RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard task, like to stop smoking or to lose weight?

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RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 10:41:40 AM

Posts: 100
Joined: 8/2/2009
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I am currently losing weight with Master's support, guidance and approval. I have done it before (alone) but now it is so much easier as I long for his approval so much more than the chocolate. Plus I just love the way he looks at me now it is coming off

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 10:44:36 AM

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From: Virginville
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I'm sorry, never mind. Started on the wrong page!!

< Message edited by VirginPotty -- 9/9/2009 10:53:25 AM >

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RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 10:46:30 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
I would have to know where her desire for obedience stemmed from...and I am not talking about the standard answer of ' because I want to make my owner happy'.

I totally agree. In Carol's case, it really is "I want to make my owner happy." But let's be clear... we're talking about a 15 year long relationship here and her desire to make me happy is extremely strong. I think MusicMystery said it well...

you must truly have mastered her (not just order her about

quote:

Addictions are not only physical reliance; they are also emotional and psychological. You can not simply order a person to stop doing something thinking that they will simply obey because well...heck, they want you to be happy. Bull shit. The person themselves have to want to stop the behavior for themselves first.

See above. As near as I can tell, "making me happy" is pretty much Carol's entire motivation for this whole m/s gig. It appears to be enough for her. I have to admit that I am mystified at the general feeling on these boards that D/s cannot be a very substantial motivating factor all by itself. Let's remember that for Carol, she could take off her collar at any moment and keep me, my love, everything. There's really nothing driving this whole thing for her but a generally submissive nature and a vast desire to be my perfect wife.

While I agree that an addiction is one of the nastiest things for anyone to deal with, my own personal experience tells me that a desire to please can, in fact, be sufficient to the task.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to IrishMist)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 10:55:06 AM

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Joined: 6/23/2009
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I am a 'submisive male'; I am now 61 yrs old and with a very low energy level. Due to this, although I am average/slim build, I do have a potbelly that protrudes. In fact, it is because I am so naturally thin that my waistline seems incredibly pronounced.
I used to go to the gym for years when I was younger, but I havent gone for 3 years now due to no energy.
Now, when I meet with different Dominants, I am amazed at how some of them try to change my appearance. They will inform me that they now expect me to work out three times a week, to exercise, and to reduce my waistline. They say that they will measure me weekly and if no progress is shown then they will punish me in ways that I d not want. Yet, these same Dominants themselves are usually out-of-shape people who are younger than me!

When a Dominant starts to tell me that I must lose weight or change my appearance I realize that they do not want 'ME'.
My feelings are hurt even though they try to be kindly about it or when they try to pretend it is not about appearance but about 'health'. I realize that what they are actually saying is that they do not find me attractive, but that they might find me attractive if I modified my appearance through exercise. I usually dont go back to that Dominant any more because they have drawn a line in the sane that I cant cross. i am an old man and I do not have the energy for working out that a guy in is 30's has.
Again, these Dominants themselves are over weight and out of shape. No submissive who is IN shape finds THEM attractive or wants them; so they take me, who is willing to sub for them, but then try to re-work me into somethign else.
It just doesnt work.
no matter what pretext is invented for it.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 10:56:03 AM

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In my experience it has worked with one dom, and failed with another. The only difference I can see is the one with whom it worked had me in that psychological place where he really had taken up real estate in my brain, and was dead serious about the consequences of not succeeding, and I knew it. I also felt like he was seriously "on the job" and not about to let it go. With the other one, he was very wishy washy and not really in it wholeheartedly, so it didn't work there.

Sure, smoking addictions or eating habits are very powerful, but it comes down to what or whom are you more "addicted" to; what or whom has more power over you. That's the bottom line, and it's really a very simple concept, but one that takes effort to achieve.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 10:56:13 AM

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From: Virginville
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When I met him he told me my figure was "fine" and never complained about it but I'll never forget one conversation we had when I asked him what he finds displeasing about my body & he was blunt (dammit) and all he had to do was say it once & I was on a quest for change. I still have a long way to go but we're both happy w/the changes.........for now.

_____________________________

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

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RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 11:06:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty
When I met him he told me my figure was "fine" and never complained about it but I'll never forget one conversation we had when I asked him what he finds displeasing about my body & he was blunt (dammit) and all he had to do was say it once & I was on a quest for change. I still have a long way to go but we're both happy w/the changes.........for now.

An important point. For the record, Carol's figure was "fine" also... fine enough for me to marry her and stay married to her for 12 years. I'd have been fine with it staying just as it was until we died. At least in our case, none of this had to do with her not being good enough for me or me not wanting "her". I'd already put my money where my mouth was on that one.

What is true though is that one of the things I told her when I took ownership was, "Gone are the days, mne, when we do enough for our marriage. From this moment on, we are seeking the best we can be, not the most convenient." So her weight loss, both of our more generally healthy lifestyles, and both of our addictions are really just reflections of that commitment.

Your second point was also interesting. Apparenty, in your case also, desire to please is sufficient to the task. No big bad-ass dom commands. No beat you till you lose weight crap. Just the express desire of your dom to see some changes and your desire to please him insofar as you are able.

In the interests of complete accuracy, I should point out that Carol still drinks and I till smoke. She drinks about 20% of what she used to. My smoking is generally zero but I baby myself during high stress periods. So it's not some miracle insta-cure in our case, but the damage has been tremendously mitigated. I'm still working on the hardest thing of all with Carol... teaching her to drink responsibly. It may not be possible with her, we'll have to see how strong those alchoholic tendencies are. But I've got years to work on it and I'd like to ensure she'll remain healthy even if I were to die.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to VirginPotty)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 11:11:26 AM

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From: Quietville
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quote:

If you're a sub or a slave, and your Dominant/Master was able to help you to stop smoking or to lose weight, could you share what he/she did, and how he/she did it?

build up her self esteem to the point where she realizes she is worth the effort it takes to make a positive change.

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(in reply to Blaakmaan)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 11:13:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassyBird

People can only make positive changes in their life if they really want to do it. Not because someone tells them they have to.

I understand that.

But isn't it part of the Dom's/Master's "job" to help motivate the sub/slave to want to make those kinds of changes?

Sure you can help to motivate. But if she does not really want to change, no change will happen.
And it might even have the opposite effect if you try to force something on your slave that they do not want.

I'm sending you a message on the other side as well. I hope you do not mind.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 12:30:45 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

This speaks of a sort of micromanagement that does not appeal to me.
While I would certainly be supportive, I would not desire to take charge of every little detail.
In fact, I would find it pivotal for the s-type to manage his or her own details in that regard: 'give a man a fish... vs teach a man to fish..." and such. Support and guidance, yep. Micromanagemet, no.
Davan

Wow!

Would you really call trying to get someone to stop smoking, or to lose weight (assuming they really would benefit from it), micromanagement?

I would encourage you to re-read my post as you appear to have had a knee-jerk reaction and missed some important facets.
Davan

_____________________________

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(in reply to Blaakmaan)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 12:54:35 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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To be honest if you did more exercise and ate better and ate less processed stuff* if you don't already* and were more positive in your thought process you might just find yourself having the energy. Our thought process and how we think can affect us very much, and you will stop yourself from succeeding if you're negative in your thoughts, such as I am to old to do this or I can't do this or what ever else non positive non affirming thought processes you may have.

My dad is 70, He's of a can do attitude and because of that he can and he does run circles around people much younger He still does a hard days work and does more labor and is still very spry, and yeah he may tire out or not feel good somedays he's not up to doing much at all, but the point is more often than not he's out there busting his ass being active and productive and being a can do'er in mind attitude and beliefs.

My mom is the same age as my dad, she's not one to believe in herself or have much self esteem or take care of herself and she's riddled with problems and pain and she's over weight and eats tons of junk. She could be as almost fit as a fiddle if she'd just make the effor to take care of herself like my dad does.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DePubed

I am a 'submisive male'; I am now 61 yrs old and with a very low energy level. Due to this, although I am average/slim build, I do have a potbelly that protrudes. In fact, it is because I am so naturally thin that my waistline seems incredibly pronounced.
I used to go to the gym for years when I was younger, but I havent gone for 3 years now due to no energy.
Now, when I meet with different Dominants, I am amazed at how some of them try to change my appearance. They will inform me that they now expect me to work out three times a week, to exercise, and to reduce my waistline. They say that they will measure me weekly and if no progress is shown then they will punish me in ways that I d not want. Yet, these same Dominants themselves are usually out-of-shape people who are younger than me!

When a Dominant starts to tell me that I must lose weight or change my appearance I realize that they do not want 'ME'.
My feelings are hurt even though they try to be kindly about it or when they try to pretend it is not about appearance but about 'health'. I realize that what they are actually saying is that they do not find me attractive, but that they might find me attractive if I modified my appearance through exercise. I usually dont go back to that Dominant any more because they have drawn a line in the sane that I cant cross. i am an old man and I do not have the energy for working out that a guy in is 30's has.
Again, these Dominants themselves are over weight and out of shape. No submissive who is IN shape finds THEM attractive or wants them; so they take me, who is willing to sub for them, but then try to re-work me into somethign else.
It just doesnt work.
no matter what pretext is invented for it.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 9/9/2009 1:22:48 PM >

(in reply to DePubed)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 2:44:49 PM

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My Owner requires me to exersise to reduce my waistline it's not cause she is vain or shallow it's cause she works in the health field and wants me to be around when we are 70-80.
You should realize that if they do tell you to lose weight or change your eating it's because they DO WANT YOU and want you for a long time as opposed to a short play session.
Try not to take it personal they probably just want what's best for you and for the relationship.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 2:56:00 PM

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"My Owner requires me to exersise to reduce my waistline it's not cause she is vain or shallow it's cause she works in the health field and wants me to be around when we are 70-80."

That and she prolly likes to look at you more when your are trim. Nuttin' wrong with that. Just another way to please her. Be pleasing to look at.

(in reply to shadowowl)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 3:00:56 PM

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Out of curiosity, what exactly is so wrong with the aesthetic angle on this? I make no bones about it, while the majority of my health program was crafted with health in mind, I also have purely aesthetic goals. Carol is mine to shape and mold as I please. That includes her physical appearance. I'm not going to make any excuses about taking what is mine and doing a bit of tweaking and tuning to match my tastes. Honestly, I think she hates the bangs I'm making her grow more than the diet or exercise *laughs* -- they get in her eyes and it makes her crazy.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to shadowowl)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 3:10:48 PM

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Upon learning what were Sirs turnoffs and turnons when it comes to weight and smoking, it was easy peasy to commit myself to the gym, and went from a size 9 to a 6 since June, Of course i loathe being there at 7am, but the fact that it will please Sir makes all the difference. The smoking was/is harder for me, i will still start and stop at random, but never ever when Sir is around. Motivations for everyone are different...

Cheers!

_____________________________

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OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

(in reply to Shack)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 3:14:54 PM

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Smoker/drinkers have to have some kind of castrophy happen, then they will stop. I did cold turkey on both vices.

(in reply to Shack)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 3:18:31 PM

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From: OK
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Dose not work for all smokers Flogger.

Quite the opposite for me actually. I stopped smoking for a year, then a family member died and I stopped giving a fuck and started smoking again.
Now I'm addicted again.

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RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 3:24:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

I'm not going to share the finer details of what I have done, as I don't believe they should be freely given out to someone who lacks the imagination or resolve to come up with them on his own...

Thank you for your post. It was helpful and well-stated.

All except that part, which was both presumptuous and superfluous, and which I felt virtually required a reply.

However, all-in-all, your post was well worth reading, and I thank you for it.

I do apologize. I didn't intend for that to sound so personally directed toward you. How could it be, here, on a message board of anonymous strangers?

There is advice, and then there is advice. I prefer to point in the right direction or provoke thought if I can. I do, however, often prefer the finer details be ruminated over and planned through the process of one's own lucid thoughts; in this regard, what you do will be entirely of you and your particular situation and not of a disconnected and anonymous stranger's recipe on a message board, and perhaps secondarily for the fact that what I've learned shouldn't be so easily borrowed by the lazy and disingenuous types who may drift through and use the right means for the wrong reasons.

I am glad to see you found something useful in my preceding post overall, however.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 3:31:52 PM

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Joined: 5/21/2007
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Thank you again, MarcEsadrian, for your insights.

My first question was, really, can a Dom/Domme/Master accomplish this (or, more accurately, help the sub/slave to accomplish this) at all?

Second, if so, how?

I'd just prefer not to have to re-invent the wheel, if someone has already invented it.

I see from your prior post that from your experience it can be done (although it also seems to be pretty damned difficult).

(in reply to MarcEsadrian)

RE: How to get a sub or slave to perform a REALLY hard ... - 9/9/2009 3:47:49 PM

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DePubed

I am a 'submisive male'; I am now 61 yrs old and with a very low energy level. Due to this, although I am average/slim build, I do have a potbelly that protrudes. In fact, it is because I am so naturally thin that my waistline seems incredibly pronounced.
I used to go to the gym for years when I was younger, but I havent gone for 3 years now due to no energy.
Now, when I meet with different Dominants, I am amazed at how some of them try to change my appearance. They will inform me that they now expect me to work out three times a week, to exercise, and to reduce my waistline. They say that they will measure me weekly and if no progress is shown then they will punish me in ways that I d not want. Yet, these same Dominants themselves are usually out-of-shape people who are younger than me!

When a Dominant starts to tell me that I must lose weight or change my appearance I realize that they do not want 'ME'.
My feelings are hurt even though they try to be kindly about it or when they try to pretend it is not about appearance but about 'health'. I realize that what they are actually saying is that they do not find me attractive, but that they might find me attractive if I modified my appearance through exercise. I usually dont go back to that Dominant any more because they have drawn a line in the sane that I cant cross. i am an old man and I do not have the energy for working out that a guy in is 30's has.
Again, these Dominants themselves are over weight and out of shape. No submissive who is IN shape finds THEM attractive or wants them; so they take me, who is willing to sub for them, but then try to re-work me into somethign else.
It just doesnt work.
no matter what pretext is invented for it.

This is precisely why I stated, in my original post, that we were speaking of a case where the Dom/Domme/Master wanted the sub/slave to lose weight for his/her health, and not to approach some Barbie physique that might be more appealing (I think that encouraging or helping someone to stop smoking is always beneficial, health-wise).

The latter, to me, is never justifiable (although I'm sure some would disagree).

Because a Dom/Domme/Master suggests/asks/orders/requires that you exercise does not necessarily mean that he or she does not want you or find you attractive as you are, but I'm sure that sometimes that is the motivation.

(in reply to DePubed)

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