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AAkasha -> Chastity tips for femdoms and subs: "It's just not fun anymore!" (10/14/2009 1:44:57 PM)
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I compiled some general suggestions about the reality of 24/7 chastity (with device) and thought I'd share. Of course, these are my personal observations, so YMMV.
Chastity Tips for Subs and Slaves
Show her how helpless you are – surrender and desperation are HOT!
I can’t speak for all femdoms, but I know that reactions are a huge thing for me. I like to be aware of how my dominance is affecting a man. I know chastity has a BIG effect, so I expect to see it in his eyes, receive a lot more attention in the way of communication (journals, letters), and see evidence of his increased willingness to serve and desperation to cum.
Instead of thinking about how it used to be when you could touch yourself and cum at will, use this time to ratchet up your physical devotion – you WILL be expected to still perform sexually in many cases, so without the use of your cock this means a lot of oral worship, enduring face sitting, giving long massages or sessions of foot worship, and other acts your lady may enjoy.
Channel your frustrations into service
So what do you do with all that unused sexual energy and built up stress? Instead of sulking or whining, channel your energy into service (how can you make your lady’s day better right now, today, this moment?), devotion, attentiveness and action. If you are unable to serve as much as you need to burn off that energy, turn to exercise, meditation or yoga. Whatever you do, don’t let it go to waste.
Your hygiene is your private business
Sure, she owns your cock, but that doesn’t mean she is responsible for the care, cleaning and hygiene of that property she so proudly owns.. We ladies have never personally owned a cock (well, besides our lovely latex strapon friends), and we are not intimately familiar with your plumbing and other idiosyncrasies, There are a lot of issues related to cleaning, comfort, avoiding of chaffing, and daily comfort to be addressed.
I’m not saying that your keyholder shouldn’t take a vested interest in your well being. However, you should be the one to take initiative and do the research. Read what other men write in their blogs about their experiences and peruse some of the sites that give tips on hygiene and comfort. The best place you can get advice on this issue is from other men who have been through the same scenario and know what you are feeling.
While we ladies DO love hearing about the discomfort related to denial, we’re not so keen on hearing about discomfort related to improper wear or poor hygiene. Get this stuff taken care of so we can focus on the uncomfortable parts of your chastity that make us wet – namely, the heaviness in your balls related to the desperate need to cum!
Whimpering, not whining!
Clearly one of the huge turns ons for a keyholder is how desperate her chastity victim is. But subs need to be keenly aware of the difference between whining/complaining and other forms of begging – namely, whimpering. I can pretty safely say that no femdom is a fan of whining while most are very excited by various forms or pleading or desperation.
What is whining? It’s the act of just asking pathetically like a child for release from something you probably begged for deliciously at the onset. Best way to know you are going down this path? She tells you, ”Stop whining!” or just ignores your behavior.
Don’t sulk
I think many men become withdrawn, confused and even go through emotional swings similar to grieving, After all, it is a form of grieving, if think about it. Subs in chastity are grieving the loss of control over their own sexuality and pleasure, and the comforting, pleasurable and routine ritual of masturbation. Some men use masturbation not only for sexual jollies, but for stress relieving, sleep aid and relaxation. So not only are you having a sexual pleasure removed, in some cases you are losing a coping mechanism.
As you go through these emotions, don’t sulk. Even if you feel like sulking. Once again, realize that while your keyholder is interested in the sexy and taste impacts your denial is having on your sexuality and attitude she is not interested in your pouting and feeling sorry for yourself. Channel these emotions into journaling or meditation. Recognize and accept these feelings of loss, but don’t let them turn into the wet blanket over your chastity experience.
Focus on the big picture, even when it’s not “fun” any more
I think most subs go through a moment in chastity when they realize it isn’t “fun” like they thought it would be. For some subs, this is about 10 minutes after the lock is in place. For other subs, it’s a few days later. In fantasy, when you imagined chastity, it was just the good stuff. You didn’t think about the daily drain of the device wearing, the discomfort, the sleepless nights, and the feeling like you aren’t getting enough attention or the right kind of attention.
When you are going through moods of fleeting desperation, hopelessness and frustration, know that these are momentary moods that do pass and that the greater process – your surrender and devotion – are more important than the feeling of the current moment. Use this time to bond with your keyholder by sharing your thoughts about it and what it is doing to you emotionally.
Have a safety net
Figure out in advance what your safety net is, in case you have to remove your device either because you can’t handle it or because you have a safety issue. Regardless of your safety net, know that honesty is most important; if you have to end your chastity, do so with honesty and integrity. It’s only through trust that real chastity works, even when you DO have a device keeping you honest (most of the time). If you run into trouble because of the gym, have to go do the doctor, or honestly cannot sleep and it’s impacting your state of mind and ultimately your job or relationships, some balance must be struck. It’s not failure to have to rethink your chastity plan; it’s failure if you lie about it.
Realize that all men are different
You may “last” 1 day or you may last 100 days. You may require milking or other types of relief, or you may just breeze by in between moments of temporary horny insanity. The moments of desperation may be short and intense followed by serenity, or may be non stop insanity. All men react differently, with some men able to adapt quickly to chastity after a tough few days, while others do fine at the start then melt down a few days into it. There’s no hard and fast rule, but recognize that you will probably go through a large range of emotions, from resentment to anger to sadness to peacefulness – just not at a predictable time. There’s no set standard you need to follow – other than honesty and transparency with your keyholder.
At the end of the day, it’s about PLEASURE and FUN. Well, HERS anyway…
Chastity isn’t about you (even though it makes it impossible to not think about your sexual needs). In your fantasies, it was all about you and your cock and the impact of the denial. In real life, it’s about her, and what your chastity does for her and how it makes her feel. If you are selfish, the chastity experiment will fail. If you are ready to really surrender, it can be an intense and exciting ride. But remember, most of all, it’s not about you anymore. Your cock is no longer yours.
Akasha
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