Dealing with the passing of your Free Companion

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Dealing with the passing of your Free Companion - 6/24/2009 4:40:18 AM

Zevar

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Greetings All:

Over the past few days there was a thread that I participated in here in the Gorean Lifestyle Forum which was regarding the topic of a Free Companion. What I am about to say here was not appropriate to speak of as it could have totally hijacked that thread which I did not want to do.

I decided to begin this thread for those who have had a Free Companion that has passed on. The subject or topic to this day is one I feel very strongly about. There is not a day that goes by that I do not miss her and think of her and all she did for me. I could say volumes about her. I valued her beyond measure. Prior to her I did not really have much good to say about Free Companionship.

However having loved her and having been loved by a woman as she I speak all of this out of my respect I have for her and will always. She was a fighter and fought as long as she could but eventually she passed. I was beyond devastated. I had a bond with that Lady that was as steel. She always could make me smile and laugh. Her beauty was unlike any beauty I had experienced as a man. It was something I could never replace nor would I care to. The bond she and I shared will however never pass away.

So you see this whole topic is as I indicated, one I feel very strongly about. If there are others who have loved a Free Companion and had to deal with their passing. I understand for myself at least that this is not always an easy topic to speak about. With that being said, I welcome your comments as you choose to share.

I wish you well,
~ Zevar ~

_____________________________

Beagán agus a rá go maith.
Gaelic saying

Broken Irish is better than clever English.
Irish proverb

House of Livingston
A Gaelic Irish gentleman master
Finte na hÉireann

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RE: Dealing with the passing of your Free Companion - 6/24/2009 4:50:05 AM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
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Greetings Master Zevar,

am so sorry about your loss

well wishes
kisshou

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RE: Dealing with the passing of your Free Companion - 6/24/2009 5:18:54 AM

Mitzie

Posts: 688
Joined: 9/20/2006
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Hello Zevar

I am sorry to hear of the death of your FC.

I havnt lost an FC but I did lose my soul mate back in june 99 he wasnt in the lifestyle and neither was I at the time but one special thing I did which gives me great pleasure is a little yellow rose bush thats just outside my patio windows it reminds me of a time back in the hospice when I picked a yellow rose bud for him and he kissed it and then handed it back to me, I also had a yellow rose bud etched onto his head stone.

the rose bush has 3 full bright yellow flowers on it at this moment in time perhaps plant something you can see clearly in the garden or a planter for her I know we have memories that will never die but I do get comfort from the rose bush.

well wishes

Mitzie

< Message edited by Mitzie -- 6/24/2009 5:19:17 AM >

_____________________________

"The free should not be slave, and the slave should not be free," he said. "I do not understand," she said. "Just as it is wrong for the properly free to be enslaved," he said, "so, too, it is wrong for the properly enslaved to be free."PoG

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RE: Dealing with the passing of your Free Companion - 6/24/2009 7:11:55 AM

SmokingCoyote

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/29/2004
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Hello Zevar
I am sorry ot hear of your loss, I have never found one that I would consider an FC although I do know a littleone who loves me with a passion I have rarely felt from any other.
Before I came to this way I did loose the one person I was to marry so in a way I do empathise with you.
I am a healer and dreamwaler but no one can mend aheart but I must say one thing and I hope this will help.
I know that loved ones live on in our hearts.
I wish you well

Coyote

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RE: Dealing with the passing of your Free Companion - 6/24/2009 7:12:47 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7068
Joined: 11/17/2005
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Morning one and all

It's been 11 years for me. One thing I learned over the years is not to try and 'fight or get over' the pain; that's just not possible. You just have to learn how to live with it and decide if you are going to let the pain rule you or not.

Have a wonderful day

mist

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Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up shit by the clean end.

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RE: Dealing with the passing of your Free Companion - 6/24/2009 5:11:03 PM

Zevar

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kisshou:

Thank you for your kind sentiment. It is meaningful.

Mitzie:

The beauty of a rose you speak of as significant is something I thank you for sharing. I do understand what you speak of and how the rose bush holds great value for you. When you spoke of your exchange with your beloved companion I recalled too that which shall always be cherished. Wildflowers. They remind me of her. We would plant them in huge flower pots when we lived in a log cabin I restored in the mountains for us to live in. Never thought some clay pots with tiny little seeds could become and remain of such unimaginable value. Amazing is all I can say, amazing.

Coyote:

My thanks to you for taking the time to write what you did. I appreciated in particular the following which you spoke:

quote:

I know that loved ones live on in our hearts.

Mist:

I too agree that when dealing with the passing of a companion we have to make a choice on who rule, the sorrow or you? Obviously the logical answer would be, you. However when the waves of grief flow in like a tsunami it is not always the easiest choice to make. Yet yes it is required. One day at time I have found has no ending and holds no promises. Thanks for your input as your sobering words are valued.

In closing:

I just wanted to say that to love another, be it your Free Companion or slave, never requires an apology. When that someone passes and you remain among the living here on earth it is not something I would wish on anyone. Although there are many ways to process grief I will say the processing is not without a sorrow that is unlike anything a human could feel.

To all who read this thread know that I wish you longevity, good health, laughter, courage, strength, vitality, resilience, perseverance, beauty and grace. I would urge anyone the following: when you get the opportunity to love and be loved embrace the fires of love with your all, live to your fullest and do not look back as love always finds a way to mend even the chambers of grief and sorrow into a newness of life, oddly so.

I can just imagine her looking all poised and Lady like as she did when she would look at me. Then she would say often when our now adult daughter would be dealing with yet another "crisis of growing up" ---- " Yes, life goes on and the choices made determine our outcome." Wildflowers and those words she spoke over and over and over seem to comfort in a way that words cannot express.

I wish you well,
~ Zevar ~

_____________________________

Beagán agus a rá go maith.
Gaelic saying

Broken Irish is better than clever English.
Irish proverb

House of Livingston
A Gaelic Irish gentleman master
Finte na hÉireann

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RE: Dealing with the passing of your Free Companion - 8/17/2009 5:54:10 PM

Mitzie

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It has been a strange year for me and it has taken 6 months for my dads headstone to be finally erected.

I went to see the headstone on sunday and its strange because just 4 headstones away is where my beloved partner is buried and then further along both my uncles yet it was never planned that way.

Zevar as I said in my first reply to You

my partner was not my FC I had not known anything about the books he has been dead 10 years and I first started reading the books 6 years ago.

I wish you most well

Mitzie.

_____________________________

"The free should not be slave, and the slave should not be free," he said. "I do not understand," she said. "Just as it is wrong for the properly free to be enslaved," he said, "so, too, it is wrong for the properly enslaved to be free."PoG

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RE: Dealing with the passing of your Free Companion - 8/17/2009 10:36:48 PM

Zevar

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FR:

A few days less than 2 weeks ago was the birthday of My forever beloved FC. Although she is now passed from earth to heavenly realms the memories of she and I celebrating her special day linger. Once again her birthday brought back memories of her. I recall her serving me even on her birthday with a smile that I will never forget. Her heart was strong yet submissive. Her submission was given freely to me. Her companionship touched me in a way that to this day and even now as I write this tears flow as I recall the imprints she left forever in my heart and soul.

There was much I thought of when recalling her ways. Mostly how she carried herself as a Lady. Her ability to maintain her emotions was at times astounding to me. She was a Lady that obviously could never be replaced. A Free-Woman Indeed.

In witnessing her ways I would silently love her more and more. When I would tell of my love and respect the moment was supremely beautiful. She knew my heart, soul and mind in a way no other knew. She earned my respect from a deep space inside where no woman has ever traversed.

I wrote a piece of poetry for her birthday that I would like to share for whatever it is worth if anything at all to anyone who might read my personal memoir of her, My beloved FC.

Unquenchable fire, embers sustained.
Echoes resound, heart and soul.
Quiet recollections wane.
Moon light beams.

Warmth uncovered.
Sensuality embraced, exchanged.
Blissful delight.
Fulfillment abounded.

Words of Truth.
Deception dethroned.
Bond of trust, eternal.
Circle unbroken.

Beauty of submission, unleashed passion.
Depth of waters.
Forever mine.
Memoirs of our Free Companionship bond.
_______________________________________

By my sharing this understand in no way am I claiming to know all there is to know about Free Companionship. I do not. What I do know though that no matter as life goes on, and it does, and we heal and the grief lifts there will never be a time where her memories are forgotten.

Love has a way of changing that which was thought could never be changed. When two hearts entwine beauty exchanges which forms a bond of love that remains. No matter what life may bring or what or how life may shift forward, and it does, having loved and been loved brings out a strength as none other.

When it is all said and done what really matters is not how successful we are, or how many people like us. What matters is loving and being loved. There is nothing on this earth that can replace a love that serves in an unconditional manner. This bond of love between she and I that I speak of will forever live in my heart and soul having loved and was loved as I was with her.

Nothing can replace the joys of companionship. Nothing, at least not compared to what I have known with the love of her, my forever beloved Free Companion. "A promise is a promise even unto death" is what I told her that crisp autumn night when I claimed her heart unto mine.

Lovingly in memory of her…

Thank you to all who shared there thoughts and comments in this thread.

I wish you most well,
~Zevar~

< Message edited by Zevar -- 8/17/2009 10:55:18 PM >

_____________________________

Beagán agus a rá go maith.
Gaelic saying

Broken Irish is better than clever English.
Irish proverb

House of Livingston
A Gaelic Irish gentleman master
Finte na hÉireann

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RE: Dealing with the passing of your Free Companion - 8/18/2009 10:48:46 AM

AnthaofTabor

Posts: 20
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Zevar,

My thanks for sharing your special memories and such beautiful, moving words on the passing of your beloved FC. The bond you and she shared, and still continue to share, is very meaningful.

I, like Coyote, feel that lost loved ones live on in our hearts and minds. They are people who have touched our souls and will always be with us.

Mist, your words are so very true. It is so easy to allow that part of you that dies with the loved one to take over. To mourn, and lose the courage to move forward. It was, for me, a daily battle to do so.

Mitzie, I lost someone I loved very deeply in 2006, two months after my father passed away. He was someone, like your late partner, who although not my FC, was someone I loved very much. He and I were in the process of returning together (following a break) and were moving forward in building a life together. His parting was very sudden and unexpected.

He himself had lost his wife some years previously and your story of the rose bush touched me - He and his children had planted a rose bush in their garden in memory of his late wife.

When he died, I comforted myself with the thoughts that he was only ever mine on loan and now he and his wife are reunited. I know he loved me deeply, as I did he. I know despite his own dreadful loss of his wife, he again found happiness in our brief time together.

I also know he is at peace and part of him will always be with me guiding me and remain in a special place in my heart.

As some of you know now I am FC to Simon. He is my soulmate and love of my life. Contemplating death hiding us each from the other's view is something we have had to think about very seriously, especially in recent months, given a recent hiccup in my health (thankfully now resolved).

I know for certain that if we had been parted I would want him to move forward and find another who would make him happy. I would want him to know that the short precious time we had spent together was worth a lifetime.

Love is such a special gift. When bound in its invisible cords it can transcend death. Our dear loved ones are always with us, guiding and watching over us. We have to move forward and not be afraid to do so. That takes enormous courage and fortitude.

To all who have lost a loved one, be it a FC, or Partner, always remember the fact they are not lost just hidden from our view. Moving forward and finding love again is not a betrayal of your original love, but confirmation of the human's greatest gift of loving and sharing with each other.

"Love was not put in the heart to stay, love is not love unless it is given away."

Once again Zevar, thank you for starting this thread and sharing your personal experience, which in turn has allowed others to share theirs.

I wish you all well,

Antha

< Message edited by AnthaofTabor -- 8/18/2009 11:07:35 AM >

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RE: Dealing with the passing of your Free Companion - 8/18/2009 11:11:48 AM

Mitzie

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Hello Antha

great post. and I am so glad you have met someone special again.

I am not sure if I will have a FC or truly let go again it is not easy picking up the pieces and moving on but yet it is something we must do, when my partner died my sister gave me a card with a verse in it and here is the verse.

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room,
I am I and you are you,
Whatever we were to each other that we still are

Call me by my old familiar name,

speak to me in the easy way you always used, Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile,think of me,
pray for me,
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort,

without the ghost of a shadow in it .

Life means all that it ever meant,

It is the same as it ever was there is absolutely unbroken continuity,

What is this death but a negligible accident ? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you for an interval somewhere very near just around the corner,

All is well

well wishes

Mitzie

_____________________________

"The free should not be slave, and the slave should not be free," he said. "I do not understand," she said. "Just as it is wrong for the properly free to be enslaved," he said, "so, too, it is wrong for the properly enslaved to be free."PoG

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RE: Dealing with the passing of your Free Companion - 8/18/2009 12:56:44 PM

Zevar

Posts: 786
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnthaofTabor

Zevar,

My thanks for sharing your special memories and such beautiful, moving words on the passing of your beloved FC. The bond you and she shared, and still continue to share, is very meaningful.

I, like Coyote, feel that lost loved ones live on in our hearts and minds. They are people who have touched our souls and will always be with us.

Mist, your words are so very true. It is so easy to allow that part of you that dies with the loved one to take over. To mourn, and lose the courage to move forward. It was, for me, a daily battle to do so.

Mitzie, I lost someone I loved very deeply in 2006, two months after my father passed away. He was someone, like your late partner, who although not my FC, was someone I loved very much. He and I were in the process of returning together (following a break) and were moving forward in building a life together. His parting was very sudden and unexpected.

He himself had lost his wife some years previously and your story of the rose bush touched me - He and his children had planted a rose bush in their garden in memory of his late wife.

When he died, I comforted myself with the thoughts that he was only ever mine on loan and now he and his wife are reunited. I know he loved me deeply, as I did he. I know despite his own dreadful loss of his wife, he again found happiness in our brief time together.

I also know he is at peace and part of him will always be with me guiding me and remain in a special place in my heart.

As some of you know now I am FC to Simon. He is my soulmate and love of my life. Contemplating death hiding us each from the other's view is something we have had to think about very seriously, especially in recent months, given a recent hiccup in my health (thankfully now resolved).

I know for certain that if we had been parted I would want him to move forward and find another who would make him happy. I would want him to know that the short precious time we had spent together was worth a lifetime.

Love is such a special gift. When bound in its invisible cords it can transcend death. Our dear loved ones are always with us, guiding and watching over us. We have to move forward and not be afraid to do so. That takes enormous courage and fortitude.

To all who have lost a loved one, be it a FC, or Partner, always remember the fact they are not lost just hidden from our view. Moving forward and finding love again is not a betrayal of your original love, but confirmation of the human's greatest gift of loving and sharing with each other.

"Love was not put in the heart to stay, love is not love unless it is given away."

Once again Zevar, thank you for starting this thread and sharing your personal experience, which in turn has allowed others to share theirs.

I wish you all well,

Antha

Greetings Antha:

It was and shall remain an honor to speak of the bond my beloved and I shared. A bond of love that shall never fade or be forgotten indeed. Many thanks to you Antha for your thoughtful posted entry.

May the cords of strength, beauty and love surround and embrace the Free Companionship shared with your "soulmate and love of my life" as you beautifully stated.

I wish you both well and enough,
~Zevar~

< Message edited by Zevar -- 8/18/2009 12:58:20 PM >

_____________________________

Beagán agus a rá go maith.
Gaelic saying

Broken Irish is better than clever English.
Irish proverb

House of Livingston
A Gaelic Irish gentleman master
Finte na hÉireann

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RE: Dealing with the passing of your Free Companion - 8/20/2009 7:04:38 AM

kianiZ

Posts: 25
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my most handsome steel strong Master,

Your girl wanted to take this time to let You know that she respects You for allowing her to witness what You have gone through in dealing with sorrow and grief. she has never been owned by a man as You. You are fearless in letting Your emotions show and then go on to be like steel in Your leadership abilities. Amazingly awesome. Somehow the angels must be watching over her after all. (smiles)

kiani knows how much You respected and loved Your beloved FC and she You. kiani finds your strength and ability to love in a deep intense way to be beautiful. she also admires You talking about Your personal experience. This did give others the opportunity to also talk about their experiences as Mistress Antha mentioned here in this thread.

Thank You my Master for being steel strong and brave in writing this thread about the passing of Your beloved FC.

submissively Yours,
kianiZ

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"Though I am slave, "she said, "yet for the first time in my life, I am free," Page 303 - Nomads of Gor

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