RE: "...I like what You like..."

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RE: "...I like what You like..." - 8/9/2009 8:27:17 AM

xiam

Posts: 148
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49
I am sorry but it seems to me that you are advocating lying to your partner. even if it good inttentioned.

I wasn't advocating anything. My intention was to get a discussion going. I'm actually a bit surprised that this thread keeps popping back up as i posted it a while ago.

quote:

...If she held to the idea that she truly had absolutely no preferences...

I don't think "i like what you like" necessarily equates to a complete lack of preference. (Maybe for some it does, who knows?) As a few other people have mentioned, the phrasing of the question can illicit quite a few different responses.

(in reply to Acer49)

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Post #: 41

RE: "...I like what You like..." - 8/9/2009 9:19:04 AM

brazilianone

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/2/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masteredwin

As a domme I think the question "what do you like?" is not the right way to ask.
Obviously I do expect a sub/slave to have some idea what she likes or dislikes.

I do however ask her if she likes specific things, like being tied up, or being spanked.
Better yes, I have her rate those on a scale from 1 to 10.
Another approach is to have her describe some of her fantasies to me, with details.
I also have her describe what some specific thing looks like, if it is to be played out.

All of this allows me to discover what she likes, rather then having her explain it to me.
Further more I always ask her the things she does not like, and what her limits are.

Now as for the "I like whatever you like" mindset.
If she indentifies as a sub, I play out something that is to both our liking, but I control the action.
If she identifies as a slave I do whatever feels right to me, assuming only it does not violate her limits.
And I do like being a bit sadistical.

The question "what do you like?" puts the sub in control.
As a domme the burden of knowing is on me, not on her.

As a domme its is better fo find out what you like yourself, and then let her respond to that.
And if a sub/slave has a specific fantasy, I may play it out with her, but she should know there will be a twist somewhere.

Perfect answer to me... but I've noticed in an email here and there, they are asking that question and I try turning it around to them. It's really difficult to answer just off the top of my head and it does depend. I too would be pleased.. in pleasing my Dom, but feel I would rather answer his questions in truth than ... I like what you like. That could mean anything... or nothing at all. As a sub... I'd much rather answer particular questions... and really tell him what I like... if asked.

(in reply to masteredwin)

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Post #: 42

RE: "...I like what You like..." - 8/12/2009 7:46:14 PM

kneelingrebel17

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masteredwin

As a domme I think the question "what do you like?" is not the right way to ask.
Obviously I do expect a sub/slave to have some idea what she likes or dislikes.

I do however ask her if she likes specific things, like being tied up, or being spanked.
Better yes, I have her rate those on a scale from 1 to 10.
Another approach is to have her describe some of her fantasies to me, with details.
I also have her describe what some specific thing looks like, if it is to be played out.

All of this allows me to discover what she likes, rather then having her explain it to me.
Further more I always ask her the things she does not like, and what her limits are.

Now as for the "I like whatever you like" mindset.
If she indentifies as a sub, I play out something that is to both our liking, but I control the action.
If she identifies as a slave I do whatever feels right to me, assuming only it does not violate her limits.
And I do like being a bit sadistical.

The question "what do you like?" puts the sub in control.
As a domme the burden of knowing is on me, not on her.

As a domme its is better fo find out what you like yourself, and then let her respond to that.
And if a sub/slave has a specific fantasy, I may play it out with her, but she should know there will be a twist somewhere.

I agree with this, that when I'm asked what I like, I feel like they are putting me in control, and it makes me uncomfortable and is rather a turn off.

I am truly one of those people for whom my interests vary person to person. When I'm with a new partner, I want to know what he is interested in doing with me. Almost certainly, I will be very interested in doing that with him, and it makes those interactions unique and meaningful. I've often struggled with this question, even when it's asked conversationally at munches and the like, because "I like to do what my Dom likes" isn't a clear-cut answer, and I think people kinda go "Well, duh" in their heads. If they start asking specifics (do you like x, y, or z) I'm okay, but there is something about that broad "what do you like?" question that makes me uncomfortably put on the spot and never engenders an illuminating response.

If I absolutely have to respond to it though, I say that my real interest, and arguably my "fetish", is the D/s relationship itself...and all the other activities are tools (albeit sometimes amazing tools) to help develop it. And the fact that each relationship is different and so the specific activities engaged in are different, is what makes it valuable to me. Therefore I do not have a blanket "this is what I like" answer.

(in reply to masteredwin)

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Post #: 43

RE: "...I like what You like..." - 8/13/2009 8:31:14 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kneelingrebel17
I agree with this, that when I'm asked what I like, I feel like they are putting me in control, and it makes me uncomfortable and is rather a turn off.

Of course, the other way to look at it is that the dom is giving a direct command to the sub... "Answer this question." When I give commands to Carol, I expect her to obey them not tell me about how uncomfortable they make her. More to the point, I expect her to trust me enough to obey them fully and completely with the deep-seated knowledge in her heart that I lead wisely. Therefor, if I'm asking the question, there must be good reason for it. I do NOT expect her to supercede my judgement with hers about what is and is not required.

This is, of course, a chocolate and vanilla thing with no right or wrong, but if I asked this question of some prospective slave and I got an answer like the above back, I would immediately rule out the person as a partner for me. To me, this reads like grasping at the emblems of D/s rather than the truth of it. Carol is my property lock, stock, and barrel. That includes her thoughts. I do not expect her to give me shit when I come to collect that which is mine.

Just providing an alternate viewpoint...not intended to be "the one true correct way". In fact, in this case, I think I fully grasp the other viewpoint. It's just not mine.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to kneelingrebel17)

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Post #: 44