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I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 6:21:46 AM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		Actually, it's just a weekend visit but I am so excited. However, I feel bad because the wife won't be there. Not because she's been asked to go out while the husband and I spend time together but because they both saw how uncomfortable I'd be with her around. Don't get me wrong, I love her. But...I am very very straight and very very selfish. Going out to have fun is one thing. We all went to the aquarium once. So fun. But we're staying in and I kinda feel that she'd cramp my style rather than help me to relax. I don't know how they figured this out. It's not like I told them or let on that I'd rather not have her there. Every time I bring up how sorry I am for pretty much kicking her out of her own home, I earn a spanking, lol. The whole thing has me feeling rotten but, when I think about it, I would feel better without her than with her. She'd just get in the way because the husband and I will be doing what she seems to have little interest in: Playing World of Warcraft...all day. I suckered him into trying it and now, as soon as he gets paid, he's getting it :D. Honestly having a permanent buddy to play it with will be nice. So for the whole weekend, we'll stay in, order pizza of MY choice (I am such a kid...), and sit in one spot to play a game. Then, when I'm too tired to even keep my eyes open, I'd probably prepare myself to get the many compounded spankings I've earned over the years. Then we'd go to bed. We've decided to just share the same bed but I dunno if sex will be involved. It is my first visit after all, even though I've known the people for years. I know it sounds nerdy but I could not imagine a better way to spend a weekend...maaaaaybe my wedding night might be this good. A Wow marathon with pizza and coke, followed by a few spankings and cuddling? Perfect. Assuming I can get to them. I'll be driving from Maryland to PA and I've never really driven that far. I'll be doing it alone, too. I'm a bit nervous about that but hopefully I'll pull through. It's not the interstates I'm worried about but the local streets. Easy to get lost in small towns in PA you don't know.

I've always envisioned myself in a poly household, being almost like their child. I'd have chores. There'd be rules. Punishments if I broke them. I wouldn't be sexual with the wife but I would with the husband (and of course she'd be sexual with her own husband...never 3 at once though...). I'd be her companion. We'd go shopping and go get our hair done. SHE may even discipline me on occasion if I mess up around her. That's another thing. The home I'm visiting has a Dom husband and a sub wife. I envision both as Dom in my fantasy. But, these are friends. It's not like the people I'm visiting 'are' going to be my Doms. I imagine being in the poly household I described until I found the right Dom for myself. I'd probably be exclusive with him, though.

Alas, I have a problem that most people interested in this lifestyle have. And that is dealing with family. Of course, they would NEVER approve of me living that way. And I am too close to my family to disregard their feelings about it. They might say "whatever you choose to do with your life is fine by me. We still love you." but inside they'd be asking themselves "Where did we go wrong?" and beat themselves up for having such a non-traditional christian daughter. I don't want to give my family sleepless nights over my choices. Besides, it's not like I'd want to stay in a poly relationship. Just until I find my own Dom. Finding a Dom of my own is taking waaaay longer than I thought. Being the sub of a Dom couple would be a nice place to be before finding my own Dom. Or maybe I might get my tastes of a D/s until I found a vanilla man who is a little dominant. I'd get the discipline, love, and affection that I've always wanted without necessarily being tied down to a guy. Me finding my own Dom would be a happy thing. Not a break up thing. Like the child leaving the nest rather than a "it's not you, it's me" kind of thing. And, best of all, my parents would never have to know a thing. And I say, what the don't know won't hurt them.

Anyways, I just thought it'd be fun to share my very first experience in D/s with the board. It has happened yet but I like counting down the days.

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 7:21:35 AM   
polybi108


Posts: 191
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline 		pretend your parents are dead.


Now, ..... what do you think is best for you to do and be?

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 7:31:31 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

Actually, it's just a weekend visit but I am so excited. However, I feel bad because the wife won't be there. Not because she's been asked to go out while the husband and I spend time together but because they both saw how uncomfortable I'd be with her around. Don't get me wrong, I love her. But...I am very very straight and very very selfish. Going out to have fun is one thing. We all went to the aquarium once. So fun. But we're staying in and I kinda feel that she'd cramp my style rather than help me to relax. I don't know how they figured this out. It's not like I told them or let on that I'd rather not have her there. Every time I bring up how sorry I am for pretty much kicking her out of her own home, I earn a spanking, lol. The whole thing has me feeling rotten but, when I think about it, I would feel better without her than with her. She'd just get in the way



So what about this, ANY of this, makes you even come close to thinking your poly, or that you would be happy in a poly family? Guess what? You wont be, and this wont end well.


I'd like to add a few things. So, after reading through your last 50 posts, I also noticed the sexual deprivation thread. And I'm really starting to see correlations between the two situations. By turning this Dom away from his relationship, with your passive aggressive behavior in regards to his wife, and forcing her out of the picture, you are effectively controlling the relationships between him and her, you and her, and you and him.

If you want to control a man, look into learning about Female Domination.


< Message edited by Sunnyfey -- 9/17/2009 7:50:28 AM >

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 7:47:56 AM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		well I said that actually 'being' in a poly relationship was a fantasy. Not something I'd actually pursue. I also said that I was visiting long time family friends. I wasn't joining their family. I think it'll end very well :).

And poly,
Its not a matter of having a family or not. It's about them knowing about it. In my fantasy, i'd only have a poly relationship until I found my dom. I can get away with that without them knowing. They aren't stopping me from doing anything. I just wouldnt tell them about it.

Wow I just can't seem to make any right moves on this board. :(

< Message edited by rednicky -- 9/17/2009 8:21:17 AM >

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 8:27:46 AM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		oh no...

I never said I was 'in' a relationship with these people. Its a weekend visit. And I'm not trying to push the woman out of the picture. Matter of fact, I wanted her 'in' the picture despite my feelings. They made the choice to have her visit family during the weekend visit. And I just got in trouble when I tried to change their minds. I could manipulate a man but never a friend. I love them.


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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 9:02:45 AM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2104
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

Actually, it's just a weekend visit but I am so excited. However, I feel bad because the wife won't be there. Not because she's been asked to go out while the husband and I spend time together but because they both saw how uncomfortable I'd be with her around. Don't get me wrong, I love her. But...I am very very straight and very very selfish. Going out to have fun is one thing. We all went to the aquarium once. So fun. But we're staying in and I kinda feel that she'd cramp my style rather than help me to relax. I don't know how they figured this out. It's not like I told them or let on that I'd rather not have her there. Every time I bring up how sorry I am for pretty much kicking her out of her own home, I earn a spanking, lol. The whole thing has me feeling rotten but, when I think about it, I would feel better without her than with her. She'd just get in the way



this won't end well.



Perfectly said.

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 9:06:29 AM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		okay I've got to ask. Why won't visiting friends end well?

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 9:33:09 AM   
eyeswideclosed


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

okay I've got to ask. Why won't visiting friends end well?


It wont end well because you aren't JUST friends, friends don't spank friends, friends certainly don't arrange it so their wife is out of the picture, this is you and him working on some sort of D/s dynamic, and the reason it won't end well is because it is starting off with a bad foundation, you are not accepting of his primary relationship especially in regards to you yourself fitting into the picture, and in my opnion he is not being realistic and allowing you to judge the scenario properly by sending wifey away. He is probably banking on that once you have developed a relationship with him you will be more accepting of her, when in reality what he is doing is giving you power you shouldn't have that will bite him in the ass later. Save the drive....find someone you are willing to submit to on their terms or like someone else said, learn about female Dominantion.

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 9:52:00 AM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		what part of female domination should I learn about then? I'd rather learn from you people rather than fight with you.

I still don't understand why this meeting is doomed. I've read countless posts where people meet up with friends for play sessions and everyone on their posts sends their blessings. A relationship will not result from the meeting eyeswideclosed so I dunno why you said that. I'm just frustratted. Nothing I ever do seems to be right on this forum. I ant everyone to be happy for me just like they are with others. So tell me what I'm doing wrong...


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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 10:07:39 AM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2104
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		OP-
If you can read the parts that sunnyfey so nicely bolded for you, and don't see why this is a disaster waiting to happen, you are either stupid or trying desperately to lie to yourself.
Giving you the benefit of the doubt, I will point out that your post has lying, self-deception and manipulation written all over it.

You don't want her there, but instead of taking responsibility for that, you feign surprise that they figured that out; You seem to think that feeling "rotten" for driving her away excuses it.

You "suckered" him into your personal hobby- not her, only him. You arrange a weekend-long session of this new shared interest, with her out of the way. (you had no interest in developing a shared interest with this female "friend" that you "love"?). You plan on sleeping in the same bed, but then slyly state that you "dunno" if sex will happen. Even a horny man would be ashamed of such a transparent lie. You want to be a "child" but a self-centered willful child ("pizza of MY choice") who refuses to take responsibility for her own actions.

Oh, and by the way, you really only are interested in poly until you can land a man of your very own. (Kinda cool if it turned out to be him, huh?)

In short, you are behaving like every woman's nightmare- a predatory home-wrecker who is using every lie and trick in the book to steal a man from a "friend". You are behaving like every man's nightmare- a manipulative shrew who uses weakness as a mask for selfish passive aggression.

This isn't poly, it is a bad episode of Jerry Springer; you are not submissive, because you place your own desires ahead of everyone else's; You are not Dominant because you refuse to own your own actions.

The kindest thing I could say is you need to stop and reconsider your actions and decide if this is the person you want to become.

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 10:24:58 AM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		Well this has truly brought me to tears. I'm stuck. I dunno what to do that'll keep those around me and myslf happy. Everything I want and enjoy is wrong. Thank you for your honesty though.

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 11:27:06 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Nicky, I've said essentially the same thing before and I'll say it again: you are just plain attention-seeking and are bratting. 
Either the supposed Dominant just wants a piece or he's not very smart. 
And, were I the wife  <evil grin...I did put ones like you in their place (Which was the fuck away from my husband and our life long before it came to anything you're describing above) when I was married > I'd lay you out, or at the very least get rid of you. 
Grow up, seriously.  Your other threads, as far as I know, haven't involved others.  Cut out the bratty selfishness and grow the fuck up. 
  Davan

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 11:29:43 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 23766
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: online 		What Davan said.

And Nicky, if I was that wife, it would be ME waiting there for you, not him. And you would get the *experience* of your life. Then sent packing and told never to return.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 9/17/2009 11:30:51 AM >

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 11:33:40 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 20694
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: online
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

What Davan said.

And Nicky, if I was that wife, it would be ME waiting there for you, not him. And you would get the *experience* of your life. Then sent packing and told never to return.


Ditto.


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Come to the edge, She said.
He came. She pushed him,
And he flew . . ."


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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 11:54:09 AM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		I know...I didn't mean to get these reactions. I never do! I don't like fighting. I don't like getting people upset. If I look at it from the outside, I suppose it is a bit twisted. But I thought that since I was happy and he was happy and she was happy, that's all that mattered. I don't want to be a home wrecker.

I didn't mean for it come off this way. I just don't know what do to anymore! When I first came to this site, I was told to be more open minded. I wouldn't hear others out. So that's what I did. But then I brought up a topic that was 'too' open minded. Then I was told to find out what I really wanted. I did. And I shared it. It turned out that I wanted the wrong things. Then I was told to go get help. I did. I came back, thinking I was on the right path but I was still given a hard time with what I liked. Then I come up with topics just like everyone else. But mine weren't good enough. One persons "I hate it when people" post turned out to be so fun for everyone. It's one of the longest threads. My "I wish people wouldn't" post only dug up people who'd only tell me how negative I was and how I shouldn't think so negatively. And now this. It seems like everything that makes me happy and gets me excited brings out the worst in people. I don't want that. But I just don't know what to do. No matter what route I take, I just get people mad. I just wish I were normal. And were able to be happy with others rather than fighting with them all the time. But everything I take an interest in is wrong. I end up having to put up this 'front' in real life, pretending to take interest in things and people that I'm not particularly interested in. But, if I were to let myself go, I'd drive everyone away and be alone. It's happened before and I don't want that. I just wish I knew how to be happy. What comes so naturally to so many of you is such a chore. My happiness means everyone else's misery. But how can I change who I truly am??

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 12:02:52 PM   
slavegirlbc


Posts: 22
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline 		i see no reason why you can't have your fun weekend as outlined.

this doesn't sound like the beginnings of a serious relationship, i really really don't see the harm.

i think you should keep in mind all that was said, and watch for any developments that you really don't want to happen, and take resposibilty for your part.

slave alice

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 12:44:26 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3650
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

One persons "I hate it when people" post turned out to be so fun for everyone. It's one of the longest threads. My "I wish people wouldn't" post only dug up people who'd only tell me how negative I was and how I shouldn't think so negatively.


Ok, Nicky -- this is sort of OT, but I think, if you consider what I'm about to say, you might get some insight into why some of what you say is taken so -very- badly.

When you look at the two topics I've bolded, there is a distinct 'flavor' to each of them. The first one deals with a person's -individual feelings- about some other peoples' behaviors... but the responsibility for the feeling (hate) is completely owned by the individual posting (I)... Yes, xhe's ranting -- but not whining. Xhe's clear about hir feelings, and even though another person's behavior elicits the feeling, ownership of the feeling is very present -- and xhe's not asking for people to do anything different, or trying to manipulate other people's actions passive-aggressively... xhe's just stating that XYZ pisses hir off... something everyone can relate to.

The 2nd topic starts out with a passive concept (I wish) that doesn't claim any responsibility for the feelings, etc, being presented, and, for that matter, isn't really clear on what feelings are being evoked at all. Instead, it pawns responsibility for how that person is feeling off on other people and their actions. The author wants other people to change their actions, but doesn't take any responsibility for hir feelings or for direct discussion (or clear definition) of the situation or how it makes hir feel, and it sounds like xhe is whining... it is passive-aggressive manipulation, along the lines of "Poor, poor me... I wish I could have X, but nobody will give it to me..."

I hope that helps. If not, then maybe taking a class in direct communication skills would help you to improve your ability to both own your feelings -and- express them in healthy, productive ways.

As far as the OP, I think that the issue is the sense of manipulation. You presented the same picture in your earlier post about sexual deprivation -- a sense that you would manipulate any situation just so that you could get your way. You present what you -want- as a -need-, without any regard for the impact of your attitude and actions on the other people involved. It sounds innocent enough -- but if it were that innocent, then what would be the issue with having the wife stay around? And yet, there is an undercurrent of glee that she's essentially being 'sent away'... and the thing is, rednicky, you -know- the scenario is wrong. If you didn't think it was wrong, you wouldn't have put so much emphasis on saying that you were getting in trouble for saying how "bad" you felt that you were essentially... what was your phrasing... oh... yes... "kicking her out of her own house." I don't know if it's just that you don't understand how your behavior represents you, and how other people -see- you, but honestly, if this is the means that you use to finaegle your way into and out of most situations in your life, then you can expect to have a lot of unhealthy, unhappy relationships piling up around your feet. Healthy relationships are built upon ownership of one's own feelings, making choices that support -everyone- involved in the relationship (not just yourself or select individuals of your choosing)... and that would include the wife of your weekend 'buddy'... and the capacity to be direct, forthright, and to accept responsibility for your behaviors, actions, and feelings.

Feel free to drop me a line on the other side if you want to discuss this more.

Dame Calla


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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 1:02:24 PM   
Texassubgirl


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/12/2009
Status: offline 		'This isn't poly, it is a bad episode of Jerry Springer; you are not submissive, because you place your own desires ahead of everyone else's; You are not Dominant because you refuse to own your own actions. "

Was a great quote right there! I have been in your situation though and do understand your thinking, that it is just a quiet weekend, and if something were to happen between you all in the future then the other woman will kindly step away so you and him can do your think and then she can come back. No matter how many ways you spin it though that is not poly, or at least it will not be effective poly. You may become 2 seperate women fighting for his attention, rather than two submissive sisters trying to please the dominant.

I failed at poly because of that reason, I wanted to have my way and forget about the other woman. It is not possiable, and even if you spin it nicely that you didnt mean to push her away and feel crumy, you still did push her away from her dominant so you could have him. For someone you love, that does not seem like a very nice thing to do to her.

Anne

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 1:11:46 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 5638
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		You state you'd use a poly relationship until you found a single dom of your own but they won't know you're using them. Can't you see how twisted and horrible that comes off as?

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RE: I'm going to a Poly household in 9 days... - 9/17/2009 1:25:10 PM   
rednicky


Posts: 313
Joined: 1/14/2009
Status: offline 		I didn't say that...

I said I'd be in a poly relationship until I found my own Dom to branch off with and my 'parents' wouldn't need to know about it.

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