RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 12:34:27 AM

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If a sub books a flight for me without first consulting me, I'd do whatever I felt with the information and ticket... In the one instance this happened, I hope he got his money back, because I declined.
If a sub booked a flight for himself to be in the same city, though not my home, I would try to meet him and talk, if I thought he was kool, and I was attracted... Gut reaction, basically. M

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 4:17:51 AM

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Fast Reply -

Premature is he? Is this behavior you want to encourage or cut off before it becomes a reoccurring cycle?

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 8:16:50 AM

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When I was looking, I wasn't interested in anyone who lived more than a couple of hours away, so it wasn't an issue. I *wanted* to meet pretty quickly, and did so after only a few days in a couple of cases. I probably wouldn't refuse to see him in your situation, but *would* clarify that he couldn't stay, and would need to get a hotel or make alternative arrangements. If he couldn't make the logistics work, or tried to be pushy about getting to stay with you, then I'd tell him to try to get a refund or exchange for his flight.

(in reply to Vendaval)

RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 8:24:32 AM

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In My opinion, it is presumptuous and it wouldn't have gone very far with Me.

Anyone that I'm dealing with for potential play or D/s is made aware of what MP and I call the house rules. That's our catch phrase for the agreements that we've made about how we conduct ourselves with others. One of those agreements is that subs will not stay in our home unless that person is at the very minimum under a collar of consideration. (For you non protocol types, consider that meaning serious interest.) Otherwise, they are absolutely staying in a hotel even if I'm the one who has approved of the visit.

Speaking of which Aakasha, Shatki's words are ringing in My ears. Do you want this sub to visit you? While it is presumptuous on his part, you didn't exactly say what you wanted. I wouldn't be up for the seven day visit the first meet around, but how are you seeing it? Would you have been ok with the trip scheduled if it had been your idea first? I think your answer is in there.

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 8:34:12 AM

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Ya know...I have to say that I think that when exuberance (and we can generously assume that this is what occurred here) transcends into stupidity, you have to sit up and take notice.

We all of us get excited...and the prospect of having someone in your life of a Dominant nature when you are a lonely submissive can be compelling...but spending hundreds of dollars on a plane ticket without consulting said Dominant just crosses the line into absurd.

Miss Akasha, you will know better than us if you feel any threat from this person, or that such is possible. If it is simple overeager puppy, or beginning stalker behavior, worse.

BUT REGARDLESS I believe he needs to know that he has crossed a serious line in making such a bold assumption on your time, your life, and your person!

And...he is coming out for seven days? WTF!

Bitch slap that boy into tomorrow...

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 8:51:39 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

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She didn't say he was staying for 7 days, he booked the flight 7 days after they began chatting. either way it's very presumptuous in my books and I wouldn';t be to happy with him.

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 9:08:43 AM

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I'd ask him what he planned on doing during that time while I was busy with my life.

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 10:31:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

She didn't say he was staying for 7 days, he booked the flight 7 days after they began chatting. either way it's very presumptuous in my books and I wouldn';t be to happy with him.

Thank you for pointing that out. As I'm reading the OP, it is seems more that it is a case that the flight would be seven days from now, rather than a seven day stay.

I'm not quite sure if it is from when they "began" chatting. I was thinking more that this was the person that Aakasha has been dealing with for a little while now. If it were Me and it was someone in the very beginning stages, I'd be more on the hell no side of the idea.

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 10:59:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Would you think it weird or inappropriate if you were chatting online and on the phone with a potential sub and he booked a flight to come to your town before checking with you? Is that just being proactive, or is it being presumptuous? Assume things were going good in the conversations, it had been a few weeks and there were discussions about a potential meeting at some point, but nothing was set in stone yet.

i find the behavior very inappropriate and somewhat disturbing. i wasn't permitted to do such as a child and that mentality has remained to this day. i don't drop in on people unexpectedly without the courtesy of a call in advance. what i find most interesting is that the person was willing to invest money or cash in frequent flier miles in an attempt to secure a meeting that hasn't been agreed upon in advance.

i question who's authority is being adhered to, because i don't believe it is the dominant's in this scenario. bridging the divide between the virtual world and reality should be a decision made collectively and not the result of someone's lone ranger like antics. there's also the possibility that the dominant could decline the meeting, then what? everyone makes silly mistakes out of eagerness when relating, this crosses my comfort level majorly.

porcelaine

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 11:03:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressEllen444

So he has taken control not only of the pace of the connection but also your body and time should you choose to meet him?

Yeah it is of my opinion the sub in question should be dropped immediately but some people have suggested to me that it's not fair to encourage a sub to not be passive and then when he shows initiative call him a bad egg.

Akasha

Not being passive would be asking if he could do so (i.e. "would this be a good time for me to visit" or "I have some days free, may I come") ... not just doing so without checking first. I'd be done with him if it were me.

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 12:28:11 PM

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I like assertiveness, motivation, and initiative. That is not the same as this presumptuousness.
'Course, I would not have someone I didn't know with my home information, so if some dude I'd been talking with decided such a thing, if I didn't immediately tell him to go the Hell away, I might tell him if I had the time, I would consider meeting up with him for dinner while he was in town and that he should let me know where he was staying.
A boy I have depthful feelings for was to be in town and then broke plans. He asumed that I would be accommodating when he came back (On the return porion of a business trip) despite me telling him that all was not well between us. It surprised him greatly when I wasn't quite as accommodating as he'd anticipated; mistreatment and usurping of power: bad.
Davan

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 1:10:02 PM

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This is arrogantly presumptuous to a degree I would find very disturbing.It wouldn't matter if he was dom or sub. I don't think I'd want any further contact with the person.

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 1:31:07 PM

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Dear AAkasha,

Booking this flight may be an attempt on his part to demonstrate seriousness. But, with out having a meeting set up and agreed upon, if is at best foolish. I wouldn't buy a ticket on speculation, even for you (I"ve read some of your stuff!)!!!! If I still lived in the 91740 Zip Code, I'd be there.

Personally, I try to avoid anything that even appears to be presumptious. Still, this may merit a bit of discussion before the Old-Heave-Ho!

Respectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 1:36:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
encourage a sub to not be passive and then when he shows initiative call him a bad egg.

Not being passive: Would you like me to look into making plans for traveling?

Showing initiative: Maam, I have found that there are several flights in the very near future that I could make reservations for if you would like me to come visit.

Presumptuous, selfish and a "bad egg" : I have a reservation for next Tuesday, I am coming to visit you.

Initiative is not making plans and then hoping someone will fit into them. Initiative is taking it upon onesself to do the research to be able to make plans should the dominant want you to. You want someone who is not passive, but you dont want someone who is Dominant...

DV

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 1:39:38 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Yeah maybe it wasn't right after they began chatting, but right after he got the idea.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

She didn't say he was staying for 7 days, he booked the flight 7 days after they began chatting. either way it's very presumptuous in my books and I wouldn';t be to happy with him.

Thank you for pointing that out. As I'm reading the OP, it is seems more that it is a case that the flight would be seven days from now, rather than a seven day stay.

I'm not quite sure if it is from when they "began" chatting. I was thinking more that this was the person that Aakasha has been dealing with for a little while now. If it were Me and it was someone in the very beginning stages, I'd be more on the hell no side of the idea.

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 1:40:01 PM

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PS to Otter (my fellow Nun fearer): I am forced to conclude that your 'genereosity' is directed to the subbie and not AAkasha. Exuberance at the prospect of in person submission to her is due. As I said, I've read some of her works.

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/12/2009 6:48:07 PM

SomethingCatchy

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Personally, if a man just decided to buy a plane ticket to come to my area without any obvious plans for himself, I'd show him some nice brochures, tell him a little bit about the area and how interesting it can be, and wish him luck. But that's just me, and I can't stand pushy, regardless if it's from being over eager in a good way or not. Just ask Tink, he'll tell you how I'll snap his head off if he starts badgering me.

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/13/2009 10:13:27 AM

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I think such a step is inappropriate.

I infrequently seek long-distance contacts via the internet. When I have had long-distance conversations, I have looked for an opportunity to visit the area, which would then allow the possibility to meet in person without the expectations that might arise if one visits only to meet a person. Even if he booked his flight in this manner, I think he should have checked first so as to be respectful to other commitments the domme might have and whether the time he is choosing is convenient for her.

I am unsure whether he should be dropped. This incident does not reflect well on him but it is only one datapoint. I am curious what he would say if he was asked why he didn't speak to the domme first. Perhaps he meant well (to surprise, to woo, to show initiative, and serious interest to stand out from others) and it is a matter of judgment, or perhaps it is instead of a matter of personality traits (being focused on self). While a question about judgment is still an issue, it is one that improves with maturity. A matter of personality traits is more static.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 10/13/2009 10:53:55 AM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/19/2009 2:05:41 AM

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I think this is a sub with experience of making himself available to await direction.

That's both a good thing and a bad thing.

He probably has a habit of showing up at locations around the country, using frequent flyer miles, to wait for a prospective Domme's bidding, hoping that he will be accomodated because of his proximity. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm here, if you need me."

On the one hand, there's something precious about a man who lets you know he's near just waiting to serve you.

On the other hand, there's something unnerving about the certainty that this week just happens to be 'Your' week, as he will assuredly be hopefully waiting around in some other location for some other prospective online connection next week or next month.

Texas Maam

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RE: A sub books his flight without asking about it first - 10/19/2009 3:30:06 AM

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I wouldnt do this, and do agree it is not fair to just show up, however isnt there something to say positive about the effort?

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