most important of all is to be open and honest. Many, many factors may come into play with a given girl, man, and situation, but much can be resolved with simple respect and good communication, to the mutual benefit and satisfaction of slave and owner.
Good luck. I wish you well.
Tim
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Yes, I still update my blog--thanks to all who asked!
http://writingtrue.blogspot.com
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